Natural cures for PMS and other hormonal issues...

Many women take hormonal birth control to help regulate their cycles and many other women say that hormonal birth control gives them mood swings, headaches, hot flashes, etc. It is a quandary to me and (as I explained in my post last week), I've just decided to forgo hormonal birth control altogether. So I thought I'd offer up some natural ideas to help with all of those problems. Keep in mind that I am not a doctor and you should do your own research to determine what will help your particular issues. These are simply things that have helped me. Before making these changes, my time of the month was quite miserable, with extremely painful cramps, headaches, mood swings, etc. I am quite happy to report that I now hardly experience any symptoms at all. I'm not kidding! (I must admit, however, that due to pregnancy and nursing, I have only experienced a few cycles in the past 5 years. But I've done enough research to believe that those months were not flukes and to expect my good fortune to continue.)

Here are the changes I made:

1. Read this post on punctuation! You really should. It is funny and informative. I didn't really believe the author at first, but once I read all the comments in agreement, I decided to ditch my normal feminine care products and give it a try. And I was glad that I did. There is no doubt that it made a difference for me and shortened my cycle. And the cloth ones are so much softer! I'll never go back if for no other reason than that! I have to wash cloth diapers anyways, so it really didn't add any trouble for me. And if that sounds completely gross to you, there are organic disposables that will still make a difference in your cycle. That is what I plan to use if my cycle ever interferes with a beach trip. And if you still think I am crazy, then you haven't read the article... so go back and read it :)

2. Maca powder -- Maca is a root that can really help to balance hormones naturally. It has been shown to help with PMS, menopause, hot flashes, unending periods, male and female infertility, low libido, etc. For me, it made a big difference in eliminating menstrual cramps and raising my BBT to a normal level. I started out by putting it in my milk each morning, but didn't like it so much and ended up just putting it in an empty pill capsule to swallow.

Here are some articles to use for research:

The Power of Maca

Maca for Hypothyroidism, Adrenal Fatigue, PMS, Fibroids, and Menopause

3. Avoid soy-- Soy contains phyto-estrogens that disrupt your hormones and endocrine system. Unfortunately, it is in almost every processed food. Here are some links to consider:

The Dark Side of Soy

Problems with soy

Soy Alert

Between those 3 changes, my PMS symptoms were practically eliminated. Do you have any other suggestions for balancing hormones naturally? I'd love to hear them!

I'll leave you with 3 other articles that I found helpful on this topic:

Help for difficult menstruation

How to balance hormones naturally

Natural PMS relief

Easy relief from heavy periods

October Topic: Birth Control

The POH topic for October is birth control. I want to start off by saying that I know this can be a hot topic among believers and my post is not meant to stir up a lot of the rights and wrongs of birth control. I'm simply going to tell you where our family is on this issue right now and why.

When I first got married, I decided to use a hormonal pill form of birth control that was "only" supposed to keep me from ovulating each month. I researched it as much as I knew how to ensure that it would in no way cause a miscarriage/ abortion if I somehow managed to get pregnant, and then I started taking it about a month before my wedding day to make certain that I did not suffer any major side effects from it. Before I started taking the pill, my cycle was completely normal and regular with the obvious signs of ovulation. When we stopped taking the pill to try to get pregnant 1.5 years later, my cycle never went back to normal. My cycles were totally random and I was not ovulating very often, if at all. We struggled with infertility for a deeply painful, emotional, roller coaster year (I blogged about it at POH HERE) and were finally able to conceive with the help of Clomid, a drug that helps you ovulate.

Because of that struggle, I will never, ever take any form of hormonal birth control again. I am fully convinced that the pill disrupted the natural, God-given rhythm of my body. I know that birth control does not affect everyone in this way and I have friends who went off the pill and got pregnant the very next month, and even some who have gotten pregnant while on the pill. But it definitely affected me adversely and I am not taking any chances and will never take any form of birth control again. In addition, the hormonal form of birth control did cause me headaches, mood swings, and a lowered immune system. I am a much healthier person for being off the pill and I will never use it again.

So where does that leave us? After we struggled with infertility, my husband and I decided not to use any form of birth control at all for the time being. We were hoping for several children and did not want to miss any chances! Thankfully, we did not struggle with infertility again after the first baby. Because of breastfeeding, my cycle did not usually return again for almost a year, but each time we quickly got pregnant again after it returned.

How long will we continue to use no form of birth control? I honestly do not know. We are just going to continue doing what we are doing until God shows us it is time to stop. How will we know if/when it is time to stop getting pregnant? This is something I have thought about a lot and I simply have faith in God to make it clear to us. He has clearly guided us through every big decision we have made and I trust Him to do the same in this matter. I have already been praying that God will prepare my heart when it is time because I absolutely love having babies and it will be very difficult for me emotionally when it is time to stop. But when God does show us that it is time, we will simply use the natural fertility awareness method as described in the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

I do wonder if my physical condition will be the way God chooses to show us that it is time to stop... each pregnancy has seemed to double in difficulty and I have a few issues that grow worse and more serious with every pregnancy. It could be that the next pregnancy (if God allows another) will be my last because of those issues. I am trying to prepare myself for such a possibility.

Regardless of when my child-bearing days are over, we plan to adopt at some point and are praying for God's timing in that matter. I would love to adopt babies around the same age as my own so that they could grow up together. But we also like the idea of waiting until our girls are older (teenagers) and could really help and learn about caring for a newborn. One of the pastors at the church we previously attended adopted a baby when his daughters were in high school and their love and care for the baby was such a beautiful thing. And even with the big age difference, they are such good friends today. So we are definitely praying about when God would like us to adopt. Until then, I am just ever so grateful that God has blessed me with these sweet girls:

I hope this post hasn't been too personal or TMI. I just wanted to be completely honest and share where we are right now concerning birth control. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic as well.

Secondary Infertility(?)

I'm going a little personal today, so brace yourselves!

I shared awhile back that my husband and I have been trying to have another baby. This month marks our one year of trying. I thought I would give a little update on how I'm feeling about it all and what our next steps will be.

One of the things that I frequently feel is that I have the heart and mindset of a mom of many children. I would have loved to have a "stair step" set of children, you know, 5 under 5 and all that. So when I read blogs of these moms or read stories about them, I feel like I want to relate. I used to think, "oh, that will be me someday soon." As more and more space grows between Joel (my youngest) and the possibility of another child, I feel that my family dynamic will be different. I look at the growing gap and think oh, man, I'm not even one kid behind now - I'm two kids behind! I 'should' have had one when Joel was 1.5 and another when he was 3. I'm not even pregnant now, so he will turn 4 before another baby could even be born. These are the kinds of thoughts that run around in my head!! I'm not making any claims that these are rational thoughts, but I wanted to share with you in case someone else out there feels this way. So when another mom talks to me and makes a comment on bigger families and says she could never do that, I realize that she is trying to relate to me because I have two kids just like her. It kind of takes me by surprise because I don't think of myself as a "just two kids" kind of person. But more on that in a second...

As far as the next step, we are going to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist this week. I have gone back and forth about this decision. My husband and I have said that we don't have any intentions of doing any fertility treatments (a personal decision we've reached for ourselves only) but I still feel like I want to go and at least see if we can find out what's going on. I couldn't explain why until yesterday when our pastor shared something during the sermon and I was like, "yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to say." He said that there are basically three answers to prayer - yes, no, and wait. The yeses are great, of course. The nos are tough, but at least they're an answer. The wait is the hardest because it requires us to really wait on God and trust in him (thus making it the hardest but the most beneficial! Ugh!). I guess I've been feeling that if I can't have a "yes" to having another baby, I'd rather have a "no" and move on than a "wait". Even as I type this I see that that is me choosing what is more comfortable for me than what is going to stretch me. Again, remember, I gave the disclaimer that I was going to get personal today!

So we'll head to the guy this week and see what he has to say. Ugh.

And either way, back to the bigger family thing, we are still walking down our road to adoption sometime in the future. We just joined a program here in Chicago called Safe Families, which is like Foster Care Light (we don't receive any money and the placements are for a short amount of time to provide relief for families in need without abuse or neglect). And we'll probably start our foster care classes this winter/spring on the road to Foster Adoption. We will continue to walk this road regardless of whether I get pregnant again or not. But there is still the waiting and the longing and the trying to find closure.

So, that's my super personal post for you this Monday morning!! Please share any thoughts you have - whether you have been here before or are here now. I'd love to hear what you all have to say.

Waiting on another baby

I just saw this pop up in my reader and thought I should clarify that this post is written by Leah P! I (Christina) just posted it for her while she is in Disney World! 


As you all know, I am the proud mom of two little boys. Our first, Samuel, was conceived during the first month of "trying." we thought we'd like to have a baby around the time Ed was finishing seminary and we knew it may take a few months to conceive. We were SO shocked to find out I was pregnant right away. We had gone to a ski resort for a weekend getaway before spring semester started and I was a little curious that I was so late getting my period and that I was super exhausted. I decided to take a pregnancy test just to see before we spent the day skiing. Lo and behold it was positive! We spent the weekend laying around the room adjusting to the idea that we were soon to be parents.


After Samuel was born we prevented coception for a few months but then decided to just see what would happen. I got my period back when Samuel was 9 months old and got pregnant the next month. Our boys are 19 months apart. Joel was born and things were going so well that we decided not to prevent at all after he was born and again see what would happen. That was 3 years and 2 months ago.

I trust in God and his plan through all of this. As Joel turned 1 and for the few months after, I began to get pretty discouraged that I wasn't getting pregnant. It was at that time that I got so sick and ended up in the hospital with severe ulcerative colitis. If I would have been pregnant at that time, it would have been a terrible situation. I was losing so much weight at that point that I don't know if my body could have carried the baby. And I wouldn't have been able to have my surgery if I were pregnant. I see now why God had shut my womb. 


We went back to preventing pregnancy during my surgeries and for 9 months after. But in Oct 2010 my doctors gave me the go ahead to try again for a baby. That means we are in our 8th month of trying. I am continuing to trust God with the timing and even with the possibility if we will have any more children. The big struggle for me is wanting to know if I am looking at my complete family or if God has more children for us. I don't know how I feel about being okay with not having more children. I just always thought we would. I know that women who have had my surgeries have 30% higher instances of infertility. I don't think that bothers me too much. I know I was so terribly sick towards the end that I needed that surgery. But I wished so badly at the time that I could have been at the hospital havig a baby instead. Will I be there some day? I just don't know.

His Perfect Timing

Hi, my name is Beth. Stacey asked me if I would tell my story on POH this week. I appreciate the chance to share, and hope that something I say might be an encouragement to someone. I tell people that we are now 0-for-2 in planning pregnancies—but in very different ways. I’ll share some from both of those stories (and by the way, you can see our family adventures at http://www.arabmusicians.blogspot.com/).

Jason and I got married in the year 2000. We were both still in grad school (I was just starting) and weren’t really ready to start a family right away, so we used birth control for several years (not going to discuss that decision here—let’s just say I would do it differently now). I started out on the pill and then switched to the Depo-Provera shot for a while. I was told when I started taking the shot that it could take a while, even up to a year after stopping the shot, for me to get pregnant. I remembered that, and about a year before I thought I wanted to get pregnant, I switched back to the pill so that my body would be ready and not affected by the depo shot. Then, finally I quit taking the pill as well. However, things didn’t quite go as planned.

I was shocked at how my body responded when I stopped taking the pill. After about two weeks, I started to bleed, and continued to bleed every day for almost four months. It was obvious that I was not having normal cycles. I saw my OBGYN, and even though we had just been “trying” for four months, he was willing to work with us because things were obviously not right with me. He suggested that I take Clomid in order to encourage my body to ovulate. He said that we could try several cycles of that, and if nothing happened, then he would refer me to a specialist.

Long story short, nothing happened. I did start having fairly normal cycles, but I did not get pregnant or even know for sure that I was ovulating. After six cycles of Clomid, my doctor referred us to the Center for Assisted Reproduction in Bedford, Texas. When we finally got to meet with the doctor, I was a little disheartened that she basically wanted us to do the same thing that we had been doing, only with more sophisticated testing and a lot more money out of our pockets. We were not eager to do anything more invasive, but it was discouraging to know we were just going to keep trying the same thing. I wasn’t sure how much longer I wanted to take Clomid. We knew that we were eventually going to be moving overseas, and I really wanted to have at least one child in the states before we did that.

To make things even harder, right as we were beginning treatment at the center, Jason’s sister and her husband announced to us one night that she was pregnant with their first child. We were very close to them, so I knew that they were not even really trying to conceive. I felt like she had hit me in the stomach when she told us the news. When they finally left our house that night, I collapsed in Jason’s arms sobbing. I had never hurt like that in all my life. Still to this day, I would say that was the most difficult night of my life. I wanted so badly to be excited for them, but I couldn’t see past my own grief.

We began the cycle at the clinic, which also included a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) on day 10 of my cycle to check for any blockage in my uterus. That was a great day. The HSG showed no blockage at all, and the sonogram showed several follicles that looked ready to be released. They sent me home with a pack of ovulation tests and instructions to come back on the day that I tested positive. Days 10-17 came and went with no positive result on the ovulation test. Finally, they told me to come back anyway. I went in, and the nurse who did my sonogram looked at my ovaries and bloodwork and was thoroughly confused. She said, “Your bloodwork doesn’t show any sign of ovulation, but the eggs aren’t there anymore. I don’t know what to think.” I was crushed, and frustrated that even with medical intervention, my body just wasn’t going to work right. My doctor from the center called when she saw the results and recommended that we simply try again with a higher dosage of Clomid. She prescribed Provera for me so that I would menstruate. I filled the prescription, but thankfully never took it.

During the same week that all this was happening, Jason and I were attending a conference where pastor and author John Piper was the keynote speaker. During one of the conference sessions, we both heard God clearly telling us to trust Him with our desire to have children and move forward as He was leading us. We both knew that meant to start working toward moving overseas. We came home from the conference and began filling out initial paperwork. We also decided together that we would not do another round of treatment with the Center. I began casually looking at adoption websites, wondering if maybe that would be God’s plan for growing our family. (Side note: During that websurfing, I subscribed to a free bi-monthly newsletter called Stepping Stones that is for Christian couples dealing with infertility and pregnancy loss. Even after I got pregnant, I kept getting the newsletter, and it was a great reminder for me of what others were still going through. You can subscribe to the newsletter at http://www.bethany.org/step. I highly recommend it.) We felt at peace knowing that we were being obedient, but I was still having a really hard time, especially with my sister-in-law’s pregnancy. I lost several pounds that month because I was so upset I could hardly eat.

About three weeks after our last visit to the Center, I still hadn’t started my period, so one Sunday night after church I came home and took a pregnancy test. To my utter disbelief, it came out positive. Jason wasn’t home yet, so before he got there, I went to the store and bought another one. As soon as he walked in the door, I drug him to the bathroom to see the two little tests sitting on the counter. It turns out I had ovulated late after all. I remember lying together on the couch that night, laughing, crying and praising God together for surprising us with such a precious gift. Our daughter Lee Anna was born nine months later, in June of 2004 (just 7 weeks after Jason’s sister had her baby girl).

Fast forward to September 2005. Lee Anna was 15 months old, and we were in the final stages of preparing to move overseas. In the middle of September, we went to our commissioning service, then came back home to finish packing up before we would moved to another location for training, then head overseas. At this point, having more children was the last thing on our minds. We were not doing anything to prevent it, but after all the waiting and trying involved in conceiving Lee Anna, I couldn’t even fathom the possibility that it could just happen.

Well, our God is full of surprises! When we got home from our commissioning, I realized that I hadn’t had a period in about six weeks (my cycles have never been regular, so I can never say exactly when I’m “late”). I decided to take a pregnancy test, although I still did not think for a minute that I was pregnant. Imagine my surprise when the test line turned dark, dark blue within about 5 seconds. I could not believe it. After having worked, prayed, and tried so hard to conceive our first child, now we were going to have another one during the most transitional time of our life. I didn’t know what to think. Of course I was thrilled to be pregnant, thrilled that God had chosen to give us another child, thrilled that I actually could conceive without doctors and drugs and tests, thrilled that I would get to help mold and shape another precious life, but I won’t lie, I was also very unsure. If it had been up to me, I would never have chosen that timing. We knew that our life for the next year was already going to be difficult, filled with the stresses of adjusting to a new culture, language, and way of life. I couldn’t imagine adding to that the stress of being pregnant (in a hot climate), dealing with medical issues in a foreign country, having to help Lee Anna (at one-and-a-half) adjust to living overseas and becoming a big sister all at once, and the list goes on! It was overwhelming to even think about.

We decided to take a few days to really seek God. We asked Him to confirm that this was indeed all part of His timing and that we should still proceed with our plans to move overseas on the original schedule. He made it abundantly clear that His hand was in it, so we proceeded. We left the states on Dec. 30, 2005, when I was 5 months pregnant, and our son Sawyer was born on May 5, 2006. We had been in country for just 4 months.

Things went amazingly well, and God answered every prayer that we and so many of our friends prayed for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby. Looking back, I would not change one thing about the timing of either of my pregnancies. While I never would have planned things that way on my own, I am so grateful that my Sovereign God could see what would be best for me and my family when I could not. His ways really are so much higher than our own. He is so, so good!

I don’t have a lot of advice that hasn’t already been given this week, but I would say that one thing I’ve learned is not to expect your second attempt to be just like the first. In our case, things couldn’t have gone differently. We shouldn’t assume that because we’ve been pregnant once, our bodies will work perfectly the next time we try, nor should we assume that if we struggled once, we will automatically struggle every time. This whole issue really is in God’s hands. That has been my biggest lesson. I MUST trust Him completely with every part of me—even the parts that He has yet to create.

Infertile Mertle

At some point in high school I started to believe again, as I did when I was younger, that you got pregnant by kissing a boy. I thought this because everyone was getting pregnant. My mother told me that she got pregnant the first month she tried with both me and my sister. Due to all of this information, and of course the bible, I kept my virtue to myself until marriage because I was NOT ready to be a mom. I knew that I wanted kids and always answered the question of, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” with “A wife and a mother”. Obviously marriage came easy for me; it was the mother part that took a little more work.
My husband and I decided to get off of birth control after Rusty took an Ethics class at the seminary. (Whole other topic) I was thrilled and terrified by the decision, but ultimately got on board and began to prepare for pregnancy and motherhood. The first few months past without any real emotional trauma, it was the few after that that got me a little concerned. I was 20 years old, I couldn’t possibly be infertile, why wasn’t I pregnant yet? My struggle with fertility was a short one compared to some, but it felt like a lifetime to me. After two years of trying and crying I am now 37 weeks pregnant with a little boy that will join our family any day.

I will jump ahead to the one year mark of trying. This is when a doctor will take you seriously in your struggle to get pregnant. I had finally invested in a Clearblue Easy Fertility monitor that showed me that I wasn’t ovulating at all. After a year of trying I finally realized that no eggs were being released to be fertilized. I always knew that my periods were CRAZY, I just didn’t realize that this was why. When I went to the doctor they ran all the blood tests to confirm that I was in fact not doing my part required for baby making. I started on a drug called Clomid, which started the ovulation for the first time in who knows how long. I used this for 6 months with no avail. After 6 months they had me stop taking it because it can actually start thinning out your uterus’ lining after prolonged use. I was unwilling to do any of the other fertility treatments because of more ethical issues so the doctors told me to come back in another 6 months and we could try it again. They told me not to expect to get pregnant without the clomid because my body just wasn’t releasing the hormones necessary for ovulation. I was crushed.
At this point in my struggle it really felt like everyone I knew was pregnant. Most of them had gotten pregnant on birth control, or as soon as they started trying. I reached the point where I couldn’t go to baby showers without crying my eyes out. I couldn’t go to women’s get-togethers because all that they talked about was their kids and how fulfilling it is to be a mother. I wanted so badly to be a mother that being around mothers made my insides throb. I would stand in the shower and push my stomach out to make it look as pregnant as I could, and then I would cry. I cried a lot during these years. I discovered the dollar store’s pregnancy tests and took one every month. I would make myself have pregnancy symptoms of nausea and headaches before my period would come; I was convinced every month that I was finally pregnant. I stopped telling my husband that I was taking the pregnancy tests because he just seemed mad that I would keep hoping. One Sunday in church my girlfriend pulled me into the back of the church to tell me that she was pregnant. She apologized and cried while telling me that she was expecting another child. I wanted to throw up. I had reached the point of being so pathetic that people apologized for their news of being pregnant. I both resented her sensitivity and appreciated not finding out in the public announcement. That same day a woman at my church, who I’d never had a real conversation with, approached me about my fertility struggles. Her name is Laura; she does a lot of homeopathic remedies and alternative medicine. She said that if I was willing, that she would work with me until I got that baby I desired so much. I figured that since I was off the Clomid train for another few months I might as well give this a try. Our first visit took hours. She found out that I had a lot more health issues to work through than just the female reproductive stuff. So we started there. At the same time as treating me for the fertility, I started to get healthy. I went on a strict diet, called the Maker’s Diet, for several weeks of detox, I decreased the amount of processed food that I was eating, and I did treatments from Laura. Strangely enough my periods began to be regular. About five months into this new treatment plan I finally got a positive pregnancy test! I wasn’t even late yet, I just was regularly taking tests on the day that I expected my period (don’t do that by the way, it’s depressing). But, I was ecstatic. I got a gift bag together with a onesie, a pacifier, and the pregnancy test. I left it on our doorstep for when my husband got home. He came bursting through the door and said, “ARE YOU SERIOUS!” It was wonderful, it was finally our turn. Two years of trying and we were finally going to be parents. 37 weeks later, here I am, still crying occasionally when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I don’t want to wake up from this dream, I’m so afraid it’s a dream.
I don’t want to just leave it at that, I want to give a few words of advice to those of you struggling with this issue. First, I want you to hear and believe me when I say this, God is in control. I heard that a hundred times and wanted to slap everyone who said it to me, but looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I needed this time to get my marriage straight. I needed that time to get my health on track. I needed that time to get my relationship with the Lord closer to where it should be (still not there). But really, God knows what He’s doing. Second, pray for the child that you are longing for. I didn’t pray for my son until I got him, what wasted time! I had two years to bathe my son with prayer before he was even conceived, but instead I cried out in anger and resented the children that my friends were being blessed with. Third, allow yourself to hurt. There is nothing wrong with the sadness that you feel when you think about your empty womb. Don’t let people make you feel like you haven’t struggled long enough to be sad, or that you are somehow less holy for hurting. Fourth, spend the time becoming the parents you hope to be. Solidify your marriage, knowing that a healthy marriage is the best gift that you can give a child. Establish time with God so that it’s already a habit.
Finally, I want to give some words of advice to those of you who know someone struggling with fertility. First, if you didn’t struggle yourself, don’t give her advice. I know this seems ridiculous, but you just aren’t the person she needs counsel from. Listen and love your friend, but keep your mouth shut. No matter how sanctified your friend is, she just needs you to let her cry and be mad. Let the Holy Spirit and the other infertile women be her counsel. Second, don’t let your feelings be hurt if your friend can’t seem happy for you if you are pregnant or have children. Believe it or not we do know that you didn’t take our babies. We are sad not because you are pregnant, but because we aren’t. We at the same time feel thrilled for you, and crushed for ourselves. Because we are selfish humans the sadness for ourselves often takes the front seat. Third, be sensitive to what you say about being a mother. Be sensitive to the fact that we’re not all mothers. Save your talks about potty-training for when you are in a group of all mothers. Sometimes you don’t even know that there is someone around who is having to fake the smile while bleeding inside from the sadness of not having a child who’s still in diapers at the age of five. Also, be really careful about complaining. One of my best friends came back from her first ultrasound and said, “Thank goodness it’s not twins!” This comment is not a big deal, she would have been fine if it had been twins or quintuplets, she just wasn’t thinking. Hearing women complain about being too hot, being due in summer instead of spring, or having a boy instead of a girl, it made me crazy. I would have killed to be pregnant with twins, a boy or a girl, on the sun in a snowsuit… anything. Lastly, praise the Lord that you didn’t have to go through this struggle. Thank God for your children and your healthy womb. Remind yourself that there are tons of families out there who will never get to experience parenthood. Hug your baby and tell them that you know what a miracle they are. If you think about it, the fact that anyone gets pregnant, grows a child, and then births them successfully is pretty amazing. God is good, children are a blessing, live like both of these are incontrovertible facts.

Sarah's Laughter

I received the following e-mail from a friend regarding our posts for this week. I wanted to pass it along to the rest of you readers:

The infertility posts made me wonder if you've heard of the Sarah's Laughter ministry in Baton Rouge? When we miscarried twins before our daughter was born, I looked high and low for somebody to give me scriptural encouragement. This place deals with both infertility and child loss, and from what I can tell, is very biblically sound. Beth Forbus, the lady who founded it, is part of the Church of God. She actually included our story in a wonderful book called When Love and Sorrow Meet. So, the website for the ministry is Sarah's Laughter. You might look it over and recommend it to your readers.

I looked through the website and thought it was a definite pass along. Anyone else have experience with this site?

Coping and Caring

If you are struggling with infertility at the moment, my words of wisdom are not anything profound, but these are some of the things that helped get us through. I also know that we're on the other side of the fence now, but as Krista said ealier, already having a baby doesn't make the quest for #2 any easier. I'm personally dreading the 2nd attempt. I'm slowly warming up to the idea of another baby, but I'm not ready for all the doctors, shots, etc. Anyway, these are some "tips" that helped get us through and will have to help get us through rounds 2 and 3.

(1) Pray. God is big enough to handle every question you ask, including the “Why’s?(The “Why” questions with infertility are endless.) Express all of your feelings to God, even the angry ones! He is big enough! Ask for a spirit of “neutral surrender”—peace with whatever God’s plan is for your family.
(2) Do not make having a baby the focal point of your marriage. Take time to enjoy one another and realize that you and your husband are a COMPLETE FAMILY. The two of you make up the family unit, not the two of you plus children. Children are a heritage and a gift, but not the definition of a family. Don’t wait to have children to establish traditions! Try to see your time as a family of two as a God-ordained time with a task. It became a lot harder for us to be fully involved in church activities once we were three instead of two.
(3) Take care of your body. I found that I became very frustrated with my body for not cooperating. Crazy or not, I believe the mind-spirit-body connection is important.
(4) Avoid having a “pie-in-the-sky” picture of families with babies. It’s HARD work having a newborn, and it takes a while for your marriage to adjust to having attention placed elsewhere. I caught myself seeing couples with babies and imagining how great their lives must be, etc. I think I didn’t appreciate the time with my husband as “just the two of us” as much as I should have as a result of these feelings.
(5) Do not be alone with your struggle. Reach out for support and encouragement and know that infertility is not something to be ashamed of. My husband was great in helping me learn this. I was reluctant to let people know about all we were going through since it is such a personal issue, but he basically helped me see that we needed others to lean on. Also, you can’t expect others to know that their conversations about their babies or children or pregnancy are hurtful—you need to let others in!
(6) Do not go to baby showers if it’s too much to handle . . . and DON’T feel guilty about not going! Still send a gift, but be honest with friends and family members. Infertility is not something to be ashamed of!
(7) Seek medical help. Make an appointment with your general ob/gyn to discuss your situation. It can be a relief to know what the problem is—I’m so glad that we knew Chris was sterile instead of assuming that what one doctor theorized was true. Chances are, you will not need to go through everything we did to have a baby. There are many other less expensive, less invasive treatment options out there. There is also plenty of info on the web. www.resolve.org is a great resource for treatment options, support, etc.
(8) Keep communication open with each other about how you are feeling. Chris had a completely different set of feelings than I did. He felt really powerless and guilty, whereas my feelings were mostly of the anxious variety. It’s easy for the same desire (having a baby) to actually create separation in your marriage.
(9) Decide as a couple where your line is if you have to go the route of fertility treatment. We decided that surrogacy was out of the question. We also decided that having a donor sperm was out of the question, even though a Christian couple we knew conceived by using sperm from a donor. We knew that if we ever came to these options, we would start looking toward adoption more seriously. (We actually researched adoption after our first appointment at Duke.) I would also have a serious, honest discussion about your ethical concerns and seek the counsel of clergy in this area.
(10) Pray, pray, pray!
(11) If you've already had a baby after infertility, don't feel guilty about feelings every mother experiences. One night, I remember crying while holding my sweet little newborn because I had the thought cross my mind, "I can't believe I ever wanted to do this." I was exhausted, nursing was going horribly, and I was sick. I felt like I was being ungrateful for all God had brought us through until I realized that God had actually answered a prayer I had prayed: I was finally just like everyone else.
(11) Hold on. Some days, all we could do was just simply hold on . . .


If you know someone struggling with infertility, here are some ways that you can support her (or him):

(1) If you haven’t ever struggled with fertility, admit that you don’t understand. Now that you’ve read all the posts this week (and more are coming!), you could let her (or him) know that you’ve read about all the struggles and how hard infertility is emotionally and spiritiually.
(2) Ask what type of discussion would make her (or him) uncomfortable. (Your complaining about pregnancy ailments, for example, might be difficult for her to handle.) I personally didn’t want friends treating me differently. I didn’t want them to feel odd sharing pregnancy news with me or having to walk on eggshells around me. It really depends on the person, though, so I say ASK! It also shows that you understand he or she has feelings about the issue.
(3) Listen. Do not offer advice. Do not treat her like she is sick or handicapped. Don't judge feelings she or he has that may not be theologically correct (ie--Why me? It's not fair.)
(4) Pray with them. The prayers that meant the most to me were the ones that I heard. Another option would be to write a prayer to the Lord on their behalf and send it in the mail.
(5) Try to be an escape/diversion. It’s very easy for trying-to-get-pregnant to become the focal point of life. It was nice to be able to hang out with a friend without thinking or talking about pregnancy or children.
(6) The absolute worst thing to say is, “Just relax, and it will happen.” Chances are, she’s heard that a zillion times. Also, for me, it showed that people really had no clue: my husband was sterile. I could relax for months, and nothing was going to happen aside from divine intervention (for which I did pray!).
(7) My general rule is that I don’t ask couples when they are going to have a baby. You never know what they are going through, and some women (and men, too!) feel like failures when they have trouble conceiving. Your asking compounds pressure that she is already feeling.
(8) Be a friend. Simple sentences like, “I’m cheering for you” are just enough, especially when you feel like you can’t relate.


So that's all on my end. The other ladies this week probably have even more nuggets of wisdom to share . . . I'm so glad that we're hearing all of these stories this week! Each family has such a different story, but one main theme: God is forever faithful and His timing is perfect!

Fertility: The Klear Family

Pregnancy and Fertility Issues by Teesa Klear (Hollie's friend)

Like most couples, my husband and I wanted to share the first few years of marriage with just the two of us, learning and growing in each other’s love. After about three years being married without kids, we prayerfully decided to add children to the mix.

We started out by going to an OBGYN and making sure everything was okay to start “trying.” The doctor gave us the go-ahead and we started what we now know was one of the longest journeys of our lives. Each month my disappointment would increase, adding to it countless negative pregnancy tests. After about six months of Trying To Conceive (TTC), we went back to the doctor for another checkup. We learned that my husband had a condition that could be fixed with surgery and it might help our odds. The doctors told us that it may take a little while, but we should be able to conceive.

Month after month, we continued to “try,” taking with it any semblance of romance we used to have. I am sure many of you understand exactly what I am talking about, but when a couple is working instead of having a good time, it can deeply affect the relationship.

I began to realize that I was in mourning over the loss of something I never actually had. I spoke with a counselor about it after about a year-and-a-half of TTC and she suggested that I grieve as one would when a child is lost. I wept, I prayed, I fasted, I communicated with my husband. I did everything I could think of to TTC. At one of my lowest points, I realized that I had begun resorting to desperate measures, rather than relying on the Lord.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong Christian, and my husband and I were living overseas working to lead other people to the Lord. But, I started making deals with the Lord and begging him to let me conceive a child. I would say things like, “I won’t take a pregnancy test today in order to show You I have faith in You, if You’ll just make me pregnant.” It didn’t stop there, either. I wouldn’t eat certain foods or I would exercise vigorously just to gain His stamp of approval that I might get pregnant. One day I realized that I was just grasping at straws – the Lord was still with me, even if I wasn’t pregnant yet. One of my friends reminded me of the verse that says His plans for me are for good and not to harm me. It made me realize that I was under the false assumption that the Lord was punishing me for something and I had been trying to “make up” for it, whatever “it” was. In the end, it was just that His timing is best.

We went back to the doctor and they told us that by all rights, we should be pregnant. They could help us along by doing artificial insemination, but it would only be a “shortcut,” according to the doctor. We prayed hard about it.

Meanwhile, all of our friends were getting pregnant around us. Some would hide it from us, mistakenly thinking they were protecting our feelings. Others would talk about everyone who was pregnant –I have no idea what they were thinking or why they thought this would help. My own mother wouldn’t tell me if one of my friends from home was pregnant, but would tell my husband instead. She thought she was protecting me. Those who knew me best would make sure I was among the first to lnow – allowing me to feel a special part of the joy they felt. No matter which way a person handled it, it still hurt. My advice, if you have a friend who is having trouble conceiving and you find yourself pregnant, just tell her. It will hurt her so much more if you wait until everyone else knows.

My husband was going through his own private pain as well. He was always comforting me and praying with me, showing me Bible verses to help me through. But, in truth, he was having his own struggle and once I understood that he hurt as I did, we were able to improve our relationship.

We also were tracking my cycle every day of every month for about a year. At one point, one of our doctors told us it was good to get a baseline of what to expect, but it is too stressful to continue that rigorous a schedule for so long. He advised that we drop it for a while and see if it helped. FYI, we were using “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weisler. I wholeheartedly recommend it, even if you’re not TTC. It will teach you more about yourself and how God made you than you realized possible.

After four years of TTC, my husband and I had already decided not to pursue artificial insemination. We continued to pray and decided that we wanted to adopt a baby. We had already desired to adopt later in life, but decided to jump-start the process. I had to wait until six months before I turned 30 to start the paperwork, because of laws in China (where we intended to adopt from). We had been TTC for four and a half years exactly when we started the paperwork for the adoption. Everyone told me that once we adopted, we would conceive. It was quite annoying to hear.

But, once we submitted the paperwork, we began to enjoy each other again and weren’t “working” so hard. God blessed us with conception a little over four and a half years after TTC. Discovering that I was pregnant is another story, but let me just say we were elated and beside ourselves. Teesa on bedrest due to complications during pregnancy.

Our son was born October, 2006 in Hong Kong and when he was 10 months old, while we were in the States, we learned he has a heart condition called Brugada Syndrome. You can catch up on his life by going to our own blog – http://www.klearlife.blogspot.com/ - and check out September 2007 to October 2007. We had to resign our position overseas and my husband just started his new job with Samaritan’s Purse in Boone, NC last Monday.

They say hind-sight is 20/20. If Sam had been born before he was, he would likely have died overseas. As it is, it is a miracle that he is alive right now. We had a very difficult pregnancy and I was even evacuated to Hong Kong and put on bed rest for three months. All that time, the same song from Isaiah 43 rolled through my head – the very same verses God blessed me with during our four and a half years of TTC.

As you pass through the water, I will be with you.
And the wind and the rains will not overcome you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name and you are Mine.

We expect to be “matched” with our adopted daughter early this summer. Please pray with us that we will be assigned her by June (if not earlier), otherwise we will have to start the long process over again. Although we don’t know who she is yet, it has already been two and a half years, and I still consider her my first child. She is who I have been waiting for after all these years and she is the reward of the long struggle that we went through with the Lord, Whose timing is perfect.

Our Struggle with Infertility

I must admit that I have been anxious about whether or not to share our story with infertility on POH. Until now, there are really only a few close friends that I have confided in all that we went through. However, I really hope that you will be blessed by each of the precious (and brave!) women who share their stories this week and we will be encouraged to pray for one another and understand better how to support those who are battling infertility.

My story begins around the time Josh and I got married and we decided to use the pill. Hind sight is 20/20, but, at the time, I really never even gave second thought to any complications the pill could cause (much less any ethical issues we've since learned about). After 2 years on the pill, we decided it was time to begin a family. I was so thankful to get off the pill because I never felt like myself the entire time I was on it. The only problem was that I didn't have a period once I stopped taking the pill. (Until this time, I had had perfectly normal periods my entire life.) After three months I called my doctor and he prescribed progestin to cause me to have a period. While that worked, I continued to not have a cycle on my own. A couple months later my doctor prescribed Clomid. At the time I didn't even realize this was an infertility drug, but, I took it for three cycles (including the bloodwork) and found it was having no affect on my body.

It was around this time we moved to North Carolina and decided to put everything on hold for a few months. Ten months after stopping the pill, we had our first appointment at Duke's Infertility Clinic. The doctors said my body wasn't producing the right hormones to trigger ovulation. I asked what caused this and was told anything from it being genetic to "we don't know," but the doctors were adament the pill had nothing to do with it. The good news was twofold: we finally knew what we were dealing with and the doctors said it was one of the easier problems to solve. The bad news was that infertility clinics are expensive and invasive.

We went home and prayed about it. . . a lot. We knew we were called to go overseas, which meant we couldn't have debt. (We had worked hard until this point to not have any debt - not buying a house, furniture, etc. when we got married - so we would be free to go when He called.) Not only that, I was greatly burdened because I just believed there had to be a natural solution. This was in the fall of '04, and we walked away from the fertility clinic for the next year. During this time I read a lot, prayed a lot, and did some crazy and not-so-crazy "natural" things. Here's some of the things I tried:

• Gaining a few pounds (our families said I was just too thin. . . I wasn't)
• Accupuncture
• Herbs
• Homeopathy
• Night-lighting (totally blacking out your bedroom while you sleep)
• Natural Progesterone Cream
• Food - it was during this time I found The Maker's Diet and we implemented this way of eating. (While struggling with infertility was long and hard, I am SO thankful to have found this book and the road it lead us down with nutrition - things like raw milk, milling our own wheat, organic meats and vegies, Cod Liver Oil, etc.)

Through all of this I charted my cycle and it was always crazy, revealing no ovulation. I also never had a period during this time.

In the fall of '05 Josh was in his final 2 semesters before we moved overseas. I came to the realization that if we didn't at least try to go the route of western medicine and I never did have a baby, I would always regret that decision. So, while I was not ready to have invasive procedures done, we were SO ready to have a baby. The Lord had blessed Josh with a part-time job while he was in school and I was teaching so we figured that we would somehow manage to find the money to pay for it. This is what I had to do:

• Go back on the pill for one cycle to put my ovaries at rest
• Then give myself daily hormone shots to get my body to ovulate
• Return for ultrasounds every 2-3 days to monitor progress
• Ultrasounds would determine how to adjust the medicine for daily shots
• When I had a fully-grown egg, Josh would give me an intramuscular shot to trigger ovulation

The danger with this was that I had many follicles just waiting for hormones to tell them to ovulate - so many that there is a big risk of multiple pregnancies. As soon as I went back on the pill I began to second guess our decision and wonder if it really was worth it (the pill really made me feel crazy). We went through this cycle and found that I had grown 10 eggs! Since we weren't willing to consider "selective reduction" if many of the eggs fertilized (and were were told they probably would) we cancelled the cycle and went home to regroup. Josh and I prayed about it and decided we would try one more time. Mentally, I couldn't take more and we definitely did not have the money to try IVF since this debt would keep us from going overseas - something we knew we were supposed to do. This time - to the amazement of my doctors - I grew ONE egg only. Two days before Christmas I took a pregnancy test and couldn't believe it when it turned up positive. I had taken SO many, for so many YEARS and now it was positive! Since it was Christmastime when we were going through this cycle, every morning that I had to drive to Duke (45 minutes away) at 6:30 a.m. I would listen to worship music. There was one particular CD I listened to each time: Come Let Us Adore Him - A Christmas Worship Experience. The day I found out I was pregnant I was visiting my dad in Atlanta and planning to drive back to South Carolina to be with Josh and his family for Christmas. During that ride home I listened to that CD and weapt and worshiped like I had never experienced before in my life. God gave us His Son - the greatest gift of all - and that's what we celebrate at Christmas. But, this year, he had given us a baby and words cannot describe the depth of the incredible joy I felt.

After Christmas I took a blood test and then another two days later to help confirm it was a "viable pregnancy." Then, at 8 weeks, I had an ultrasound to make sure there wern't multiple pregnancies. With all that we went through to get pregnant, I was ready to have a totally "old-fashioned" pregnancy and we chose to not have another ultrasound or other testing during the pregnancy. My pregnancy was a breeze and we praise the Lord for a wonderful birth story.

While we absolutely praise the Lord for this precious miracle and blessing (she truly is an incredible gift from above) we also know we're still in the midst of our struggle with infertility as we want more children. (Lydia is 19 months old and I still have not had my period return.) My desire and goal is to be a godly wife and mother. . . and mother to many healthy children born from my womb (not necessarily all born at once either haha!). While I know the pain and heartache of longing for a baby, in many ways it does not get easier after having one. . . if your heart's desire and longing is for many. Life is a precious miracle and it is not a given. He is the Creator, Author, and Perfector of all life. While we all have struggles and things God is using to grow us in our lives and walk with Him, mine is definitely this. Living in an arab culture where men harrassing women is commonplace, I've stepped back many times and looked into the faces of many of these men and thought, "You have a mother who loves you and a Creator who you don't even know." It brings me to my knees to pray for the lostness, but it also brings me to my knees asking the Lord, "Why Me?" The answer is always, "Why not me?!" While the doctors and nurses at Duke were wonderful, it was still an experience I never wanted to go through again. I've prayed and cried so many times from the time we conceived Lydia asking the Lord to bless us with more children - naturally - but it's really been in the last couple months He has given me a peace about returning to a doctor one day. While I don't know what the future holds, I do know who holds the future. And He has a perfect plan for each and every one of us!

God's grace through infertility

Hi! My name is Meagan DeLong and Leah asked me to share about my struggle with infertility. My struggle was not as long and difficult as most, but God taught me so much through it and I hope that it encourages you as well.

For as long as I can remember, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I met the man of my dreams right before my last year in college and we got married about a year after I graduated. We had talked about children and both of us wanted a large family. (He actually said he wanted 9 so he could have a full basketball team, ha, ha :) A couple of months before the wedding, we talked about birth control and my husband mentioned that he wasn't super comfortable deciding when to start our family...should we possibly just let God decide that? Like I said, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother and have a large family, but selfishly, I didn't want to do both right away! I really wanted to be able to be able to serve my husband -- cook him great dinners, keep a clean house, minister with him at church, enjoy each other sexually, etc, without feeling fat and bloated and have morning sickness to slow me down. And all of my life I had been told to that it was good for your marriage to wait 2 years before starting a family. We had gone to marriage conferences, read books, and had marriage counseling and they all said the same thing: wait 2 years. Everyone I knew at the time managed to get pregnant the first month they tried, so I expected to conceive quickly. So instead of submitting to my future husband or at least committing to pray about the issue, I somewhat emotionally conveyed my objections. He wasn't thoroughly convinced of his position and I obviously was, so we decided to use birth control after all.

I was very careful in my selection of the pill; I had been warned that some pills actually allow fertilization but prevent implantation which in my book was abortion. So I explained these reservations to the gyn and she assured me that the only thing my pill does is prevent ovulation so there was no chance of aborting a baby. (Disclaimer: I have no desire to get into the birth control issue; I simply wish I had submitted to my husband and found myself having to deal with it a year later when I really wanted to get pregnant!)

About a year later, we both really wanted to start our family so I went off the pill. I was very active and in great health and had always had very regular cycles so I really thought we would conceive right away. But it didn't happen. And my cycles started being very irregular, so I kept thinking I was indeed pregnant. I wasted a lot of money on pregnancy tests because I would test one week and it would be negative, but when my cycle hadn't started the next week, I thought for sure I must be pregnant and would test again. Every month was such an emotional roller-coaster. After we had been trying for almost a year, we thought maybe something was wrong. My gyn was certain that I was not ovulating the months that my cycle was so long and ordered an ultrasound for me. We then discovered that I had developed little cysts on my ovaries and they were causing me to not ovulate. The gyn did not think that my birth control had caused the problem, but she could not say for sure. It does make me wonder, though, because I was ovulating fine before I took it, its purpose was to keep me from ovulating, and after I took it, I didn't ovulate. Regardless, at least we finally knew what we were dealing with.

This news was both horrifying and relieving. It was utterly horrifying because I had really never considered the fact that I might not be able to have a baby. But it was somewhat of a relief to finally know what was wrong so that we could discuss our options and pray. My gyn suggested that I take the generic form of Clomid which would cause me to ovulate. It had some possible side effects but I was desperate at this point and was ready to try it. My husband, however, had some ethical reservations and wasn't ready for me to do it. I had learned my lesson about submitting to my husband and although I couldn't help but be emotional about the issue, I didn't want to do it without his full support. That Sunday night we went to our church's weekly Sunday night prayer meeting. I started to ask for prayer for all of this but broke down into tears and couldn't even talk. My husband held me as I sobbed and explained the issue and our church family all wrapped their arms around us and prayed with us for quite a while. I am including this because it meant so much to me to have that support. For so long we had struggled to deal with this on our own and it was such a relief to now have our church family help in prayer and encouragement.

After much research and talking with family and friends who are doctors, my husband concluded that this medicine was only going to help my body to what God originally intended it to do, ovulate, and that it would be ok to try it. I thankfully did not experience any of the possible side effects and after two months, found out that God had done a miracle and had blessed us with a baby! I had a fairly easy pregnancy and after 9 months and 5 days, gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Karis Lynn! (If you want to see more pictures of her, we have a family blog : www.markandmeg04.blogspot.com ) She is now 10 1/2 months old and such an incredible joy!

Although it was so painful, I am glad I went through this struggle with infertility. I grew in my walk with the Lord and learned so much about being content in my circumstances, trusting God's perfect timing and will, submitting to my husband, and being transparent with my church body. My struggle with infertility was probably one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, but I know that so many of you readers have been struggling much longer than I. I would love to hear your stories, cry with you, and praise God for what you have learned through it.

Our Journey through Infertility

Hello, all! My name is Mary Straits, and it is a pleasure to be a guest author this week on the topic of fertility issues! If you’d like to check out our life after infertility, my blog is http://www.marystraits.blogspot.com/.

Before I elaborate on the details of our journey through infertility, I need to say one thing: Thank You, Lord!!! Our son Noah is 14 months old now. He was conceived via IVF, in vitro fertilization on May 19, 2006, and placed in our arms on February 4, 2007. While EVERY baby is a miracle, Noah’s life is a miracle we and our families weren’t sure we would ever see. Here is our story of infertility . . .and it’s a LONG story. Hang on . . .

My journey with infertility began long before I knew it was a path I would walk with my husband. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but I went through a phase in my early 20’s where I didn’t have a period for about 8 months. I never had regular periods to begin with, so missing didn’t seem all that abnormal to me. I had just accepted that my body’s pattern was “off.” When my new ob-gyn seemed concerned and alluded to possible fertility issues in my future, I began to pray. As I prayed for healing, the Lord led me to a scripture:

“When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body” 2 Samuel 7:12

I cannot explain how I knew that Scripture, a promise to King David, was for me. I underlined it, put a date next to it (12/10/01), and went on my way with peace in my spirit.

Fast forward 6 months later to a conversation with my soon-to-be husband on the beach. We lived in South Florida and spent many evenings walking the beach and talking through our stories. On one of these evenings, Chris told me he was diagnosed with a very rare form of leukemia (essentially a blood cancer) when he was 15. The only thing that would save his life was a bone marrow transplant. Before he could receive the transplant, his body had to be wiped clean of all cells so that the new bone marrow could multiply healthy cells. Four full-body radiation scans, chemo, and endless meds prepared his body for the life-giving transplant. There are so many miracles that occurred throughout his transplant, but the biggest one of all is that he is a SURVIVOR! The story he told was such an uplifting story, and I was amazed at how GOOD God had shown Himself to be through Chris’ experience.

Chris, however, had a heaviness. He said he had to tell me something, and that it was alright if I decided I couldn’t continue with our relationship. We had stopped walking at this point, and I was just trying to imagine what was so bad that I would want to dump a cancer survivor. Chris said, “I can not give you children.” I was actually RELIEVED! I think I was expecting some creepy-weird confession or something. The more we talked, the facts were revealed.

The radiation killed all cells—sperm cells included.
The sperm cells had not regenerated as they do in some people.
He, by the grace of God, as a 15 year-old, thought about his future wife and banked sperm that may or may not be usable.

For some reason, I was not shocked, scared, or worried. Chris kept trying to make me see the reality—there were no guarantees, it was going to be hard on whomever signed up for this, for him. At this point, my own issues didn’t even cross my mind. I just committed myself to him in my heart and felt a peace in my spirit that things would be OK.

Chris and I were married on November 29, 2003. . . Not long after, we began to feel the baby urge pretty intensely. Friends were announcing pregnancies, and I was getting sympathetic hugs and statements like, “Don’t worry; it will happen for you, too.” It was annoying. If you know someone going through infertility, the best thing to do is NOT give sympathy OR advice like, “Just relax; it will happen.”

Anyhow, we consulted with three different doctors in Florida (where we were living at the time) and seemed to get all kinds of conflicting information. We were told that it was likely Chris had sperm cells, only to be crushed to learn later that he had none. Our only chances of conceiving would involve invasive medical intervention. That was the point when reality hit hard. The leading clinic in FL wanted $800 just for an hour of consult. We just didn’t have the money. We were going to try a few rounds of IUI (intra-uterine insemination)—we affectionately termed that procedure the turkey-baster procedure, since they inject sperm directly into the uterus. The doctor our insurance covered was NOT positive about it at all. If I ovulated on Saturday, too bad—he wasn’t coming in to do it, and our precious vials of sperm would be wasted. Thus, we decided that it was obviously NOT the right time. After that, we began to prepare to move to NC.

We tabled all baby discussions until after we were settled in. On our car trip to my parents’ for Christmas in 2005, we decided it was TIME. 2006 was our year. We had heard Duke had a great infertility program and made an initial appointment for mid-January 2006. That initial appointment changed our world and all of our expectations.

We had gone in under the impression that we would be signing up for the “turkey baster” procedure. Minimal drugs, minimal money. When we met with the doctor, she basically told us that because we had a limited number of chances and my body was not regular, we would be wasting time and money on intrauterine insemination. In addition to that, because the sperm had been frozen for nine years, we could not even go with traditional in vitro procedure. She told us about a new procedure called ICSI. ICSI is an acronym for intracytoplasmic sperm injection - which is a long, fancy way of saying "inject sperm into the middle of the egg”. So, basically, here is the short version of the “plan” we were given:

(1) Preliminary testing and ultrasounds for me—get Chris’ sperm from FL to NC (and pray the truck doesn’t crash and the liquid nitrogen tank is in good-working order)
(2) Birth control to regulate my cycle
(3) First round of hormone shots to get my hormone levels super low in order to bring them up really high—two shots in the abdomen a day.
(4) Start mega hormones to make my body produce numerous mature eggs (one shot in the abdomen each day)
(5) Monitoring ultrasounds and blood draws every two days after starting mega hormones. (Sometimes your body produces too many eggs, and you have to cancel and start all over.)
(6) Final shot of different hormone to release eggs.
(7) Retrieve eggs from me and HOPE they are usable.
(8) Thaw Chris’ sperm and HOPE they are quality/usable.
(9) Perform the ICSI procedure.
(10)Wait 24 hours and see if cells continue to divide.
(11)Show up at clinic three days later for embryos to be put back. (Sometimes, embryos unexplainably “die” and then you have to start all over.)
(12)Start progesterone shots (these are 2x daily and intramuscular) to prevent miscarriage.
(13)Wait four weeks for ultrasound to confirm that 1-11 WORKED.

As you can see, it is a PROCESS with all kinds of unknowns along the way. Will you have usable eggs? Will your embryos divide? When you show up for them to put your babies back, what if they tell you the embryos didn’t make it? What if you wait four weeks, and there is no pregnancy? How many cycles can you handle?

In the midst of the million thoughts we had swirling around in our heads about our plan, we were then presented with the cost. Insurance would cover the initial testing, but that was it. The price tag after insurance started at $16,000 and went up to $35,000. There were three different “plans” from which to choose:

(1) One cycle—one transfer of 2-4 live embryos, and one transfer of frozen embryos if fresh cycle didn’t take
(2) Two cycles—two fresh transfers, two frozen transfers
(3) Three cycles—three fresh transfers, three frozen transfers

It was totally up to us to decide how many “chances” we wanted to pay for. If no pregnancy results, you still pay the FULL price. If you pay for three cycles and get a pregnancy from try #1, you still pay the FULL price.

We left the appointment with a lot to absorb and decide. Then we PRAYED for guidance like never before. The only thing I could pray at one point was, “Please.” Please give us peace. Please tell us what to do. Please give us a baby. Just a simple, “Please.”

We went forward with the fertility treatment. We prayed and prayed and finally felt a peace about paying for only one cycle. Looking back, I can’t believe we actually paid for the least amount of chances—that is SO not our personalities! God was definitely leading us! Anyway, we applied for a fertility loan and were approved. It was a five-year loan and costs us (still) about what a car payment would. Then the REAL work started.

I will not lie—it was a difficult journey. All the shots, all the trips to Duke, all the paper gowns . . . the process took its toll. The hormones put me on an emotional rollercoaster, I suffered insomnia due to high estrogen levels, my stomach was bruised from the shots.

There was one major hiccup along the way when we REALLY had to believe God. I had gone through all the testing, the birth control, the initial round of shots, and the mega hormone shots. We had gone for 3 monitoring ultrasounds and found that for some reason, my eggs were not maturing fast enough—the medicine was gone, and I only had ONE egg that was big enough after the full round of mega hormones. The doctor began to talk about cancelling the cycle and starting all over. I about FLIPPED OUT. I couldn’t FATHOM starting all over! The other option was ordering more mega-hormones and waiting another 3 days to see what would happen. We essentially paid $1,500 MORE for three days of drugs (yes, only three days worth) and PRAYED for the best. The next ultrasound had great news—TEN mature eggs!

On Friday, May 19, 2006, ten eggs were taken from my ovaries in a very intense procedure. They called us the next morning to tell us that nine eggs were usable eggs, but only eight continued to divide. The embryologist said those were very positive stats, and that we should feel positive about things. We would need to come in on Monday to have two embryos put back. The remaining six would be frozen for future use.

The first time I saw Noah was on May 22, 2006 on a TV screen—as an 8-cell embryo. They basically wired a flat-screen TV to one of the microscopes in the lab and let patients see their babies before they are put back inside. It was AMAZING to see! I couldn’t believe I was looking at my BABIES! Interestingly enough, you can resume all normal activities that same day. I, of course, took it easy on the couch. I didn’t want to shake things up in there. (Here is the petri dish that Noah grew in. The two orange dots are where he and his brother or sister sat. We still have this and will save it as a tool to explain to Noah how he came to be!)

While I was getting the horrid intramuscular progesterone shots every day, we were again praying for peace and patience while we WAITED four long weeks to find out if the pregnancy “took.” I couldn’t stand it for too long, so we went out and bought some early pregnancy tests two weeks later. The first test I took was negative. The second test I took was an invalid test—one in a million, right? We waited two more days and tested again. It was a very strong POSITIVE. I took another test. And another one. And another one. ALL POSITIVE! We still needed to wait for the ultrasound to confirm that there was a heartbeat. That was the final say.

What a day it was when we saw that heart beat—161 beats strong! While we were hoping to see two heart beats since two embryos were put back, there was only one. The other embryo was just re-absorbed into my body. So my other baby is still a part of me. . .

About four months into my pregnancy, I stumbled upon my old Bible from 2001. I was excited because I had bought this Bible to carry with me but had lost it in the move. As I thumbed through the pages, I came back to this verse, underlined and dated:

“When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body” 2 Samuel 7:12

I started crying in amazement, joy, and gratitude. God had kept His promise to me, a promise made before I even knew my husband and the path we would have to walk. I learned that I needed to keep track of Scriptures that God puts on my heart—I wish that I had had that Scripture to cling to on the rough days!

Thankfully, the rest of my pregnancy, labor, and delivery was flawless, and we cried tears of joy on February 4, 2007, when we saw Noah’s precious face. The sound of his first cry is a sound I will never forget. We are crazy about our little man and know that God has big plans for him! All the same, we are not losing sight of the fact that Noah is a sinner and needs discipline and love to come to a saving knowledge of Christ. (I was afraid of becoming “jaded” since it was a TON of work to have him and because he is such a miracle.)

Essentially, we have two more tries at biological children, as we plan to give ALL of our children a chance at life. They will de-thaw three embryos for implantation each time since the odds are 33%. All the same, we are leaving “odds” up to God; we just may end up with six more children and are committed to that! I know that some may question the ethics of us having six children out there frozen in a lab, but each one of our children will have a chance at life. We are not going to dispose of ANY of them.

So that's it! If you made it to the end of my LONG story, THANK YOU for listening! I hope that our story offers some encouragment if you are struggling with fertility issues at the moment. God is forever faithful, and we have been blessed beyond measure.

I plan to do another post later in the week on my words of wisdom for coping with infertility and for supporting people you know who are struggling with infertility. Stay tuned!