A spin on our toddler bed

A year and  half ago, I bought an antique head/footboard from a lady in North Carolina. She had cut the legs off of this bed and didn’t have any side rails to go with the bed. That was fine with me because, I  wanted to make a bench out of it.  However, after cherishing its antiquity and doting over the detail in this bed, I could NOT entertain the thought of taking it apart and making a bench.

Plan B was now to make a toddler bed out of it.  My baby was just 10 months old at the time, so I knew I had to hold onto it for a while.

When we moved, I toted it with me. DH tried to get me to get rid of it, and I looked at him like he had two heads. This bed was a work of art in my mind. I had great plans for it, and wasn’t going to keep it stashed in the garage forever.  I just had to wait for the right time.

Well, today was the day! The right time had come, now that little bits was in need of a toddler bed.  I wanted to use both the headboard and footboard and assemble the bed to look just as it would if I had a big, full mattress in the bed, but use a crib mattress instead. My handyman hubby did a great job building a foundation for the crib mattress to sit on, since we didn’t have side rails.

Can I just say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the bed came out?

Ta-dah!

We have to do a little bit more work on the bed on the sides to keep the mattress from scooting, as well as keep her from scooting upward in her sleep.  I just love it!  When she outgrows this bed, which won’t be too long, we’ll keep it in the girls’ room as a reading couch for them or put an   actual full mattress in the bed instead of a crib mattress.  They will love making forts/tents from the bed posts.

Can you tell the girls just love it? Big Sis wanted to sleep in it too tonight. She also loved jumping off the bed onto the floor in a “geronimo-style” fashion, like doing a "can-opener" onto carpet. Little Bits likes to go down the white stairs on the right, but I’m sure she’ll be jumping before I can blink.  We both laid down in her new toddler bed tonight at bedtime. Her smile couldn’t have gotten any bigger. Just melts my heart. I had thought about the girls sharing a bed at one time, but a full bed seemed a bit small for both of them, since they are both rambunctious sleepers, toss’n and turn’n every which way. A queen bed would probably work perfectly, but then again, I think I still like them having their own space since they share a room. Any thoughts on same gender siblings sharing a bed? I’d love to hear it!

Cold Turkey Paci Weaning - Do not try this at home!

The only experience I have for this week's topic is weaning Will from his pacifier. My kids have never had any other blankets or stuffed animals that they are majorly attached to. They go through phases and we're always sure to limit how many "things" they require for sleep times. So nothing has stuck in that area! But, little Will sure loved his paci. This is what I wrote the week of January 19th, 2008. He was 19 months old when we took his paci away. Disclaimer: I do not recommend our method of paci weaning. See my notes at the bottom, also in red.

Jacob and I decided a while ago that we really wanted to wean Will of his pacifier before baby #2 comes along. Ever since about 10 months old - he has never used his paci outside of his crib for naps and bedtime. (Sometimes he would if we were out of the house during a "sleep time" such as traveling and such...) He knows the crib is where it stays and dutifully would throw it in the crib after waking each time. Lately, he had been waking up a lot at night and not being able to find a paci. We had developed a bad habit of going in to find it for him and I just didn't want to have to worry about having TWO waking in the middle of the night. So this definitely fueled our decision to the kick the habit now instead of later.

I knew I wanted him to be rid of it by age 2 (this June) but we had a lot of changes coming that just wouldn't allow for an easy transition off the paci. The baby coming...possibly moving...getting into a toddler bed...would all happen before or around age 2. So, at the suggestion of my friend Mary, we decided MLK weekend would be a great time to drop the paci! We actually have four days at home with him because Jacob will stay home with him this Tuesday for a regular "Dad day."

We got a good nights sleep last night and Will enjoyed his final night with his paci. We didn't really do anything to prep him because I'm not sure he would have understood. Instead, we went cold turkey with this morning's nap. He kept asking for his "bapa" (completely new word for paci that we have never heard before today...probably because he's never had to ask for it!) and searching his crib. He pretty much cried (not wailing - just whining and protesting) off and on throughout the whole nap. The only time he wasn't crying was when Copper the cat got locked in his room. He thought that was hysterical! But got mad again when I had to go and let her out.

Oh - we did try to do the whole "broken paci" thing and cut off the tip. Jacob said to Will..."There's been a terrible accident." (I thought that was kind of mean...) But seeing the "broken" paci only made him more mad. So we just took it away before his first nap without the paci.

He only cried for about 20 minutes off and on before falling asleep at his second nap around 1pm. He has woken up twice since then and cried for a few minutes but then fell back asleep. As of 3:45 he's still sleeping!

I feel like we're sleep training all over again and it kind of motivates me to maybe drop the paci sooner with #2. I definitely think Will was not this attached to his paci even 6 months ago. We're hopeful that tonight will be relatively easy and that tomorrow he'll be over it. He's always been such a GREAT sleeper that we're pretty certain he'll get over this quickly. But...It's still so pitiful to hear him crying for his paci and not knowing what to do with himself.

The next day's update:

Saturday Bedtime: He didn't even ask for his "bapa" but he did try to ask for extra hugs. He also cried for maybe 5 minutes before calming down and eventually conking out. He slept completely through the night and didn't wake up until 7:45!

Sunday Morning Nap: This one really can barely be called a nap anymore. Especially without the paci - I think he'll have a hard time falling asleep in the morning because he is not always tired enough. We are pretty much letting it be quiet time in the crib. I think because I gave him books to read, he didn't think twice about the paci. He stayed quiet in his crib for almost an hour, just reading books. He was in a great mood this morning.

Sunday Afternoon Nap: No tears! Still lots of begging for extra hugs, but no tears when I put him down. However...he is really fighting sleep and after an HOUR of talking and playing we had to go in and turn on his sound machine. The sound of the waves was all it took before he conked out. I think he doesn't have a way to soothe himself to sleep without the paci, especially for naps. He slept for a little over an hour before waking up and has been whining off an on for about 20 minutes now. He REALLY needs more sleep than just an hour nap...I don't know what we're going to do!! Oh and the waves are still going - they just aren't getting him back to sleep this time.

My current thoughts are that bedtime is going to be easy, but naps are different story. Hopefully that will improve or we'll have a grumpy boy pretty soon!

Update one week later:

This week has been rough for Will. He seems to be sleeping GREAT at night, but daytime sleep is still a battle. He did pretty good at the sitters on Wednesday, but not on Thursday. He also didn't do well for Gigi and Grandy on Friday. Both Thursday and Friday he fussed most of his 2nd nap and probably only slept for about an hour each day.

This morning he fell asleep during his first "nap" but we only let him stay in his crib for about an hour. He went down around 12:45 (with lots of pitiful protest tears) and cried for about 10 minutes before conking out. He's still asleep now and we hope he sleeps for a LONG time today to catch up.

I'm still not convinced the sleep battles are all paci related. I think sleep has been difficult for four reasons:

1. No paci is definitely part of it.

2. Teething. I thought all of his molars were in, but there is one that is still working through the gums. On top of that, his bottom eye teeth (the pointy ones - what are they called?) are just starting to show signs of appearing. He has indicated to us during meals that his teeth hurt several times recently. So I think this is probably 50% of our problem. We have tried some regular Tylenol the past day or so to see if this helps.

3. Dropping the morning nap. He's definitely in that in between time where he could sometimes use the morning sleep, but most of the time it just makes his 2nd nap poor. I think its going to take a while for his sleep schedule to even out without the actual sleep in the morning. I'm certain that we'll at least maintain the quiet time with books in the morning until the new baby is on a decent schedule. If for no other reason than my sanity!

4. Typical 19 month old rebellion. I've heard of a lot of other kids going through a phase of sleep rebellion around 18 months or so. For this reason - he is just going to have work through this and learn that nap time is going to last at least 2 hours whether he sleeps or not!

The pacifiers are still packed away and will meet the trash can once I decide that they're too gross to use for #2. :)

My thoughts more than two years later...

-Adeline NEVER took a paci as an infant. When she was about 16 (?) months old, she found one and instantly fell in love. However, I never let her take them to bed. (Completely opposite than I did with Will - Ha!) Weaning will be simple. If she doesn't see them, she doesn't ask. She's not really attached.

-If I have to wean a child from a serious paci addiction in the future - I won't use the cold turkey method. Don't recommend it. Especially not when your child is in the process of dropping the morning nap and teething. We really decided on a whim and jumped in without a plan. BAD idea.

Anyone else have any tips for weaning from these comfort items?

Ditching the Pacifier the Payneful Way

Here is the blog entry I posted in November 2008 when Samuel gave up the pacifier at 2 years and 3 months...


So long, farewell, aufwerdersein (ha, ha - I have no idea how to spell that word!! and I'm too lazy to google it), goodbye...

The pacifiers are G-O-N-E!! I finally got fed up enough with them and told Ed, "that's it. let's get rid of them." So we laid Samuel down for his nap today without them. Here's the exchange:

Sam: Pacis. Pacis.
Me: Sorry, no more pacis. They're all gone.
Sam: All gone?
Me: Yep. Go nigh-night with Bear and Baa and Kitty (his three stuffed friends featured in the photo above).
Sam: Pacis.
Me: Tell Kitty, sorry, no more pacis.
He got up out of his bed two times and I put him down where he stayed and cried for 30 minutes. Then he got up and went into the bathroom. I thought he was pulling my chain as an excuse to get out of bed, but oops, he had gone number two in his undies! We cleaned him up and he laid back down to finish his nap with no tears.

Flash forward to later this afternoon. We are playing around in the bathroom.

Sam: Pacis. Pacis.
Me: Sorry, remember, pacis are all gone.
Sam: Sorry, Kitty, pacis all done.
No tears.

Bedtime.

Sam: Pacis.
Me: Sorry, pacis are all done. Go nigh-night with Bear and Baa. Oops, we left Kitty at Dustin's house. We'll see him in the morning. (Dumb me!! I forgot the stupid cat at the neighbors' house!)
I close the door and stand outside to see what will happen. I hear...
Sam: Kitty? Where are you Kitty? Kitty?
Break my heart!! I ran down to the neighbors and got the cat back.
Me: Here's Kitty Samuel.
Sam: Sorry, Kitty, pacis all done. Here Kitty, lay right here.

And that's it!! We'll see how tomorrow goes, but I am doing a little victory dance tonight!!

Here's a video I made yesterday that made me realize how much we needed to ditch those stupid pacifiers.

Paci-free

I am posting this for Hollie who is currently without internet access. It's too good not to share, so I told her I'd copy a post on her family blog about how she was able to finally call Laney "paci-free."

I can't believe I am even able to type the words "paci-free" when referring to Laney, but indeed she is. I really didn't think it would be possible to pry that paci out of Laney's mouth for good without some serious gnashing of teeth. I have longed for this day, and I'm happy to say that there was no gnashing of teeth.

How did we wean her from the paci? Easy. My friend Stacey and an author from Prayer of Hannah gave me great advice. Simply cut the paci vertically from the end of the paci ( not cutting off the end, but just making a vertical slit in the paci). The paci will still look the same, but they will know something is different.




Laney was old enough to know, after putting the paci in her mouth and then examining it, that it didn't look the same because it now had a cut in it. She looked at it and said, "I need a new one. It's broken." I just told her, "Let's put it back in your mouth and go nite-nite Laney." So, she did, but the desire for her paci just wasn't the same. For two-to-three days she kept that paci loosely in her mouth. We'd go and take it out of her mouth after she was asleep. (FYI: Laney only used the paci during sleep hours, not during awake time.) Within those two-to-three days, she would complain that it was "too big" because it wouldn't stay in her mouth. She never screamed or seemed really upset that it wasn't meeting her need to soothe her to sleep. It was just different. By me still giving her the paci at bedtime for those few days and her deciding it just wasn't "cutting it" anymore, we didn't seem like the bad guys taking away her beloved paci she's had all her life.

Day three: I didn't give her the paci at all, for she fell asleep faster than lightening due to the fact that she didn't have a nap that day.

Day four: I told Hugh about her not even having the paci the night before. He encouraged me to not mention it at all, unless she asked for it. Come to find out, she didn't ask for it that night. Hugh and I were FLOORED. FLOORED! She did request the paci at bedtime that night, but I distracted her with the books we were reading.

**One thing that I would advise the parents who want to use the method is to try giving something for your child to physically hold onto, whether it be a blanket, new stuffed animal, etc.. Coincidentally, during this week, Laney found a few of her baby blankets (as I was getting the nursery ready) that she totally remembered were hers from infancy. It was as if she fell in love with them and wanted to carry one particular one from room to room. When she went to bed at night, she wanted it close by. So, I jumped at that opportunity to fill that desire for something and tried to mention her blankie at bedtime. I'm fine with her having a blankie until she's thirty even, if she truly wants it, just not a paci.

The rest is history my friends. She hasn't asked for it since, and we haven't mentioned it. I was in prayer over this weaning process while we were going through it. It's definitely a HUGE answer to prayer. H-U-G-E. I'm so thankful that this is behind us and it wasn't even a painful process.

Starting Solids and Weaning

Did you realize that when you begin giving your baby solids this is considered the beginning stages of weaning? That made me sad when I learned this in one of my courses, but I guess it really is true. . . although "weaning" could still be year(s) away!

I first wrote about this topic a little over two years ago. I don't want to recreate the wheel and think the advice I wrote there is still what I'd say today. Since I've been able to breastfeed my children, I've found figuring out when to introduce solids to be challenging (since I wanted their primary nutrition to be breastmilk the first year). With Lydia, I felt pressure from everyone - family back home and friends where we live - to feed her, and feed her early. Even when I started trying to feed her (around 7 1/2 months), though, she never really cared much for it until pretty close to a year. I went back and re-read my advice when I was thinking of starting solids with the boys and then decided to wait a little longer (they just seemed so small!!. . .well, they were, but, little did I know, one was also READY).

I started solids with the boys at 8 1/2 months. The only reason really that I started solids was that they had increased the number of times they were nursing a day from 6 to anywhere between 8-10 each. While I do love nursing, I also vividly remember several occasions where I just felt like a cow. Since by adjusted age they were still under 7 months and they really didn't show other readiness signs, I really didn't think introducing food would solve my problem. But, in stark contrast from Lydia, Luke loved food from the first time the spoon hit his mouth. (James was more like Lydia and it took a couple more months for him to start eating.) The second neat thing happened (in addition to me no longer having to nurse so much) was their growth curve shot straight up. While my boys are small (they are 13 months old and 17.5 pounds for example) they had always followed THEIR growth curve, which is really all that matters. But when I introduced food their chart almost went straight up!

Other advice I had written to myself with Lydia was not to make batches of baby food to freeze. Rather, do simple things I could mash easily and try to give her what we're eating. This was very hard to do with the boys. Pretty early on, they started eating a large quantity. And, James had a gag reflex (this is totally undiagnosed but I do think he had some low muscle tone issues) and his food had to be the consistency of yogurt if he was going to eat it - definitely not as simple as mashing it with a fork. And Luke really liked food this consistency as well. About this time, my brother sent me the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever gotten me - a BEABA Babycook. (I will talk about this more on our featured products week coming up next month.) Suffice it to say, it has made cooking for my boys SO.MUCH.EASIER.

So, here's a couple more links and thoughts. I found this baby food book and have thoroughly enjoyed it: Simply Natural Baby Food by Cathe Olson.

I am, again, SO thankful I gave my children cultured dairy (plain, whole milk yogurt/kefir/buttermilk) early on so they would develop a love for this nutritious food. All of my children love plain yogurt and kefir.

I like Dr. Jack Newman's article on introducing solids although one point he says is just to let your child try whatever is on your plate. Of course, you all know me with nutrition. . . I agree, as long as it's healthy :).

Happy feeding babies!

Transitioning from 1 to 2 (to 3) with our friend Erica

Erica is Leah's good friend. She is wife to Peter and mom to Malachi (age 5), Kayleigh (age 4), and Selah (age 3). She is a Mary Kay consultant and runs an awesome home photography business. M & K are the same age for about a week! And S isn't far behind! She just started homeschooling this year and has loved the one on one time with her oldest child that she hasn't really been able to enjoy before. Candles, Hot Tea, and her Bible get her through the day.
Here's her take:

1. How old was your first child when you got pregnant with your second?
8 weeks old I believe.

2. Why did you choose to have another child?
We were planning to eventually... key word... PLANNING. But God's plan was different. He planned sooner. And I'm ok with that. :)

3. What was harder about adding a second child than you thought?
My eldest knew when it was difficult for me to watch him (like when I was nursing) and he would do things he knew he shouldn't. I had to balance disciplining and a newborn.

4. How did you prepare your older child for their new sibling?
He was under a year. I needed the preparing. :)

5. What was easier?
Having the 3rd child!! (No, seriously... I don't now why... it's just true)

6. Where has your second child slept since joining the family? (i.e. your room, sharing a room with sibling, own room) As a newborn we co-slept. Now all 3 sleep in the same room together. [Side note here by Leah, since Erica didn't elaborate: All three kids share a room. There is a set of bunk beds and a pile of pillows and blankets in the room. She says good night to them and shuts the door. They are allowed to sleep wherever/whenever/however they want. She says many nights there is all sorts of silliness going on in there, but they eventually settle down. Most often they all sleep on the floor together.]

7. Would you have another baby that distance in age?
It was the hardest 3 years of my life and I cried a lot. And know I see them play and LOVE it. I ABSOLUTELY WOULD.

8. Do you have any advice to share with others about transitioning from 1 to 2 children?
Know that it is hard and don't feel guilty if you don't LOVE it all the time. It's ok and normal to feel that way. Pray about it and pray about and pray about it. God will turn it into joy.

Two Kids, One Room

Thanks so much to the ladies of Prayer of Hannah for letting me tell my story! Please feel free to ask me any questions—I would be more than happy to share what little I know ~Leah Finn

When my husband Nathan and I bought our home, one of the selling points was a large bonus room over the garage. The family who had lived in our home used it as a bedroom for two of their children, and that was always our ‘eventual goal’. Two years ago, though, I was pregnant with my second child (our children are 23 months apart—Georgia is 3 and Baxter is 17 months right now), so we made the bonus room our guest room/office/general junk room. Once every six months or so, we would walk into the room, look around, and plan what we ‘really’ wanted to do with it. And it changed every time. Our eventual goal was to put our children in the room, but they were just too small, and we thought we would wait until we had two of each gender…so we kept telling ourselves.

Last fall, I started thinking about the possibility of moving my kids into the bonus room together. The timing wasn’t right, though, because Baxter, my youngest, was waking up at inconsistent times in the morning. Every time I thought “Hey, they could share a room,” he would wake up at 5:30 in the morning, and I would say “nevermind—I can’t have both up at that time.” When Baxter was 14 months old, I weaned him, and his wake up times immediately stabilized, going from very erratic to almost always waking up between 6:45 and 7:15. At the same time, I was getting very tired of their toys overriding my living room and spilling out everywhere. Since they had separate rooms, most of their toys were in the living room just for ease of access, and I was READY to get them in a central place.

As Nathan and I talked about it, we both felt that the kids were ready to be sharing a room. Since we spend 8 days visiting our families over Christmas, we planned for B and G to share a room while we traveled as kind of a ‘test run.’ We drilled into Georgia that she was sharing a room with Baxter, that it was going to be lots of fun, that Baxter might cry, but that it would be okay. And the first night we were out of town—they did great! Baxter cried, Georgia told him “It’s okay, Baxter”, and they both settled down. The second night out of town, they talked and played and squealed at each other for a while, but eventually settled down. One night, one of the kids woke up screaming, and we had to comfort both children, but it worked out. After our time out of town, and the overall good experience that it was, we decided to make the big switch at our home.

A couple of weeks after Christmas, Nathan and I spent most of the day moving furniture and getting the kids’ room set up. G and B were thrilled with sharing a room, and with the large space they have to terrorize, I mean, play in. I am amazed at how much more they are playing together now. It is possible that Baxter has just hit a developmental stage where he is able to play more with his sister, but I truly believe that it is partly because they share a room. Nathan and I prayed a lot over this decision, and we regularly pray that the children would continue to enjoy it, to learn and grow from it. The room is large enough that at some point we could put bunk beds on one side and a single bed on the other, so it can be the kids’ room for a long time! As a side note, moving the kids into their shared room has freed up two bedrooms that we now use as a REAL guest bedroom and a study, and we love that. Should the Lord bless us with more children, we will use the guest room as a nursery until we can move the child into the big kids’ room.

Here are some nitty-gritty details for those who are curious. Georgia sleeps in a big girl bed with a rail, while Baxter sleeps across the room in a crib. We are greatly blessed in that Georgia DOES NOT get out of her bed. She stays put, sometimes screaming for Mommy and Daddy while doing it, but she stays in the bed. Both kids go to bed at night at the same time. Georgia could stay up a little later, but it is easiest to put them down together. That means there are times when they are talking, playing, singing and squealing for a while after the lights are out, but that’s okay. We rarely go in and tell them to be quiet, as we prefer for them to wind down on their own and work it out themselves if possible. Baxter normally wakes up first, and starts calling out and squealing for us. That normally wakes Georgia up, but since it is around 7 a.m., we don’t mind it. They do not nap together—Baxter naps in his room, while Georgia naps in our spare bedroom. That is just the easiest for us right now, though at some point I would love for them to nap together. We have had two or three occasions where one of the kids woke up the other one in the middle of the night, but it has not happened much. Georgia was sick one night, and though she cried out for me, her little brother did not stir when I moved her out of the room into the guest room. When I have checked on Baxter in the middle of the night, Georgia often talks to me to let me know she is awake, but if I check on her and give her a kiss, she usually falls right back asleep.

I am not an expert. My kids have only been sharing a room for 6 weeks. However, I would highly recommend room sharing if it is possible in your house! My advice: bathe the transition in prayer. Talk through all aspects of the move with your husband. Think about the entire day, not just the nighttime. Once you make the decision, talk about it with your children—a lot! Give your oldest child instructions on how to be a helper, warn them that the younger child might be upset at times, and let them know what to do when certain things happen. Make it fun and special to be sharing the room. Have them play in the room together by themselves during the day so they adjust to the space. Decorate the room to suit them (we haven’t completed that process yet, but are on the way). Allow for a trial period, and be willing to change back if that is what is best for your family. Pray pray pray that the kids would love sharing a room, and that it would be a character developing time for them.

A picture of G & B's room. I have a lot of ideas for decorating, but haven't implemented them yet. Right now the important stuff is G on one side, B on the other, toys in the middle!


The cuties who live in the room

Round Two: Transitioning to Two Kids

Hi, POH readers! It is a pleasure to be a guest author again! The topic of transitioning from one child to two children is one that is my reality right now. My older son Noah is three, and my baby Gabe is two months old. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure:

Gabe was born roughly a month before Noah turned three, so they are almost three years apart. I have to say that having two kids has made me wonder what I thought was so hard about having one! Haha! I feel like we are still in survival mode a lot of days, so here are my brutally honest thoughts, fresh from the trenches . . . in list form as my brain is still not functioning in complete thoughts.


Why we chose this age gap:

*Noah was not an easy baby at first. I was gun-shy.

*We have to use fertility treatment to have children. It’s a long story, but we had to be able to afford the procedures and medications. Even if we had endless money, I still think we would’ve waited due to my previous statement.

The pro’s of a three-year age gap:

*Noah is old enough to be independent with certain things and can help out with basic baby tasks.

*My body had a nice little break between pregnancies.

*We had a short break from diapers before starting back up again.

*We had all major transitions out of the way before baby arrived: moving to a twin bed, potty-training, etc.

*As a three-year-old, Noah has a longer attention span with toys and can occupy himself while I’m busy with baby.

*Hearing what Noah has to say to and about his brother is so special. His prayers for his brother are ones that I will treasure forever!

The con’s of this age gap:

*We had gotten used to some freedom with the predictable schedule of a pre-schooler, and it has been challenging to revert back to living life in three-hour cycles.

*Noah’s independence and ability to help can be overwhelming at times. He gets his feelings hurt sometimes if I don’t want him to help or if I don’t have time for him to do something (ie get dressed) all by himself.

*Due to Noah’s activities, he brings in germs from other kids. We are currently battling a cold and double ear infections with Gabe courtesy of pre-school.

How we prepared Noah:

*We did all the typical stuff: read books about being a big brother, talked about the baby, etc.

*We visited a friend who had a newborn. This actually made a big impression on Noah—he saw basic baby care taking place, and we used that as a point reference.

*We started “forcing” independence during my last trimester, mainly with play. We have a split level home, and Noah’s play area is downstairs. I would say, “Mommy is going to be upstairs for a while. You can stay down here and play.” It took a few weeks before he would stay down there longer than five minutes, but I’m glad we encouraged independent play before Gabe arrived on the scene.

*Noah and I have a special dialogue, and it goes something like this:

Me: Noah, you know that you’re my special boy.

Noah: Yes!

Me: Why are you Mommy’s special boy?

Noah: I mommy's first baby!

If we’ve had a particularly hectic few hours focused on the baby, we go through this several times. It always makes us both smile!

*We looked at Noah’s baby book and showed him videos of himself as a baby. He loved it!

What we should’ve done:

*I wish we had taught him to be totally independent with the potty before Gabe came home. He was totally potty-trained three months before Gabe got here, but he would always request help getting his pants up and down, climbing up on the potty, etc. He now can do it because he had to, but we've had some issues with appropriate bathroom behavior since he's been unsupervised in there at times:

.

*I wish we had taught him to be totally independent with eating. He can use a fork and spoon just fine, but we got into a habit of “helping” him eat.

Challenges we are facing:

*Noah knows that if we are feeding Gabe, he can get away with a lot more. Thus, he tests boundaries more when we are indisposed. We’ve had to really tighten the reins on enforcing first-time obedience.

*We were surprised by the lack of patience we suddenly had with Noah. Being sleep-deprived and riding the hormonal roller coaster back to normal have been challenging. I’ve been praying for patience A LOT and would appreciate your prayers as well!

*Mommy-guilt! I feel so guilty sometimes that I just don’t have the time I used to with only Noah. I feel guilty that Noah watches way more TV than he used to. I feel guilty that Gabe has had to cry so I can deal with Noah. I feel guilty when Noah is telling me he’s thirsty so politely and I can’t stop and fill his cup. I feel guilty for wanting to go back to work early just to escape, etc.

*Making time for our marriage.

What has been easier this time around:

*Recovering from delivery has been a lot easier.

*I feel much more relaxed because I knew what to expect and that there is an end to the craziness. Right???

*Crying doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I know all the “tricks” to soothe a baby and don’t feel as lost.

*Leaving Gabe with someone else doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I used to have anxiety about leaving Noah, even with grandparents. I was always worried if he was fussy, eating well, etc.

*I feel like I can enjoy the baby more. I know how quickly they grow up!

What has been harder this time around:

*It’s not possible to “sleep when the baby sleeps”.

*LAUNDRY! Oh, it never seems to end, especially since Gabe has reflux and both of us are changing clothes several times a day.

*Gabe is a different kid with different issues—reflux and diaper rash are two issues we never dealt with before, and it’s been hard just because it’s new to us. He is also not as good of a sleeper as Noah was, so that’s challenging.

Advice I have:

*PRAY!!! Breathe deeply. Pray.

*Encourage independence in your older child before baby arrives—as much as is developmentally appropriate, of course.

*Try to take your older child somewhere with only you in those first few weeks. I took Noah to Target with me for an hour and let him have popcorn and lemonade while we walked around. It was good for both of us!

*Tell your husband specific ways he can help. Most men are willing to help but cannot always intuit what needs to be done.

*Never turn down offers for help, whether it’s a meal or someone taking your older child for a few hours.

*Ask for help. I wish I had asked for help when my husband came down with pneumonia, and I was in charge of two kids completely by myself for 48 hours. I have never been more stressed and tired, and I should’ve called someone to help me!

*Make meals ahead of time. The most stressful times for me have been when Noah’s lunch/dinner time rolls around, and I have nothing prepared and can’t prepare anything because Gabe is still eating. I’m a strong schedule person, so that’s a big stressor for me!

*Invest in a sling or a carrier of some sort so you can wear your baby and multi-task. This has been a life-saver!

*Get any problem behaviors under control before baby comes along. First-time obedience is key—you will not have the patience or the time to negotiate when your baby is screaming. While we don’t have this issue, if you’re having any issues with sleep or bedtime, I could see how that would add a ton of stress.



I hope this post hasn’t been too negative. Like I said, we are in still in the thick of things and are still learning how to juggle everything. Please feel free to comment and share your own experiences, encouragements, and tips on transitioning to more children!

Transitioning from 1 to 2 from our friend Jessica

Jessica lives in Wake Forest with her husband, Rusty, and her two kiddos, Andrew (22 months), and Judah (12 weeks). She is a seminary wife/stay-at-home mom. She has lots of college credits, but no degrees. She loves being a mom even though she's never considered herself a "kid person".

1. How old was your first child when you got pregnant with your second?
11 months


2. Why did you choose to have another child?
We had a really hard time getting pregnant with Andrew, so we decided not to prevent a second. I never wanted to have an only child because of how much having a sibling made me who I am today. my sister is my best friend and I want that for my children. I maybe didn't plan on them being 19 months apart, but that's the way the cards fell.

3. What was harder about adding a second child than you thought?
The fact that I am now feeding someone at all times of the day. I can't seem to find a moment to eat, myself because between nursing Judah, feeding my almost two year old, Andrew, and my husband who works weird hours... I feel as though I am constantly sticking food in someone's face, just not my own.


4. How did you prepare your older child for their new sibling?
We tried to explain that there was a baby inside my gigantic belly, but he was really just too young to get it. So honestly we didn't do much preparation for him at all.


5. What was easier?
I was suprised at how much I can do with two on my lap. I have found that I can nurse Judah and still read a book to Andrew. I think I just really expected there to be more neglect towards Andrew, but it hasn't had to be that way at all.


6. Where has your second child slept since joining the family?
Judah spent his first 10 weeks in a bassinet in our room, but has spent the last two in a crib in Andrew's room. I will put Andrew down at 8 o'clock, nurse Judah at 8:30, put him down at 9-9:30 in the boys' room, then go get him at about 6AM before Andrew wakes up to feed him. I'm not even sure Andrew knows Judah's been in there at all.


7. Would you have another baby that distance in age?
NO! If I had it all to do over again I would still have these two this close, but I pray big time that the space between #2 and #3 is a tad bit greater. Having two this close together has led to some lasting health concerns that would only get considerably worse if I was to get pregnant 8 months from now.

8. Do you have any advice to share with others about transitioning from 1 to 2 children?
Only this: Your lap is bigger than you think. I'm certain that Andrew has never felt threatened by the addition of Judah because he is rarely kicked off my lap to be replaced by Judah. I work really hard at that. It has paid off in kindness and affection that is seemingly unnatural for a toddler. I know that being touched all day long is exausting so take a long hot shower all by your lonesome when the hubby gets home.

Transitioning from 1 to 2 from our friend Melissa

Melissa lives in Wake Forest with her husband and two babies, Vaden (23 months) and Cana (8.5 months). She is a photographer, loves Real Simple magazine and chocolate chip cookies. She recently graduated with a BA in biblical studies and history that she'd started on 7 years ago.

1. How old was your first child when you got pregnant with your second?
My first child, Vaden, was six months old when I found out I was pregnant with my second, Cana. She was a big surprise, in fact. We did natural family planning, and according to my first temperature of the morning, I thought I was 4 days past ovulation when I actually wasn't...

2. Why did you choose to have another child?
We are not pro-chemical birth control methods and so opted for more natural methods, however, when you're nursing, you can't rely on the temperatures to be accurate. There are two other ways to check your fertility-- which may be TMI, but you can check your cervix (which is different post-childbirth than it is pre-kids) and your mucus patterns, which is also influenced by nursing. Needless to say, natural methods are a little tricky when you've only had one baby and haven't adjusted to what your body is doing yet. I've learned a little more about this now. For more on natural methods of birth control I recommend Toni Weschler's book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It taught me so much about how my body works.

3. What was harder about adding a second child than you thought?
One hard thing about having a second child so soon was that my milk dried up for nursing Vaden. That's actually how I found out I was pregnant--he started crying at the breast a lot and acting like he wanted more. After doing a little online research, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. We had to put him on formula for a few months since he started losing weight (went from 90% to 25% growth curve), but he transitioned really well in the end, and weaning him was obviously a cinch.

Another hard thing is getting them in and out of the house to the car to the store and back. When we brought Cana home from the hospital Vaden was not quite 15 months, and not quite walking. Now that Vaden walks it's a little easier, but that is still the toughest part of the day for me. In and out and in and out.

The hardest thing was probably overall, the first 3 months with the new baby. She wanted to eat every two hours, I was exhausted and still recovering, my husband was working, and Vaden still wanted life as usual-- eating, playing, napping, holding him, helping him learn to walk, etc, and I still had a house to take care of and schoolwork to do. (Yes, I know I was crazy. But I graduated and I am done.)

4. How did you prepare your older child for their new sibling?
We talked about the baby in mama's belly everyday the last two months in little ways. "No, buddy, be careful, don't hit the baby." Or "Where's mama? Where's Papa? Where's the baby?"

5. What was easier?
Vaden adjusted so well-- I mean, he knew the day she came home that she was the baby and never once looked to my belly for the baby again. He loves her and she thinks the world of him. I thought it would be a little tougher since they are so close in age, but I think their age gap makes it easier in some ways. (Once you get past the first three months.)

6. Where has your second child slept since joining the family?
We have a two bedroom apartment, but Cana slept in a co-sleeper attached to my bed for the first 5 months. Why so long? Well, it was easier for us because she still woke up once at night and being that we live in an apartment complex, we didn't want to have two screaming babies in the middle of the night and neighbors complaining. Once she was 5 months old, I felt pretty confident in her ability to sleep through the night and moved her into her crib in Vaden's room. The cribs are on opposite sides of the room so he cannot throw stuff in on her, and overall, it has gone well. For a couple of months they even napped at the same times. Now, however, their naps are off, and I find I am putting Cana to nap in my room sometimes just to be sure that they each get a nap.

7. Would you have another baby that distance in age?
Well....yes and no. Having two babies not quite fifteen months apart physically took a toll on me, so I don't know that I would prefer getting pregnant that close again. I do love their age gap for their sake though, and can't imagine it differently for them. It sometimes feels like twins. I just hope I have longer to recuperate before we have another. On the plus side, whenever we do have more I will have two helpers and not be alone with two babies!

8. Do you have any advice to share with others about transitioning from 1 to 2 children?
I love having two babies. I love spending time with them and learning that they are totally different people. Even though both were formed in my womb and I birthed them both, there is only so much comparison that can be done--they are uniquely created by God and there's no making them the same.
For those transitioning from one to two babies, I say it helps to take your first, best time of the day for a quiet time with the Lord, by yourself. Whenever that is.

Sometimes, you can fall into self-focused feelings that you are always needed and never getting anything you want, but if you take time to refresh before the Lord and realize that you're building a cathedral in these little ones, it gives the right perspective to keep on giving. As I read in an email this morning, builders of cathedrals were people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on, and this is the cure for the disease of our own self-centeredness. The antidote to our strong, stubborn pride.

·No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
·These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
·They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
·The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

Tranisitiong from 1 to 2 from our friend Dawn

Guest Author: Dawn Gunnels

I feel very honored to be asked to talk about going from one child to two children. My daughter was 20 months when I got pregnant with my son. This was a great distance in age. I would definitely recommend this age range, maybe a little more time. Then, they can still connect on so many different life experiences.

When we started thinking about number two, it almost seemed like a given. We started out saying we would have 2 – 4 children. My husband and I just decided to drop protection before we really felt it would happen, as it took quite a while before we conceived with our daughter(our first child). To our surprise, we conceived our second very quickly. Almost the instant of finding out I was pregnant, the worry and doubt began. No one really prepares you for all the questions you are having when thinking about adding on to your family. Pregnancy was a gift and an exciting and wonderful miracle to experience, but it seemed like it was filled with one physical issue to another. I was not expecting pregnancy to be such a trial in my life. But the Lord’s timing is perfect.

My daughter did not seem to handle transition or change well, so this was especially concerning to me. Immediately, I started praying for that transition. That is the BEST thing I can advise you if you're considering having another child. The next is to dwell on passages of the Bible to combat some of the intensity of the hormones that are raging. Praise the Lord for teaching my daughter the Word of God, as I needed to hear the promises of God and to not fear in God’s control of my life and family. Vivian’s heart was amazingly prepared when Brantley arrived. The physical process of preparation began immediately. We read all kinds of stories that talk about transition from one to two. This was so good for Vivian. We decided not to tell Vivian until after I was 20 weeks along due to some complications. We did, however, introduce the concept of a new sibling through books:

The Berenstain Bear’s New Baby by Stan and Jan Berenstain (Good for highlighting the role of a big sibling, but not so great with the actual delivery, as mom delivers while they are out getting a new bed)

Froggy’s Baby Sister by Jonathan London (Great for talking about some transition issues, but also highlighting how great it is to be a bigger sibling.)

God Gave Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren (Focusing on the process of how a baby is brought into the world)

Best Big Sister Ever by Karen Katz (after we told her, we helped her progress to not regress through her new leadership role as a big sister)

God Gave Us Two by Lisa Tawn Bergren (Talking about some of the new things that our new sibling will add to our family)

After telling her about the baby, we included her in the pregnancy as much as possible. Children as very egocentric at the age of 2, so talking about her life up this point was the start. Then having her feel the baby in mommy’s tummy was another thing we did. Also teaching her to be considerate of her new sibling by being careful of mommy’s tummy. Talking about how delicate babies are for the first year. We would sandwich that with helping her visualize ways she could help us take care of baby (handing mommy a diaper in diaper changes, changing her baby while mommy changed Brantley’s, giving her baby a bottle while mommy was nursing... which ended with her nursing her baby too. )

There were a few things that I didn’t anticipate with having number 2. First of all, how do you teach both children to share and put other’s needs above their own at the same time? Well, it comes down to the fact that as in Phillipians 3:12 – 16, we are all going to grow at different rates and are held accountable for the lessons we have already learned. So, teaching Vivian that she was expected to help see how this scripture is lived out helped.

Second surprise was the immense amount of housework and laundry that just appeared that never seemed to be there before. I finally figured out that by the time I had quality time with my daughter and spent time caring and nursing my son there wasn’t much more time in the day. I found myself especially fatigued, from late night feedings and a little overwhelmed at how to make all this work. Let me say, if you are about to have your second child or have just had your first child, life will work itself out. Take care of your family and do your best and just know that all other items will take care of themselves. It also makes you especially grateful for a husband who loves you through folding the laundry. Mine loves well. It’s important to guard your marriage with the addition of kids. Dad and Mom still need to be husband and wife first. Children can help bring this union closer together or drive you apart. Mac and I had to work extra hard to communicate and love well with over a year of sleepless nights. It’s also easy to get distracted by all that needs to be done. Again, take time to be together intentionally. Your kids need a solid foundation of Mommy and Daddy’s oneness in Christ and what a relationship and walk with Christ looks like. Marriage is the image of Christ and the Church. That’s a pretty important message we are sending.

The best thing about having two would be the great feeling you have watching the two siblings grow, learn from and love each other. It is so neat to hear the constant giggles from the other room. One gets up from naptime before the other, they will ask for the other sibling. For me it brought a sense of completeness. I didn’t realize that they could teach each other so many more lessons (some I would prefer they didn’t learn). As they grow older, you find they both want to help with chores. All of a sudden what seemed overwhelming is actually bringing your family closer together. Another wonderful addition is the need to be more organized. That always feels good.

My children both sleep in the same room. This was something of constant concern and worry for me. God has used it to show me how His plan is truly better. There is no MY room. They share everything. It is much easier putting them to bed. We just cross from one side to the other. In time, they have learned to respect the other’s sleep. There are still times when they just want to be with the other sibling, but each time is reprimanded even if it’s adorable. Consistency is especially important on those items. When they are sick to the point of keeping the other awake, they end up in our room. It works! It’s important to take the little worries to the Lord in prayer also. I have spent many hours praying about different issues that have come up with the closeness of their living arrangement. I truly believe it is one of the best things that could have happened to my children. It’s hard at times, but worth every minute for the life lessons they learn all the time. We do still keep a monitor on their room, so we can intervene quickly in the middle of the night.

Hope that is a help and encouragement to anyone seeking to add on to your family.