Great parenting tips and a plug for a marriage get-away

Since we are focusing on moms this month, I thought I would share some great parenting tips from a Mom who recently taught me a lot.  But before I do, I just have to put in a plug for Family Life's Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaways.  Mark and I just attended one last weekend, and it was amazing for us.  We didn't have any major problems in our marriage, but just knew we were exhausted and needed to get away and focus on each other and connect.   I was looking for something fun for us to do in Charlotte (I have to now admit that we chose Charlotte simply because it had the closest IKEA and I'd been wanting to go there for years :) and found the marriage get-a-way and thought it would be a great way to get us to focus on each other.  I mentioned it to Mark and he laughed in my face.  Sitting through a conference was definitely not what he wanted to do on our get-a-way!  So I dropped it.  I told him he could plan whatever he wanted for us.  And two weeks later he brought it up again and said we could do the marriage conference as long as we didn't have to go to every single session.  Ha!  We almost dropped the idea again because of the price, but Family Life people are super nice and will give scholarships based simply on "what you and your husband have decided you can afford."

Mark and I looked at the schedule and decided which sessions we would attend... some of the sessions sounded very redundant to information we had learned in Seminary so we decided to skip many of them.  We actually only made it to 4 out of 10 sessions but those 4 sessions were indeed invaluable to us.  I'm talking, life-changing, "I feel like we are courting again" type of impact!  (In retrospect, we probably would have learned much in the other sessions as well, but the 4 we attended gave us more than enough to process and work on.)  I expected to get a lot from the conference (being the relationship-oriented, emotional woman that I am), but I was amazed at how much it changed my husband as well.  He didn't even want to go to the conference originally, but has said many times since how glad he was that he went and how he wishes others that we know could go to one as well.

Sorry this has gotten to be such a long plug, but I felt like I really needed to share because it helped us so much.  Since this is a blog specifically for exhausted moms of little ones, I am certain that we are not the only ones who unknowingly settled into "companionship" mode without even realizing it.  We love our kids and the life that we enjoy with them and we truly get along great so we did not even realize that our marriage had become complacent.  Weekend To Remember is a wonderful tool to get the communication flowing in all areas of marriage and God greatly used it to recharge ours!

The wife and mother who spoke at the conference did one session on parenting and she told her top ten tips for kids.  I knew many of them already, but the session was a good reminder and listening to her tips helped me to think about what areas of parenting I need to work on.   It also helped me think more about the future of my kids and our goal in parenting. (I tend to get so caught up in the here and now of the little years that I often forget that we are doing such training so they can be independent but wise and godly teenagers.)  I hope these tips will be helpful to you as well:

1.  Set limits -- kids need limits and they find security in them.

2.  "We play to an audience on one."  This one was a particularly good reminder for me because I parent very differently than a lot of people I know and I need to stop worrying about what others are thinking about my parenting style.  What matters is that I am in prayer and doing what God has called me to do.  I raise my children for Him, not anyone else.

3.  My job is not to be my child's best friend!  She went on to say that friendship does come later and right now she is enjoying a sweet, sweet friendship with her teenage and college-age kids.  But the little years are for training and instructing in righteousness and much discipline.

4.  Because of all the boundaries and discipline that come with #3, try to say yes to as many things as you can so that when you do say no, it really means something.

5.  Give them the Biblical reasons behind the rules and limitations -- we do not just want good behavior, but to help them make good decisions in the future!

6.  When you take something away, give them something better -- she gave the example of beach week in the South, where kids always go to the beach and party like crazy for a week after school lets out.  They never let their kids attend beach week, but instead used that week to plan amazing family vacations.

7.  Stay calm and loving in discipline -- you don't want them to think you are disciplining simply because you are mad, but because you love them and are obeying God in training them in righteous living.

8.  The less you react in the moment, the more your kids will come to you with their moments.  If a child comes home and tells you something incredibly shocking that happened in school, if you get all upset and immediately call the principal, the child will probably not choose to confide in you the next time something disturbing happens.

9.  Focus on unconditional love -- when you discipline, tell them that you are disappointed, that they sinned, but that it does not change your love for them.

10.  Pray that they would get caught!  You will not be with them every moment and will not catch every sin, so pray that they will get caught before their sin grows so they can deal with it and learn from it.  (Sidenote:  my own mother did this and told us that she did and God definitely answered her prayer -- my brother and I never got away with anything!  :)

Demanding and arguing

My 4.5 year old is an absolute joy! She is the best helper I could ever wish for, she takes great delight in taking care of her little sisters, and her unbelievable imagination just fills my life with laughter. But she seems to have forgotten her manners a little and we are working hard to get her back to where we were just a few short months ago. We have two major issues that we are working on right now and I thought I'd share them and what we are doing to correct them. I'm just going to be honest and I'd love to hear your tips as well!

1. She has forgotten "please." Even before she could talk, Karis signed the word "please" when she wanted something. But lately, she has forgotten it and can be quite demanding. I think she got into the habit because she enjoys telling her little sister what to do so much, but it has transposed into telling adults what to do as well. So we are trying to quickly nip it in the bud. It is amazing how quickly a habit forms when you aren't paying attention and then it is difficult to erase!

Basically, we are refusing to acquiesce when she asks for something in a demanding way. She has to wait 3 minutes and then she may ask again correctly and we will fulfill her request. For example, if she says, "Give me more milk," then I respond, "no, you did not ask respectfully and you can try again in 3 minutes." In the car, she has a habit of wailing from the back of the van, "I can't hear the music!" So we completely turn off the music for 3 minutes and then give her the chance to ask us to turn it up respectfully. It has taken a while for her to remember, but we are definitely seeing progress. She will often start to demand something and quickly cover it up with a "will you please?"

2. She has developed good reasoning ability that has grown to arguing (otherwise known as "too smart for her own good "). Our family has always tried to implement first time obedience with a bit of grace thrown in. (And no, I have not yet read "Give Them Grace," but I would really like to. If you have read it, please comment and share your thoughts!) For instance, if Karis is reading a book and I ask her to go take her clothes to her room, she is allowed to say, "May I please finish this book first?" If she asks respectfully, we are not in a hurry to do something else, and there are not many pages left, I usually allow her to finish. But if I say no, she must immediately get up and do it. This method has worked well for the first 4 years of her life, but now she is taking it a bit to far. I ask her to do something and she says, "Well....." or, "but Mama...!" She usually has great logic that makes me laugh but the core problem is that she is making excuses instead of obeying right away. A lot of times, the things she says she needs to do first are really good things, such as helping Karlie or Abbi with something, but it is still disobedience. And often when I tell her no, that she must obey first, she begins to argue to try to explain why she is right. I don't have any great plan for this issue, other than immediate discipline and to try to always take the time to talk to her and explain why this is biblically a problem and try to reach her heart and pray with her. But boy is it difficult to find the time to do all that when my other two little ones are running around needing me!

Those are the two major parenting issues we are dealing with this week. What about you? I'd love to hear your struggles or advice!

Teaching Honesty

Our oldest, Will, turned five in June. According to one of my weekly emails from babycenter.com - lying is not an uncommon problem at this age. (Speaking of those emails...I cried the day his changed to read "Your Big Kid This Week" instead of baby, toddler or preschooler. Can we figure out how to stop the growing, please!?)

While it's nice to know it's not uncommon and my child is "normal" for learning to tell lies (he is a sinner afterall!), we cannot dismiss it and must teach him the importance of honesty and telling the truth. Proverbs 22:12 says: "The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful."

The first place I always turn to for bible verses related to a specific behavior is this handy chart by Ginger Plowman (author of Don't Make Me Count to Three). The chart not only includes bible verses, but heart probing questions and specific verses that help the child to know the behavior they should be showing instead. I cannot recommend this one enough!

I decided to seek out some additional helps in reinforcing honesty. Here are some of the resources I've found helpful.

Have you heard of Adventures in Odyssey? My husband grew up listening to these stories (on cassette tape or the radio, I'm sure!) but I hadn't heard of them until a few years ago. It's a ministry of Focus on the Family and they are fictional, character building stories that were created for ages 8-12. However, we decided to download one about honesty for Will and he thoroughly enjoyed it and completely understood the message. That may not be the case with all of them, but I look forward to getting more for car rides and quiet times! (Adeline, age 3.5, did not really follow the story well at all. Just an fyi...) 

The single episode I downloaded (The Tangled Web!) is more than 20 minutes long and was 1.99. However, there is a free one out right now about a little girl that wishes her brother was never born and then gets her wish! You can see it on the main Odyssey Page.

**Update: Just wanted to add that I discovered many free episodes in the itunes podcast of Adventures in Odyssey as well. I just searched for AIO on itunes and subscribed to the podcast. There are many archived episodes that are all free! 

Speaking of Focus on the Family, you can also find a helpful story about honesty that includes questions and activities to do with your kids. The activities were a little too old for Will, but the story and questions are perfect!

Lastly, is this book by Francis Chan (author of Crazy Love). Halfway Herbert is written for ages 4-8 and though I haven't actually gotten my copy yet, I'm excited to read this book to Will. Here is the description on amazon:

Halfway Herbert never completes anything.  Homework remains half done, his room stays only partly clean, and dinner is never finished.  Halfway Herbert somehow gets by. But when he tells a half-truth, he learns the importance of honesty and of following God with all his heart.

 Do you have any helpful advice for teaching honesty to our kids? We'd love to hear it! 

What are we going to do (today)?

I recently sent out an email to my friends asking advice for a current dilemma we are facing with our oldest, Georgia. I thought I would share with you both what is going on, as well as the responses from several friends. We have not solved this 'problem' by any stretch of the imagination, so PLEASE feel free to add your suggestions/thoughts/advice in the comments.

Friends-
I am emailing you to ask you advice about my daughter, Georgia. She has one question that she asks all the time, every day: "What are we going to do?" Sometimes it is at night: "What are we going to do when we wake up?" In the morning, it is "What are we going to do today?" Even if I give her a response, it is often "And what are we going to do after that?" If she accepted my response to the question, that would be fine, but she frequently fusses and cries because she either doesn't like my response or she doesn't like what we are (or aren't) doing. Georgia is very dramatic, inquisitive and talkative, all of which combines to a lot of talking and/or complaining if things don't go as she thinks they should.

I realize many or most kids go through this phase. But it is really frustrating me right now. I want to teach her to be content in all things, and to be happy with whatever we are doing--even if we aren't doing anything. I do not want her to have to be entertained by "Going" and "Doing" all the time. I want to show her the value of quiet moments at the house, and the value of special trips out, too. As she is the oldest of three, I also cannot spend my day giving her something new to do every time she wants to know "what's going to happen next".

I would welcome any advice that you might have. I would also appreciate your prayers. I know a lot of this has to do with me, and my attitude. Please pray that it would improve, and that God would grant me grace and tolerance and affection toward Georgia during these frustrating moments. Thanks so much, my friends!


Responses from my dear friends (including a couple of POH writers:-)

Leah P:
What if you tried an "alternative" sort of answer. Instead of answering her question with, for example "we're going to go to the library, play at home, etc." you could answer her question with a character trait you will work on (i.e. "We're going to practice being a servant. Can you think of some ways we could do that?") or a family motto (i.e. "We're going to love God and love each other with all our heart"). Maybe that would take the focus away from the doing and going and put it on a heart matter.

I hope you find something that works and that God would give you the desire of your heart - to see your children well-trained to follow Him.

Lauren S:
I like Leah P.'s idea to tell Georgia you're going to work on a particular character trait. I also thought you could be very general when it comes to what you'll do at home. Sometimes, I tell our girls we're going to be diligent workers at home today. Cora may occasionally ask, "Why?", and I respond with, "Because it pleases the Lord for us to work with happy hearts and be good stewards of all that He has given us." She's a good worker and will wipe down baseboards with a wet rag if I don't find something for her to do specifically. Grumbling and complaining (whether for work at home or with any activity) is met with a quote of Phil. 2:14, and if need be, discipline.

You can also really build up the things you say about being at home. I know I breathe a big sigh of relief on days we don't have to go anywhere! You could say things like, "Isn't it so nice to just be at home? I've got more time to read books with you or cook something special, etc."

We have plenty of structured time at our house, but I think lots of free play helps too. Let Georgia entertain herself. It might be difficult for her at first, but she'll likely get used to it.

You're probably already doing these things, but I'll be praying this phase passes quickly!

Hollie:
Laney asks this question often as well, because she loves adventure and just want to go and "do" stuff.

A while back, I began to work on Laney with being "thankful" in all things. She used to cry and whine when we'd limit her tv shows and turn it off. We started telling her how to not look forward to the next thing, but to be thankful for the very thing she has right now, ex watching her show. It took some training and LOTS of reminding and taking away of privledges if she didn't have a thankful heart (during this "training" time), but now after watching a show, she'll turn off the tv herself, come to me and say "Mommy, I have something to tell you. Come here." She'll whisper in my ear and say "I'm thankful." Oh, how I love this. Now, she knows how to pause and be thankful for her "show" because that's what we focused on, but not necessisarily thankful for every experience, esp the more challenging or painful ones.
What if at breakfast time, you could have some "table talk" cards and make a game out of it at the start of the day, practicing what we're thankful for and you can praise the "relaxed" days during this time.

Thanks for sending this out and for the advice ladies. I plan to put some of this to action in our family as well.

Karen:
I have loved all of these ideas too! We struggle with the same thing with our eldest. His line though is "Mommy, I want to do something special." And his version of "special" is rarely the same as mine :). We are training him in contentment and he's doing better with this. But, I also started making sure I had some "special" one on one time with him early in the mornings, and that also made a huge difference. He thrives on one on one time with me and Matt. He copes a lot better with a "normal" day if I take 5-10 minutes in the morning to hold him, talk to him or read him a book. Kathleen and Isaac need this as well. Karissa responds differently and is much more independent. So, I've shifted my day and breakfast is a little later so that I can spend some time talking with them in the mornings. It's definitely not been a magic cure, but it has helped!


This is Leah F. again--please be praying for me and my husband as we seek to train our children in contentment and gratitude! We'd love your thoughts and suggestions.

Life with 3 Littles

Since my little baby is now about 2 1/2 months old, I thought I'd discuss how life has changed for us with 3 littles under the age of four. I have definitely not figured it all out yet! It is difficult in many ways but absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I have to say that this little poem below perfectly describes the stage of life that I am now in:

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs; dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!"

First of all, I really believe that 3 under 4 is way easier than 2 under 2. My big girls are able to entertain each other so well and they understand when I need to focus on the baby. They are also really big helpers and love to get things that I need and can clean up fairly well on their own. This is a big difference from when I had Karlie and Karis was only 20 months old.

The first month with the new baby was actually fairly easy. My big girls were enamored with Abbi and I had a lot of help from the grandparents and meals from my church family. The second month, however, was much more difficult. The girls began acting out more, obviously because we had slacked off in discipline for the first month and because they got quite spoiled from all the attention of the grandparents. We really had to buckle down and start again from square one. They almost had to completely re-learn obeying "all the way, right away, and with a happy heart." But we worked at it and things are much better now!

Honestly, the relational and emotional aspect of being a mother to three has been fairly easy and such a joy! I love each stage that all my children are in and relish the time we spend together. I'm not one to crave busyness and am quite happy to stay at home and spend time with my girls. So what has been the most difficult or frustrating part about this season? Simply getting things done! Everything seems to take so much longer with three little ones! I have so many fun things I want to do with my girls (art projects, cooking projects, playtime outside, reading, "school time," etc,) not to mention the housework that keeps piling up. And each day, when I look at my "to-do" list, I find that if I am lucky, I have only crossed off one item. Seriously. How is it that I can be at my house all day long and the only visual accomplishment I see is the 3 loads of laundry, cleaned, but still in piles, still waiting for me to find the time and energy to fold and put away? Just getting us dressed and ready for our day seems to take forever now.

So I just wanted to let you know that I don't have it all together. And I think that is ok. I'm still trying to keep an organized home for my family. But even if I fail some days, I try to remind myself that what really matters is my attitude and whether I am consistently portraying the love of Christ to my girls. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a mother to 3! But I have to watch myself and not allow myself to get frustrated with the girls for my lack of ability to get things done. When I finally have the bedroom clean but the girls quickly destroy it again while I am nursing Abbi in the other room, do I fuss at them in exasperation or do I pray for patience and calmly instruct them how to clean it up? When Abbi is *supposed* (as if an infant is *supposed* to be doing anything!) to be napping while I am trying to fix dinner, but wakes up every 5 minutes because she is burping, do I take joy in the chance to snuggle with her for another minute or do I grow frustrated that dinner won't be ready on time? I really do treasure this precious time, but sometimes I have to remind myself to just enjoy it and not get upset that my house is a mess. My girls are such a blessing from the Lord and this season of life will pass all too quickly for me to worry about such things.

Potty Week

Samuel started potty training this week! He is 2 years and 2 months old now. I took him to Target first thing Wednesday morning to pick out Big Boy Underwear and some treats for BEAR, his little stuffed animal that we would be potty training. We spent the morning teaching bear how to use the potty. Bear went pee-pee three times and pooped once on the potty, but also had a handful of accidents (I dumped water when Samuel wasn't looking and the poop was playdoh!). After his nap, it was his turn! I had wrapped up the big boy undies for him and we worked on his potty chart. It was, um, unsuccessful in my mind. He went on the potty twice, but wet seven pairs of underwear. I put him to bed last night and told Ed that I wasn't too impressed with our day of potty training.

BUT, Thursday was a great day! Samuel stayed dried until about 5:00. I put him in a diaper for nap, but it was dry when he got up. He sat on the potty and peed right away after nap. Awesome. It is semi my fault that he wet his pants at 5:00 because I was watching Joel and another little boy and didn't make Samuel go sit on the potty. So, after I put Samuel to bed tonight, I feel like today was a pretty good day. I will say that Samuel is still too little to pull down his own pants and he hasn't told me yet that he needs to go to the potty - I'm just putting him on there at regular intervals. We have a ways to go, but I'm happy with the progress. My plan for now is to have him in underwear whenever we are at home (which is almost all the time). I'll probably branch out from there once he masters home time and hopefully starts telling me he has to go.


Oh, isn't Joel just a cutie?! :) We are those really annoying people who think their kid is the cutest kid in the whole world and OF COURSE everyone we talk to is interested in hearing all about him. We loathed these kind of people before we had kids and now we are the absolute WORST about it! Joel is 7 months old and this week has been a break-through on napping for him. He has gone down for a morning and afternoon nap with no crying and slept for 1.5+ hours each time. I am really loving that! This is especially important because starting tomorrow we will have a 1 month old little girl at our house during the day. Little L will arrive at 7:30 and go home at 4:00. I got to meet her for the first time today and she has a head full of curly black hair. You will see her popping up in pictures now and again.

The only other thing on the horizon this week for my boys is that Samuel will be in a wedding on Saturday. He has a little tuxedo to wear that is too cute. My plan is to load up the groom with candy and toys to bribe Samuel to walk down the aisle. I have informed the bride that in all likelihood Samuel will freak out and want nothing to do with walking down the aisle and she is okay with that. We'll see how it goes!

Okay, I just read my post and realized that it is pretty much me bragging about my kids. So, in all fairness, I will give you a list of some of the things my kids CAN'T do! :)
1. Samuel can't feed himself.
2. Joel can't crawl.
3. Samuel still uses pacifiers. (My mom is especially mortified by this fact!)
There, I feel better!

Lydia THIS week!

I'm posting this for Krista, as she and her family are quite busy this week! Krista, her husband Josh and 2 year old Lydia traveled to Germany last week for Lydia to have surgery with an American doctor that specializes in hemangiomas. Lydia had surgery early Monday morning and is doing well! Here's the background (from Krista):

In a nutshell, when she was 2 weeks old we noticed a small “scratch” above her right eye. Rather than going away it began to grow and grow and grow. It was diagnosed as a hemangioma and we heard all kinds of information as we read medical research and saw doctors both in America and overseas. It grew until she was about 8 months old, then leveled off. Hers was not only a strawberry, but also very puffy and swollen around the red part.

Most doctors advised us to do nothing and that it would go away over time, although when we asked if they’d ever seen one like this they said no. We were content to not intervene (and really preferred that option) but also wanted to talk with a doctor who had experience with facial hemangiomas. In a totally God-orchestrated meeting last May we learned of a doctor in NY who specialized in this very thing. We immediately contacted him via email and sent pictures. He said he dealt with hemangiomas such as Lydia’s all the time (removes on average 15-20 per week just like hers) and that it would not go away on its own. He also said that if we went ahead with surgery it would be much better to do so while she was younger (for a variety of reasons).

Anyway, since that time we have been dealing with insurance, praying about what to do, and working out the details to meet up with this doctor in Berlin where he travels several times each year to do surgeries on patients that cannot come to America. . .

Lydia did great with the surgery and they are out of the hospital now, enjoying some time in Germany. They will keep enjoying some bratwurst and sauerkraut while they wait for Lydia to get her stitches out. Krista says they are having a hard time finding good internet access. So until then, here are the things we can be praying for!

• That Lydia would make a quick recovery
• That Lydia would sleep comfortably and get rest
• For all of the other children we saw at the hospital (many of whom are from Russia and Poland)
• The scar would heal and fade (because of the size of the tumor he had to make a larger incision than he had expected – it is half of the length of her eyebrow)
• She would not be fearful next Wednesday when the stitches are removed (she was SO SCARED yesterday when they removed the head dressing and today when they removed the drain – she screamed and clung to us)

I would also add (although Krista didn't specify this) to be praying for Josh and Krista too! What a wild ride and Krista is handling all of this while pregnant with twins. Pray for their strength and health as well. Pray for safety and smooth travels home as well.

So, that is what is going on with Krista's child (at least the one on the outside :) this week!

My Kiddo's This Week...

All three of my children are at such different stages right now even though the younger two are just one year and 2 days apart(their bdays are next week). I will start with the oldest, Meredith, and work down.

Meredith is 12 now and is experiencing all kinds of hormones these days! She has begun to notice boys, cries at the drop of a hat, shows her silliness all of the time, asks when it will be time for her to wear “just a little make-up”, hangs out less with the little ones and more with the adults…whew…what a roller coaster to ride with her! Now, before you take that wrong…I love roller coasters but they do keep me on the edge of my seat (sometimes pulling out my hair!:) I knew in my head these days would come but now that they are here I REALLY can’t believe it! I was looking at the pics of sweet Laney, Will, and Adeline and I remember Meredith having that sweet little baby face…just yesterday! Where did the time go?? Matt and I were talking about how sad we are to know that our “time” with her in our home is over half over! It just doesn’t seem real! She is such an amazing kid and I am so proud to be her mom. Her walk with Jesus is so real and I am challenged by that walk every day.

Madison, 5….the MIDDLE child! So many stereotypes come with that title….and she fits most of them! Ha! Madison is definitely one of a kind. She has a strong personality, speaks her mind, controls EVERY situation (which we like to call good leadership qualities), is a daddy’s girl, and absolutely LOVES kindergarten! She was the one that had the hardest time adjusting to our move overseas. She didn’t do strange things to make us know she was having a hard time…she just spoke her mind…and spoke it very strongly. She has come so far and has made an amazing turn around in the last year. She now speaks and understands Arabic very well, rarely makes negative comments about our new culture and thinks kindergarten is her own little special club she has been waiting on her whole life! I love my little Madison bear…she is so unique!

Matthew Ray, 4…the baby and the lone boy. This little man has to have the sweetest heart on the planet…I wish I could claim that character trait but that award goes to his daddy. Matthew Ray hates to make anyone sad, is easily hurt by others, gives 500 kisses and hugs everyday to his mom and dad, and karate chops EVERYTHING in the house! But our little man has really been going through a tough time these days. After Madison started kindergarten in August, we began to see a difference…his feelings stay on his shoulders, he cries more than normal, and his self-esteem is lacking. It took us a while to figure it out (duh?) but we finally realized he must be going through separation anxiety from his sister. I don’t know why but it never dawned on me that he has been with her every day of his little life…and now she is gone most of the day. So, we are taking extra time with him each day, giving lots of positive reinforcement, and loving every kiss and hug we receive in return!

All three are truly a treasure from Jesus. I am so thankful to be their mom!

My children this week

My two year old, Will is learning some hard lessons this week! I love the comments on Hollie's post about not using yes and no questions. That is SO where we are. Whew, it is exhausting trying to stay one step ahead of him and ready for whatever his next move is going to be. I've been keeping a little girl who is 9 months old and very mobile. Since his sister doesn't have the ability yet to take his toys, he's been thrown into having to learn how to share and do so cheerfully. He currently hoards all of his toys on the couch, even hiding them under pillows, so Ava can't get them. Then he proceeds to fight her for the baby toys that he does not care about unless she's here.

I actually read an article recently about how all kids go through the "terrible" two's, three's, etc. around their HALF birthdays. So the terribles peak around 2.5 and 3.5 before they adjust to the new developmental phase. That gave me hope that we only have another month or so before we start the upswing again! He'll be 2.5 in December. I've always said that even though this explains his behavior, it doesn't make it acceptable. I don't like to dismiss his bad behavior as just normal development. While it is normal, it's not acceptable and we'll work towards appropriate behaviors!



This cutie pie is my 7.5 month old, Adeline. She's mostly as sweet as she looks, although her dramatic side is starting to show more and more. She's developed a very fake cry that she does at total strangers. No tears, just a super dramatic cry that is hilarious. She also does the same cry when big brother takes her toy or bumps her exersaucer. She's also developing a stronger attachment to Mommy than Will ever did, probably because I am with her all day. This has created more crying at night and naps when I put her down. She's finally sitting up on her own and is trying to get on all fours for crawling.

She has finally come out of an eating funk where she was not eating solids very well at all. It could have had to do with a urinary tract infection she was getting over, but I was not really worried because I know she's getting plenty from breastmilk alone. (With Will, I would have been SO worried!!) The past two days she's eaten like crazy. She loves avocados, most fruits, squash and pumpkin (as of yesterday). She does NOT like plain yogurt or green veggies. I can get her to eat both by mixing with applesauce though. Oh and she prefers her food in the frozen cube form as she sucks it to death through a mesh feeder thing. It's wierd! I do feed her normally too, but for almost every "meal" she gets at least one cube in the feeder to gum on and she loves it! I never thought to use actual food with Will, but often gave him an ice cube when he was teething.

And my post must be over now as I try to find the erasers my son just bit off of the pencils at our desk (about 5 of them)...I suppose I might find them in his diaper eventually.

Our Children This Week: Laney

At 22.5 months, we are having a blast with Laney, cracking up all the time at her amazing ability to make us laugh. At the same time, she will do things that melt our hearts to nothing. We are truly smitten. And yet even still, at the same time, she is challenging us in defiance so much that I am so often praying for wisdom and discernment as to how to discipline her well and turn her to the Lord every time. How can my little sweetie-pie be so endearing one minute and then make my ears turn red the next minute? We are in the "no" stage like no other. Please tell me this stage doesn't last long. I'd like to hear how you Mamas have handled the "no's". This should be interesting to read. I'm optimistic that it's a short-lived stage due to the fact that she can't really communicate well right now, but at the rate she's going, she'll be able to express herself so much more thoroughly in just a few months.

We are also gearing up for Laney's two year birthday party. I've already bought her invitations, but I still have a hard time letting the fact sink in that she will be two years old in six weeks. What?! On a more day-to-day update, as of last night, Laney has been teething, and since she's so close to turning two years old, I'm assuming she's teething her two year molars. A long night awaits us, but I'm blessed to be able to be there for her in her pain. I hear these two year molars are the worst ones. No fever as of yet.

Potty: This week we also have been vaguely introducing the potty. As this point, the potty is merely a toy, as I haven't rolled up my sleeves and camped out at home for a week for hard-core potty training, but I AM READY to get the show on the road soon. She will sit on the potty, but I hear no tinkling or splashing going on down there. She did, however, manage a silent tinkle one time. When we practiced wiping, I noticed a little wet bum, so that was a start. I was pretty excited! The things that excited us now as moms. I love it! I'd like to potty train Laney before we move her to the toddler bed. I'm hoping the move won't be anytime soon. I want to keep Laney in her crib as long as I possibly can. No rush here!

Words: Laney's vocabulary is really starting to take off. She's saying new words all day long every day. Nothing makes me smile bigger than hearing her sweet, little "lispy" words. And I love that they aren't perfect. I was talking to my friend Jacelyn today about how we will be sad when our kids start pronouncing words super clearly and in sentences. I think she will have a lisp of some sort, at least that's what it looks like to me, but I hope I'm wrong. I grew up having a lisp (ch, sh, s sounds) and had to attend speech class until the fifth grade. It was so hard to overcome, but I learned to retrain my tongue and mouth, so that was an accomplishment for me. Laney also is my little song bird and picks up on a tune in a split second. She really can sing, and I'm not saying that because I'm her greatest fan. Ha!

This week we have loved going to the fields to watch Daddy play intramural football. She would yell out "Daddy! Daddy!" from the sidelines. She also sang the ABC's so loudly that every head in earshot turned to figure out who was yelling. I mean, it was LOUD. Of course, there were smiles everywhere, including one across my face. I am trying to teach her to sing and talk in a more quiet voice. Here's us above at the football field with our dog Daisy. (Trying to keep Daisy by my side and a toddler from running out on the football field to her Daddy was TOUGH.)

Here's my little ham with her little limelight smile!

NC State Fair: We went to the fair last week with Dee-Dee and Grandpa. We loved watching Laney's eyes light up in amazement as she took in her surroundings. The picture below says it all. We went to see all of the animals which was an absolute HIT with Laney...and Grandpa. :)

Injury: Lastly, one week ago, while Laney was in her crib about to go down for a nap, I heard her in there talking away. Then all of a sudden I heard a terrible cry, and one that I don't hear often, so I immediately started heading for her room. I was not ready to see what I saw. She had apparently been bouncing in her crib and hit her mouth. There was blood everywhere: on her shirt, pooled up in her mouth, on her pants, hands, sheets and blanket. Talk about having a heart attack. I thought she had hit her teeth, but couldn't see due to so much blood. It was terrible. Her top teeth went deeply into her bottom lip. Thankfully, Hugh was there to inspect the wound and keep me calm. I wondered if she needed stitches, but Grandpa and Dee-Dee said that mouth wounds heal quickly. They were right. She was bothered the rest of the day and in a lot of pain , but on Tuesday her lip had already started to close up. On Thursday I noticed that there was a more prominent white spot where the injury had occurred but figured that was part of the healing process. Saturday night I noticed the white spot was still there so I decided to feel it and it was hard, which surprised me...and worried me. It was comparable to a little pebble. This morning it had grown enough to really alarm me. Why would this be growing instead of shrinking/healing? I don't take frequent trips to our Ped because I know I will be put on a hot spot because of our choice to not vaccinate after 9 months, but I will be calling our Doctor tomorrow to get it looked at. Could it be a hematoma? Infection? Staf? Scar tissue? Has anyone had an injury like this and can shed some light on this?

In closing, if you would like to share about any of these areas from your own experience, we'd love to hear from our readers! This is a two-way street for us. We learn so much from you as you learn from us. I love POH!

• Two year old temperament
• No's with two year old children
• Teething two year molars
• Potty
• Teaching "soft voices" without breaking their confidence
• Any mouth wound testimonies?
  
  

Tough week!

I'm going to link to a few posts on my personal blog to give the long version about what is hard about parenting this week. In case you don't want to read them - the short version is that my son is sick with his first double ear infection and my daughter is in a really tough fussy/colicky stage right now. This is meaning one really stressed Mommy who is doubting her ability to be a stay-at-home Mom, which I'll officially be mid-June. (Right now I'm on maternity leave from teaching...)

Read this post about the beginning of the week when we realized Will was sick.

This post was written at 5am while I was up with Adeline who wouldn't sleep.

This post asks for feedback from those with newborns. Feel free to help me out and tell me what your current bedtime routine is looking like.

Thursday night was pretty tearful as I reached a breaking point. My wonderful husband really helped out though and supported me. Today and the rest of the weekend, I am visiting my parents while he goes camping. Praise the Lord - he has answered prayers and Adeline had a great day and easy bedtime! Will is also feeling better and had a great day playing with my parents and at the park. He was very obedient and has done great sleeping here so far!

The Balancing Act...Hardest Thing About Parenting

I have no idea how long this post will be because of the balancing act that I am currently performing! Life is a balancing act in the Dunavant household. That is the number one difficulty in parenting for me. It really is nothing new to us because we were in ministry in the states for 15 years before moving overseas! BUT the balancing act now has taken on new challenges to say the least.

For example, since last Thursday this is how our schedule has looked (our children also attended 95% of these activities:

•Had a guest visit from the states (who is still here and requires much attention in this shocking culture)
•Attended 5 meetings with our company (one meeting hosted at our home)
•Met with a doctor about a new project at 10 pm one night in a pharmacy
•Met with a national couple about translating a book for us
•Squeezed in 3 Arabic lessons with our teacher
•Took a ride on the Nile River in a Faluka
•Supported our oldest daughter, Meredith in a 5K race in the desert, then our two younger ones, Madison and Matthew Ray in a 2K in the desert
•Ran late after the race to an orphanage appointment that we had set up to visit so I had to change in the back seat of a friend’s car while the crazy traffic of Egypt whizzed by!
•Arrived at the orphanage only to find out that it was really a nursing home (a little break down in communication!) We still ended up visiting there for several hours with 2 Spanish speaking ladies. A man had to translate from Spanish to Arabic for me to be able to understand! (go figure...in the middle of Egypt?!?)check out the pics on our family blog www.thedunavants.blogspot.com
•Took our guest to a famous tourist shopping area until 1 am.
•Began research on possible school options for expat children in our city.
•Located a costume for a play for Meredith’s school at the last minute.
(In the next two days we still have to make a visit to Garbage City, the Pyramids, the Citadel and have another meeting! :)

All of the above was added to the regular busy life of taking our children to and from school in taxi’s, working on homework with our oldest, working hard in seemingly endless hours of language lessons, shopping at the outside market for fresh fruits and veggies, taking time here and there to study our Arabic, stretching our brain to speak and understand the Arabic on the streets, giving our youngest baths and bedtime stories, cooking or organizing meals for my family, endless laundry, cleaning up the gazillion messes that come with having little ones, and finally taking time to sit at Jesus’ feet!

I say "finally" in that last paragraph to be very real and transparent with you. When life is crazy and requires so much of my time and energy, it is so easy to NOT sit at the feet of Jesus and be a Martha! This has always been the hardest thing about parenting to me since becoming a mom. I have found if I don’t sit at HIS feet regularly, then it just makes me useless as a wife, mom and the rest of who HE has called me to be! It is work to set aside that time with Jesus but when I do, I rest in HIM!!



Rest in HIM with me ladies! Mommying takes a balancing act at times but we must be determined to Sit at HIS feet!!! I am going to right now!

O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water. Ps. 63:1

The Hardest Thing About Parenting This Week

Being that Laney is 16 months and three weeks old this week, AND being that I just started a temporary long-term sub position until the beginning of June, I'm finding it difficult to keep fresh goods in the house, so as to prepare nutritious meals for Laney, as well as for my husband and myself. I'm talking more on the lines of steaming my carrots, making my yogurt and soon making my own bread. Thankfully, by the time my grain comes in, I will only have two weeks left of my sub position. These things require more time in the kitchen, but are the best things I can give my family. My heart really goes out to working Moms. I've learned so much in this temp job. My ultimate plan is to plan a meal out for the whole month, making week one, match week three and week two, match week four. I have been insipired by two friends of mine, Gi and Beth. They are really good at this, and I hope to master this as well. Granted, they aren't working a part-time job at the same time, but I could be WAY more organized than I am concerning preparing food for my family.

I'm also trying to read up in my new book, "Nourishing Traditions" and just haven't found a lot of time lately. I'm in one of those "reading" moods all the time and always end the day with trying to squeeze even a page or two in while laying in bed with tooth picks holding my eye lids open. It's a recipe book, but the first sixty-five pages are packed full of unbelievable information that's vital for me to learn how to change my old habits into nutritious and life-giving habits for my family.

To put more focus on Laney, the hardest thing has been leading her well in the area of trasitioning from one thing to the next. She's at the age where she has preferences now and wants to express herself. One story comes to mind. When we are running errands or if I take her from playing outside to putting her into the car seat, she has an absolute throw down, with screaming, a stiff body and an arched back to accompany. This doesn't happen all the time, but enough for me to realize its frequent occurence. As her Mommy, I'd like to spend more time teaching her about transitioning from one thing to the next. Of course, when I see her temper tandrum, I think of how to discipline in the moment, which is necessary, but ideally I'd like to invest some time on preventative measures. As a teacher, I tell my students, "Class, you have five more minutes until clean up." I give them a head's up as to what to expect. But I have not done a good job in doing the same with Laney. To her, these transitions are so abrupt and cruel, for I immediately take her away from what she loves with no ease of transition. She's not thinking about having to be at church in fifteen minutes or not missing a flight. It sounds so logical to me, and I immediately think of how she shouldn't be responding the way she does in these moments. Granted, she should obey no matter what, but I would like to seize those teachable moments to help her obey. Am I leading her well? That's I know I need to invest more time in this area. I really want to do my best to lead her and help her understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. Being that she's almost 17 months, I think I could start some cue words to help her prepare herself to leave or "change the scenery". Usually, it's pretty much the same words I say to my classes in a transition time. If she's old enough to express that she doesn't want me to take her away from playing with the steering wheel only to be put into her car seat, then she's old enough to understand cue words.

Thanks for reading! Have a fabulous week!
goes

Struggles

Hey POH readers! (I just returned from spending six days in Georgia attending my Husband's brother's wedding Matt Papa. There was no time to blog this week and no internet access in the cabin where we lodged. But I thought about writing this post all week.)

#1 I struggle with anxious thoughts concerning feeling inadequate in protecting my children and trusting the Lord as my ultimate Protector. About a month and a half ago, I started having nightmares about Laney's safety, all stemming from my anxious thoughts about it throughout the day. This went on for about a week. You must know that I NEVER have nightmares, so this was pretty upsetting. I asked for prayer in my small group and really was proactive about my thoughts, really meditating on all kinds of scripture (ex: Phil 4:6-8). I am not having those anymore, but I still struggle with truly surrendering my anxious thoughts over to the Lord, where they belong.

#2 I struggle being a well-balanced woman. I try to spend my daytime hours with Laney, playing with her, talking to her, running outside, etc... and that's wonderful, but my house gets neglected and becomes a DISASTER after a few days. My stress levels then rise, and I become what I don't want to be: a tunnel-visioned, negative, nagging, furrow-browed wife instead of being the bubbly, joyful, smiling person my husband married. Being out of balance in one area will have the domino affect spilling disorganization out in every area.

#3 I struggle with honoring the Lord with the lot He's given me. I have become quite the organic lover and have such a peace of mind when I'm eating a 100% organic meal that I've prepared for my family. These are new changes in our diet that I've been trying to incorporate this past year. I am a very spontaneous person and usually thrive with challenge. Usually, but not always. When I learn of something that is beneficial for our family, for example concerning nutrition, I want to change and incorporate it overnight. Not only is that a hard and difficult task to do, but it's also hard on the wallet. We are in seminary and my husband is working his tail off to provide for us. Organic food is expensive. I struggle with accepting that we can't buy all organic no matter how wonderful it is for us and must honor the Lord within our means. The burden my husband bears in providing for our family is not nearly as heavy when I am obedient to live within our means and pick and choose the few organic things that I deem as of utmost importance. The Lord has given me my portion and my cup. There is freecom in truly accepting and living that truth out.

What I Don't Get Right...Let Me Count The Ways....

In no particular order:

1. I am more often impatient than patient. I love order and when things in life are out of order (ie..life in Egypt) I tend to become impatient with everyone and everything around me. Unfortunately, my kids often get the brunt of my impatience.

2. Many times I put my children before my husband. It is easy to reason away that children are small, needy and require mom's undivided attention 24/7. If I am to respect my husband the way God's Word teaches, then I must put my husband as first priority under my relationship with Christ. When this happens all other things fall into place. This is a constant struggle and balancing act!

3. Many times I let the small conversations and never-ending questions from my children pass me by because my mind is too busy with MY THOUGHTS. My answers are often filled with things such as, "Uh huh, yeah. Sure. We'll see. Maybe" when I know that I should be paying close attention to these precious moments that will fade quickly into history.

4. I often expect too much from my children. I expect them to be more grown up than they are and so many times it is not fair. I have to remind myself of their ages and remember they are CHILDREN.

This list is defintely not complete and the things listed are not new to this mom! These are struggles that have always been present in my parenting. Sometimes I get things right and sometimes I fall flat on my face! It is so good to know that we serve a God of grace and mercy who forgives, restores and is the perfect example for parenting!

My Struggles

This week's topic is titled "What I don't get right." We wanted to take the opportunity to open up to you all a little bit about where we struggle as moms. My hope is that this week's posts will generate a lot of discussion and prayer as we share with one another.

I think my biggest problem area would be how I relate to my husband in regards to parenting. It is my tendency to set myself and my husband up as dueling competitors instead of complimentary partners. I am given to holding grudges against my husband for "not helping enough" or "not appreciating all that I do with the kids." I get upset when he doesn't get up in the mornings and let me sleep in, or when he asks me to get Samuel's lunch together instead of doing it himself. I look for the ways he fails to serve me instead of look for opportunities to serve him. This is a really tough area because it affects both my relationship with my children and my relationship with my husband. And as all of you know, if there isn't stability in your marriage, it makes parenting that much harder. Now, I don't want to exagerate things and make you all think my marriage is falling apart or anything. It's just that I see this weak point in my life and know that it isn't a problem with my husband - it's a problem with my heart. That's a tough pill to swallow!

My other weak area would be finding joy in interacting with Samuel on a daily basis. I love my son with all my heart, and I can almost make myself cry just thinking about how much he means to me. I can reflect on things we've done together and be so happy. But a lot of times when I'm sitting on the floor with him, running the car down the ramp for the 100th time in a row, I find myself feeling really discontent and annoyed. I hate it when I am looking at the clock every 10 minutes to see if it's naptime or bedtime yet - but I catch myself doing this pretty frequently. I want to be more content as a mom and interact with Samuel with joy in my heart. I know that he can sense whether I want to be down on the floor with him. I want him to grow up knowing that I enjoy spending time with him.

Well, there is a little piece of my heart for you all to see. Please feel free to share with us this week as well. God's best to you!!

Being A Mommy

What do I think upon when the going gets tough and when I get tired or frustrated? What do I think about to encourage my Motherly heart and to remind myself of how blessed I am to be a Mother? Here are just a few things that came to my mind today.

The first sounds of Laney crying out for the comfort and warmth of her Mommy for the first time, a moment I'll never forget. I love being a Mom.

Making clothes for my little girl and seeing her wear them causes my heart to swell with love. I love providing for my daughter. I just made this dress the other day, but it wasn't 100% complete in this picture.

The priviledge of praying over my daugther. I'm thankful I can invest in her life in such a powerful, life-changing way. I love how I'm changed simply by saying just a few words.

I love watching my daugther express herself.

I love clothing my baby in cloth diapers and wool covers. She's just too cute in them!

I learn to trust the Lord and His love for me by watching how Laney trusts me and my love for her. Do I rest in the Lord like Laney is resting in our arms here?

I love seeing my daugther explore and discover new things, even in the most simple things

in life.

I love goofing off with Laney. She makes me laugh so much.

I love watching Laney get to know, talk to and love our dog Daisy. Seeing this reminds me to stop from the busyness of my day and take the time to love on others, even my dog.

I love seeing this precious smile of hers first thing in the morning.

Life doesn't get any better than when your baby falls asleep in the carrier that's strapped to you. Sweet bliss!

Double click below to see my last why "I love being a Mommy."

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

What I love about being a mommy. . .

I've never experienced joy as deep as I have in being a mother. It has deepened my relationship with the Lord so much, grown my love and adoration for my husband, and allowed my to see the world through much more colorful hues. Here are some of the reasons I love being a mommy. . .

I can try new food with my daugther or share a meal with her

We can feed elephants together and find such joy in all the amazing animals God made!

I get to watch her discover new things for the first time and experience her world with her

She falls asleep in my arms or in a sling as I carry her with me where ever I go

• How she communicates with me - whether through words, jibberish (in an entire conversation she fully understands!) or sign language
• She curls up in my lap and lets me read to her
• She waves goodnight from her crib while reaching for her stuffed elephant to go to sleep
• We play dress up together
• We dance together
• She smiles from ear to ear when I sing to her
• She wants to watch everything I do - especially in the kitchen
• She climbs up into my arms and gives me a kiss
• She runs around and plays with a big smile and loud giggles and squeels
• I can put her hair in pigtails
• God teaches me about His amazing love for us through my little girl

Please continue sharing the reasons you love being a mom. What a fun and encouraging topic this week is!

My favorite Mom moments

I like the approach Christina took for this week, so I will follow suit. Here are some of my favorite Mom moments that make me so thankful to be a Mom.

-When Samuel wakes up in the morning or after his nap, he sits in his crib and plays until someone comes and gets him. I love to vary my approach to picking him up - sometimes I burst into the room, other times I sneak in and see how long it takes him to notice me. Every time, though, he always greets me with a great big grin.

-When I sit on the couch and pull up my shirt to expose my big pregnant belly, Samuel will sit beside me and lay his head on my tummy. It is so sweet.

-Now whenever I read a passage of Scripture that describes God as our Father, I have such a deeper appreciation for His relationship with me. To know that the way I relate to Samuel as a parent to a child is the same, yet completely incomplete when compared with God, it totally humbles me and makes me so grateful for His love.

-Samuel has started talking and signing more. It makes my day when he communicates with me in these ways.

-Being a mom has given me a totally new way to relate to others. I love to meet other moms and talk about all that our children are learning and all that they are teaching us as well.

-It amazes me how Samuel can be totally obsessed with the same book or same toy for weeks at a time. I find myself getting annoyed at it, but then I think how funny it is that he could be so attached to such a silly thing and I just relax and enjoy the moment.

-Being a mom has deepened my relationship with my husband as well. We find ourselves laughing about something that Samuel said or did during the day and just stop to thank God for the blessing of children. We've learned how to be better partners in life and how to encourage each other more.

Please continue to share why you love being a mom - we love to hear all about you!

I love being a Mom when...

This week's topic is very open ended and we'd love you all to share with us why YOU love being a Mom! I have had a difficult time summing this up and picking a reason to focus on. I decided to make a list and just go with that. So here it is, "I love being a Mom when..."

-my son calls out for "Mama"

-he runs to me for comfort when he unsure of something

-he looks directly into my eyes and has a conversation with me, all in jibberish and none of which I can understand. But I know he can!

-he learns a new word and way to communicate something with me

-I see him climb into his rocking chair with his Bible and sit for five minutes just "reading"

-I hear him say "thank you Jesus" and fold his hands to pray before a meal

-he bows his head at night while we say our prayers

-I realize all the Lord has taught me in the last 20 months of being a Mom.

-I look forward to all that He is going to teach me through being a Mom of two!




What are the times when YOU love being a Mom?