Ask an Author...Overseas transitions

One of our readers, Melissa asked if Krista and I could share about when we arrived initially overseas, our culture shock, language learning,, cooking, etc… Melissa, I am so glad you asked! Here’s some of our story of initial arrival and culture shock. I hope Krista will share her story! She’s a great overseas wife and mom and has a lot of wisdom in mommying and cooking!!

My husband and I planned to move overseas for 2 years but didn’t know where we were going until a year before we left. As soon as we knew where we were going we started reading, studying, and asking a lot of questions about our country. I found someone who lived in the city where we were moving and I drove her nuts with emails of questions! She was so gracious to answer all of my silly questions! We were prepared as anyone could be beforehand but nothing can completely prepare you for everything that you will go through in the first several months of living in your new home.

I remember arriving at around 10 pm in the airport in our country with our 3 children (then 10, 4, and 3), 19 suitcases and boxes, 5 carry-ons, 2 computer bags and a brain that was in complete “fog mode!” We were greeted by some sweet people who took us straight to our apartment. They had put some eggs, juice, milk and bread in our kitchen and handed us a pan of brownies and said, “Call us when you wake up or when you decide you need something.”

When we shut the door, I turned around to see what looked to me like an impossible place to make home:

The ceramic floor was white and black checked, the room was LINED with huge floral chairs, the couch and love seat were turquoise leather, the THREE chandeliers in the living area were atrocious green metal leaf/tree type structures, 10 sconces that matched the chandeliers and the walls were caked in nicotine! Our children were standing there with their carry-ons still strapped on, the 19 pieces of luggage were piled all around, and I looked at my husband and thought, “Oh my! What have we done?!” At this point none of my homework paid off except that I knew this is where we were supposed to be and God would guide us.

After a crazy night’s sleep (children up and down throwing up and not knowing where they were) we woke up to tackle what was ahead of us. We had no toilet paper so purchasing that was first on the agenda. At that point I told Matt, “YOU go! I am NOT going out there! It’s scary!” So, he and Madison volunteered to go toilet paper hunting! They returned a few minutes later with a favorable report: “Honey, we live on top of a mall! The people are so nice! They gave Madison candy and everyone touched her hair! And look…I found toilet paper, right in our building!” Of course, I was impressed with the mall possibility but while they had been gone I was discovering how much work it was going to take to make my apartment homey.

At that point something in me flipped and I went into “make this house a home” mode! For the next three months I was a mad woman! I went out just about every night (when stores are open here) after I put the kids to bed and looked and shopped and shopped. I didn’t care that I didn’t know anyone or didn’t know the language. I was just determined to have a place that was homey in the middle of a city, language and people that was so foreign.

I succeeded in making our apartment a place that we call home but…

Then another switch flipped….the culture shock switch. At about the 3 month mark, I decided that I had had enough and I was ready to go back to America. I didn’t want to go out of the house, I was afraid to talk to people and I didn’t want to use any language that I had learned up to that point. I had been warned of the signs of culture shock and knew that I was in the middle of it but the reality of it was a terrible feeling. God was so good in allowing Matt and I to experience culture shock at different times (his didn’t happen until a few months later) because we were there for each other during some very difficult times. We went through feelings of uselessness, anger toward our new culture, language frustrations, and mourning of things WE missed for our children (their grandparents, friends, a yard, church programs). The initial culture shock did end but I will say that it does come and go every now and then…but less frequently for sure! The only things that get me through those times are clinging to verses that I have made a list of before, the support of my husband, God’s call on our lives and prayer.

My post is already way too long and I only wrote about our initial entry and culture shock!! So, I will just leave you with the verses that carry me through some of the most difficult days of my life….but it is OH SO WORTH IT!
Colossians 1:29
Matthew 6:25-34
Psalm 55:22
Philippians 4:6-9, 19 (Don’t panic, don’t be paralyzed, PRAY)
Melissa, I prayed for you as I wrote this post: Dear Jesus, I pray for Melissa and her family right now…as they prepare to move overseas. I thank you for your promise to go before us and to come behind us…I thank you for your calling on our lives. I pray for all of the details and last minute things she and her husband must do…give them wisdom and grace in decisions they must make. I pray for the teary good –byes that must be said to their families…allow the pain to be minimal in the light of your glory. I pray for the new friends that they will make in their new country, for their entry, for their adjustment….God, pour out your grace and glory upon all that they think, do and say! May You, Jesus be glorified in all things!

A Mother of Four Overseas...

A good friend of mine agreed to post for us this week and give us her nuggets of wisdom for raising kids overseas. She is a mother of 3 and one on the way in just a few weeks! She and her family also just had a major life change by moving to a new country...whew...what trying times! She is a great mom and is so creative I know you will enjoy her post:

It is a humbling, challenging, and a privileged time of motherhood for any amount of time a mother raises her children overseas.When we moved overseas, I never thought of all of the implications that decision would have upon my mothering. We just took our toddler daughter (15 months) "along for the ride." Six years later, after much stripping and molding, I have a different perspective than the day we arrived.

Within this time period we have had two more children overseas, and soon to have our fourth. The toddler who came with us is now 7 years old, and she, along with her 3 ½ and 1 ½ year old sisters, have known little else than her overseas home.

These are a few things that we have learned in raising our children overseas:

1.“The children play the tape of the parents.”

These were some great words of wisdom given to us before we left. We have experienced this in our own family, and it can be a scary mirror to the parents. Children will tend to elephant the emotions that the parents are feeling. We, as parents, think we may be hiding our true feelings, but our children pick up on them like little radars.

For example, if we like the nationals, our children love the nationals and believe they are a part of them. If we dislike riding in taxis, our children hate taxis and complain about not having a “real” car. If we are happy to receive goodies from the States, our children think everything is substandard and not worth value unless it comes in a package from the States. If we give to our friends, then our children will sacrifice their favorite toy so that the neighbor child will be happy.


2. Childhood overseas is different, but it does not mean it is inferior. It is just different.

We found a tendency to overindulge our children as a way to deal with parental guilt and hurting. After all, we are the reason they are suffering so. Get that thought out of your head - their childhood is different, but it is no less amazing and memory-filled. We tend to believe that they are missing out on something in someway, and they will be scarred for it. Yet, this is their life, and it is normal to them. We have learned to put energy into creating memories in our country, instead of attempting to recreate our own childhood memories with them.

3. Instill the sovereignty of God in your children.

He is mightier, greater, and stronger than anything we encounter, no matter what the situation looks like. He loves us, and He always does good. There are more uncontrolled transitions and more obvious sufferings encountered overseas. Our children can be confronted daily with situations that generate very hard questions, and to understand God’s sovereignty is a crucial foundation.

One way we have tried to communicate this to our children is by making a "Grace Book" for each one. This is a book where we record how God has given His grace to them. It can be recorded in multiple ways, a story, a specific instance, a verse, a picture. It is to be a running reminder how God has walked with them throughout their lives. For instance, a verse chosen for them when they were born, a story of God saving them in a physical way, or how they were used for God’s glory in some way. It is now our daughters’ favorite book to read.

4. Live life.

No matter the duration you live in a different country, live life there! Throw a fun birthday party, don't wait until you get back to have a "real party." Go on vacation and live it up! (Even if it isn’t where you would actually like to be.) Enjoy making your house a home from the beginning. Paint rooms and decorate. Be proactive in starting new things. For example, I wanted our girls to experience Girl Scouts, but there wasn't a troop where I lived, so I started one. Start new family traditions and continue old ones. No matter the length of time you are there, this is not a blip on the screen of life. This is your life, so live it.

5. Learn the language and have your children learn the language. It’s just easier all around.

6. Allow your child to grieve.

One difficulty is that life overseas is always a "Good-bye." Whether you leave your overseas country or the States during trips, it is always a leaving and a good-bye to friends and family. As children begin moving out of the toddler stage, they are becoming more aware of this constant transition and sadness displayed by the people they love. Allowing our children to grieve is hard for us as parents, but needed by our children. Even at the young age of 5, our daughter needed us to walk her through grief. Instead of trying to smoothing things over by saying, “But this country has such and such, you should be happy. Look at all of your friends here or isn't it fun to be here because of such and such.” We learned to allow her to cry, or be angry or confused, or say negative things, all along gently reconfirming to her the positive blessings around her. “It's okay to miss Grandma and Grandpa, I do too. I cry about not being with them, too. Let's write them a letter and tell them how we feel. If they came and visited, where would you like to take them? What would be something special to show them about this country?”

7. Hand your children back to God over and over again.

It is heartbreaking to see your children hurting because of your decision to move overseas. Whether it be physical hurt, emotional hurt, loneliness, or frustration. This is a time to hand them back to God.
I remember our first year overseas and our young daughter having a different illness every month. I had finally ran out of my supply of USA infant medications. She had severe vomiting, diarrhea and fever. I was to wake her every hour to give her fluids. It was 3 am and I sat at her bed and cried over the helplessness that I felt. I realized then how much I had depended on my own knowledge, my own prideful protection of her from germs, and upon the abundance of resources available to me in the States. But here, I had nothing. Just as the rich centurion went to Christ and said, "Help me, my child is dying." He had exhausted all he had available to him. His riches, his nationality, his resources, etc were not enough. So, he finally went to Christ. Christ told him that his child was healed, and to go. It took him more than a day to get home. All he had with him in the dark night was Christ's words. In the middle of my own dark night, I realized how much I "talked" in the States about my prayers for my children, but I really was putting my trust into my resources. He stripped all things away to show me that His words were all I really had to make it through the night. At that point, I gave my children to Him. As Charles Spurgeon said, "As for His failing you, never dream of it—hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end.”

8. Include your children as much as possible so that they see your lifestyle and understand why you have chosen to live overseas. For example, to show the importance of giving, my husband has a date day with one child a week. They walk crowded, busy, and narrow streets looking for people to give to. The items vary according to the need of the person. It might be a piece of bread, money, a book, or a prayer. Then they always eat at a local street place and talk about who they see. It can be humbling as our children see with such pure eyes. As they were walking one day, my husband pushed pass a beggar because the sight is so normal, and they usually take advantage of foreigners. Our daughter said, "Daddy, I will give him my money and some of my chips. He is hungry." She was giving such mercy, and he gave a mood of annoyance.

9. Create a home of peace.

Not only is it important for others who come into your home to feel peace, but it is vital for your children. A constant pouring of truth into their lives may only come from your home. Our children are inundated with untruths in our friends homes, on the street, from the culture. Their daddy must play a more frontline role as they do not have grandparents, family or many other role models in their lives.

10. Pray, and pray and pray some more.

If you move overseas, you were chosen to be an overseas mother. God will give you the wisdom, strength and endurance to run that race. Pray with your husband about your feelings and circumstances. Join other mothers in your country and pray for you children together. Live with no guilt or regrets as you strive for your daily closure to be, “I have obeyed Him today in my mothering.” – no matter which continent that is on.

Raising Godly Kids Overseas

Like Stacey, I've only been overseas for a "drop in the bucket" compared with so many other moms. I wanted to learn from others more experienced than myself in this humbling task of raising godly children and doing it in another culture where there is typically no Christian influence whatsoever. The following comes from a mom who has been overseas 10 years and raised both of her children in the Arab world during the teenage years. . .

My name is Susan, and my family and I are completing our tenth year living in North Africa and the Middle East. Although we both come from wonderful Christian homes, neither Mark nor I come from ministry backgrounds. Our children, Amy and Adam, were 8 and 10 years old when God led us overseas. Now, Amy is a sophomore in university and Adam will celebrate his 18th birthday this week! What an adventure my 21 years of married life has been!

When I was asked to write about raising my kids overseas, many thoughts raced through my head, and I could not get any clear sense of direction. And, the “mother pride” in me wanted to share one of those shining moments of triumph in which I and the kids look great! There’s so much to say and so many experiences that God has used to deepen my walk with Him, to humble me, to encourage me, to guide me, and to show how His love is greater for my children than I could ever understand.

I began to pray and focus on what I would say to you if I never ever got the chance to visit with you again. God made it clear that I need to share one of my most painful moments, as a mother, while living overseas. I realize that if you’re just starting your family, or if you have small children, that you may not feel that a story about a 17 year old boy is relevant. But, I encourage looking at what I’m sharing about ME, his mother. There is NO doubt that God claimed His victory in a shockingly desperate time in my life because some choices in my life had been settled far before the circumstances arrived! Please, bear with me on the details. It’s only when we acknowledge how “deep the hole is” that we ever experience the deep, deep love of Jesus!!

The year 2007 was one of the most difficult times in our family life. In the spring of that year, we made the decision to move to another country for Mark’s ministry. A couple of months later, in June, 2007, our daughter, Amy, graduated from high school. (Until you see your first child walk across the stage, you cannot know that mixture of joy and sadness that overcomes you.) Then, we headed home for a brief 2 ½ month stay, after 3 hard years overseas. Upon our arrival, we learned that my Dad had been unexpectedly hospitalized while we were en route. Mark’s grandmother had had a heart attack and her death seemed imminent. This began a summer of road trips and of days spent by sick beds, while trying to prepare Amy for college, and prepare for a new country for us and another new school for Adam. In August, I put my “baby girl” in college, knowing that the Atlantic Ocean and the entire continent of Africa would soon separate me from her. A week later, I put my son and husband on a plane. Two weeks later, I said my goodbyes to my sweet Daddy and joined “the boys” overseas. And, three days after I arrived on the field, Dad went to be with the Lord. I returned to the States, alone, for the funeral. While I was there, Mark’s grandmother passed away, so I attended her funeral. I cannot describe the complete and utter emotional and physical fatigue I was feeling.

When I returned, yet again, to the field, my husband and son were expecting me, the wife and mother, to get everything back to normal. It had been a turbulent two months, with many difficulties that they expected me to ease, if not solve. So, I did my best to do just that. Since we’d had such a stressful time in the previous summer, Adam returned to the States to see his sister and to spend Christmas with his extended family for only the second time in 10 years!
The Christmas of 2007 was the first time that Mark and I had “an empty nest”. After months of physical and emotional exhaustion, the separation was almost more than we could bear. But, we consoled ourselves with the knowledge that Amy and Adam were spending Christmas together. At least it was wonderful for them! We could have never been prepared for what would happen upon Adam’s return.

Instead of welcoming a thankful, joyful Adam back into our home at the end of January, 2008, we received a withdrawn, sad, melancholy son. For days, he was uncommunicative, or angry and disrespectful when he chose to speak. Then, one afternoon (while his Dad was out-of-town), this 17 year old “man-boy” broke down in tears and begged for us to move back to the States. I held him in my arms as he pleaded with me to “talk to Dad” and just tell him that it was too much to start over again: that he missed his sister, that he had no friends (and no prospect for any Christian ones), that Dad could easily get a job in the States, that my Mother needed me, that Mark’s parents needed us, and the list goes on. Or, at worst, he could live with Mark’s parents and graduate from high school there. They had actually invited him to do just that! We had withstood times of sadness, in past years, when they were younger. But, it was different this time. Adult logic, along with reasonable arguments and plenty of extended family and friends who had encouraged us to take some time in the States, and our own incredible tiredness made this moment “different”. Was God using Adam to open our eyes? Were we blinded by our sense of purpose?

As his body shook next to mine, my tears flowed freely. I recounted in my mind every awful, painful experience that I’d had in recent months; I cried for my Dad; I cried for my Mother’s loneliness; I cried for my daughter’s absence; I cried out to God, feeling the isolation of starting over in a new place; I cried out for relief and I desperately wanted to comfort my son. I wanted to tell him that I would take away his pain.

Then, we just sat as the tears ebbed and flowed. And, calm came over me. There is no doubt that it was “the peace that passes all understanding”. And, with clarity of thought, I found myself saying something that could have only come from the Holy Spirit. I heard myself speaking gently, but firmly, voicing words that were not mine, with tears streaming down my face. And, now, as I write, I cannot believe that I said them with such certainty in that moment.
“Adam, I love you more than you can ever understand. But, I love the Lord more. I want you to be happy and contented. But, I want to please the Lord more. I know that you’ve heard family first so many times that we may have confused you. So, I want to make it clear. God placed us here. God is the Head of our family. I can promise you that Dad and I will pray about this and we expect you to pray, too. But, we trust Him with our future… Do you understand? Do you understand?” And, after what seemed like endless silence, our sweet son said, “Yes, I understand and I want to do God’s will, too. It’s just feels too hard sometimes.” These are probably some of the sweetest words a mother can ever hear.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It has been a difficult few months. And, let there be no misunderstanding. Our family would have gone back to the States if God had directed us to do so. And, we have definitely made some adjustments in our day-to-day living and some legitimate concessions for our son in order to help our family stabilize and begin to be productive in Kingdom work. But, our family passed a test that day, in that moment. As a mother, in no uncertain terms, I told my beloved son that I chose to obey Almighty God and trust Him with our future. And, he understood! By the way, the words most frequently used these days to describe my son, by his teachers and his youth group leaders, are “incredibly well-adjusted”, “a joy to be around”, and “more mature than others his age.”

If you are a mother of young children, you will need to very carefully demonstrate God’s love, comfort and security to your children, through tangible acts and clear consistent words. But, as they develop and mature in understanding, I pray that you will recognize those times when each of them must learn to rely on God rather than on you. Since much of our identity in life is tied to our children’s need for us, I pray for all of us that we’ll focus on daily obedience to the Lord, so that our children will recognize it in us, and, when hard times come, obedience will be their first response. I can assure you that there’s no reason to pray Hannah’s prayer with “fingers crossed behind our backs”. When we let go and let God have His way, He can be completely trusted with our children!

Raising Kid's Overseas

Since we are fairly new (2 years) to raising our children overseas I wanted to discuss the topic of transitioning to a new culture. Children love and really thrive on routine but when you sell most of what you own, pack up the rest, leave family and friends behind, fly across the world, land in a strange land with strange noises, smells and language…..well, that can kind of throw a routine “out the window!” So, needless to say there are some struggles when it comes to transitioning children to a new culture.

Our children were very excited when we landed in our new city and they stayed that way for about 2 weeks. The first two weeks were filled with the excitement of setting up our new home and almost felt like a long vacation for them. As soon as we started our language school, the children started their schools. Our oldest is in an American school, so she transitioned very well. Our younger two were enrolled in a local preschool. This preschool was called Honey Bunny and was a really cute place! It even had a trampoline and swimming pool! They were excited….the first day…then….crying, wailing, complaining, and more wailing! They would come home and say, “I don’t know what they are saying! I don’t like how they throw water on my face to wash it! I don’t like going to the bathroom and them spraying me with water on my bottom!” We were torn each day. It was tough…really tough. This went on for about 2 months. We then heard of a preschool that spoke only the local language (Arabic), didn’t look as nice as the first, had lots of broken toys, but had some great teachers who also taught Bible in Arabic. I was leery at first because of the sight of the place but we decided we would give it a try. At the same time we petitioned our friends and family back in the states to specifically pray for our younger two. Long story, short…they quickly came out of the “wailing” stage and adjusted to their new life very well….for several more months….then….Our oldest had her first taste of culture shock after a visit from a close friend. She screamed and cried, “We are done here! I want to go HOME! Please take me back!” It was tough…really tough..

That little run-through of just a few struggles of our transition to our new life are just a few of the things that needed our time, attention, patience and some serious prayin’! This is also where the “X Factor” came into play with our children. We define the “X Factor” as whatever it takes for each individual child to be healthy. Everyone responds to cross cultural living differently (even parents). A parent plays a big part in how the child responds to the culture (ie…being negative about the culture in front of them). Many times a parent’s excitement is not transferred to the child. Even though a parent may love the place and people, that love might not be transferred to the child. As parents we must be attentive to that. Here are a few examples of how we have dealt with each of our children to help them not only survive in their new culture, but thrive:

**not making one child out to be bad because he doesn’t like the new culture
**permission to not be kissed or pinched on the cheek…they can say, “no.”
**allowing them to voice to us how they are really feeling without criticism...they can share good, bad and ugly
**creating opportunities for social and recreational activities within the culture and also with other American friends
**encouraging them to try new things…think about new ideas….(you know, Americans aren’t ALWAYS right!:)
**creating a healthy spiritual and emotional environment at home…family devotion/prayer times
**changing our schedule when they need us….not all days are good…some are bad…our children need us in those times. We have learned to be not only flexible but fluid when it comes to meeting the needs of our kids.
**NOT being a negative voice in front of our children. This one is tough…it is so easy to spout off all that is wrong with our new culture…play the blame game…say little snide remarks about the people we came to love. Here are just a few verses from James that speak to the power of the tongue:
A small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

Transitions can be tough and we have found that they don’t go away. It is just part of life and sometimes can seem magnified overseas. When we don’t know what to do, we just ask God for wisdom and trust that He is in control and has us (and our KIDS) right where He wants us.

BTW…We walked passed Honey Bunny this week and my younger two said, “I miss Honey Bunny! I wish we could go back!”….who would have thought! :):) Oh yeah, and both little ones now throw water on their own faces to wash them after eating!

Packing for Overseas - Guest Author!

I am terrible at packing. Let me rephrase, I am terrible at packing lightly. I think of everything, and then it all comes with us. Why do you think I drive a mini-van?

And clearly, my overseas packing experience goes only as far as a few weeks. I've never packed for longer than maybe 8 weeks? And that time, I tried to take fireworks on the plane. A wise woman (my mother in law) told me that wasn't going to work. Needless to say, I have a LOT to learn.

So, I recruited the help of my wonderful sister-in-law for this weeks' topic. Brandy is married to Jacob's middle brother, Gray. They have three kids - Sarala (3), Jackson (2) and Sam (9 months). Here are her thoughts on the whole experience of packing for overseas:

I’m Brandy, Christina’s sister-in-law, and I’m honored to be guest author on POH blog. I first lived overseas as a single girl where I met my husband seven years ago. In 2005, my husband and I along with our five month old, moved overseas to live in Europe. When we came home from our term, we had a 2 and a half year old, a one year old and I was pregnant. Lord-willing, we are going to be moving overseas again to South Asia sometime within the next year or two. I’ve never crated, so all of this is with suitcases, backpacks and action packers. So, here are some of the things I’ve learned in my packing and will and won’t do next time we go.

Like Stacey, I agree that it’s most important to do your research. This has to be a first step because it can save you lots of space and time in planning. You don’t want to waste 5 pounds on things only to find out they are readily available where you are moving, and you certainly don’t want to leave something behind that you badly need or want! A starting point is to try to find someone that has recently moved there and ask what were things they brought they wish they wouldn’t have and what were some things they really wished they would have brought. It’s fresh on their minds since they just moved and are still setting up house. People that have lived there longer sometimes can’t help as much cause they might not can remember and it’s home to them already (but still ask them too!). One thing it’s important to do is not just ask what they think is good to bring and not good to bring, but ask specific questions of things that are important to you!

Pack with priority. Don’t just throw together things you’ll want. Make sure you are packing the things you really must have first and leave things you could do without in a pile that you can come back to after you’ve packed all of the must haves first. Honestly, I’ve never gotten to packing those piles--they were always left behind--and usually more! It’s good to make sure when you have to start leaving it behind you have already prioritized and know the first things to go.

I'd say that this picture shows pretty good priorities! Baby on top!

Pack personal belongings that you could do without, but will make your new place feel like home. Even though you literally could do without them, honestly, these things are a must!!! This will help you leaps and bounds with culture shock and help you “feel at home” somewhere. You’d be surprised how invaluable and how homey that one little picture frame or scented candle can make your home feel and how hard or expensive it might be to get something like that in your new country. This was something I didn’t do the first time I moved overseas and I regretted it so much. I was so surprised at how much I wanted some little things to help me create a home even though I was young and single, I still wanted to make a home!

Also keep the personal touch in mind when packing for your children. Keeping things that are consistent for our kids is SO important when EVERYTHING around them has changed. So, pack a few decorations from their rooms or bedding that you can take so they know it’s their room and it’s familiar and consistent. Let them pack some things of their own (within realistic boundaries--I know my little girl wants to take her doll house with us--yikes!) so that they are having choices and know they are involved in moving--even when they pack the silliest things you really might object to. I think this is so important, even when they are little. They understand, remember and comprehend way more than we give them credit for and more than they can verbally communicate sometimes.

We also have a little photo album of pictures of so many of our family and friends to make sure we are talking about them and remembering them and telling our children stories about them which is extra important when they are preschool age to help them remember them and be familiar with them when they talk on the phone, visit them and go back home. Having these pictures is something to think about ahead of time. Even though we have so many digital pictures, I remember it being especially harder making sure we had some good shots of faces and some shots of great grandparents and extended family. You might even need to make sure you actually capture more photos during those last months or when you’re saying good-byes so you’ll have them.

Finally, use all the carry ons you can and use as many of your carry-ons as regular luggage--max them out to be as heavy as you can. Don't just think of things you want for travel. Of course, have what you need for travel, but you can also put things you want to have right away or that first morning/day in country in case your checked bags are late or missing. Another way to max them out is books. Books are small but heavy and the weight adds up. So, you have a few extra pounds to think about when you do this. Every pound counts, right???!!!

And, here’s a little advice that isn’t about packing, but helps in packing because you know there is a plan for things to come and don’t feel so much pressure to cram it all in and it’s easier to leave somethings behind. If you are going with children--especially young children that grow so fast--to an area where you can readily receive packages or you know someone is coming to visit, leave labeled boxes behind. For example, I left a booster seat for eating, 12 month clothes in a box and newborn clothes (in case we had another baby) for my in-laws to mail over and bring to us when we needed them. We knew we would have family visiting that could bring things over to us later. Jacob and Christina brought us some of these things! Label it well and remember where it is so it’s easy for them to get to and pack or ship.

Another thing we did was leave a check book with signed checks behind with a couple we were very close to. This was for those times when I wanted peanut butter or flavored coffee creamer or goldfish or clothes to be purchased and sent to us. I would send my best friend on a shopping spree and ask her to mail it to us. Then, she was able to write herself a check for the expenses plus shipping and it didn’t cost her anything but time. This was a great way for them to serve us and help us without costing them financially. It was also a way for us to feel we could get something without burdening folks financially. Shipping is very expensive! But, we only did this about 3 times because folks were so generous to us in shipping our favorite comfort foods and things we needed for our babies!

I hope this helps! I’ll be reading through all the posts and comments for sure for ideas as we prepare to move again. Packing is a huge feat! Please share ideas so we all can pack well!

Packing for Overseas

When we began packing to go overseas, Lydia was 1 week old. I don't recommend doing it this way if you can help it. We were fortunate to be able to crate and the crate had to be completed when Lydia was 3 1/2 weeks old. I can remember sitting in a chair nursing Lydia while my mom went through all of my clothes holding each item up and me deciding if it was to go in the a) crate pile, b) suitcase pile (ie. I would need it before the crate arrived overseas), c) garage sale pile, or d) long-term storage. I'd already decided the only clothing items that would make "long-term storage" were things like my wedding dress that didn't need to go overseas but we couldn't part with. Everything else would somehow make it overseas or be sold/given away. Needless to say, one week after having your first baby is not the time to know what size you will be two months later. The next day we began packing up our kitchen. By the time Lydia was two weeks old and my mom left, most of our clothes and kitchen were packed and the house was an absolute disaster. Josh and I were left to do the rest and to say it was stressful would be an understatement. I was on total sleep deprivation and, as my loving husband does everytime we pack to go anywhere, he decided we were packing too much, it wouldn't fit on the crate, and we would need to start removing items. (I remember calling my mom one day - she was a 9 hour car ride away - sobbing, while she was teaching, and saying, "Ma-a-mom, I ne-ee-ee-eed heeelp" . . . She thought something had happend to Lydia. . . it was definately the low point. . . and makes for a funny story now!) When crating was over we were very glad we crated (as we knew we would be). But there was a joke we'd heard about your marriage surviving crating, which we thought was silly. . until we were in the midst and understood. Now we're proud of the badge of having not only survived crating, but doing it with a newborn! (Not that we would ever go back and do it that way again!!)

What we crated
Having been to our country before, we had a pretty good idea of what was available, and what wasn't. I also knew what I needed to make a house a "home" and be able to have a home overseas. Things like pictures, knick-knacks, seasonal items - especially Christmas ornaments, nativity scene, etc., "my kitchen" (ie. pots and pans, wheat mill, kitchen aid mixer, griddle, food processor, etc. were important to me and I knew I couldn't get the quality where we were going), books, and our bed. Orignally this was what we'd intended to crate but later we found out we were having a baby and did crate some baby items that were very pricey in our country - crib set, baby clothes, high chair, stroller, educational toys. We used clothes, towels, and sheets as cushioning for the other items and in the end had some extra room to pack our glider (oh I was/am so thankful!).

What we packed in suitcases
Three months later we were packing our 10 suitcases to move overseas. Had we not crated, our suitcases would have looked very similar, we just would've had to find ways to buy the things we crated. (Except for the sentimental items - pictures and seasonal items for the house - room would've been made for these.) We had no idea when our crate would arrive overseas (it turned out to be 3 months after our arrival) and we'd already gone 4 months without the items in the crate. Stacey's right, those suitcases need to have all the things you need on a regular basis and all the things you'll need immediately. We had some clothes, but also some simple kitchen utensils, cookbooks, boppy (Lydia was 4 months and I was nursing), baby bathtub, 220 v. appliances, photo albums, computer, DVD player and other electronic gadgets were highlights. We left three days after Christmas so presents that year were well-planned so we'd have room to pack.

My Advice

• Begin early - months early! Start making lists as you think of things you'll want; email with people where you'll be and ask specific questions - find out what's available and what's not. Also, if it is available, find out if it's really pricey - you may still want to pack it.
• Think about things that are important to you - what are your comforts? Food items? Household items? Holiday items? Books? Journals? (I love cute, girly journals. Sure, I can get a notebook here to write in but I would be heart-broken if I had to journal in the stuff here!)
• As women, we are nesters! What do you need to make your house a home? Seriously, this stuff makes all the difference. I went overseas for two years right after college and figured I could just make do. I mean, Jesus left everything in heaven to come to earth, what was I really giving up in the big scheme of things? (This was my thought process.) Nope, not this time. It is OKAY to have a few comforts from home. Everything else is going to be different - sites, sounds, smells, friends, what you see, what you do - everything. It really is okay to have some comforts to make your house a home.
• If you will have high-speed internet where you're going, look into Packet 8. It's a VOiP and makes staying connected with friends and family E-A-S-Y! I like it better than skype because I don't have to be in front of the computer. I can be cooking dinner, forget a recipe, pick up the phone and call my mom. It is wonderful.

We would love to hear your packing experiences and questions! What do you wish you would've packed? What should you have left at home? What questions/concerns do you have?

Packing for Overseas Living...(with little ones!)

Arrival in our airport after 24 hours of travel with 19 checked pieces, 5 carry-ons, and 2 computer bags

I once heard a saying, “Things that bug you in the states will elephant you overseas!” This is what I think about when I think about packing for “overseas living” with small children. Packing for overseas for a family can be an overwhelming task. But packing for overseas with small children can seem monumental! I am going to touch on a few things that went into our planning for our big move.

First of all, I researched and found a couple of people that lived in the city where I was moving. I began emailing and calling like crazy to get all of the answers to my crazy questions. Thankfully, these ladies were so willing to help when it came to my OCD tendencies!! I mainly asked about what items could be bought in my new city (toys, meds, food, toiletries, clothes.) Then my packing list started from that.

Before I fill you in on how we packed for our kids let me give you one piece of advice someone gave me: Make sure you pack whatever items you don’t want to be without the first morning you wake up in your new country. So, for me that was…220v coffee pot, coffee, French vanilla creamer:), make-up, 220v blow dryer, 220v straightener, shampoo, conditioner, wash cloths (which are hard to find in other countries), and a towel. I know this list sounds a little vain but it did help me feel a little normal in a very abnormal feeling place!

Birthday planning: I was told that “some” bday decorations could be found in our new city but it was “hit and miss” as to what kind. I touched on this in the birthday planning post but I will say it here again. I took my children to a party supply store and allowed them to pick out plates and napkins for the 3 birthdays they would have while overseas. I also bought “Happy Birthday” signs, streamers, balloons and several colors of plastic table cloths. This trip for my kids was so fun and it helped them know that their birthday parties were going to be really fun in their new city.

Box/suitcase for each child: When the actual packing started, we gave each child a Rubbermaid box (we did most of our packing in these with 2 luggage straps, a ratchet strap and duck tape…ask me, if you want the details). We instructed them that they could pack their own box with any toys or books they wanted from their room. I did stay with each of them and offered ideas as to what would be most important but sometimes they chose a silly piece of paper from a friend…so, we packed it! When we arrived in our new home overseas, my kids were so excited to open their box of things they knew to be familiar in such an unfamiliar place!

Comfort food: Many foods can be bought in our city but they come at a HUGE price. For example, one package of Oreos is around $10! Nope…not gonna do it! Now, we are not big Oreo fans but when you know you can’t have them, then you REALLY want them! We didn’t pack Oreos but we did pack brownie mixes, favorite flavored oatmeal, chocolate chips, rotel, taco seasoning, and Velveeta. These items are fun to us…we love meals cooked with these so we used at least one of our boxes for comfort food to be used for special comforting times! I must say, Matt and I have needed it more than the kids!

Clothes for current and next size up for kids: Clothes in our city are either really cheap and fall apart easily or are REALLY expensive. So, we bought clothes that the children were currently in and for their next size up. It was overwhelming to think about how much money that would cost so we shared with our families our need. We asked for these items for everyone’s birthdays and the Christmas before we left. We asked that family only buy clothes, travel toys, or DVD’s for presents leading up to our departure.

Carry-on’s: We purchased backpacks with wheels for each child’s carry-on. We packed each one with the following items to help keep them occupied:
Snacks
Tape –scrap pieces of paper(my kids love just taping colored paper onto white paper…they think they are making a major craft!)
Plain, white paper
Stickers
Colored pencils
Dvd player
Change of clothes
Wipes for easy clean up

Okie, dokie ladies…I think that is it! Of course, we packed all of our “junk” as well but this gives an idea of what we focused on with our kiddos! I would love to hear from you…what ideas do you have? What have you heard that is helpful?

Happy Packing!