Prayer Journaling for Your Husband and Children

Hi friends, it's Leah F! One of my dearest friends recently wrote about journaling and praying for your children, and I thought it would be a blessing to our Prayer of Hannah readers. Thanks for reading.

"So train the young women to love their husbands and children." - (Titus 2:4 ESV)

I learned this very well from my mentor, Phyllis, through the years as I've watched her diligently and passionately pray for her husband and children, and their spouses, and now her grandchildren.  As I've started my own for my husband, and now my Baby Boy Campbell coming in September, I wanted to share some thoughts and how-tos that I've learned from her over the almost 20 years of knowing her.

1.  Get paper.  I remember after my second date with my husband, I went to B&N later that night and got a moleskin notebook and started journaling and praying for him, knowing one day I would give it to him at our wedding.  And I did.  He is reading through it now.  But, really, ladies...you don't need a moleskin or fancy notebook.  You can use a journaling Bible (like this one from Crossway) and journal through your reading in there or just grab some loose-leaf paper and stick it in a folder (like we did back in high school, before everything needed to be turned through a computer).  The paper doesn't matter, the action does.

2.  Get a pen/pencil/crayon.  I have tried to steer away from pens that will bleed through the pages of my moleskin (almost done with a #2 right now) but sometimes a bleed pen is the only one around.  I would also challenge you to get a real pen and paper (not a computer) because you'll be able to cherish these notebooks for years to come and your children and husband can read them as well!  I know we are a techno world now, but I truly believe that some things are better hand-written.

3.  Get a Bible.  One of the MUSTS for this type of praying is that you pray Scripture over your spouse/children.  What Phyllis taught me is that I don't need books or even to be really creative, I just need God's Word.  She trusts in its sufficiency, and so do I.  You don't have to start a new reading  plan - just read.  If you want to, start with the Psalms or one of Paul's epistles or (gasp!) even the book of Deuteronomy.  Pray these Scriptures for your husband/children.  Here is an example from Psalm 112:

   Praise the LORD!
 Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
  who greatly delights in his commandments!
 His offspring will be mighty in the land;
  the generation of the upright will be blessed.
 Wealth and riches are in his house,
  and his righteousness endures forever.
 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
  he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
 It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
  who conducts his affairs with justice.
 For the righteous will never be moved;
  he will be remembered forever.
 He is not afraid of bad news;
  his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
 His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
  until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
(Psalm 112:1-8 ESV)

"Father, I praise you and thank you that you have given me a Psalm 112 husband.  Thank you for answering that prayer.  I thank you that E fears you more than he fears man and that he takes great delight in your word each morning, even as we are going through James this year as a couple.  I pray that our children, even this little one in my tummy right now, will be blessed to follow and know you and dwell richly and mightily in the land as they seek you wholeheartedly because of your grace and the display of faithfulness of their earthly Father (all because of grace).  Thank you for allowing my E to show me grace and mercy when I fail, and fail miserably at times.  Thank you also that he pursues you and righteousness.  Continue to weigh in his heart and his actions so that they might please you.  I praise YOU that E is a generous man who does not hoard the money that you have blessed us with but wants our giving and our home to be a place of blessing for others.  May we continue to live in that way.  I pray Lord, that even in difficult times, that you would make his heart strong and firm in you - knowing that you never change and that you will lead him in righteousness (Psalm 23).  Do not let him coward and be afraid, but be bold and know that you are God until the day that you make him triumph over his enemies for the glory of God in the world."

And you can take the same chapter and pray it for your children, as I will for baby Campbell.

4.  Pray.  I know this may seem like the easiest one to do, and I do pray for E all the time and pray for baby Campbell as well (honestly mostly in the shower), but do this.  I remember living for a time with my mentor and her family.  I remember waking up early in the morning and walking downstairs, and Phyllis had already been there for hours praying and reading for her soul and the soul of her family.  This was such a testimony to me.  I fail in this so much.  I need more grace to make it happen and to make it a glorious habit.

5.  Save.  Save your journals.  I will save mine.  Got an email from Phyllis this morning even that she has bookshelves and a chest full of these journals.  What a legacy for your children and spouse as they see a wife/mother who first loved Jesus then prayed and loved them as well all the days of her life. 

6.  Side note: I sometimes read these journals to E as a way to encourage him.  I let him read the first one (I gave it to him before our wedding).  I use it as part journal of our marriage too.  So for part of the journal I'm talking to God and part of it I'm talking to E, or baby Campbell in his.  I've already seen how encouraging this can be and how much fruit can be harvested from this daily duty of delight (see John Piper). 

7.  Baby Boy Praying: When I found out we were going to be blessed with a little boy, I immediately wanted to know how I could pray, as a mother, for him to grow into a young man who loved Jesus.  A former boss of mine suggested Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schulz.  I purchased it and have been reading the short chapters and prayer journaling my thoughts on the gospel and manhood for baby Campbell.  I hope it will be a blessing to him one day. 

PS...You can definitely read through books and pray those for your husband or children.  I remember reading through A Guide to Biblical Manhood written by SBTS Profs Dan Dumas and Randy Stinson and praying through those traits for E before we got married.  By all means, use other things, but let Scripture be your guiding principle!

May I encourage you to begin today to be a wife and mother who lives, has daily dependence on God and His Word and by communing with Him in prayer.  We fail miserably when we try to survive on our own!   Thankful the Holy Spirit works His Word in us and shapes and fashions us according to His Plan and for His glory!

Phyllis - thank you for praying for Billy, Jeremy/Katie, Jill/Matt and all your beautiful grandchildren - and for me.  You have truly been a Scriptural blessing in my life and continue to be so!  Proverbs 31 by grace, you are!   And if you have anything you would like to add Phyllis, please add it in the comments: I still have much to learn!

Kimberly Campbell is a wife, freelance writer and soon to be mom of a sweet baby boy due in September. She blogs at www.kd316.com

You Don't Have to be Perfect--Jaime's story

Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Jaime. I’m a Florida girl, married to my college sweetheart for 15 years. Mom to John Peter (10), Christopher (8), Jane-Grace (4) at home in Louisiana.  Waiting to bring home Joshua (4) and Georgia (1) from Ethiopia.

Why adoption?

I felt drawn to adoption while in high school, since my best friend was Chinese, and I learned from her  how unwanted girls were discarded there. In college, while dating my future husband, we made it part of our family’s dream plan. He had been to Russia on a mission trip as a freshman, and they had visited orphanages there. We were *so* sure we were headed to China or Russia one day. We certainly did not set out to have a big family, we just set out to be obedient. God showed us the beauty of his adoption of us as his children and heirs, and we embraced him making our family beautiful through adoption.  

Tell us about your adoption process?

We started an application for a Chinese adoption in 2005, and due to some health problems of our oldest child we decided to wait. In 2007, we applied to adopt from our agency’s new program in El Salvador (we no longer qualified for China). In 2008, the El Salvador program was moving very slowly and our agency recommended a change. That’s when we were led to Ethiopia. We brought our daughter, Jane-Grace, home in 2009 at 22 months old. When she had been home about seven months we applied to adopt again from Ethiopia. After waiting 17 months, we received our referral for siblings in February. I just returned from a joyful & successful meeting and court trip in April, and we hope to have them home this summer!

What have been the biggest struggles/joys?

Our struggles have been waiting & being joyful for others while they celebrate their baby’s birth while we endure the pregnancy wait of a pachyderm;  waiting, working , and trusting for our child to attach to us.  God is constantly working in us the heart of a farmer, patiently working the soil he has given us, and waiting for fruit in it’s time.

Our joys have been experiencing the joys of having a daughter, everything girly, and experiencing her vibrant personality that is distinctly her.  We celebrate her adoption and don’t hide it, but there is joy in forgetting too…like when I ask the doctor to check some medical issue because it “runs in the family,” or I joke that my husband does all the yard work because “I birthed 3 babies.” Russell Moore talks about how you start to find ways that your children “take after you” in Adopted for Life, and it’s true! The grandparents do it now also! We can’t wait to experience these joys with our 2 new children!

What is one thing you think our readers need to know about adoption?

You don’t need to be the perfect parent to adopt. You just need to know the One who is perfect. You are not the child’s savior; you are pointing him/her to the Savior. 

**Feel free to follow the Delfosse's story (and see pics of their ADORABLE kids) at their blog: http://notquitebrangelina.blogspot.com.**

The Journey

I asked my sweet friend, Melisa King, if I could post her story because her family was an extremely influential factor in our decision to adopt at some point.  Mark and I had only been married a few months and didn't even have kids of our own, but watching their family with their newly adopted baby totally opened our eyes.  Melisa and her sister, both teenagers, were absolutely enamored with their new little sister!  I had always thought it would be neat to adopt, but had never even thought of doing it after our own children were teenagers and could really help take care of the baby and understand the emotional journey of adoption and see the comparison to how God adopted us!.  Now I can't wait to someday see my girls with an adopted sibling!  I hope you enjoy her sweet story as much as I did as I watched it unfold...

“Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever.” – Psalm 30:11-12

I looked into her beautiful blue eyes, kissed her forehead and softly said, “Goodbye Anna, I love you.” I placed the three-month-old child into my mother’s arms and tears filled my eyes. My mom quietly asked, “Are you okay?” I silently nodded and then headed out the door to work.

This was not the first time I had been through this and it probably would not be the last. Five months earlier my family and I began to take part in a very special, unique and rewarding ministry. We became a foster family. I remember the day that my parents brought home our first baby. Julia was two weeks old, Hispanic and beautiful. Our time with her was filled with joy, laughter, and most of all, plenty of hugs and kisses. After two months, a wonderful Christian family adopted Julia. Though her adoptive family was wonderful, I do not believe I had ever felt the amount of pain I felt that day. I kissed her forehead and tearfully said, “Goodbye Julia. I love you.”

Three short days after Julia’s adoption we were entrusted with the care of another baby girl, Aly. Aly was two days old the day we received her and she was the perfect baby. About one week after Aly’s arrival my parents received a call asking them to consider taking another child. We quickly discussed the idea as a family and decided, “Hey, there are four of us! We can certainly handle two babies.”

Two days later, my mom and dad brought Anna home. Having two babies around the house proved to be challenging, but also fun and rewarding. We took turns feeding them, changing their diapers and even sleeping in their rooms at night. We also took turns rocking, hugging and kissing them.

After four days with both babies Aly went back to her birth mother and father. Once again, pain filled my heart as I kissed her one last time and whispered, “Goodbye Aly. I love you.” This time I was thankful to already have another baby in the house. Anna helped soothe our hurting hearts and brought joy and laughter to our faces.

We kept Anna for ten weeks. Those weeks including outings to the mall, showing her off at church and even a trip to the beach. Upon arriving home from the beach we learned that Anna would be adopted the following week.

After giving up Anna, our family felt incomplete. The weeks following Anna’s adoption were filled with many thoughts and questions. Were we really cut out for this foster care routine?

A few weeks later my parents came to my sister and me and asked, “What do you two think about adopting?” The prospect of adopting instantly excited my sister but I was a little reluctant to join in her enthusiasm. Not that adopting did not sound incredible; it was just that I was a fighter. I felt that if our family stopped doing foster care it would look like we had just given up. People might think that we could not handle the pain or were not strong enough to let the babies go. My parents began to pursue the process and over time my heart was filled with anticipation of a new addition to our family. My parents completed paperwork, background checks and physical examinations. They endured many meetings and interviews, very similar to those that took place before our approval to become a foster family. After all the assigned tasks were completed, our family began the waiting game.

Waiting proved to be much more trying than filling out the paperwork and answering all the questions. Weeks turned into months, and months to a year. After a year of waiting we had a few leads, all of which fell through after just a few days.

Early in July of 2004, my mom and I took a trip to Richmond to visit my grandparents and do a little shopping. During our shopping trip my mom received a phone call from an adoption agency in Arkansas. This was the phone call that changed our lives forever.

The next few weeks were filled with phone calls, pictures of the baby and uncontrollable excitement. Five weeks after receiving the long awaited phone call my parents flew to Arkansas where they met my baby sister for the first time. My sister and I passed the time while they were away by keeping busy with friends, church and work. Two days seemed like an eternity, but finally the time came to pick them up at the airport. My sister and I watched every plane that landed, hoping it would be the one holding our baby sister. Finally, we watched as the little Delta jet landed and my father quickly filed off the plane followed by my mother holding little Ella-Grace in her arms.

The following moments were filled with complete joy and fulfillment. As I held the sleeping child in my arms for the first time I knew that she was meant to be a part of our family. I felt so blessed to be Ella-Grace’s big sister and I realized the reason behind the journey I had been on for the past two years.

God has a way of leading you though certain circumstances that seem to have no purpose or meaning. Sometimes the circumstances even produce pain, often seemingly unbearable in nature. But, He has a plan. God used the time my family spent participating in foster care, not only to bless us, but also to direct us. I am so thankful for God’s direction during this time and my parent’s willingness to follow His path no matter how uncertain it appeared.

Ella-Grace is now seven years old. She has been with our family since she was ten weeks old. Every moment spent with her makes the waiting we endured worthwhile. I am so thankful that each day when I say, “I love you Ella-Grace,” I do not have to say, “Goodbye.”

Adoption and the hurdles of the heart-Sheryl's story

Sheryl and her husband Andy are friends and fellow church members with the Finn family. Sheryl graciously has offered to share a glimpse into what goes on in their hearts during this process. You can follow Andy and Sheryl's story at www.andyandsheryl.blogspot.com.

There are definitely hurdles to this miracle called adoption. Whether you’ve ever considered it or not, you’ve surely heard about the time and money it takes. Then there’s the miles of paperwork and even, for some, the fear of unsupportive family and friends. But, the hurdles I’m thinking of begin with us and the questions in our own hearts.

Could I love a child that’s not “mine”?

What if something is “wrong” with them?

Will it feel like” Plan B”? (for those who struggle with infertility)

My precious husband Andy and I dealt with these questions together a little over a year ago as we plunged head first into the adoption world. We had always known we would like to adopt but it was becoming clearer that it would be our reality a little sooner than anticipated, as we’d been facing infertility for several years.

Even as a couple who had always been open to and felt drawn to the call, these hurdles of the heart still had to be dealt with. Before submitting our initial application with an agency, we asked these same questions mentioned above. And since then, I’ve had others ask me about these questions going on in their hearts.

The best way I know to answer is that once we took that step of faith the Lord had impressed upon us, He dealt with the hurdles going on inside – each and every one. Not before, but after.

I cannot fully explain what happened in my heart the moment I submitted our initial application to begin the process. But the questions didn’t matter anymore. I was in it for the duration and I wanted desperately to see it come to fruition. No more second guessing. And it absolutely became and felt like Plan A. This is what the Lord had called us to do and He's been faithfully lighting the way the entire process!

We’re currently on the journey to bring home a 23 month old little girl, Lucy Hope, from China sometime late this summer. She has already changed our lives for the better and we can’t wait to get to know her as our daughter.

Each adoption story is different. I’m not claiming it’s all roses all the time. But it’s absolutely been worth it for us – and we don’t even have our Lucy home yet! We’ll have difficult times ahead, no doubt. But we already can’t imagine our life without her. These questions have faded from our hearts and a love for her has taken their place.

He will surely do it!

     Here are some reflections on adoption from a POH reader and fellow blogger. Sheila lives overseas with her husband and three children. She blogs about her misadventures in motherhood, the craziness of living overseas, their adoption journey, and a smattering of random things at www.momfessions.net (when she has time!)

    A few weeks ago I was tucking my three-year-old son into bed. After brushing my lips against his baby soft forehead and turning toward the door, I heard his sweet voice, “Mommy, when is Baby Sister coming?” My heart skipped a beat at the precious question—there is not a baby in my belly as one might assume from his question. He was asking about Baby Sister who we’ve been talking about for over a year now. Baby Sister won’t have my husband’s eye color or my same skin tone. She won’t be mistaken for a “twin” like our three biological back-to-back, look-alike kids are.

     But she will be just as loved, just as anticipated, just as celebrated, just as much a part of our family as the blond-headed, Superman-loving little boy gazing up at me from his top bunk.

“I don’t know, honey. But God does know when she will come. Would you like to pray for her now?”

     It’s hard to put into words what adoption means to me, and I’ve struggled to adequately explain to curious friends and relatives why we are adopting another daughter.

Adoption is painful. It is born out of the loss of what should be. A brown-eyed, brown-haired little girl should not come to live in our house and be called our own. Because she should be living with her loving family—the family she was born into. For some reason, the should is not a reality in her case. There is loss. Loss of what should be. Adoption is born out of that loss—allowing something ugly to become something beautiful.

Adoption is beautiful. Because I have experienced adoption personally—being adopted out of sin and darkness and welcomed into the Kingdom of God through the amazing, atoning work of Jesus Christ on the cross—I can relate to my future daughter. I know what a blessing adoption can be. I realize how beautiful it can be as it transforms ashes into something lovely. I appreciate how deeply and eternally it can change a life.

     We aren’t very far in our adoption process. Almost a year was spent praying and researching before we even took a step forward to start the actual process. Slowly, we have applied with an agency and gathered documents for a home study. Already, I have been waiting for Baby Sister for longer than I ever waited to get pregnant, or carried a child in my womb.

     But that’s OK. As I see the hearts of my children being prepared (and getting excited!) for Baby Sister, I know that the Lord’s timing is best. We don’t know who our little girl is right now, but He does. He knows her favorite toy and who she spends her days with. He sees where she sleeps and knows when her tummy is empty. He has counted the hairs on her head, and He had begun to form her in the womb before her mother even knew she was there! He knows what did happen/will happen to give her the title “orphan”, and He knows the exact time we will be able to hold her in our arms.

Adoption isn’t easy. As beautiful and worth-it as it is, there are deadlines and dollar signs, and government regulations, and red-tape… and attachment issues and special needs and heartache and language barriers and adjustment troubles. Add in unethical practices and corruption in places around the world and it can quickly become overwhelming and unappetizing.

     I find it’s very similar to living overseas. My husband and I live abroad and we know without a doubt that we are obeying a call the Lord has placed on our life by doing so. On days when language-learning and relationship building and public transportation and raising kids in another culture just feels like too much (and I want to give up!), I have to remember 1 Thessalonians 5:24 that says, “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.”

     In the same way, we feel very strongly that it is the Lord who has asked us to follow Him into adoption. After a season of praying and fasting, my husband and I agreed that this was something God was asking our family to do. Sorrow over the orphans of the world or just a desire for social justice for the fatherless would not be enough to sustain us through the long, tiring international adoption process.

     When our bank account doesn’t hold enough money to cover the agency and home study fees, and when the pile of paperwork is overwhelming in the midst of marriage, parenting, work, friendships, and life overseas—we have to look to the God who called us to this and remember He is faithful! He will guide us through our adoption. By His grace, we will one day see our daughter kiss her brothers and sister goodnight and crawl into her bed.

And we won’t have to wonder about when Baby Sister is coming anymore.

Being led to adoption--Alison's story

A little about me....

Hey y'all my name is Alison Sandridge. My husband Stephen and I moved to North Carolina last year so that he could attend SEBTS. We are so excited for what the Lord has in store for our future ministry and thrilled with where He is using us now! We will be married 3 years this May. Stephen and I met because his dad became the pastor of my home church when I was in middle school. Stephen and I started dating when I went to college. He and I have always had a love for orphans. We have both served separately at orphanges abroad. We knew even before we were married that we would one day adopt.

Something you should know about me though is that in my flesh, I want to be in control of everything! I'm a huge planner. I make lists and timelines for everything. Really y'all, it is such a joy for me to make lists and check things off that sometimes I start my list with “make a list” so I have something to check off right away, haha! I know that's awful, right? Well thankfully the Lord has been working on changing that about me and He has used our heart for adoption as a big instrument in this change.

See, I had this perfect plan for our family. I knew when and how and how many children we would have. So I just prayed and basically invited God to come along on this journey I had already planned! Crazy, but sometimes we do that. Instead of trusting the Lord with our future, we plan our future and then ask God to bless it! I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I am at the grace God has shown me in the these last few years. It has at times been incredibly painful but it has been so good! The Lord has stripped me of all my best laid plans and left me with nothing to cling to but Him and His precious Word!

After a miscarriage and some new information from doctors, we turned our focus from hopes of pregnancy to hopes of adoption. I did tons of research and mapped out the best course of action but I was relying on my own ability to plan rather than humbly coming before my Father and seeking the direction He would have me to take. Things have certainly not worked out how I originally planned but I am so thankful!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” 
Isaiah 55:8

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Why adoption?

At the beginning, we knew we would adopt “one day” because we are passionate about orphan care and we want a big family so that just fits perfectly! But the Lord has graciously shown us such a better picture of adoption. When we really started looking into adopting when we realized pregnancy was going to be difficult for us, we read an incredible book called Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. That book led us to truth after truth in the Word about adoption. We realized that this adoption we so longed for here on earth was just a little picture of the perfect adoption we had already experienced through the blood of Christ into the family of God.

“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'” Romans 8:15

“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.'” Galatians 4:4-6

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love  he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” Ephesians 1:4-6

Friends, those are just a few of the verses that we can hold onto that tell us that we are now truly adopted into the family of God, no longer enemies but heirs with Christ! Isn't that incredible?! Stephen and I were learning so much about the Lord and His love for us as we sought to learn about adoption. We were also learning about God's love for orphans. We can see that over and over in the Word too. I really encourage you to look through the Bible and just search for words like orphan and adoption and see what you learn. You aren't all called to adopt, but you are all called to care for orphans and if you are in Christ then you, yourself, have been adopted! As we learned these things our desire to adopt became stronger and stronger. We long to mirror God's adoption of us to children that He deeply cares for and has commanded us to care for! We are so excited to share with our children one day that though we love them and want to do the absolute best for them, that we will let them down sometimes, but that we can introduce them to a Father who will NEVER let them down and will always love them PERFECTLY!  Though we originally thought adoption was plan B, God intended it for plan A so we set out much earlier than we thought on our journey towards adoption.

Our adoption process...

Stephen and I first thought we would only adopt internationally. We had fears, but mostly misunderstandings about what domestic adoption looked like. But once again those were our plans and not the Lord's. One night I was hanging out with some ladies I was friends with and blabbing about why I would “never” adopt domestically because of this or that fear. Not too long after, one of those sweet friends had Stephen and I over to her house and sat us down to share her story of domestic infant adoption. My incredible friend is a birthmom to a beautiful daughter, I had no idea before that night. As she sat there and humbly told us her story, I just wept. The Lord completely changed our view on domestic adoption that night and I will always be thankful to that friend for allowing the Lord to use her to direct us to the child He has planned for our family. At that same time I was volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center and God used the combination of that testimony from my friend and the numerous mothers I was developing relationships with there to pull my heart towards a desire for an open domestic adoption.

We decided on an agency and planned to start as soon as we had been married for 2 years which was required. But when that time came the Lord had shown us another plan. We had just moved to North Carolina and we still owned our home in Georgia, we didn't have employment or insurance so we were in no place to start the adoption process. I was really hurt by that. I was angry, really, with the Lord for making me move when that would mess up my adoption plans that I thought He had given to me! Even in my sin, the Lord covered me with grace and showed me again that His plans are better than mine. The Lord has used this past year to teach Stephen and I so much about Himself, about marriage, and about our hopes for adoption and parenting.

We are now happily at our starting point in the adoption process. We are beginning our paperwork and working through some requirements that we must meet. We are so so so incredibly excited! We have started fund-raising for our adoption and have already seen the Lord bless it tremendously. We know there is a long journey ahead of us but we are just happy to be starting!

What have been the biggest struggles/joys?

The biggest struggle has to be the waiting. It truly hurts my heart deeply some days to have no children filling our home. I long to hold them and see their sweet faces. It hurts to have to wait and wait and wait. I know that the Lord is using this time for such good and that we must cherish this time in our lives where we have so much extra time to devote ministry, marriage, and to service to the Lord. But the waiting is hard and the waiting hurts. But friends the Lord knows my heart and He is able to heal all that is broken. And most importantly, the Lord is all I need. I don't need to adopt or get pregnant or ever have any children at all, I need Christ! My identity is not tied up in motherhood, Christ is my identity. So I cling to that and I wait.

The joys even as we wait are ever present. I am continually overwhelmed at the love our Father has for us as we learn more about what He has done for us through our adoption! We are blessed beyond belief with sweet friends and family who encourage us, pray for us, and give financially to our adoption. Also, this calling to adopt places us in this sweet little community of families who have or are adopting and we experience joy after joy as we see others bring home their children and we watch the healing that takes place in little hearts that are placed in their forever families. Additionally, we long for a future joy that only the Lord knows the time and face of!

And lastly, what  I wish for you to know about adoption:

The thing I am continually trying to communicate is that adoption is not a second best option. Some people have been confused because I certainly have grieved the loss of pregnancy, but not because that is the “best” way or the only way to get children of your “own.” The child we will adopt will be our own, absolutely. There is nothing that will make them not our own. We aren't shopping around for the most attractive, healthy, or easy option. We are adopting the child God has predestined for our family. We will accept whatever that means just like we would if I were pregnant. If we start to think of adoption as a substandard way of bringing children into our family then what does that mean for us eternally? Are we not really God's own? Do we not really have the full inheritance of Christ or are we second best to the first children of God, the Israelites? No, that's absolutely not true! God sent Jesus so that we could be adopted as sons with the full inheritance given to us. Adoption was always God's plan for me to join His family and it has always been His plan for Stephen and I to adopt our children too. I am certainly not telling you that pregnancy is second best either but they are truly both best because they are what God planned for each family.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

We may not yet or ever know the womb in which our child is knit, but we know the knitter and He has already ordained all of their days. We can trust that and hold on to that truth!

Adoption is such passion for us and such a joy to talk about! Thank you for allowing me to share a little with you about what the Lord is doing in our family! Please feel free to follow our story at http://sandridgesdaybyday.blogspot.com

Choosing permanent birth control

The below story was emailed to me from my friend (and the wonderfully named), Leah Thomas. I hope you find her story helpful and encouraging.

I am a wife to a wonderful husband and am a mother of two amazing little boys.  One of my sons, Joseph, is 3 years old and the other one, Isaac, is 9 months old.  I work from home as a wedding planner and I run a reasonably successful wedding venue.  My husband, Joe, and I are also in the early stages of planting a church in the Central Florida area. 

My husband and I have not chosen the path of permanent birth control.  However that is not to say we would never.  Stating that I know now that I will never be in a situation that might lend me to question the wisdom of having more children down the road is a statement I am not willing to make.  I hope I never have to ask that question, but I will not say never.  I love and am completely and totally smitten with my children and would potentially love to have more.   

My parents however did make that choice.  I have a younger brother and it is just the two of us siblings.  My mother began having strange symptoms after I was born and they continued on through her pregnancy with my brother.  She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  MS can take many different forms and the severity is very different for everyone.  My mother had an extremely progressive form of the disease and was wheelchair bound in just a few short years after diagnosis. 

MS complications caused her very sudden death three years ago.  I say sudden because we weren’t expecting it right then.  However, through most of my childhood she was in and out of the hospital and it was always in the back of our minds that she would die young and possibly at any time.  The uncertainty of her life expectancy combined with the difficulty of living life with, for her, a paralyzing disease is one that made them question the wisdom of having another child. 

It was an extremely difficult decision for them, but it was unclear what the strain of another pregnancy might do to her system and she was in “survival mode” trying to raise two young children.  So they chose a permanent form of birth control.  They say hindsight is always 20/20 and I believe she would say she was devastated to have never been able to have more children, but that she did best for her family.

My parents were amazing examples of how to live by faith and demonstrated Christ centered lives.  Both of my parents believed that children are a gift from God and they also believe that God is sovereign in all things.  That does not mean that there is never a time to pray and seek God’s will for your family as it pertains to planning when and if it will grow.

Storytelling

Howdy from Texas, everyone!

This Shannon from Our Blessed Life, and I am so thrilled to make a “guest” apperance on Prayer of Hannah! Hollie asked me to do a little “write-up” on Tell Me a Story: Teaching Them to Walk in His Ways.

This little eBooklet is a project the Lord laid on my heart, to be a useful tool in helping other parents - especially busy, working parents - teach the Bible to their children.

In it, I depict how our family started telling Bible stories to our girls, and how storytelling His Word has become a cornerstone in how we disciple our children. It has become something we really enjoy, but, as I explain in the book, it was never something we were taught to do, or even planned to do with our children - the Lord just laid it in our laps.

Let me give you a sneak peak at Tell Me a Story, by sharing a few snippets from the introduction of the booklet:

“When you are telling exciting Bible stories to your children, it doesn’t need to be when you’re snuggled close with a Bible or storybook in front of you, though those times are nice. You can tell your children stories while you drive. Turn off the radio; you’ll have a captive audience. You can tell stories while you cook dinner.... And of course you can tell them stories while you tuck them into bed. The powerful, wonderful Word of God will be the last thing on their minds as they fall asleep..."

As you will read in the book, our family didn’t instinctively know the art of storytelling.  Our children didn’t learn a handful of Bible stories in one day. They learned each story a little at a time, over the course of days and weeks. And most of the time, we have stayed only a few steps ahead of them in the process. And we are still in that process...

Even if you’re a busy working parent, you can redeem those hectic moments and use them to fulfill your most important job... And the benefit and blessing we reap is meaningful, quality time with our kids.”
In this short, easy-to-read eBooklet, I share how our storytelling journey was actually prompted by my 3-year-old daughter, Maggie. You will read a few of our stories word-for-word, as well as be encouraged to begin telling stories with your own children.

Tell Me a Story may be purchased from my blog Our Blessed Life, for a small donation towards our adoption.  You will receive it in pdf format (Horray for no shipping charges!) And at this time, every penny from sales helps us bring home Kirk and Lori, two five-year-old, HIV+ beautiful children in Eastern Europe, whom we are blessed to (soon) bring into our home and call our own.

Thanks everyone!
Shannon

A little note from Hollie:

Let me encourage you to head on over to Shannon's blog to read up on their adoption of these two precious children, Kirk and Lori, and possibly consider buying her e-book. The amount of donation given for the e-book is totally up to you. Her book is awesome and really encourages/teaches you how to teach the Word of God to the little ones in your life in a way that makes sense to them and helps them to retain the Truth in their minds. Jeff and Shannon are waiting and trusting in the Lord to provide for their adoption, and this is just one way we believe He could provide. On their blog you can also see how much they've raised and how much left they have to go. Thank you again!
Hollie

Fun with Food

Leah P. asked me to share with you how we have fun with our food at the Potter house. I have 5 kids under the age of 7. My mom used to do fun things with our food sometimes when I was a kid. She'd make green shamrock pancakes on St. Patrick's Day, cut faces in our bologna and arrange our fruit in flower shapes. So when my son was around 3 it seemed only natural to make his sandwiches into faces.

You often hear that getting your kids involved in making their meals will make it more likely that they'll eat them. I have found this to be true. You would not believe the fun they have eating a "picture" piece by piece. "I ate his eye ball, Mom!" "My guy has no nose!" They love it. I've gotten my kids to unwittingly eat some foods they were not so fond of this way.

Below is a slideshow of some examples of our adventures with food. As I went through my photos looking for these I realized it may appear that my kids eat only sandwiches, pretzels and grapes—not so.

A friend of mine showed me this blog. This mom really goes all out for her kids's lunches. I keep it pretty simple. She has a lot of good examples of healthy/organic foods to use.

Here's a few things to remember:

• Keep it simple. It's not like you have to get special foods, just use what you have in a creative way.

• Never underestimate the number of ways you can cut a sandwich or arrange it on a plate.

• Fruit can be cut so many different ways.

• Cookie cutters are not just for cookies.

• It doesn't have to be wasteful to cut sandwiches into shapes. I usually eat the remnants for my lunch or feed them to the baby who needs his cut up anyway.

• This is a great "cool mom" thing to do when you're babysitting or your kids have little friends over.

Check these pics out and get inspired to have fun with your food!

here's a link to the snow ice cream recipe.

How do I disciple? (Guest Author)

I (Hollie) have asked my friend Sarah Rogers to be a guest author for this week on Discipleship. I met Sarah and her husband Matt while in Seminary at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. They graduated and moved to SC in 2007.  The Lord has reconnected us and our families are in ministry together at our church plant, Renewal Church in Greenville, SC. Sarah and I both recently taught/spoke to the women at the Multiplying Disciples Summit that Renewal Church hosted a few weeks ago.  Sarah has such a passion for discipleship, and I knew we could glean from her wisdom and obedience in this area. 

As a believer in high school, growing up in the South, discipleship to me was a class that our youth group participated in to learn about spiritual disciplines.  We read through Survival Kit (an old beginners guide to “how to live like a Christian”), walked through the discussion questions, and then went on with our merry lives.  Not until later did it dawn on me that there was so much I didn’t know how to do as a Christian woman and that God had much bigger plans for me than pats on the back for having the right answers in Bible study classes.  He planned to take my life experiences (good and bad), wisdom and knowledge, and use them for His glory to draw the lost to Himself.  Paul Tripp encourages us in this thought when he says,

“Your life is much bigger than a good job, an understanding spouse and non-delinquent kids. It is bigger than beautiful gardens, nice vacations, and fashionable clothes. In reality, you are part of something immense, something that began before you were born and will continue after you die. God is rescuing fallen humanity, transporting them into His kingdom, and progressively shaping them into His likeness—and He wants you to be part of it.” (Paul Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, 20)

How can we join God as He “rescues fallen humanity, transports them into His kingdom, and progressively shapes them into His likeness”?  Through one-on-one discipleship.  I say one-on-one because the larger the group (as in a class setting), the less likely you are to get to the heart of those you are discipling.  We are after more than behavior change, we are looking for lasting change in our words, choices, and actions.  To accomplish that type of lasting change, we must target the heart in discipleship. (Matt. 23:25-26)  So how do you do this as you disciple the “younger” woman God has placed in your life?

1)      Loving her –In 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 Paul describes his discipleship relationship as “gentle…like a nursing mother caring for her children…affectionately desirous…very dear.”  In this type of relationship you love her enough to spur her on to look more and more like Jesus.  This may mean there are times where hard conversations must be had but your relationship, built on love, trust, and mutual respect is already established so those times will produce good fruit that will last.

2)      Know her – Many times we assume we know people based on what we know of their behaviors, hear in their conversations, or hear from the perspectives of others.  But truly knowing a person means knowing their heart – What does she believe?  What are her goals?  What are her hopes, dreams, values and desires?  Knowing means being able to predict what she thinks and feels in a given situation.  Only when you truly know her can you guide her to the root of her sin, help her look ahead in situations where she may be tempted to sin, and ask critical questions to get at her heart instead of questions that stay at the surface.

3)      Speak truth to her–Paul didn’t love the Thessalonians in a conceptual way, but he loved them enough to speak truth into their lives: “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” (1 Thess. 2:11-12)  To target the heart of the woman God has placed in your life you MUST speak truth to her!  Bring God’s truth to bear on her heartaches, successes, and every other aspect of her life.  Let her see herself in the mirror of God’s Word so that lasting change will take place!  In Titus 2, Paul actually commands us to “be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, or slaves to much wine…to teach what is good, and so train the younger women…”  In order to teach and train, you must open your mouth and speak hard truths, encouraging words, and your own life experiences so that she will learn how to “love her husband and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to her own husband.” (Titus 2:3-5)

4)      “Do” with her– Lastly you must help her DO what she has learned by applying the insights God has given her to her daily life and relationships.  Model and encourage:

a.        Repentance – turning from both behavioral sin and heart sin and turning to God

b.      Belief – in the promises of God through Scripture concerning our past, present, and future

c.       Obedience – by putting off sin and putting on righteousness in specific ways (Eph. 4)

Our goal in discipleship is to be more like Jesus, but also to draw a watching world to Jesus.  Paul encourages discipleship to teach and train the younger women “so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us…so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior”.

“The world is desperately seeking someone to follow. That they will follow someone is certain, but will that person be one who knows the way of Christ, or will he or she be one like themselves leading them only on into greater darkness?  This is the decisive question of our plan of life. The relevance of all that we do waits on its verdict, and in turn, the destiny of the multitudes hangs in the balance” (Robert Coleman, Master Plan of Evangelism, 108)

Much of this was adapted from Amy Chasteen’s notes “Why Discipleship”

Making time for dates!

One of my awesome friends, Lauren, decided to take the 52 dates challenge and has done an amazing job blogging about it and sharing great date ideas! She she has a young baby and a three year old and is still managing to make time for her husband -- such an inspiration to me! I asked her to share a little about her experience, as well as some links for creative date ideas. I hope her ideas will inspire you as they did me to make more time for my husband!

Quality time with my husband? Let me think… I think we were in the same room last night when we were bathing the kids. We definitely ate dinner at the same time on Thursday night, but I'm not sure that counts since I had to get up to put our toddler in time out, and my husband was bouncing our youngest baby in his arms. Nah, that probably isn't considered quality time.

These were my thoughts back in May of this year. Do they sound familiar? We needed to regroup. We needed quality time. Conversations in the car over the clamor of kids praise songs and toddler chatter were not enough. We needed to date again.

I scoured the internet for ideas, took a few from here, there, and everywhere, and combined them for a 52 date challenge. I excitedly pitched the idea to my husband who was a little overwhelmed at first, but then readily agreed to the challenge. I called it a challenge, because, well, when you are busy and have young children, dating is a challenge (Oh, what did we do with all of that free time before our children?)! You can read the guidelines we created here.

So far, we've been on 17 dates, and we are having the best time doing it! It has really helped our marriage grow. Marriage can be hard, and while I adore my sweet girls, having young children definitely complicates things. I sometimes refer to our household as "happy chaos." That being said, we realized that we really needed to take time out for just us again. And I encourage you to do the same thing. Satan is scary-smart and he hates marriage… he wants you to be too busy to spend time with your man. So, you have to take charge and make time.

It has made a huge difference in our lives. We have found that we really look forward to date nights. We spend a lot more time talking, laughing, and loving without all of the distractions and demands of crazy young life. We've done cheap dates, not-so-cheap dates, outdoor dates, and indoor dates. We've had laid-back nights and fun nights. And we've also failed… we've had plans fall through, sick kids, and babysitter cancellations. We have had to be creative… and sometimes have a date at home! But, the important thing is that we have tried to make dating, and quality time, a priority. And we've had a lot of fun doing it! I can't wait to finish our challenge…and hopefully start all over again next year!

I hope you try a weekly date, even if its just an evening without distractions after you tuck the kiddos in bed. What can you lose? You know that pile of laundry will still be there tomorrow (although it would be nice if it disappeared!), the dishes will wait, and no lives are hanging in the balance if you don't update your Facebook status tonight. Your darling babies will enjoy a sitter (or grandma!) for an evening. Turn off the computer, kiss your babies goodnight, and quit answering the phone. Take up the challenge. Ask your hubby out on a date…and have fun living, laughing, and loving together again.

Project 52

The one word that comes to mind when I think about ministering to my husband is intentionality! You have to be intentional about doing it.

It doesn't always come easy! Things don't always go as planned. Sometimes there are times where you wish you were the one being ministered to. It sometimes takes pure intention!

Last April, I stumbled upon an idea on a blog that I instantly fell in love with! It had a "Julie & Julia" twist of doing something for an entire year but instead of doing it every day, you do it once a week. So the title of "Project 52" was created. The project is something I thought would be great to do in our home because like this "Simply Modern Mom" (the creator of the project), it is something that easily gets neglected with the busyness of life!

Project 52 is all about creating date nights in your marriage! Nights to get to know your spouse better, create memories, learn and try new things, be creative and have some fun. We are at the 6 year marriage mark and although we are more in love today than the day we met, we definitely neglect consistent date nights. We use many excuses and don't even realize it--kids, we don’t want to pay for a babysitter every week, too busy, finances don't allow multiple or big date nights out, plan other things on the calendar, put others before ourselves, and the excuses go on.

I was determined to be intentional and change the way we had intimate time together as a couple. And so when I saw this, I had a "ah-ha" moment of this is something we should do that would be fun, different, and create special time each week for just the two of us. Each week I plan a date night usually around a theme.

On the first week (we are now on week 24), I sent Andy a gift basket to his work (You can read about that here) to introduce him to the idea with the following:

Project 52

The following criteria was created for our weekly date night--
1. Date nights will typically be home-based fun and will cost less than $5 or fall into categories already established in the general budget
2. We can't do the same thing twice in one month
3. Date nights can be planned by either person
4. No children allowed (if applicable)
5. Must create a date like atmosphere. No frumpy clothes or pajamas unless otherwise stated that they are acceptable for the particular evening activities. Make it a special event. Mind the details. But most of all, keep it simple.
6. Date nights cannot be cancelled unless an emergency inhibits the night from occurring. Nights can be switched if needed.

Simply Modern Mom and her husband signed on to the project together and split planning the date nights. I decided to make it something I would do to minister to my husband and I would plan the weekly dates. Andy does plan one every so often and loves showing me how much he loves this as well. Each week, I try (I have missed a few) to blog about it and link our date nights up to Simply Modern Mom! Other couples link their date nights too and it is a great way to get ideas for future date nights!

What has "Project 52" done for our marriage? WOW! I can't even begin to tell you how much we love this night and look forward to it every week! It has created a whole new level of intimacy, a new level on the way we communicate, a new level of enjoying one another's company.

You can read the majority of our date nights on our family blog, http://www.apkweber.blogspot.com/. The direct link for the "Project 52" date nights can be found here. Be sure to scroll back to the oldest post first to read them in order.

Here's a little view of "Weber Style Project 52 Date Nights":

Clutter = Cash!

I laugh at myself as I get older. Things excite me that I would have never, ever expected. I'm 30 years old and I love some [pretty nerdy] things like: budgeting, de-cluttering, garage sales, all things consignment, coupons, organization, simple living, and letting go.

Our world is busy. My husband works way more hours in a week than anyone should, while I'm running a business at home with two small children. It's hectic and crazy. So I guess somewhere between the toys & clothes, the princesses & baby dolls, the papers & coupons, I have found that a simple, clutter-free home can still somehow be an attainable [never-ending?] goal of mine.

I went to school with Hollie & was thrilled when she asked me to write on this topic. (Further confirming how much of a nerd I really am.) I'd like to share with you all a few ways that I stretch our budget in regards to kids' stuff, shopping, de-cluttering, and gifts.

I used to keep every single baby outfit from my first daughter. It came in handy when daughter #2 arrived (2 years later), although the combination of all the toys & clothes really overwhelmed me. I had thought that if I kept everything for the second child, we'd save ourselves from buying more. The reality is that family & friends still love to buy for a second baby, and of course birthdays and Christmas still happen for her, too! Needless to say - we had way more than enough kids' stuff in this house - and it somehow felt like the stuff multiplied daily.

I decided to start acting a bit more like my sister-in-law, who has 4 kids and has really mastered the art of letting go and de-cluttering. I used to be shocked when she would sell a baby item that she knew she'd need again for the next baby. But she always reassured me that she'd find it again (used) when she needed it, so no worries. I like her style.

I have found that you'll get the most money for your kid/baby items at consignment sales. I sell at two consignment sales per year. One is for Spring/Summer clothes in February and one is for Fall/Winter in August. A few things I love about consigning:

1. You set the price for your items.

2. You decide if you'll let it go at 1/2 off on the last sale day.

3. You decide if unsold items go to charity afterwards, or you can pick them up.

4. You can work the sale and get more of your profits in exchange for your time.

5. Because you're a seller, you get to go to the pre-sale and shop, getting the best pick of like-new items for a fraction of what you'd pay retail. (this is how I buy most of the girls' Christmas presents throughout the year.)

6. Your items will sell well at consignment sales. People shopping there are looking specifically for children's items like the ones you're selling. In other words, they aren't going to walk up and ask to buy a baby dress for a quarter. (like they will at garage sales!)

On top of the two consignment sales per year, we also do two garage sales per year. I don't honestly know how to explain what the junk is that we sell. It's stuff like: adult clothing, electronics, home goods, old pieces of stuff from home projects, things I'm tired of looking at, things I haven't been able to part with since we moved here 8 years ago, etc.

A few tips I've learned about garage sales:

1. Make a spot in the house that is always designated for garage sale stuff. When I can't find the lids to stuff, a shirt doesn't fit, or I see something I don't really love or use anymore, off to the spot they go. Same thing with things that our consignment sale doesn't accept - like tennis shoes, plush toys, and stained clothes. Having a spot definitely makes garage sale prep time so much easier.

2. Invite friends to join in. I usually have about 5-6 families that join us. Yes, it's huge. And some bring 10 items, and some have 100. Doesn't matter. The bigger, the better. I advertise (online & with signs) as a multi-family garage sale, and it's always crowded.

3. Don't be discouraged; it will add up. I used to think I had nothing to sell, and I laugh at that now. We usually average about $600 per garage sale on just our stuff, and that's with no items priced over $20. This is small stuff.

4. I don't recommend pre-pricing the items. Yep, I throw the stuff out there with no price tags. In my first sale, I quickly learned that unpriced items sell way faster than those priced. Plus, it's fun to negotiate and let people make an offer.

So there are two main motivators for me to de-clutter our home:

1. The amazing, clean, organized feeling that comes with living simply. (and soothes my OCD tendencies, just a little.) ;)

2. The cash we make is thrown back into our cash budget & re-used for future gifts or clothing.

We use a simple, cash envelope system for our spending. We budget through the year, and pay cash for our gifts, including Christmas. The extra cash income from these sales is simply added to our cash budget. Think of it as trading in the stuff that isn't played with, or the clothes that are outgrown - to fund the next birthday or Christmas for your family. It's a load of fun, and you'll be amazed at how your budget can stretch.

{If you enjoy tips on budgeting, I'd love for you to check out my site, or follow us on facebook & twitter! }

Thanks!

Preserving Our Their Innocence

As a young mother, I definitely struggle with the fine line between sheltering my children too much and trying to be wise and help them by protecting their innocence. My blogging friend, Tiffany, wrote this thought-provoking post on the topic and I really appreciated her humility and honesty and I would love to hear your thoughts as well...

I have been thinking a lot lately about preserving my children's innocence. Now I do not want to get into a deep theological debate here, so let me be clear with that statement. Yes, I believe that my children were born into this world with a sin nature. No, I am not claiming that they are innocent in that sense. I am referring more to innocence in the way of "unknowing".

I talked a little bit about media here. I didn't delve into specifics too much, though. So today I am going to. Because I don't know about you, but as a mommy to two children, I am fed up with it.

I have to be honest with you first. In the post mentioned above, I said that we were cancelling our cable. That is where we were getting the funds to sponsor Gerlie - our child through Compassion International. Well, to make a very long story short - we didn't cancel. Our phone and internet are included in our cable package. We found out that if we canceled cable, we would have actually been paying more - ridiculous. We are sponsoring Gerlie. This was our second month supporting her. We have had no trouble accruing the funds to send to her - praise God! Cadi thinks that we do not have cable. We have not told her otherwise. So the children never watch it. I never turn it on during the day, and I seldom ever have. I would prefer to spend any down time another way. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out in the open.

Back to media.

Back to preserving my children's innocence - keeping them pure.

I am just struggling with knowing how to raise these two precious children in such a media driven, perverse world. Have you seen the immodest clothing that is already being pushed on our little girls? My husband is very sensitive about what our daughter wears, and I am so thankful for his wisdom and discernment in this area. I wasn't always so thankful. I didn't understand what we were up against at first. I remember when Cadi was a baby thinking that the itty bitty baby bikinis were so adorable, but Jim would not allow that on his daughter. I thought it was harmless and cute. However when I stopped to really think about it, I knew he was right. A bikini has been a sex symbol for years. We would not allow our teenage daughter to dress in a bikini, so why would we let our infant daughter, or toddler, or preschooler? And if you do allow your little girl to wear a bikini, I am not judging you, this is what we do in our family to preserve innocence.

It goes beyond clothing even. It seems as if the world/media is pushing our daughters to grow up faster and faster. Have you noticed? Have you seen the movies, the TV shows, the music pushed on our little girls? What is the harm? What gets sacrificed? Our children's childhood!! That is huge. I want to preserve my daughter's (and my son's) childhood for as long as I can. They only get it once. Why not make it long and sunny? (I have a whole post on this drafted up for Raising Homemakers. I will let you know when it publishes.)

I want to preserve Scotty's innocence by keeping him away from the images of scantily clad women that our culture is saturated in. So at 20 months he doesn't watch cable. But what do I do in "the real world"? I saw on The Duggar's show one time where they had a code word for the boys/men when out in public. If the women/girls saw another female dressed immodestly they would say this word, immediately the males would look at their feet and keep walking until they were told all is clear. Sounds a little extreme. Or does it? I am still mulling this over. I have a friend that does this with her son and husband.

What bothers me the most is the way we, as Christians, have been brain washed into thinking this loss of innocence is just normal and going to happen. That immodest clothing for little girls is cute, that inappropriate movies are funny, that sex education needs to be taught far too early, because we want them to hear it from us first etc. I have fallen prey to it before myself. But I am choosing to be more aware, to put my guard up, and to protect these children in my care. I am not going to concede to our society. I am not.

I believe that I have a God-given role in the life of my children to preserve their innocence. I am still working out exactly how. I do not want my children to be defenseless in our culture, but the Bible also tells me to dwell on what is pure, true, lovely.

Philippians4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.


I think my children's childhood should mirror this. The gift of innocence is a beautiful thing I can give to my children.

I do not want to stir up controversy, but I would love some discussion.
What do you do to preserve innocence in your children?
Have you thought about it before?