I just saw this pop up in my reader and thought I should clarify that this post is written by Leah P! I (Christina) just posted it for her while she is in Disney World!
As you all know, I am the proud mom of two little boys. Our first, Samuel, was conceived during the first month of "trying." we thought we'd like to have a baby around the time Ed was finishing seminary and we knew it may take a few months to conceive. We were SO shocked to find out I was pregnant right away. We had gone to a ski resort for a weekend getaway before spring semester started and I was a little curious that I was so late getting my period and that I was super exhausted. I decided to take a pregnancy test just to see before we spent the day skiing. Lo and behold it was positive! We spent the weekend laying around the room adjusting to the idea that we were soon to be parents.
After Samuel was born we prevented coception for a few months but then decided to just see what would happen. I got my period back when Samuel was 9 months old and got pregnant the next month. Our boys are 19 months apart. Joel was born and things were going so well that we decided not to prevent at all after he was born and again see what would happen. That was 3 years and 2 months ago.
I trust in God and his plan through all of this. As Joel turned 1 and for the few months after, I began to get pretty discouraged that I wasn't getting pregnant. It was at that time that I got so sick and ended up in the hospital with severe ulcerative colitis. If I would have been pregnant at that time, it would have been a terrible situation. I was losing so much weight at that point that I don't know if my body could have carried the baby. And I wouldn't have been able to have my surgery if I were pregnant. I see now why God had shut my womb.
We went back to preventing pregnancy during my surgeries and for 9 months after. But in Oct 2010 my doctors gave me the go ahead to try again for a baby. That means we are in our 8th month of trying. I am continuing to trust God with the timing and even with the possibility if we will have any more children. The big struggle for me is wanting to know if I am looking at my complete family or if God has more children for us. I don't know how I feel about being okay with not having more children. I just always thought we would. I know that women who have had my surgeries have 30% higher instances of infertility. I don't think that bothers me too much. I know I was so terribly sick towards the end that I needed that surgery. But I wished so badly at the time that I could have been at the hospital havig a baby instead. Will I be there some day? I just don't know.
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing this post, Leah! We love you guys and will be praying with you for the Lord's timing in this! All our love!!!! :)
Leah, have ya'll considered adoption? I don't want you to think I am suggesting it as a "plan b". I just got the feeling reading your post that you don't feel like God is done with your family, and wasn't sure if this might be His way of leaning you towards adoption. I am not trying to offend you in anyway, just throwing that out there with lots of love and grace.
I'm sure you are somewhat discouraged, but you have to remember what your little prophet Samuel said. If Emma is suppose to have dark skin, I don't think she'll be coming from your womb. I think you would have some explaining to do if she did.
Seriously though, I didn't know you had been given the go ahead to try. I'll be praying for you. That you will find peace each month and not be anxious.
Thanks for the encouragement ladies. I wanted to share b/c I think the emotions involved with having a hard time getting pregnant once you already have kids are a little complicated.
Courtney - thanks for the encouragement towards adoption. It is something we have talked about before (Ed's closest brother was adopted as a foster child). We continue to have that conversation. If you read the comment by my cousin Kari, she is repeating a story I told that Samuel told me he would someday have a sister named Emma with dark skin. :)
Leah, thanks for sharing your heart! I know myself how hard it is to not be able to get pregnant when you would love to. Praying for you to find peace. I'm not telling you to "not think about it", that never worked for me:-( However, it is good to remember He is sovereign...in everything.
Love, Eliska
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