The Comparison Game

It is so easy to get into the comparison game, especially as a mom. Our sinful nature compares our lives with those of others who seem to have it 'more together', and we start to live in worry, fear, and doubt. We question everything we do, we try to do more, and we begin to put our worth in what we do instead of finding our worth and value in what Christ has done. Tim Challies has a great blog post about Competitive Mothering that is 'spot on' regarding this subject.

Please know that the authors of POH write their posts to encourage and uplift our readers, and we never intend to hold up our lives as "the only way." May you be encouraged by what we and other moms in the blogsphere write, and may you rest in Christ's conquering of sin on your behalf. Christ is all that matters--not your schooling choices, number of children, or monthly menus. Trust in Him! (If you do not know what it means to trust in Christ, please ask us! I also recommend you read The Story, which explains who made us and why we were made.)

Prayer Journaling for Your Husband and Children

Hi friends, it's Leah F! One of my dearest friends recently wrote about journaling and praying for your children, and I thought it would be a blessing to our Prayer of Hannah readers. Thanks for reading.

"So train the young women to love their husbands and children." - (Titus 2:4 ESV)

I learned this very well from my mentor, Phyllis, through the years as I've watched her diligently and passionately pray for her husband and children, and their spouses, and now her grandchildren.  As I've started my own for my husband, and now my Baby Boy Campbell coming in September, I wanted to share some thoughts and how-tos that I've learned from her over the almost 20 years of knowing her.

1.  Get paper.  I remember after my second date with my husband, I went to B&N later that night and got a moleskin notebook and started journaling and praying for him, knowing one day I would give it to him at our wedding.  And I did.  He is reading through it now.  But, really, ladies...you don't need a moleskin or fancy notebook.  You can use a journaling Bible (like this one from Crossway) and journal through your reading in there or just grab some loose-leaf paper and stick it in a folder (like we did back in high school, before everything needed to be turned through a computer).  The paper doesn't matter, the action does.

2.  Get a pen/pencil/crayon.  I have tried to steer away from pens that will bleed through the pages of my moleskin (almost done with a #2 right now) but sometimes a bleed pen is the only one around.  I would also challenge you to get a real pen and paper (not a computer) because you'll be able to cherish these notebooks for years to come and your children and husband can read them as well!  I know we are a techno world now, but I truly believe that some things are better hand-written.

3.  Get a Bible.  One of the MUSTS for this type of praying is that you pray Scripture over your spouse/children.  What Phyllis taught me is that I don't need books or even to be really creative, I just need God's Word.  She trusts in its sufficiency, and so do I.  You don't have to start a new reading  plan - just read.  If you want to, start with the Psalms or one of Paul's epistles or (gasp!) even the book of Deuteronomy.  Pray these Scriptures for your husband/children.  Here is an example from Psalm 112:

   Praise the LORD!
 Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
  who greatly delights in his commandments!
 His offspring will be mighty in the land;
  the generation of the upright will be blessed.
 Wealth and riches are in his house,
  and his righteousness endures forever.
 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
  he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
 It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
  who conducts his affairs with justice.
 For the righteous will never be moved;
  he will be remembered forever.
 He is not afraid of bad news;
  his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
 His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
  until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
(Psalm 112:1-8 ESV)

"Father, I praise you and thank you that you have given me a Psalm 112 husband.  Thank you for answering that prayer.  I thank you that E fears you more than he fears man and that he takes great delight in your word each morning, even as we are going through James this year as a couple.  I pray that our children, even this little one in my tummy right now, will be blessed to follow and know you and dwell richly and mightily in the land as they seek you wholeheartedly because of your grace and the display of faithfulness of their earthly Father (all because of grace).  Thank you for allowing my E to show me grace and mercy when I fail, and fail miserably at times.  Thank you also that he pursues you and righteousness.  Continue to weigh in his heart and his actions so that they might please you.  I praise YOU that E is a generous man who does not hoard the money that you have blessed us with but wants our giving and our home to be a place of blessing for others.  May we continue to live in that way.  I pray Lord, that even in difficult times, that you would make his heart strong and firm in you - knowing that you never change and that you will lead him in righteousness (Psalm 23).  Do not let him coward and be afraid, but be bold and know that you are God until the day that you make him triumph over his enemies for the glory of God in the world."

And you can take the same chapter and pray it for your children, as I will for baby Campbell.

4.  Pray.  I know this may seem like the easiest one to do, and I do pray for E all the time and pray for baby Campbell as well (honestly mostly in the shower), but do this.  I remember living for a time with my mentor and her family.  I remember waking up early in the morning and walking downstairs, and Phyllis had already been there for hours praying and reading for her soul and the soul of her family.  This was such a testimony to me.  I fail in this so much.  I need more grace to make it happen and to make it a glorious habit.

5.  Save.  Save your journals.  I will save mine.  Got an email from Phyllis this morning even that she has bookshelves and a chest full of these journals.  What a legacy for your children and spouse as they see a wife/mother who first loved Jesus then prayed and loved them as well all the days of her life. 

6.  Side note: I sometimes read these journals to E as a way to encourage him.  I let him read the first one (I gave it to him before our wedding).  I use it as part journal of our marriage too.  So for part of the journal I'm talking to God and part of it I'm talking to E, or baby Campbell in his.  I've already seen how encouraging this can be and how much fruit can be harvested from this daily duty of delight (see John Piper). 

7.  Baby Boy Praying: When I found out we were going to be blessed with a little boy, I immediately wanted to know how I could pray, as a mother, for him to grow into a young man who loved Jesus.  A former boss of mine suggested Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schulz.  I purchased it and have been reading the short chapters and prayer journaling my thoughts on the gospel and manhood for baby Campbell.  I hope it will be a blessing to him one day. 

PS...You can definitely read through books and pray those for your husband or children.  I remember reading through A Guide to Biblical Manhood written by SBTS Profs Dan Dumas and Randy Stinson and praying through those traits for E before we got married.  By all means, use other things, but let Scripture be your guiding principle!

May I encourage you to begin today to be a wife and mother who lives, has daily dependence on God and His Word and by communing with Him in prayer.  We fail miserably when we try to survive on our own!   Thankful the Holy Spirit works His Word in us and shapes and fashions us according to His Plan and for His glory!

Phyllis - thank you for praying for Billy, Jeremy/Katie, Jill/Matt and all your beautiful grandchildren - and for me.  You have truly been a Scriptural blessing in my life and continue to be so!  Proverbs 31 by grace, you are!   And if you have anything you would like to add Phyllis, please add it in the comments: I still have much to learn!

Kimberly Campbell is a wife, freelance writer and soon to be mom of a sweet baby boy due in September. She blogs at www.kd316.com

Being thankful for the little moments...

I love being a Mom! There are, of course, moments I do not enjoy (such as when Karlie doesn't stop asking the same question for the 100th time or when Abbi wakes me up at night over and over again or when Karis insists on driving her sister crazy with her singing), but I accept those moments as part of my job and usually can manage to laugh at them later. Most days, I also have moments of bliss (I call them Mommy moments) when I manage to step back out of the craziness and my heart swells with joy and thankfulness. I decided that I really wanted to remember those precious moments so beginning with the new year, I started writing down my favorite memory of the day right before bed each night. It is usually not anything spectacular... just something simple that made me smile. I thought I would share a few of my favorite moments from the first week of the year with some pictures we took the same week:

1. Watching Karis help Abbi walk -- Karis loves to hold Abbi's hands and help her walk. She isn't very good at it and often pulls her down, but she is so sweet in her excitement about Abbi walking and Abbi just loves the attention and usually just laughs hysterically when they fall down together.
2. Karlie getting excited about feeding Abbi -- I usually just put all of Abbi's food on her tray and let her feed herself, but Karlie seems to get the biggest kick out of helping Abbi. I cannot tell you how excited she gets when I let her give Abbi food and it is so cute!

3. Karis holding her pencil correctly -- We haven't done a lot of handwriting in our homeschool yet because Karis was stubbornly uninterested. She loved dot-to-dots and mazes, but the minute I tried to teach her how to write letters and help her fix her fingers for handwriting, she would get irritated. I decided to wait until she was more interested and we tried again after Christmas. She is now very proud of herself and allowing me to help her hold her pencil correctly!

4. Doing "alphabet movement" with my girls whenever the weather isn't fit for outside time -- I printed out the fun cards and my girls have to choose the next one in alphabetical order. They think the exercises are hilarious and we laugh the entire time. So much fun!

5. In basketball class on Saturday, I suddenly realized that Karis had her arm around Karlie while they waited in line for their turn to pass the ball to the rhino. It was ever so sweet and also a bit funny to watch them try to move up in line together. I love seeing them be affectionate with each other :)

6. Smores in the backyard with my Mark and my girls. The girls LOVE it when we build a fire and were just ever so excited and happy.

7. Listening to Karis and Karlie make up songs about Mary and baby Jesus in the backseat of the van.

Loving the Little Years...a post from Rachel Jankovic

I've heard this little book called Loving the Little Years recommended MANY times. I have not read it yet. (Stay with me...there is a point to bringing up this book!) I'm pretty sure Hollie just read it actually...Hollie? Did you like it?

Anyways...my friend Christy just sent me a link to the article I'm about to share. She thought it would be great to share with our readers and I couldn't agree more! I was very excited to realize that the blog post below was written by the author of this book, Rachel Jankovic! It's a blog written by her and three other ladies. (Sound familiar? Oh, wait...none of us have written a book. Ha! :)

I'm going to share the contents of the post below. It's titled On Women, Divisiveness, and Hobby Horses. Please, please, please go visit her blog, Femina. It seems as though it is a great read!! So, here it is. Let me know what you think!

We all know that women are pretty much the worst at getting tangled up in heated, personally charged arguments about things (things being pretty much everything pertaining to children). Someone comes along to say that breastfeeding is the way the truth and the life, and people start throwing stink bombs. Someone barges through saying that epidurals are the only answer to the problem of pain, and before you know it, churchwomen will be driving cars with “Ban Sally from Mothering” bumper stickers. Some poor woman makes a comment at a baby shower about how she is scheduling her baby’s feedings to try to get more sleep, and women will begin making pointed comments about baby wearing and co-sleeping, and when the next la leche league meeting is. People start using words that are too big for the situations and start alienating Christian sisters over whatever they have decided is a monumental issue.


But here is the real big issue: Christians are not allowed to have hot button issues which they use to stir up trouble. Sure, you may care about things. Yes, you should have reasons for why you are doing what you are doing.




But have you gotten so involved in an “issue” that you cannot fellowship with Christian brothers and sisters who think it is silly? Are you so caught up in teaching your kids phonics while they are in the womb that you need smelling salts when someone laughs about it? Does it stress you out to see a “christian” mother feeding her children easy cheese? Do you long to pelt her house with copies of Nourishing Traditions with important parts highlighted? Are you the wrath of God as pertains to birthing methods, educational systems, and nutrition?


Now here is the thing. Principles are the things that God lays out for us. Love your children. Serve the Lord. Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Children are a blessing. Be fruitful. Methods are the tools we use to try to accomplish these things.


Methods vary, even when the people involved are all following God. Do not get caught up in method camps and chisel away at the number of saints you can fellowship with every time you read a new article about that thing that has become the most important thing. Do not build for yourself an arsenal of inflammatory topics. Do not be quick to fire off heated comments.


The thing about principles and methods is that if you agree on the principle, the method is not such a big deal. But most of us know this – we understand the difference between the two, and yet we still get all wangled into madness about it. Why is this?


Here is my theory: If principles are the content of what is being said, methods are the languages used. We agree that a good principle is “love your children.” So we each say it to them in our own language. Some of us might say it in schedule feeding, and some of us might say it with a sling. The problem comes in when someone overhears someone else “talking” to their children. Quickly translating into her own language, she overhears something like, “I do not love you, and you are a fink!” Outrage ensues.


We want to hear people speaking in our own languages. We have labored over all our translation manuals, worked to have just the right accent, and so it grates on us to hear someone come say the same thing in pig latin. We often refuse to admit that it is the same thing – it just can’t be.


Now the point of this is certainly not to say that there are not objectively better ways to communicate to our children. Some people may be speaking in pig latin, some in a random smorgasbord of cliche sayings, and some only speak to their children in Italian sonnets. Some methods are better. Some methods are dumber. My point is not that we shouldn’t have an opinion about methods, but that we should be comfortable with different languages. When people speak in different languages, it ought to give us joy. The world is a crazy place. The church is a crazy place.


So, next time someone says the clearly outrageous, just remember this: there is a wrong way to be right. There is also a right way to be wrong. And there is always a greater right than being right.

The Benefits of Being a SAHM

Here is a list of things that I'm thankful I get to experience as a SAHM. I often take these for granted, but wanted to reflect here about how great they truly are.

1. Snuggling in the mornings b/c we're not in a rush to get out the door.
2. Getting to laugh all day long at the silly things my boys say.
3. Picking how much/little my boys watch TV.
4. Going on outings to the library, the zoo, the farm.
5. Hanging out with friends for playdates.
6. Going to MOMs group.
7. Reading to my kids throughout the day and watching their vocabulary blossom because of it.
8. Going to the grocery during the day when it isn't as busy.
9. Talking to my kids throughout the day about God and His Creation.
10. Listening to our VBS songs in the van and hearing the boys start to sing along.
11. Getting stuff done during the day/week so that our weekends can be clear to do fun things.
12. Playing with my kids.
13. Getting to go visit my out-of-town parents for a week at a time without having to take vacation days.
14. Having opportunities all day long to teach my children good manners.
15. Being there to answer their questions.
16. Knowing what they've done all day long and helping them tell their dad all about it.
17. Saving money on things I can do around the house since I'm home.
18. Being able to go to BSF, and to take my kids there too for their awesome children's program.
19. Being the one my children spend the most time with.
20. Getting to hug and kiss my boys all day long.

What about you? Do you have any favorites that you'd like to add?

My Weaknesses as a SAHM

There are a few things that really stick out to me when I consider the sins I constantly face as a SAHM. These probably apply to other women as well, but sometimes spending so much time at home seems to really bring these out.

1. Ignoring my kids. Since I spend all my time at home, I feel like there is a big blur between mommy time and me time. Life is just not comparmentalized. Your home is where you work and where you are supposed to retreat. For me, this translates into me being pulled to me time when I should be focusing on mommy time. I think I can just pop on the computer for a bit while the kids are playing. Or I see the newspaper and think it would be so great to sit down and read it for awhile. But then the kitchen sits messy or the bathroom doesn't get cleaned. In the end, I think it's my kids that suffer. I put myself before them and don't get down on the floor and play with them.

2. Comparing myself with other moms. As I said, I spend a lot of time with other moms. This gives me plenty of time to fret about what ways they are better than me and what ways I'm better than them. I wish I was as skinny as Erica. I wish I was as pretty as Keyna. I wish I was as fit as Kristin. It goes on. But it also goes the other way. I find myself criticizing (in my head) the way that different moms parent their kids. I climb right up on my high horse the minute I walk into the library and see a mom letting her kid crawl all over the furniture and throw toys. I pat myself on the back when Samuel & Joel say please and thank you while the other kids grab. I think about how I would organize the house differently if I lived at that mom's house. I am being really honest here because I want to expose my pride for what it is - ugly, ugly sin! I hate it when I catch myself being this way. And I feel like there is so much competition as a SAHM. Do I do preschool with my kids? What kind of schedule do I keep? How clean is my house? Am I going to homeschool? It gets so exhausting and before I tsk my tongue and think it's just something that happens to me, I have to admit that it's something I inflict on others as well.

3. Resenting my husband. The first would be that my husband gets to go to work every day and get a break from the house and chaos. I think a lot of SAHMs struggle with this one. I don't know if our schedule makes this more or less pronounced than others. Ed works from 3pm-12pm Monday through Friday. That means that he usually sleeps until 8:30 or 9am. We get up at 7 or 7:30. I find myself getting so upset when I have to get up with the kids every day while Ed "sleeps in". I wish I could just sleep until I was ready to get up. And then he gets to come downstairs and have breakfast (which I've fixed for him) and then I clean it up. Same with lunch - he waits for me to lay out lunch and then he sits down to eat it. And I clean up. Dinner? Same drill - I cook and clean. Can you see my bad attitude dripping through here? Ed goes to work at 3, comes home for dinner between 6 and 7, and then heads back to work for the rest of the night. That leaves me to do bedtime every night. When I talk about our schedule to others, I always talk about how great it is to have Ed home during the day. But as I go through my day, I find myself getting so upset all the time and resenting him. It is NOT him - it is DEFINITELY me and a sinful tendency to make everything me vs. him. He is a GREAT dad and he really does help out so much during the day. And he cleans the kitchen floor for me! The problem isn't anything he does or doesn't do. It's me building up resentment towards him. I always seem to concentrate on the negative instead of the positive. And this tends to cause strain on our marriage. I find it so hard to put away the resentment.

4. Finding my job mundane. Ugh. This is the worst for me. I focus too closely on the day to day things I'm doing as my job instead of stepping back to see the bigger picture of what I'm actually accomplishing here. I see my job as a SAHM as a combination house cleaner, cook, babysitter, grocery shopper, laundrymat, etc. And I get so bored. But is that why Ed and I decided it would be a priority for me to stay home once we had kids? Absolutely not. I became a SAHM so that I could be the one to fix my kids meals, talk to them about their day, teach them things along the way, teach them about the Lord and how much He loves them, put them to bed at night, be a living example to them. I should clean my house because I love my husband. I should cook the meals because I care about my family's health. I should never view spending time with my kids as just 'babysitting'. I should do a good job shopping because I want to be a good steward with my money (okay, for everyone that knows me, you know that I actually enjoy this part!). Sure, a lot of what I do is mundane. I get it. But there are things that need to be done one way or another. I can either hire someone else to do it, not do it at all, or do my job with joy because I am doing it for the Lord. If I step back and think about it, life isn't necessarily meant to be fun or easy. I think about all that women have had to do for centuries past, as well as what other women around the world do today and I realize I actually do have it pretty good. It just takes that stepping outside of myself to get a little perspective.

I realize this was a really negative post as far as sharing all the downsides I find in being a SAHM. But I am thinking that some of you out there might feel the same way at one time or another. Tomorrow I'll touch on how I try to turn these things around as well as things that I think I would miss if I weren't a SAHM.

Making Friends as a SAHM

The comic strip I shared at the beginning of the week ended by saying "You have time to make friends." Do you feel like this is true for you?

I would say that I have 3 very good local friends. I say 'local' because I would count a handful of others as 'good friends', but I don't live in the same state/country as them and keep in touch by e-mail.

[This is me in the hospital with Erica, Keyna, our moms group leader Ellen, and Amy]

All three of my good friends (Erica, Keyna & Amy) are from my church and mothers of small children. I met all three of them when I started attending a moms group at their church (we were going somewhere else at the time). The moms group would meet every other Tuesday morning. But then one of the moms had the idea to get together at the church gym with our kids on the off-Tuesdays (the kids rode their bikes around the gym and the moms could chat). I got to know these women and other moms in the group over the course of 6 months or so. When our family moved to our new house, the commute to our church got to be too long and we decided to start attending the same church where I was attending the moms group.

I became good friends with these three women because I spent a lot of time with them. I really think that is the key to making friends when you are a SAHM. I know one of you mentioned to me that when you worked your co-workers were your friends. You got to see them every day and you became friends. Think about how much time you spent with those people - probably about 40 hours a week! Do you have someone now that you spend even a fraction of that time with? You'd never get anything done around the house! :) BUT, I think it's very important to spend that quantity time with others to build a friendship. Think about the friends you made when you were growing up. You spent 8 hours a day with them at school and then hung out after school and on the weekends. You became good friends because you spent a lot of time together.

Here's how much time I probably spend with my friend Erica in one week:
Sunday - 3 hours at church (service, coffee time, Sunday School class)
Tuesday - 3 hours (moms group or play time and lunch)
Another weekday - 3 hours (get together at her house or mine)
Now, that's not 40 hours, but it is something like 9.

Consider how often I see my friend Keyna: Sunday for church and date night, Tuesday for moms group, Wednesday for AWANA, Thursday for Bible Study Fellowship, and sometimes again on the weekend. We see each other A LOT, even if it's for short little conversations here or there.

Amy is a working mom (she works MWF), so I don't get to see her as much during the week. But we still make it work. We see each other on Sundays and Tuesdays and Wednesday nights and sometimes our families will do stuff together on the weekends.

Here are the things that I think have helped me become good friends with these women:
1. Time. Not just quantity, like I mentioned above, but making it a priority to spend time with them.
2. Similar aged children. Keyna's kids and Amy's kids are the same age as mine. Erica's youngest is a little younger than Samuel and then her other two are 5 and 6.
3. Giving it time to happen. I met these women 1.5 years ago. It's probably just in the past 6 months that I could say they were good friends.
4. Planning things to do together. We are always coming up with places to go together. It's fun to have a buddy to go on an adventure with and the kids love getting out of the house with friends.

Leah F. commented earlier that it seems like just as you're getting close to someone, something happens, including them moving away. I can relate to this. We spent 3 years in Wake Forest, and then 6 months in San Francisco, and then moved here to Chicago. But even then we moved churches a few times as we moved houses. I was lucky to make friends in Wake Forest who were either new like us and therefore going to be around awhile or others who were planted in the Wake Forest area. (BTW, did you all know that that's how most of us POH authors know each other? We were friends while in Wake Forest and have since dispersed around the globe) Now that we're here in Chicago, I feel like the friends I've made probably won't be moving anytime soon, or us either. I think living in a transient community can be a real hinderance to building quality friendships, but it's still possible.

I want to end by saying that having good friends is a real blessing to me and helps me to enjoy my job as a SAHM. I like the give and take of a close friendship. I really love and respect the women God has put in my life. Having close friends is especially important to me because I don't live near family. I don't have my mom to hang out with or to watch my kids for me when I need a break. These friends provide a little bit of that for me, and I can provide it for them.

What about you? Do you feel like you have a good friend? Are you investing the time needed to cultivate that relationship? Do you think it's worth it?

My Goals as a SAHM

I wanted to share with you the first entry in my mommy journal. BTW, my mommy journal is a journal my cousin bought for me and then made an adorable quilted cover for. Each page has a passage of Scripture and a little anecdote with probing thoughts about being a mom. I try to read a page of it every once and awhile and record my current thoughts/feelings about being a mom. To start off my thoughts in this journal, I recorded a few bits of Scripture that really speak to me as a wife/mom and speak to the ideals I'd like to keep. Here's the entry:

Titus 2:4-5 And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be maligned.

Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.

Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:26-27 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Who do I want to be? 1) Loving. 2)Self-controlled. 3)Pure. 4)Hardworking at home. 5)Kind. 6)Submissive. 7)Treasurer. 8)Ponderer. 9)Trustworthy. 10)Do-gooder. 11)Speaking wisdom. 12)Teaching kindness. 13)Caretaker of my household. 14)Not lazy. 15)Fearing the Lord.

What does Ed want of me/need me to be? 1)A lover. 2)Speaking words of affirmation. 3)Caretaker of my home/household. 4)Praying and reading God's Word. 5)Mindful of time. 6)Mindful of money. 7)Teaching the boys.

What do the boys need me to be? 1)Loving. 2)Speaking wisdom. 3)Teaching kindness. 4)Treasuring and pondering their growing up. 5)Praying for them. 6)Not lazy.

Micah 6:8 He has shown thee, O Man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee: but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God. (btw, I have no idea what version this is. It's just how I memorized it when I first became a believer b/c it was a song we sang in youth group!)

Lord, please teach me to love my husband and my children. I desire to bring you honor by allowing you to transform my relationships. I humbly submit myself to your will and your ways. I want to honor Ed by being a good, godly wife that is a blessing to him. I want to teach my children with a godly love so that they can learn to fear you and love you. I love you Lord, and I thank You for all the grace you pour into my life.

Childproofing or Sanityproofing?

Have you been down the childproofing aisle at Babies R' Us lately!? I hadn't for at least a year and it seems to have EXPLODED! Compared to the products available - we use very little physical barriers for childproofing. What I do use is more often for MY OWN SANITY than my children's safety. Not ashamed to admit that, the childproofing products work great for that purpose too. :)

When we first had Will, I did the typical baby gate to block the steps and outlet covers. But that was it! When I first started keeping Ava, she was 8 months old and Adeline was 6 months old. Will was not even 2.5 yet. So, I did add a few extra baby gates and cabinet locks. Mostly to block everyone in the living room and specifically OUT of the kitchen (and food!) - otherwise I was tripping over babies while trying to cook.

Over time, the only things I've added have been for sanity not safety. But again, they work great! The following pictures were taken 10 minutes ago and truly show exactly how we use these products in our home currently:

Adeline's door is on the left and Will's on the right. The door knob cover over Adeline's door was initially to keep Will out. Prior to our slight modification to his doorknob (look closely - the lock is on the outside) we would find him wandering and sometimes in his sister's room while she was asleep! He's since figured out how to open doors with knob covers although its not easy and he often gives up.

About Will's door knob...we had a short phase of Will getting out of bed and wandering. While we nipped it in the bud with some discipline, it scared me to DEATH. I would turn around and he would be there when I was LEAST expecting it. So to save me from a heart attack, we decided to turn the lock around. (Not to mention keep him from falling down the stairs in the middle of the night...) We rarely lock it now, especially as we're working REALLY hard to encourage him to get up on his own and use the bathroom when necessary at night or first thing in the morning.

We only have a sprinkling of outlet covers left in our house. Honestly, I've only ever seen Will even think about playing with one but we also nipped that in the bud and it hasn't happened since.

BUT...part of the reason it hasn't happened since is that I added these outlet covers to the visible outlets in Will's room. They are the kind you have to slide to the right to insert the plug. When the plug is removed it slides back to the left automatically. I got them off Amazon when we were having a problem with Will obeying and plugging/unplugging his humidifier. The next battle came with his small Christmas tree we had in his room. So with these, he is safe should he choose to disobey. We also put one on the outlet where we had our big Christmas tree plugged in. All of the kids liked that plug because it turned the lights on!

I do have these cabinet locks in my kitchen and bathrooms. Obviously to keep cleaning products "locked" up - but again, Will can get past them now and has been able to for a while. They are really just a visual reminder that he is not allowed in those cabinets. The cabinet on the left that is undone is for food. Again a visual reminder that they have to ask first - otherwise my kids would help themselves to snacks all day!

The last item we use most right now really is the monitor. I still use this for both of my kids and I can hear (and usually be able to tell) exactly what they are doing when out of my sight in their rooms. I use the Fisher Price Sound and Lights monitor and when Adeline came along, we bought a second set at a consignment sale. Each kid is on a different channel and it works great. (At night - our room is so close to theirs - I can hear either without the monitor.)

I usually know which child I need to listen for at which time. For example, I listen for Will at the beginning of nap time until I know he's asleep as this is the most likely time he would get up and get in trouble! Once he's asleep - I switch to Adeline as she's the most likely to wake up crying and wake the others! Again, the monitor is more about my sanity than their safety.

The bottom line is (in my opinion) - don't go overboard with safety items. Teach your child what is off limits and why (if they are old enough - like Will). Add safety barriers as needed. Some may not have the same laid back attitude we do - or maybe I'm kidding myself and I'm not laid back at all!?

Any other interesting tips for childproofing or sanityproofing your home?

My Bible Study System

I guess I have a very basic system for studying the Bible. I use a program that my husband has called QuickVerse. With it you can customize your own bible study reading plan. I used to have a very detailed one where I was reading the Old and New Testaments, plus the Psalms and Proverbs each daily. Sadly, they upgraded their program and I now think it is entirely too complicated to customize a plan like the one I had. So, this year I had to simplify and I'm reading through the Old Testament once this year and the New Testament twice. I'm trying to add the Psalms and Proverbs on my own, but I really miss having them in the plan! I like organization! But, even without Quickverse, there are a number of bible reading plans online. Just do a simple search and you'll find many out there (or some Bibles even come with a plan in it already). I don't find this to be a lot of reading at all, and I'm also trying to get ahead, as we are expecting our third child this summer and I'm sure to get a little behind with all the newborn craziness. But, even if I get off track (as I did last fall when we moved to Scotland), I still try to remain in the Word every day. If I have questions, or run across something interesting or something I haven't noticed before, I spend extra time studying that particular topic and looking it up in various commentaries (I have really loved the Focus on the Bible commentary series by Dale Ralph Davis. I've read several of these and love how they supplement my Old Testament Reading.)

I also don't get hung up on what particular time I do devotions. I hear all the time that doing devotions early in the morning is best and I've tried it and can't stick with it. It might be best for some people, but I'm simply not a morning person and never have been. I usually read during my kid's naptime or at night once they go to bed. This has worked for me for years and I'm sticking with it. Time in the Word never returns void!

Time in the Word for a New Mom

I really liked what Hollie had to say yesterday about her primary focus being in the Word. I whole-heartedly agree. When you are short on time or energy, it's best to go straight to the source - the Living Water.

After each of my boys were born, I found it hard to have one time in the day carved out and devoted to reading/studying. Their schedules fluxuated so much in the beginning, and most times I tried to sleep when they slept. I found what worked best for me to be in the Word was to pick one small book of the Bible and read it over and over again. For Samuel, it was Ephesians. For Joel, Colossians. I knew right where to turn each time I sat down to read my Bible. Sometimes I had time to read through the whole book. Sometimes I only made it through a chapter. But going back to the same book did two things for me: I never had to fret about what to read, and it really sunk in to me after reading it over and over for months on end. Sometimes our minds aren't the best when we're tired and also healing from the birthing process. Reading the same book over and over allowed God's Word to really sink in and settle in my mind.

If you are a new mama out there and you're feeling a little lost when it comes to spending time in the Word, I really encourage you to try this method and see if it works for you.

Favorite Devotions for Moms

Call me old-fashioned, but for my time with the Lord, I mainly stick to reading the Word and trying to maximize every chance I can get to move the LIVING WORD from the pages to my head and into my heart. Don't get me wrong, I love other things like devotions to help me deepen my understanding of the Word, and that's what I use those things for...to help me understand, but I don't replace my time in the Word with those things. Those devotions always follow behind my reading, if time permits. Nothing can replace the True and Living Word.

At this stage in my life, with a three year old and a five month old that is so very far from sleeping through the night, time does NOT permit me to enjoy an extra devotion or book. Oh I wish it did. I am thrilled if I can carve out QUALITY time in the Word for me. I say quality, because right now, my time in the Word seems so rushed. I know it will get better, but in the meantime, I must do what I can to get the Word in my daily life somehow: scripture on the walls of my home, make a song out of scripture and sing it with my toddler (who LOVES to sing anything and everything), carry scripture in my back pocket, keep my small Bible tucked away in the pocket of the glider, etc..

From my past devos, I have really liked:

• Beth Moore Bible Studies (and one summer I bought the Spanish version of a Beth Moore Bible Study, so as to challenge myself to continue to learn and sharpen my Spanish), as well as her blog, Living Proof Ministries
• One on One with God: This particular study does aid you in your time in the Word. I have posted about this study before on POH, but it truly changed my life and my walk with the Lord. I love the free downloads of the reading plan and blank pages for daily Bible reading notes as you read along.

I will post more as I think of them. This Mama is writing too late and must get in bed! Can't wait to make my devo wish list from your feedback and this week's posts. Blessings over your week as you hide away in the Word, as well as LIVE IT OUT this week. Tootles!

Preserving Quiet Times for Moms

I'd like to take a different angle on how to preserve your pursuit of the Lord and share a few practical ways that could hopefully help you balance out and preserve the spiritual disciplines in your busy life. I know for me, when I get busy, I might continue with one, maybe two of the spiritual disciplines, but there are always a few that are easily replaced when I am busy.

Back in college while being discipled, being a woman of balance was a daily prayer of mine and having balance in my spiritual disciplines was vital. Visualize with me for a moment the effort put forth and necessary in having a strong grasp of something in your hand. In this instance, let's use our Bibles as the object and goal of which we need to talk hold. Better yet, if you have your Bible next to you, go ahead and pick it up in such a way that you wouldn't want someone to knock it out of your hand. Notice the strongest part of your hand's grasp is your thumb, which is probably on the bottom side of your Bible and all four of your fingers are needed on top making this the strongest one-handed hold possible, right? You can't hold the Word tightly with just four fingers and using just your thumb and your index finger would not create a strong enough grasp of the Word. In this illustration, your fingers represent hearing the Word, reading the Word, studying the Word, and memorizing the Word. Lastly, meditation is the thumb, for it is used in conjuction with each of the other four methods. Unless you meditate and chew on the Word in conjuction with reading, in conjuction with hearing, in conjuction with studying, and in conjuction with memorizing, wouldn't you agree it's difficult to say that you are truly saturating your life and grasping the Word in its entirety?

Scripture Memory: I've mentioned this in the past, but my most favorite way to hide the Word of God in my heart is through this scripture memory box. You can make one yourself very inexpensively. I need organization, as well as as system of repetition to keep past scriptures, that I've hidden in my heart, fresh on and at the forefront of my mind. As a mother of small children, a great place for this box is right beside the glider where I spend lots of my time. More great places to keep your box could be on your nightstand, in your car as you drive to work, on your desk at work or next to your stove where you'll be standing and spending lot of time cooking, cleaning, unloading the dishwasher, washing bottles, etc.. Love this method! (An easy way to make the tabs is to buy the index card dividers that are labeled A-Z, turn them around, and write the names of each of the scripture memory dividers. You will need to buy two packs. However, I do not use the "odd/even" tabs in my box, but you definitely could incorporate that in your box, if desired.)

Hearing the Word: This advice is a given, but I feel the need to mention it briefly. Please stay faithful to attending church on Sundays, and if available your small group, Sunday school, or classes of the like. It's so important to have this type of "hearing" of the Word in your life. If are a super sleepy Mama, glued to the glider and feeling like you have zero time and absolutely no self-control in keeping your eyes open for reading the Word, definitely take advantage of the resources you have online for "hearing" of the Word. If you have an ipod, shuffle, etc.. your options are endless. There are so many free sermons out there. If anything, tap into a great church's website and listen to its weekly sermons. On itunes, search for free sermons/messages from great pastors like, Mark Driscoll, Matt Chandler, and John Piper.

Reading the Word: Margaret did a fantastic job emphasizing the importance of choosing YOUR time of day to stay persistent in seeking the Lord daily. My heart is always encouraged when I read about how other busy Moms fight for that time in the Word. Thank you Margaret. Some people like to read the Bible chronologically, pick books of the Bible and read them in their entirety before moving onto another book, read parts of the Old Testament and New Testament to gain an understanding of the big picture of the Word of God, etc.. There are superb reading plans out there for those of you who love to have a scheduled reading. The Discipleship Study called One on One with God is a great course to take if you know of anyone who is teaching it in your area. Their website has great free downloads to assist you in your walk, such as a wonderful reading calendar that I love, lined pages on which to take notes during your daily Bible reading times, lined pages for sermon notes, and a great prayer template to keep you accountable to a balanced prayer life. All of these resources are 5½” X 8½”, the size of a small, loose-leaf notebook and when you print them off, you get two of each, so put a packet together for another busy mom.

Studying the Scriptures: My husband just told me of a really good program called "Logos" for your computer containing language study tools, all kinds of commentaries, etc.. but it's pretty expensive. We do not have it on our computer, but I just thought I'd throw it out there for those of you who are interested.

Prayer: Again, here is a great printable prayer template that will fit nicely in your Bible and help you truly remember to pray for many areas in your life, in our Nation, on the mission field, etc.. I've shared this before, but I love making my own calendar in Microsoft Word and having several things allotted to each day to pray for. Each week could be the same or you can alternate every other week with the same prayer requests. You need a good, quiet thirty minutes to an hour on the computer as you take time to think through all that you want prayer for in your life, as well as in others' lives, but it's well worth the time invested.

I feel so much conviction, as I type these resources out, because I know that I struggle with balancing these areas in my life just as much as anyone else. I DO NOT have all of these mastered and actually, this post really has encouraged me to pull out some of these resources as I get ready to go through a big change in our family. But I LOVE it when I actually am faithful to be that woman of balance seeking the Lord with all my heart in the areas above. Knowing that there are useful and most importantly practical ways to help me preserve my time with the Lord amongst such a wonderfully busy life as a Mother is helping me pave the way to seizing and being a good steward of the time the Lord has given me in my day.

What are some of the practical ways you stay abreast and fresh in your pursuit of the Lord?

Busy Mom Quiet Times

The topic for this week is “Busy Mom Quiet Times”. You may be asking yourself, “What is that? I have [insert number] kids and they are always running around. How can I possibly have any quiet time?” I know I’ve found myself asking that question many times, and there are certain seasons of life when a truly quiet time is not possible. I know after my both of my kids were born, while we were in the midst of all the newborn craziness, I went through what I would consider a spiritually dry time. When I wasn’t nursing or rocking the new baby I was trying to catch up on much needed sleep. So, my devotions were very brief. For a few months, I just didn’t feel connected to the Lord in my bible reading or prayer times. This was probably due to a lack of sleep and a drastic change in hormones, but it is important to stick with it anyway. That season soon ended and I was able to once again spend more meaningful time studying the Word. However, even when the newborn stage ends, it isn’t as if you aren’t that busy anymore. We all know that moms, especially moms with young children, get very little time to themselves. So how can you carve out and preserve time alone with the Lord? Be creative and be flexible!

For years my devotional time was always at night right before bed. I am a night owl and felt like I could always be consistent with it. After all, I went to sleep every night so I could read and pray every night before going to bed. But, now that my kids are small, I find it very hard to concentrate once I’m in the bed. And, with younger kids, you never know whey they’ll be up again needing something so I wanted to hit the sack asap. However, I am also not a morning person at all! Mornings are crazy enough with getting up, getting myself and everyone else ready, fixing and cleaning up breakfast, any morning errands, making beds, etc. I just knew I couldn’t fit bible study time into all that and not rush through it. I wanted to be able to take my time. (Many, many people disagree with me. I’ve read so many books that encourage an early morning quiet time. Honestly, this just isn’t me! So, I don’t sweat it and find a time that works.) My solution for now is to have my quiet time during afternoon naps. Both of my kids sleep at the same time and for the same length of time every day. So, as soon as they are down, I have time for my devotions. I don’t have to rush through them and once I finish, I have some time left to work on any projects that I want to do or that need my attention (like sewing or scrapbooking).

You may be thinking, “But, naptime is the only time I have to fold laundry, clean up the kitchen, prepare dinner, etc.”. I used to think the same thing. So, what I try to do now is to accomplish all of those tasks while the kids are awake so I can preserve naptime for my time with the Lord. This isn’t always easy. We all know that it is much easier to clean/cook/whatever when the kids aren’t around, but think of the benefits. If the kids never see you clean or cook because it is done only when they aren’t in the way, how will they come to appreciate all the work it requires? Also, I find that it teaches my children (especially my three year old) to help me! We can make a game out of cleaning up and putting things away. She can fold washcloths and put away her own clothes, peel carrots, and help me empty the dishwasher. It might take longer, and may not be up to my standards, but she is learning to help and contribute to the household AND I can still have quiet time while she sleeps! Now, I know this won’t work for everyone and I’ll have to temporarily change my routine if the Lord blesses us with another child, but for now, it ensures that I have a time devoted to the Lord every day. (I’m also planning on maintaining a quite time every afternoon even once our kids stop napping. I’m hoping that they will stay on their beds and read quietly for an hour or so even if they don’t sleep. Even as I write this my daughter hasn’t napped for two days straight so I might be doing this sooner than I thought!)

My naptime/devotional time might not work for everyone. And, it might not work for me forever. But, as kids change and schedules readjust, keep working at fitting in a personal quiet time. Morning, noon, or night, it makes no difference. I encourage all of you ladies to seek time with the Lord each and every day! Be creative and work at preserving that time. It is vitally important to your spiritual health and that effects every member of the family!

Balancing Life as a Working Mom

I promise this will be my last post of the week! We had someone email and ask for advice on balancing life as a working Mom. I attempted to do this myself for about a year and a half. I say "attempted" because it is NOT easy. Will was born in June 2006 and I went back to teaching at the beginning of September. I worked until going on bedrest with Adeline in February of this year. I honestly do not have much else to offer and I'm hoping that a few of our readers that work will chime in.

What I can say is that it is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done! So many things make it difficult and it is so easy to have "mommy guilt" over leaving your little one. I think I called home to check on Will every day (sometimes more than once) for his first year of life. Actually, it helped me pump more milk if I talked about him and got an update before heading to pump! That's another post though...

The only encouragement I can offer about "mommy guilt" is that if you are seeking the Lord and his will for your life and your family - then you are right where you need to be. It was my plan that I would leave teaching at the end of the 06-07 school year to stay home. In January of 2007 I had to submit a form to my school declaring my intent for the next year and after praying about it, I did NOT have a peace about staying home. I wanted to, but I just didn't feel the Lord leading me to stay home then no matter how long it had been MY plan. The following year, it came time for the same form and this time I was 100% certain that it was time for me to stay home. Pray that the Lord would give you a peace about where you are best serving your family.

I was truly blessed during my time as a working Mom to have GREAT people caring for my son. My husband stayed home one day a week to watch Will and do schoolwork. We called these "Dad days" and he was also able to do chores for me as well. My mother-in-law also watched Will one day a week and we had a sitter for the rest of the week. She and her husband are now like Will's (and Adeline's) third set of grandparents. He still sees them weekly and they love him like their own.

The only practical tip that I have to offer is to prepare everything the night before!! Pack lunches, diaper bags, school bags, my breastpump...EVERYTHING. I was not very good at this, but the days I did do it all ahead of time were SO much easier. I had time to get up, get ready, spend time with the Lord, pray with my husband and still get out the door on time.

Any other tips or advice from our working Moms?

My "Lesson Plan" book

Before we finish our week on Balancing Life as a Mom and move on to potty training, I thought I'd add one more thing. Since we've had lots of requests for more info on my "lesson plan" book, here is some more information. First of all, the whole "lesson plan" idea was really meant to be an analogy of sorts. I don't actually use a lesson plan book. HOWEVER, your comments made me start thinking and I think you COULD use a lesson plan book to organize your week. I'm considering giving it a try! A typical lesson plan book looks similar to this:

Days of the week run down the side and the class periods or subjects across the top. You could have one column for chores of the day, to do list items, meals, other appointments, notes, etc. Brilliant! The only problem is that they typically only encompass Monday through Friday. You could easily make a template on MS word for this without having to buy a lesson plan book. Ok, enough of my new idea. On to the system I use NOW. Here are some pictures of my notebook. I'll put descriptions below.

BubbleShare: Share photos - Create and Share Crafts


1. I just use a 3-ring binder. Mine has a pocket in the front - so I put some of my son's artwork. :)

2. Inside front cover holds important items that I cannot punch holes in.

3. First section is schedule and this is a sample of the schedule that is in there. There is also a more detailed schedule of Adeline's. (not pictured)

4. Second section is chores and contains my cleaning schedule. I'm still tweaking this as I get used to being home full time.

5. This is a copy of the checklist I use for each room of the house. They are in sheet protectors so I can use dry erase marker to wipe it off each week. I got these checklists from the internet, but plan on redoing them on my own to be more specific to my house. I mean who wipes the light switches each week?? Not me! (Although I did do it last week - hence the check!)

6. To do list section simply houses a spiral notebook where I jot down my list each week. Usually I do this on Sundays.

7. Grocery section contains my weekly meal list. I try to plan two weeks out - but will always plan at least one week out.

8. Another section contains extra forms like this potty chart! Stay tuned next week for more on potty training!

9. Christmas list for this year. I've already written two gifts I have gotten for my nephews on there.

10. This is my little corner in our living room. We recently moved our huge computer desk and computer out of Adeline's room! Now that she naps in her room 3x a day, I had almost no time on the computer. For now, we got a cheapo smaller desk and although its too cluttered for my taste, this is my station. It helps that it is right next to the kitchen too and my notebook sits right here. (See it on the tower?)


Those are all of the pictures I can really post! I had taken others and put them in the bubbleshare album before I realized, DUH - I can't post pictures of all our family/friends phone numbers, pictures of credit cards, etc. HA! So hopefully this gave you a better idea of my notebook. Share with us your system or any ideas you have about keeping a notebook or similar system for managing your house.

One more quick thing about organization. In case you haven't figured it out already, I am fairly organized and I cannot function when things are out of order. I can handle a dirty bathroom (gasp) as long as it is straightened up and neat! Ha! A website that I have gotten GREAT ideas from is I'm an Organizing Junkie. It is a great resource for organizing all areas of your life and home.

Finally, I thought I would post this picture to assure you that my house is nowhere near perfect. This is what I found in our bread drawer on Friday while cleaning my kitchen. I have NO idea how long this has been here. It's the end of a loaf of homeade bread. Oops! I thought I'd been smelling something musty for a few days, but just couldn't find the source. Maybe this is why our house still hasn't sold??

Balancing Act

As I sit here watching the Olympics and reflect back on my day today, I realize I am still in the clothes I walked in this morning, have my hair pulled back in a pony-tail and STILL sporting no make-up. I could have earned a gold medal today in sweeping the floor of corn, ground beef and sticky rice. You could also call me "Dish Pan Hands" as the dishes started early this morning from our batch of pancakes and continued until, well...the dishes that housed our taco salads tonight are still on the kitchen table calling my name. Washing and hanging out two loads of laundry WAS on my to-do list today until our washing machine decided to stop mid-cycle, maxed-out with sheets and water up to the rim. I have starred at my two fully-loaded suitcases by the front door that have yet to be unpacked from spending a week on the beaches of North Carolina and a week in Georgia visiting family. I shut our master bedroom door (when the Time Warner tech came to fix our Internet) in order hide the unmade bed, and you can't forget the pile of clean dish towels that didn't get folded last night hiding out on the unmade bed. Laney's cloth diapers are piling up in the bathroom where I store them, because our washing machine is broken, and we haven't figured out what is plan B just yet. I just remembered that Laney's one and only sippy cup is still out in the car and needs to be washed and filled in prep for tomorrow morning, where I will rise early with sleepy, tiny eyes and stick-straight hair matted lop-sided to my head.

And 'I' am supposed to ENCOURAGE you to be a woman of balance this week? Can I laugh any more? Looking at today, who could be less qualified? I will say that not every day looks like this, so I share my day with you to put you at ease, hoping you are realizing that you aren't the only Mama out there struggling to keep her head above water at times. I must be able to accept and expect days like today, where I go to bed with so much more to be done, even though I was as busy as a bee and felt like I worked my fingers to the bone. I will say that I got to spend a lot of quality time with Laney today playing outside and on our walk. Those moments are so very fleeting, so if anything, that part of my day made my heart glad.

What has helped me on the days where I am thriving and on track? Not intending to beat a dead horse, let me agree, and do so quickly, with the other authors that spending time with the Lord is of utmost importance. I feel very burdened throughout the day until I sit down and spend some time with the Lord and when I do spend time with Him during Laney's nap time, it never seems to be at the caliber that I desire it to be. There's just something about a still, quiet house at dawn and a hot drink in hand as you ask Him to clear you head and help you think straight. I, with Leah, have a hard time rising early because I like to stay up late, but I prefer to spend that time with Him in the morning. Once I get used to waking up early, I'm on a roll and consistency is the fuel. Stick with it. Have at least one friend make a pact with you to get up at the same EXACT time every morning, so you know you're not the only one seeking the Lord and denying those tempting cozy zzzz's. Accountability is powerful.

Dishes: Props to my dad for coming up with this ingenious idea. Have you ever felt like in order to maintain and keep a clean kitchen, the dishwasher must be unloaded. Order is contingent upon unloading the dishwasher. Here recently, I switched things up a bit. I hand wash the dishes and put them IN the dishwasher to dry. Think of your dishwasher as a huge drying rack that hides all of your dishes, and you can unload them at your convenience. I used to rinse off the dishes before I put them in the washer anyways, so why not have a soapy rag in hand and rinse it. We will save money by not using so much water and since I just don't have the time to wash, rinse, dry and put away, this system has proven to work great. I don't have a big enough drying rack to hold huge pots and pans, and believe it or not, I don't like dishes sitting out, even if they are clean. I like bare counter tops.

Out-grown clothes: I already have a labeled storage container in the garage where I can immediately store away clothes Laney has outgrown. There's nothing like a basket of outgrown clothes just lingering around waiting to be stored away. The times where that 'basket' is lingering around only happens when I'm just too lazy to go out to the garage, but already having a place to put it really helps keep things organized.

Well folks, that's about it. Like my roomie used to say, "I got nothing else." If I think of anything else tonight, I will definitely add to the post in the morning. Be encouraged!

Finding That Balance

I think all of life is a balancing act. Yet, when we have small children at home, it seems there are even more things to balance. Here's some practical things I do to help find a healthy balance in my life.

First and foremost, I try to start off every morning with the Lord. Days when I don't do this, I am just "off." Nothing comes together, I don't get as much accomplished, I'm ususally more irritable, and I'm not the wife and mommy my family deserves. This is my top priority, even if it's just a few minutes. God knows all I have to do, and, days when I'm the busiest and know there's just no time for quiet time, HE magnifies the time and helps me get things accomplished, when I start the day off with Him. I give Him my day and ask that He will organize my day, my time, my thoughts, my priorities, what I say, and what I do.

I am a really organized person. That said, lists can make me crazy. Don't get me wrong, I love to write things down just to be able to cross it off and would never think of going to the grocery store without list in hand. But the seasons in my life where I find myself with lots of "to-do" lists tend to make me crazy. If I have a particularly busy day, I definately make a list to ensure I don't forget things. But, as a general rule, I don't make lists for the day or week and I feel a lot more freedom and joy because of it (this is just my personality). I do have routines though, such as doing dishes as they get dirty, picking up throughout the day, and doing a load of laundry everyday or two to make sure I don't feel overwhelmed at the end of the week. I keep an on-going list on the refrigerator where I write down any groceries or toiletries we need. That way, when it comes time to get groceries, I already have my list made and just need to add ingredients for a specific meal. I also keep a 3 x 5" notecard in my Bible to write down things that come to mind during quiet time so Satan doesn't use them as a distraction. I jot them down, forget about them, and continue my focus on the Lord.

I also think it's healthy to have a hobby. We can get so absorbed in our world as young mothers, we don't do anything beyond this. I find it really relaxing to blog and scrapbook. Although I don't do this much, the times I am able to leave Lydia with daddy and get away for a little while are also truly refreshing.

And, making time for our husbands is SO important. I have to constantly check to make sure I'm not giving so much during the day I don't have enough to give to my husband in the evening. We love to watch movies together, talk, and dream. I have to remind myself this must be a top priority.

Finally, we cannot forget the goal - we are molding the next generation. Though we may not seem to have had much balance in a day, week, or season of our lives, when I take the long-term perspective and look at the goal, everything usually does seem much more "balanced." This season I'm in right now just is a bit busier than other seasons of my life are going to be. It's so comforting to know that God knows and understands this - in fact, He is the one who has blessed me to be in this very season at this very time.

I have this poem by Irene Foster, quoted in A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming hanging on my fridge:

"Time is of the Essence"

Now is the time to get things done. . .
wade in the water,
sit in the sun,
squish my toes in the mud by the door,
explore the world in a boy just four.

Now is the time to study books,
flowers, snails, how a cloud looks;
to ponder "up" where God sleeps nights,
why mosquitoes take such big bites.

Later they'll be time to sew and clean,
paint the hall that soft new green,
to make new drapes, refinish the floor-
Later on. . . when he's not just four.

You Mean I'm More than a Mom?

This is my honest question in life right now! I feel like almost everything about me and every part of my day is about being a mom. I order the time I get up and go to bed around the fact that I have children. I organize my home and my time around being a mom. I choose my clothes, hairstyle, and makeup to accomodate children. My crafts are about my kids, my blog is about my kids, my conversations are about my kids. Phew, it's exhausting just thinking about it!

In order to find balance as a mom, I have to focus on two things: One is accepting/embracing this season of life and Two is giving intentional time to other relationships.

First, I have learned to embrace this season in life where I am a young mom with young children. I don't know how long this season will last, but I'm here and I want to make the most of it. I learned this lesson from the many great moms I shared life with during my time at Messiah Baptist Church in Wake Forest. Beth, Margaret, Denise, Kirsti, Joanne, Laura, Karla, Ashlee, Meagan, and Renata were all so instrumental in coming alongside me and teaching me to be a mom. There were many days when Margaret and Kirsti would let me go out and about with them as they "mommed" their children and I learned to appreciate both the joys and the constraints of being a mom. Beth made the comment to me one time that she had to learn how to say no to some things in order to take care of the more important things. This lesson has taught me to focus on my priorities (most important being my relationship with the Lord and caring for my family and home) and not stress myself out when I can't do other things I'd like to do. This is a really tough thing for me because I am a people pleaser and a do-it-myself-er. I always have a million ideas of things I'd like to do, but often they take me away from my young family when they are the ones that need me most. I remind myself that this is just a season and it won't always be like this. But for now I must direct my love and attention on my family.

Second, I remind myself of the other relationships God has me in. First and foremost is my relationship with Him. I love Him and need to spend time with Him. My husband will affirm that this is a tough one for me. I am good at DOING a lot of things for the Lord (and I do them with a pure heart) but I am bad at drawing away from the hustle and bustle of life and sitting at Jesus' feet. This is my number one area to work on. I am secretly dreading the chapter on "The 5 am Wakeup Club" or whatever it's called in the book we'll be doing - I know it's a good solution but I HATE to get up early! :) The second relationship I focus on is with my husband. Luckily my husband is a "family man" and loves spending time with our boys. He actually prefers to do things as a family instead of going on "dates". But we all know when our husbands need attention and this is something that Stacey has really challenged me on. She is always saying little things here and there to the other authors about loving our hubbies, looking good for them, meeting their needs. It's always a good word. Third is my relationship with my family and my husband's family. I make sure to talk on the phone with them and see them as much as possible (they all live outside of our city).

Balancing life as a mom is a work in progress. As children grow, I think it will change and look different. But for a young mom with young children, this is where I'm at.