You Don't Have to be Perfect--Jaime's story

Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Jaime. I’m a Florida girl, married to my college sweetheart for 15 years. Mom to John Peter (10), Christopher (8), Jane-Grace (4) at home in Louisiana.  Waiting to bring home Joshua (4) and Georgia (1) from Ethiopia.

Why adoption?

I felt drawn to adoption while in high school, since my best friend was Chinese, and I learned from her  how unwanted girls were discarded there. In college, while dating my future husband, we made it part of our family’s dream plan. He had been to Russia on a mission trip as a freshman, and they had visited orphanages there. We were *so* sure we were headed to China or Russia one day. We certainly did not set out to have a big family, we just set out to be obedient. God showed us the beauty of his adoption of us as his children and heirs, and we embraced him making our family beautiful through adoption.  

Tell us about your adoption process?

We started an application for a Chinese adoption in 2005, and due to some health problems of our oldest child we decided to wait. In 2007, we applied to adopt from our agency’s new program in El Salvador (we no longer qualified for China). In 2008, the El Salvador program was moving very slowly and our agency recommended a change. That’s when we were led to Ethiopia. We brought our daughter, Jane-Grace, home in 2009 at 22 months old. When she had been home about seven months we applied to adopt again from Ethiopia. After waiting 17 months, we received our referral for siblings in February. I just returned from a joyful & successful meeting and court trip in April, and we hope to have them home this summer!

What have been the biggest struggles/joys?

Our struggles have been waiting & being joyful for others while they celebrate their baby’s birth while we endure the pregnancy wait of a pachyderm;  waiting, working , and trusting for our child to attach to us.  God is constantly working in us the heart of a farmer, patiently working the soil he has given us, and waiting for fruit in it’s time.

Our joys have been experiencing the joys of having a daughter, everything girly, and experiencing her vibrant personality that is distinctly her.  We celebrate her adoption and don’t hide it, but there is joy in forgetting too…like when I ask the doctor to check some medical issue because it “runs in the family,” or I joke that my husband does all the yard work because “I birthed 3 babies.” Russell Moore talks about how you start to find ways that your children “take after you” in Adopted for Life, and it’s true! The grandparents do it now also! We can’t wait to experience these joys with our 2 new children!

What is one thing you think our readers need to know about adoption?

You don’t need to be the perfect parent to adopt. You just need to know the One who is perfect. You are not the child’s savior; you are pointing him/her to the Savior. 

**Feel free to follow the Delfosse's story (and see pics of their ADORABLE kids) at their blog: http://notquitebrangelina.blogspot.com.**

The Journey

I asked my sweet friend, Melisa King, if I could post her story because her family was an extremely influential factor in our decision to adopt at some point.  Mark and I had only been married a few months and didn't even have kids of our own, but watching their family with their newly adopted baby totally opened our eyes.  Melisa and her sister, both teenagers, were absolutely enamored with their new little sister!  I had always thought it would be neat to adopt, but had never even thought of doing it after our own children were teenagers and could really help take care of the baby and understand the emotional journey of adoption and see the comparison to how God adopted us!.  Now I can't wait to someday see my girls with an adopted sibling!  I hope you enjoy her sweet story as much as I did as I watched it unfold...

“Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever.” – Psalm 30:11-12

I looked into her beautiful blue eyes, kissed her forehead and softly said, “Goodbye Anna, I love you.” I placed the three-month-old child into my mother’s arms and tears filled my eyes. My mom quietly asked, “Are you okay?” I silently nodded and then headed out the door to work.

This was not the first time I had been through this and it probably would not be the last. Five months earlier my family and I began to take part in a very special, unique and rewarding ministry. We became a foster family. I remember the day that my parents brought home our first baby. Julia was two weeks old, Hispanic and beautiful. Our time with her was filled with joy, laughter, and most of all, plenty of hugs and kisses. After two months, a wonderful Christian family adopted Julia. Though her adoptive family was wonderful, I do not believe I had ever felt the amount of pain I felt that day. I kissed her forehead and tearfully said, “Goodbye Julia. I love you.”

Three short days after Julia’s adoption we were entrusted with the care of another baby girl, Aly. Aly was two days old the day we received her and she was the perfect baby. About one week after Aly’s arrival my parents received a call asking them to consider taking another child. We quickly discussed the idea as a family and decided, “Hey, there are four of us! We can certainly handle two babies.”

Two days later, my mom and dad brought Anna home. Having two babies around the house proved to be challenging, but also fun and rewarding. We took turns feeding them, changing their diapers and even sleeping in their rooms at night. We also took turns rocking, hugging and kissing them.

After four days with both babies Aly went back to her birth mother and father. Once again, pain filled my heart as I kissed her one last time and whispered, “Goodbye Aly. I love you.” This time I was thankful to already have another baby in the house. Anna helped soothe our hurting hearts and brought joy and laughter to our faces.

We kept Anna for ten weeks. Those weeks including outings to the mall, showing her off at church and even a trip to the beach. Upon arriving home from the beach we learned that Anna would be adopted the following week.

After giving up Anna, our family felt incomplete. The weeks following Anna’s adoption were filled with many thoughts and questions. Were we really cut out for this foster care routine?

A few weeks later my parents came to my sister and me and asked, “What do you two think about adopting?” The prospect of adopting instantly excited my sister but I was a little reluctant to join in her enthusiasm. Not that adopting did not sound incredible; it was just that I was a fighter. I felt that if our family stopped doing foster care it would look like we had just given up. People might think that we could not handle the pain or were not strong enough to let the babies go. My parents began to pursue the process and over time my heart was filled with anticipation of a new addition to our family. My parents completed paperwork, background checks and physical examinations. They endured many meetings and interviews, very similar to those that took place before our approval to become a foster family. After all the assigned tasks were completed, our family began the waiting game.

Waiting proved to be much more trying than filling out the paperwork and answering all the questions. Weeks turned into months, and months to a year. After a year of waiting we had a few leads, all of which fell through after just a few days.

Early in July of 2004, my mom and I took a trip to Richmond to visit my grandparents and do a little shopping. During our shopping trip my mom received a phone call from an adoption agency in Arkansas. This was the phone call that changed our lives forever.

The next few weeks were filled with phone calls, pictures of the baby and uncontrollable excitement. Five weeks after receiving the long awaited phone call my parents flew to Arkansas where they met my baby sister for the first time. My sister and I passed the time while they were away by keeping busy with friends, church and work. Two days seemed like an eternity, but finally the time came to pick them up at the airport. My sister and I watched every plane that landed, hoping it would be the one holding our baby sister. Finally, we watched as the little Delta jet landed and my father quickly filed off the plane followed by my mother holding little Ella-Grace in her arms.

The following moments were filled with complete joy and fulfillment. As I held the sleeping child in my arms for the first time I knew that she was meant to be a part of our family. I felt so blessed to be Ella-Grace’s big sister and I realized the reason behind the journey I had been on for the past two years.

God has a way of leading you though certain circumstances that seem to have no purpose or meaning. Sometimes the circumstances even produce pain, often seemingly unbearable in nature. But, He has a plan. God used the time my family spent participating in foster care, not only to bless us, but also to direct us. I am so thankful for God’s direction during this time and my parent’s willingness to follow His path no matter how uncertain it appeared.

Ella-Grace is now seven years old. She has been with our family since she was ten weeks old. Every moment spent with her makes the waiting we endured worthwhile. I am so thankful that each day when I say, “I love you Ella-Grace,” I do not have to say, “Goodbye.”

Adoption and the hurdles of the heart-Sheryl's story

Sheryl and her husband Andy are friends and fellow church members with the Finn family. Sheryl graciously has offered to share a glimpse into what goes on in their hearts during this process. You can follow Andy and Sheryl's story at www.andyandsheryl.blogspot.com.

There are definitely hurdles to this miracle called adoption. Whether you’ve ever considered it or not, you’ve surely heard about the time and money it takes. Then there’s the miles of paperwork and even, for some, the fear of unsupportive family and friends. But, the hurdles I’m thinking of begin with us and the questions in our own hearts.

Could I love a child that’s not “mine”?

What if something is “wrong” with them?

Will it feel like” Plan B”? (for those who struggle with infertility)

My precious husband Andy and I dealt with these questions together a little over a year ago as we plunged head first into the adoption world. We had always known we would like to adopt but it was becoming clearer that it would be our reality a little sooner than anticipated, as we’d been facing infertility for several years.

Even as a couple who had always been open to and felt drawn to the call, these hurdles of the heart still had to be dealt with. Before submitting our initial application with an agency, we asked these same questions mentioned above. And since then, I’ve had others ask me about these questions going on in their hearts.

The best way I know to answer is that once we took that step of faith the Lord had impressed upon us, He dealt with the hurdles going on inside – each and every one. Not before, but after.

I cannot fully explain what happened in my heart the moment I submitted our initial application to begin the process. But the questions didn’t matter anymore. I was in it for the duration and I wanted desperately to see it come to fruition. No more second guessing. And it absolutely became and felt like Plan A. This is what the Lord had called us to do and He's been faithfully lighting the way the entire process!

We’re currently on the journey to bring home a 23 month old little girl, Lucy Hope, from China sometime late this summer. She has already changed our lives for the better and we can’t wait to get to know her as our daughter.

Each adoption story is different. I’m not claiming it’s all roses all the time. But it’s absolutely been worth it for us – and we don’t even have our Lucy home yet! We’ll have difficult times ahead, no doubt. But we already can’t imagine our life without her. These questions have faded from our hearts and a love for her has taken their place.

He will surely do it!

     Here are some reflections on adoption from a POH reader and fellow blogger. Sheila lives overseas with her husband and three children. She blogs about her misadventures in motherhood, the craziness of living overseas, their adoption journey, and a smattering of random things at www.momfessions.net (when she has time!)

    A few weeks ago I was tucking my three-year-old son into bed. After brushing my lips against his baby soft forehead and turning toward the door, I heard his sweet voice, “Mommy, when is Baby Sister coming?” My heart skipped a beat at the precious question—there is not a baby in my belly as one might assume from his question. He was asking about Baby Sister who we’ve been talking about for over a year now. Baby Sister won’t have my husband’s eye color or my same skin tone. She won’t be mistaken for a “twin” like our three biological back-to-back, look-alike kids are.

     But she will be just as loved, just as anticipated, just as celebrated, just as much a part of our family as the blond-headed, Superman-loving little boy gazing up at me from his top bunk.

“I don’t know, honey. But God does know when she will come. Would you like to pray for her now?”

     It’s hard to put into words what adoption means to me, and I’ve struggled to adequately explain to curious friends and relatives why we are adopting another daughter.

Adoption is painful. It is born out of the loss of what should be. A brown-eyed, brown-haired little girl should not come to live in our house and be called our own. Because she should be living with her loving family—the family she was born into. For some reason, the should is not a reality in her case. There is loss. Loss of what should be. Adoption is born out of that loss—allowing something ugly to become something beautiful.

Adoption is beautiful. Because I have experienced adoption personally—being adopted out of sin and darkness and welcomed into the Kingdom of God through the amazing, atoning work of Jesus Christ on the cross—I can relate to my future daughter. I know what a blessing adoption can be. I realize how beautiful it can be as it transforms ashes into something lovely. I appreciate how deeply and eternally it can change a life.

     We aren’t very far in our adoption process. Almost a year was spent praying and researching before we even took a step forward to start the actual process. Slowly, we have applied with an agency and gathered documents for a home study. Already, I have been waiting for Baby Sister for longer than I ever waited to get pregnant, or carried a child in my womb.

     But that’s OK. As I see the hearts of my children being prepared (and getting excited!) for Baby Sister, I know that the Lord’s timing is best. We don’t know who our little girl is right now, but He does. He knows her favorite toy and who she spends her days with. He sees where she sleeps and knows when her tummy is empty. He has counted the hairs on her head, and He had begun to form her in the womb before her mother even knew she was there! He knows what did happen/will happen to give her the title “orphan”, and He knows the exact time we will be able to hold her in our arms.

Adoption isn’t easy. As beautiful and worth-it as it is, there are deadlines and dollar signs, and government regulations, and red-tape… and attachment issues and special needs and heartache and language barriers and adjustment troubles. Add in unethical practices and corruption in places around the world and it can quickly become overwhelming and unappetizing.

     I find it’s very similar to living overseas. My husband and I live abroad and we know without a doubt that we are obeying a call the Lord has placed on our life by doing so. On days when language-learning and relationship building and public transportation and raising kids in another culture just feels like too much (and I want to give up!), I have to remember 1 Thessalonians 5:24 that says, “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.”

     In the same way, we feel very strongly that it is the Lord who has asked us to follow Him into adoption. After a season of praying and fasting, my husband and I agreed that this was something God was asking our family to do. Sorrow over the orphans of the world or just a desire for social justice for the fatherless would not be enough to sustain us through the long, tiring international adoption process.

     When our bank account doesn’t hold enough money to cover the agency and home study fees, and when the pile of paperwork is overwhelming in the midst of marriage, parenting, work, friendships, and life overseas—we have to look to the God who called us to this and remember He is faithful! He will guide us through our adoption. By His grace, we will one day see our daughter kiss her brothers and sister goodnight and crawl into her bed.

And we won’t have to wonder about when Baby Sister is coming anymore.

Being led to adoption--Alison's story

A little about me....

Hey y'all my name is Alison Sandridge. My husband Stephen and I moved to North Carolina last year so that he could attend SEBTS. We are so excited for what the Lord has in store for our future ministry and thrilled with where He is using us now! We will be married 3 years this May. Stephen and I met because his dad became the pastor of my home church when I was in middle school. Stephen and I started dating when I went to college. He and I have always had a love for orphans. We have both served separately at orphanges abroad. We knew even before we were married that we would one day adopt.

Something you should know about me though is that in my flesh, I want to be in control of everything! I'm a huge planner. I make lists and timelines for everything. Really y'all, it is such a joy for me to make lists and check things off that sometimes I start my list with “make a list” so I have something to check off right away, haha! I know that's awful, right? Well thankfully the Lord has been working on changing that about me and He has used our heart for adoption as a big instrument in this change.

See, I had this perfect plan for our family. I knew when and how and how many children we would have. So I just prayed and basically invited God to come along on this journey I had already planned! Crazy, but sometimes we do that. Instead of trusting the Lord with our future, we plan our future and then ask God to bless it! I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I am at the grace God has shown me in the these last few years. It has at times been incredibly painful but it has been so good! The Lord has stripped me of all my best laid plans and left me with nothing to cling to but Him and His precious Word!

After a miscarriage and some new information from doctors, we turned our focus from hopes of pregnancy to hopes of adoption. I did tons of research and mapped out the best course of action but I was relying on my own ability to plan rather than humbly coming before my Father and seeking the direction He would have me to take. Things have certainly not worked out how I originally planned but I am so thankful!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” 
Isaiah 55:8

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Why adoption?

At the beginning, we knew we would adopt “one day” because we are passionate about orphan care and we want a big family so that just fits perfectly! But the Lord has graciously shown us such a better picture of adoption. When we really started looking into adopting when we realized pregnancy was going to be difficult for us, we read an incredible book called Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. That book led us to truth after truth in the Word about adoption. We realized that this adoption we so longed for here on earth was just a little picture of the perfect adoption we had already experienced through the blood of Christ into the family of God.

“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'” Romans 8:15

“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.'” Galatians 4:4-6

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love  he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” Ephesians 1:4-6

Friends, those are just a few of the verses that we can hold onto that tell us that we are now truly adopted into the family of God, no longer enemies but heirs with Christ! Isn't that incredible?! Stephen and I were learning so much about the Lord and His love for us as we sought to learn about adoption. We were also learning about God's love for orphans. We can see that over and over in the Word too. I really encourage you to look through the Bible and just search for words like orphan and adoption and see what you learn. You aren't all called to adopt, but you are all called to care for orphans and if you are in Christ then you, yourself, have been adopted! As we learned these things our desire to adopt became stronger and stronger. We long to mirror God's adoption of us to children that He deeply cares for and has commanded us to care for! We are so excited to share with our children one day that though we love them and want to do the absolute best for them, that we will let them down sometimes, but that we can introduce them to a Father who will NEVER let them down and will always love them PERFECTLY!  Though we originally thought adoption was plan B, God intended it for plan A so we set out much earlier than we thought on our journey towards adoption.

Our adoption process...

Stephen and I first thought we would only adopt internationally. We had fears, but mostly misunderstandings about what domestic adoption looked like. But once again those were our plans and not the Lord's. One night I was hanging out with some ladies I was friends with and blabbing about why I would “never” adopt domestically because of this or that fear. Not too long after, one of those sweet friends had Stephen and I over to her house and sat us down to share her story of domestic infant adoption. My incredible friend is a birthmom to a beautiful daughter, I had no idea before that night. As she sat there and humbly told us her story, I just wept. The Lord completely changed our view on domestic adoption that night and I will always be thankful to that friend for allowing the Lord to use her to direct us to the child He has planned for our family. At that same time I was volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center and God used the combination of that testimony from my friend and the numerous mothers I was developing relationships with there to pull my heart towards a desire for an open domestic adoption.

We decided on an agency and planned to start as soon as we had been married for 2 years which was required. But when that time came the Lord had shown us another plan. We had just moved to North Carolina and we still owned our home in Georgia, we didn't have employment or insurance so we were in no place to start the adoption process. I was really hurt by that. I was angry, really, with the Lord for making me move when that would mess up my adoption plans that I thought He had given to me! Even in my sin, the Lord covered me with grace and showed me again that His plans are better than mine. The Lord has used this past year to teach Stephen and I so much about Himself, about marriage, and about our hopes for adoption and parenting.

We are now happily at our starting point in the adoption process. We are beginning our paperwork and working through some requirements that we must meet. We are so so so incredibly excited! We have started fund-raising for our adoption and have already seen the Lord bless it tremendously. We know there is a long journey ahead of us but we are just happy to be starting!

What have been the biggest struggles/joys?

The biggest struggle has to be the waiting. It truly hurts my heart deeply some days to have no children filling our home. I long to hold them and see their sweet faces. It hurts to have to wait and wait and wait. I know that the Lord is using this time for such good and that we must cherish this time in our lives where we have so much extra time to devote ministry, marriage, and to service to the Lord. But the waiting is hard and the waiting hurts. But friends the Lord knows my heart and He is able to heal all that is broken. And most importantly, the Lord is all I need. I don't need to adopt or get pregnant or ever have any children at all, I need Christ! My identity is not tied up in motherhood, Christ is my identity. So I cling to that and I wait.

The joys even as we wait are ever present. I am continually overwhelmed at the love our Father has for us as we learn more about what He has done for us through our adoption! We are blessed beyond belief with sweet friends and family who encourage us, pray for us, and give financially to our adoption. Also, this calling to adopt places us in this sweet little community of families who have or are adopting and we experience joy after joy as we see others bring home their children and we watch the healing that takes place in little hearts that are placed in their forever families. Additionally, we long for a future joy that only the Lord knows the time and face of!

And lastly, what  I wish for you to know about adoption:

The thing I am continually trying to communicate is that adoption is not a second best option. Some people have been confused because I certainly have grieved the loss of pregnancy, but not because that is the “best” way or the only way to get children of your “own.” The child we will adopt will be our own, absolutely. There is nothing that will make them not our own. We aren't shopping around for the most attractive, healthy, or easy option. We are adopting the child God has predestined for our family. We will accept whatever that means just like we would if I were pregnant. If we start to think of adoption as a substandard way of bringing children into our family then what does that mean for us eternally? Are we not really God's own? Do we not really have the full inheritance of Christ or are we second best to the first children of God, the Israelites? No, that's absolutely not true! God sent Jesus so that we could be adopted as sons with the full inheritance given to us. Adoption was always God's plan for me to join His family and it has always been His plan for Stephen and I to adopt our children too. I am certainly not telling you that pregnancy is second best either but they are truly both best because they are what God planned for each family.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

We may not yet or ever know the womb in which our child is knit, but we know the knitter and He has already ordained all of their days. We can trust that and hold on to that truth!

Adoption is such passion for us and such a joy to talk about! Thank you for allowing me to share a little with you about what the Lord is doing in our family! Please feel free to follow our story at http://sandridgesdaybyday.blogspot.com

Adoption links

While our family has yet to experience the joy of adoption, we definitely hope to pursue it at some point. I have been bookmarking articles and blogs that will be helpful to us in the future and I thought I would share them you you:

I became a fan of Tiffany at A Moment Cherished before she even began her adoption journey. I love her pictures and the way she writes. It has been absolutely beautiful to watch her passion for adoption grow and I have learned a lot from her adoption posts. She also has a great list of adoption resources that is very helpful. She also wrote a great article on "How to (Really) Help Adoptive Parents that everyone should read.

Justin Taylor wrote a great article called "The Risk of Transracial Adoption"

Nicole Whitacre from GirlTalk has a good article on "Why Adoption?"

Kelly's Korner has a great link-up for Adoption fundraisers

Stephen Curtis Chapman has a fabulous website with all kinds of resources for those interested in adopting or helping those who want to adopt.

The Nuts and Bolts of Adoption is filled with extremely valuable practical info for those considering adoption.

Embryo Adoption: A Unique Option to Give a Child Life

A very thought-provoking post: So You Think You Should Adopt? Please Don't"

A great "adoption stories" link-up

A local friend has adopted many children and her story is quite a testament to God's grace and provision. She has just written a great book called "More Than "I" Can Handle" and it is now available for pre-order!

Adoption Month!

It's Adoption Month here at Prayer of Hannah! During the month of April we hope to bring you stories of families who have adopted and who are in the process of adopting. We will review a book or two about adoption, and share how you, your families and your churches can get involved in the gospel ministry of adoption. We hope you will return often to read more. We would also love to hear from you if you have an adoption story to share! Just send us an email at prayerofhannah@gmail.com. Also, we have discussed this in the past, and you can read more of those stories by clicking on the "Adoption" label on the righthand side. Praying you will be greatly blessed by the topic this month.

Blessed are they that Mourn for they shall be comforted.

Many of you met me during the most difficult time of my life when I was an expectant mother praying in desperate tears for the healing and life of the little boy inside of me. God did heal him but didn’t allow him to live here on earth with us. His heart was not fashioned to beat in this world apart from being in my womb. The weeks following were ones that changed me forever and I have found God to be the firm foundation for my faith and the compassionate father who has captured every tear I have shed. Having Asher made me a mother; I loved that time with him and there was no going back to the way things were before him.

Even before Asher my husband and my heart had been open to the idea that God may have for us a child already born who is in need of a mother and father. We were already seeking to become foster parents when we had discovered we were having a difficult pregnancy and had to put the process on hold.

November, just three months after losing Asher we talked about reopening our status with the foster system and after a few steps we did so. It was a few weeks after that when they called us with a child needing a place to live short term., we prayed through it but God showed us through very clear signs and obstacles that right now our hearts are ready to full care and love a child as our own... and after our loss this summer we feel like the risk of losing another loved little one should be as minimal as possible, and this was definitely not a situation needing the amount of parenting that we were willing to give.

The week before Thanksgiving we had really asked the Lord to show us wisdom and guidance in what to do. Should we stay in the foster system? Should we go through a program that deals with foster children who are only in need of a permanent home? Should we wait? We decided to go ahead and look into the more permanent foster to adopt program then just go through the holidays and enjoy family and see where God may lead in the coming year. But one thing was clear, our hearts wanted to adopt. That was Monday and on Wednesday we got the call from New Life Adoption Agency! We had friends who worked there and knew we were hoping to adopt one day and were open to adopting transracially. But they had NO idea that we were in this process of wanting to adopt this soon.

"There is a woman who wants to put her baby up for adoption and hasn't found a family for her yet. She is due December 6th. She wants a two parent home and a Christian family for the baby within her. Would you be interested in adopting her? Can you put a profile album together and write a letter to this birth-mother?" We were hearing the words but were we really understanding it? Were they really asking us to consider becoming the forever parents of this little girl who hadn't even been born yet? Was God moving this fast and all of the sudden? Were we ready?

We had been walking in great faith in the days before that call. Why doubt Him now that the possibility was present. It just seemed too good to be true. a newborn. in two weeks. for us. for keeps. We started to get excited.

We were headed to Texas to spend thanksgiving with my family. What was intended to be a relaxing week away turned quickly into a whirlwind of paperwork and phone calls. The amount of paperwork we had to do in a week had been astounding.  Adoption is not for the weak at heart. But get this, look at some ways God worked all things together for good. The adoption agency called us and we both needed copies of our birth certificates...fast. (remember she was due to be born the next week) I was headed to Austin the next day to see our relatives so we were able to request and pick up my birth certificate in a matter of hours. Dan's parents have not spent thanksgiving away in years and decided to spend this year in Michigan with family. They were in the very city Dan was born. By that afternoon both birth certificates were being over-nighted to Raleigh.

My family granted us the time needed to fill out so many forms and information. We are both blessed to have parents who have also embarked on this journey of adoption and we couldn't imagine our lives without our adopted brothers and sisters! They are amazing gifts of God.  Through all this craziness Dan was such a get it done guy through all this which was so what I needed because I'm prone to becoming paralyzed to act when overwhelmed. But He kept on keeping on. I think we probably broke any record the adoption agency had for the number of times we called them in one day.

We were both able to rest on Thanksgiving and enjoy our families. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me that our friends and families have rejoiced with us without reservation when opportunities have come up to bring a child into our home, whether it was going to be in a foster situation or to adopt. They are always so full of wisdom and belief that God will do exactly what we need in our life at this time. Even our extended families had started to open their hearts to this little one while we were there. Everyone was so willing to help us care and provide for this little baby girl should she come into our home and become our own.

We flew home on Friday and on the last flight home we sat next to a girl and when Dan asked me to pass him the adoption paperwork she asked us if we were adopting. We got to talking and she had been raped and become pregnant and carried her baby to full term and decided to give this baby up for adoption. She told me how carefully she picked out a birth mother and how much she is so glad she gave her little girl life. That was 12 years ago for her and she was sitting there crying and talking about the joys and difficulties of the adoption process. She was so happy for us. It was definitely the Lord that placed her right beside me.

Belief. Faith. Hope. Love. These are all things that we had been experiencing. All these things dispel fear and unbelief. With Christ there is no reason to fear or to be afraid that things won't work out. He had already shown us in a HUGE way that His plans are often not ours but that we had no reason to fear His hand or His heart. Cautiously optimistic had been two words that people have used to explain how we should be feeling in the days before this little ones birth. Dan and I were talking one night and with all we had to fill out and accomplish and do that week we needed more than cautious optimism fueling us. Belief had to take root in our hearts. Yes, our Father had complete authority to yank that root out and plant another seed of trust in times of trial. But we knew He would sustain us no matter what.

We were supposed to meet our birthmother on Monday December 1st over lunch. We were so excited and really had no idea what to expect. But we definitely weren’t expecting our agency to call us and reroute our lunch plans to WakeMed where our daughter had just been born at. I had to laugh because just as Asher came when we weren’t expecting him to, his sister followed suit.

So, we headed to the hospital to meet our daughter and the woman who had chosen to give her life.
Many people have asked me how weird has it been having an open adoption. And I really can’t complain or say it’s been weird because I don’t know anything else. And I had grown to love this woman because she was giving my future daughter life. And I had, in a way, a very similar experience with her in that I too had to give my child up to a better life away from me. I too knew what it was like to leave the hospital childless after going through the pain of having him. I couldn’t voluntarily have done that but here, this woman was choosing to give this gift of life not only to this child but to a family whom she had never met. I had the utmost respect for her so meeting her was a joy and a day I will never forget.

We spent several hours with Zoe and her birthmother at the hospital. It was such a great visit and God blessed us with sweet fellowship with her mom. We had some great moments and just shared our hearts on this little one and what our desires are for her. This mom knew she wanted more for this little girl than she could give her. I told her that we want to raise her to love Jesus and to be a compassionate person and stand for what is right in the world around her. So we talked, over the MTV music awards we talked about culture, music, values, families, history, life… It was a very sweet time that I will treasure always.

I cried when she had to leave the hospital that last day…sobbed more like it. I knew she had loved and sacrificed more for this child and more intimately than I had up to that point. My heart broke for her but rejoiced at God’s hand in her life and knew He would be faithful to sustain her and hold her just as He had held me the months before and even at that moment.

Then Dan and I became once again a family of three. Our hearts were heavy and floating, excited and terrified, nervous and confident…. Those first few days were days of paradoxical emotions! She became officially ours to adopt 4 months to the day of losing our precious son. She would never replace our son but she would bring so much laughter and delight and love into our home. God was bestowing 5lbs of soothing balm to our hurting hearts. We knew God was granting us a special and lasting love for this child of ours who just two weeks earlier we had no idea even existed.

That was four months ago and Zoe Elizabeth Chappell has been a delight and has brought so much healing and grace to our home.  Her name means Abundant Life and I know that she will bring that to this family. She is a great baby and has already stolen the hearts of so many. God has been so faithful to provide and come through for this unexpected and quick addition to our family. And He has used His people to rise and be a part of this beautiful picture of His Salvation!   Thanks for letting me share all that the Lord has done! May He get the glory and my life overflows with the joy!   Love, Casey Chappell 

A Long Awaited Blessing

(Leah says...)I contacted my friend Tamara - my Bible study leader from my freshman year of college! - to post during our adoption week. I had been thinking of asking her to post for quite some time. I knew that her family had finished all their paperwork and were waiting and waiting for a child. What I didn't know was that they would be sitting in a hotel room with THEIR NEW DAUGHTER when I e-mailed Tamara to ask her. God is so good!! Here is her story:
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Our road to adoption began well over a decade ago. Before my hubby Chris and I had even met, the Lord had placed a passion for adoption on each of our hearts. When I was in college I spent a summer in Mexico working with a ministry that serves orphanages in Monterrey. During that same summer Chris' heart was deeply affected by the verse in James that charges believers to care for the orphans and widows of the world. I so clearly remember having a conversation about adoption when we were dating--and I recall how it revealed to us even more so the reality that God had designed us for each other. We both felt challenged by God to some day grow our family through adoption. In our early 20's when we had this conversation we didn't know what this would look like, but we did daydream about adopting a little Latina and naming her Isabel because of our connections to Hispanic culture (both through missions work and our knowledge of the Spanish language). It's been a long road of praying and waiting to see God's adoption plan for our family come to fruition, but oh how worth it the wait has been!
We were married in July, 2001, and after enjoying married life with just the 2 of us for a couple of years we started thinking toward growing our family. Adoption was our plan at the time, but the Lord showed us very quickly (literally, we'd started talking about and researching adoption when we found out we were expecting our oldest son, Henry) that He had a different design for us. We welcomed Henry Harrison in February of 2004, and then added Elijah James to our family in March of 2006. It was about 9 months after Eli's birth that we felt the Lord speaking to us, telling us that our next child would come to us by way of adoption. We excitedly turned in our application paperwork right after Eli's 1st birthday and began the home study process. To say the journey was long would be a vast understatement. The paperwork alone was draining...8-10 page autobiographies by both Chris and myself, medical check up forms for all 4 family members, criminal background checks...the list seemed to go on and on. But finally, on March 6, 2007, we were officially approved and in the waiting pool.
Because we were doing an open adoption, the situation was now completely out of our hands. As part of our home study process we had created a family scrapbook (our profile--it contains pictures our of family and home, and also information on our personalities, faith, support network, etc.) that was kept on file at our adoption agency. When a birth mom would come in and ask to see potential adoptive families, we were shown to her, assuming that we met the criteria that she was looking for. And time after time after time, each birth mom chose to place her baby with another waiting family. The first couple of times weren't so bad, but soon we began to feel rejected. We realize that it wasn't a personal statement against our family, but either way, rejection and hurt were very present emotions each time we got the call from our agency that the birth mom had chosen another family. This happened about 18-20 times over the course of this past year.
Fast forward through the details to about 4 weeks ago when we got an e-mail from a Christian friend who has lots of adoption experience (she and her husband have 16 kids...only 4 of which are bio!) about a possible situation through an agency in Georgia (www.valleyofhope.net). Now, up to this point in time, we had not done any networking. We were only working with our small local agency. One thing we've learned on this journey is that choosing a larger, national, networking agency is definitely, our opinion, the way to go! Long story short, we didn't get matched with the baby that our friend e-mailed us about, but we did get hooked up with the networking agency. And things have quite literally been a whirlwind since getting registered with them about 3 weeks ago. We got our profiles to them and to the agencies around the country that they network with, and within days we were getting calls to be shown to birth mothers.
Tuesday, March 3 was a regular day in our house--the boys and I had a relaxing morning and we were waiting for our playdate friends to arrive when the phone rang at about 12:30pm. One of the networking agencies, Heart & Soul Adoptions (www.heartandsouladoptions.com), had a 2 year old Latina that they needed to place immediately. After getting the details from the agency, I hung up and called Chris at work. We talked and prayed about it, and it just felt right...in a way that none of the previous situations we'd been presented with had felt. At 3pm I called the agency back and said, "We want her. We can see God's fingerprints all over this situation." Before the agency could give us a final answer, they had to look over some paperwork details (including our home study). At 10pm Tuesday night, the phone rang. It was the news we'd waited to hear for 2 long years. We had a daughter! Oh, and they needed us to arrive in Utah the next morning to take custody of her (it was a really quick placement, as birth mom had relinquished her rights 5 days prior, and the agency had taken custody of the little girl but needed to place her to avoid issues with having to place her in foster care).
And so began the whirlwind. We called our parents with the news and they immediately jumped into action. My mom got a flight up the next morning so that she could keep the boys. Chris' mom arrived two days later to help out. Friends from church were more than supportive and willing to allow us to drop our boys off at their house at 4am, as we needed to be at the airport to catch our flight at 6am. Other dear friends kindly offered to drive us to the airport at that early hour. Chris and I didn't get any sleep on Tuesday night. We were racing around packing for ourselves, buying plane tickets online, and grinning at each other saying, "We have a daughter!". Chris also spent time on the phone with the bank through which we had been approved for our adoption loan, only to have them tell him there had been a delay in the processing of our paperwork...so the money would not be in the account for a few days. Which was a problem. We couldn't do anything but pray that the Lord would divinely intervene, as we felt Him guiding us, telling us that THIS WAS IT...and so we literally got on the plane trusting that, just like our pastor, Dave, says, God is ALWAYS on time. Never early, never late. Just ALWAYS on time.
We landed in Salt Lake City, drove to a local IHOP, and met the agency director's and our sweet daughter. She was ours from the moment we laid eyes on her. She was just the perfect image of what God had placed on our hearts as we daydreamed way back when. The Lord had truly brought us full circle. We signed the placement papers that evening and it was official. Oh, and that adoption loan issue? Well, God totally showed up, and He even showed off a little! :) We walked into a local Wells Fargo unsure of what we were going to do, and we walked out with a cashier's check for the full amount we needed for the adoption. Our original loan approval was only for part of the adoption fees. Thank you Jesus for showing up RIGHT ON TIME. Literally 15 minutes before we needed to go sign the paperwork, the financial stuff fell into place.
It's funny that Leah contacted me and asked me to do a post for this week's topic...We're actually still sitting in a Utah hotel room awaiting court approval to head home with our new daughter! We are praying that it all goes through by next Thursday morning, as we've already had to reschedule our flights home once and we are anxious to see our boys...and they are so excited to meet their new little sister! This journey has certainly had it's ups and downs. It's been a long, emotional, sometimes stressful road. But we are grateful to God that all along, he knew exactly what he was doing. If we'd been matched with one of the other babies along the way, we wouldn't have our sweet 2-year-old girl, Isabel Faith.
We do have a family blog, but until the adoption is finalized we've been advised to keep it set to private. We are trusting in the Lord, that He will complete the good work that He's begun, and that He will guard and guide our family. We'd be so grateful if you would keep our family in your prayers as we continue on this journey of bring Isabel home and welcoming her into her forever family. Thanks for taking the time to read our story...quite literally as it is unfolding! :)
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE the opportunity to answer any questions/share more info with you if you're thinking about adoption. There are so many other details that go along with the process...Please feel free to e-mail me at tamarafladung@aol.com.
Blessings, Tamara

Juliana's Adoption

Hey blogger friends! This story was written by my precious mom and dad who adopted my sister after I was the last of 5 children to leave home....they are incredible people! Juliana is amazing...I can't imagine life without her! I pray you find encouragement from their story:

In 1990 I was a home health nurse. A patient assigned to me was an elderly woman who was bed fast. On one of my visits I discovered two toddlers sitting on the floor beside her bed, eating out of paper plates. She told me they had been left there by a family member, for her to care for. Now, this woman could not take care of herself.She could not even turn over in bed by herself. I immediately began to call some of her other family. The problem was solved quickly. That evening I told my husband, Haynes, about the visit I had made that day. We both agreed how sad it is for children to be neglected. I believe this was the day the Lord planted the desire in our hearts to adopt a child.

A few evenings later we watched a T.V. special about starving children being adopted in Romania. Over the next couple of weeks we talked about the children in Romania.We prayed and prayed about adopting a child. The idea of adopting began to grow in our hearts. You need to know…we had raised five children, and just sent our last child to college. The thought of raising another child had never entered our minds before. The Lord definitely works in mysterious ways. We decided that adoption was what God was calling us to at this point in our lives. The process began to take shape.We talked with a lawyer, we got in touch with other people who were in the adoption process, and we prayed and prayed.

A few weeks later Stacey, our youngest daughter came home from college for the weekend. That evening the exact same T.V. special was repeated again. At this point we had not mentioned a thing to any of our children. As the program was ending, Stacey looked at us and said, “Ya’ll need to adopt one of those children!!” I began to smile. She quickly said, “This is not funny! I am serious! You need to go and adopt one of these children!” I told her I was not smiling because it was funny…we then told her we had been discussing adoption, and planned on discussing the possibility with all five children that weekend, beginning with her. This was a very happy weekend for our family. All five children were thrilled and excited. They were all asking questions and wanting to help. We believe it is very important for all close members of a family to be in agreement about such an important event.

Then the real work began. There were mounds of paperwork, a home study, finger prints, passports, and plane tickets. With lots of prayers, and help from lots of friends, we were on our way to Romania...

Two days after arriving in Romania, we were traveling with a lady who wanted to adopt a little boy. We were told there was a little boy for adoption in a nearby village. Translation into another language sometimes does not always translate correctly. The little boy was a beautiful curly haired girl. She was wearing only a cotton jacket…and it had been snowing! I knew the moment I saw her, she was for us. Her name was Juliana. We fell in love with her and her name. Juliana was the fourth child of a young woman, age 18. After finding the young woman and talking with her and the government official, they set a court date.. The adoption only took a few minutes. The main question we were asked, “Will you take care and provide for this child?”

Juliana was a very happy child from the beginning, even though she was malnourished and had a severe sinus infection. She quickly learned where she ate and where the food was kept.She wanted to stay in the kitchen and play. Also Juliana wanted to be held and patted all of the time. This is where the bonding began. (Now at age 19, she still loves to be hugged and patted:)

From the beginning, Juliana was like a sponge. She quickly began to say words and interact. One of the most important words we used from the first day was “adoption.” My husband and I believe it is important to tell a child they are adopted from a very early age. Explain all of the details you can for their level. As time goes on, they will have more questions…answer them. Do not leave an opportunity for any surprises along the way. I think the fact that I was also adopted helped with a lot of the answers for Juliana.


Juliana is now a sophomore at Ouachita Baptist University, majoring in speech pathology. We have six children: Drew, Phillip, Stacey, Tracie, Jana, and Juliana. I can tell you without a doubt, there is no difference in the feeling you have for an adopted child and a child you birthed. It is amazing to see Juliana now grow into a lovely young woman! How quickly time flies and what a joy to be a part of this precious child’s life! The Lord has so blessed us! I look forward to what He has for us in the future!

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of you heart…Psalm37:4

AJ's Adoption Story

Hello to all of you POHers. I am sure you have seen me comment often. My name is AJ and I am a friend of Krista’s and I would like to share our adoption story. . .

I wish I could tell you it was an easy and smooth journey but it was not. My husband and I knew before we got married we wanted to adopt internationally. (At that time we didn’t know we had infertility problems). On our first anniversary we started the paperwork process. This process takes around 6 months to complete and then we submitted our dossier (this is about 2000 pages of paperwork sent to the adoption country) to Kazakhstan in June of 2005. We then began the process of waiting for a referral from Kazakhstan. We anxiously waited and prayed and waited and prayed.

Finally we received a phone call in June of 2006; we were to travel to Almaty, Kazakhstan in 2 weeks. We were ecstatic; after an almost two year process we were at the end of the journey and we would meet our baby girl. During the next 2 weeks we frantically packed and asked each other “what will she look like?” “How old will she be?” The plan was for my husband and I to spend three weeks in Kazakhstan and complete most of the paperwork and then leave the country (this is law in Kaz.) and I would return 1 month later with my dad to pick up our baby.

Planning is something I live my life around. Needless to say as our plane lifted off the ground on July 4, 2006, the plan in my mind became as messed up as any plan could ever be.

We arrived in Kaz. July 6, 2006 and were told we would go the next day to see available children in the orphanage. Tomorrow came and went and we sat nervously in our hotel waiting. Finally we were told there were no available children and we would be sent home. I cannot tell you the turmoil my mind and body was in. What was God doing? 25,000 dollars and 2 continents away from our support system and we were going home with empty arms. We immediately called our family in the states (we paid 2 dollars a minute and interrupted my sister’s wedding reception) and asked for prayer that a miracle would happen and we would get to stay and meet our baby (the next plane to leave was 4 days away) we prayed and cried and paced. The day before we were to fly home our translator arrived and said get in the car we will go meet children! We were not sure we understood but indeed we headed to the orphanage. We were introduced to numerous special needs children and then we finally were taken into a room with another couple (they have since become our best friends) and were told here is one boy, one girl, you both wanted girls so decide…the head of the baby house then walked out. We met these babies and held them and loved on them but what would we do???

Both babies were 8 months old and in good health for the circumstances. We were then told to make our decision by the following day. We went back to our hotel and sat down with the other couple and prayed and talked. The next morning God had spoken to the other couple and confirmed that they were to adopt the baby boy.

We spent the next two weeks interacting and bonding with these babies (2 weeks bonding is required by Kazak law). I could hardly dare to let my heart open to this beautiful baby girl. Her name was Tursyngul and she was born at 24 weeks gestation at just under 2 pounds. She looked like a small newborn weighing just 8 pounds and unable to roll over and sit up, crawl or walk.

Gradually we opened our hearts and the two week bonding period went smoothly. We were set to appear before the judge and he kept denying our request repeatedly. We were told our agency was making mistakes and not doing their job. Finally after 2 more weeks we went to the judge. He looked at our paperwork and said there were problems and we would come back in two more weeks. (Remember we were supposed to be there only 3 weeks). We continued to visit the baby we had named Lydia 2 times everyday not knowing if we would ever walk out of the baby house with her. 2 weeks passed again and the other couple was granted their baby boy. We walked into the judge’s chambers and he once again denied our petition for adoption stating we were missing a paper. We indeed were but were never told about it and once again another problem with our agency.

At this point I lost it. I cried and cried and was almost ready to just pack our bags and leave. By this point we had been in Kaz. almost two months and we had received an email from my husband’s job that because of his continued delay he would be loosing his job! We were spending hundreds of dollars a day in a foreign country and now had no income.

We immediately got on our knees and asked for wisdom. I felt in such turmoil and such bitterness with our agency. How could they play with our lives? How were we going to get through this? I will be honest I was angry at God for allowing this. I then was reminded of Jacob and how he wrestled with God and that is exactly what I did. I laid on the floor sobbing and I remained there until the Lord finally said, “AJ, I am here and no matter what happens trust me, my grace is sufficient, I am in control” After hours of sobbing and prayer I got up and knew whether I left with my baby or not God’s will was not my own. Was I still struggling? YOU BET! I prayed that whatever happened God would give me the grace to handle it.

Upon clarification to stay in the country we immediately tried to get the one paper we needed from the states. The judge had given us one week. We called Oklahoma and my mom found the paper at our social work agency (not our adoption agency) and she took it to the State Capitol to have the proper documentation done. She immediately paid a lot of money to Fed Ex and UPS it to Kaz. With no guarantees it would arrive. We were hours outside any city.

We prayed for the arrival of the paper, we knew it would be a miracle but God chose another way. We had begun a blog of our journey and numerous people from all over the country had kept up with our story. In fact, a couple had found our blog from Atlanta and were coming to the same city to adopt. She continued to ask us questions as they prepared to come they were very nervous about the bad experience we were having. Realizing they would arrive in Kaz the day before our court hearing my mom FEDEX overnight our papers to Atlanta and this precious couple hand carried our documents (and I mean they never let them out of their hand). They walked into our hotel and I was sitting in the lobby. I immediately knew it was our angel. I walked up to them and asked them their name and they immediately handed me the document. Tears poured down my face and we sat in the lobby sobbing. God saw fit to use people we had never met to bring his glory and to show me he was in control. Our other copies never arrived by mail.

The next morning we appeared before the judge and God had worked on his heart as well. A once hard man immediately gave us custody and it was a national holiday so he hurried us and we picked up Lydia Jane 2 hours later and walked out of that baby house one last time.

Two days later we flew to the capitol to appear before the embassy and there were many other problems that I won’t even share here. But 8 days later through a series of miracles and unfortunately paying $16,000 more dollars we lifted off the runway in Almaty, Kaz.

Arriving 48 hours later in Oklahoma City, we were greeted by laughter, tears and many balloons. It was the end of September we had been gone almost 3 months. We sat in the airport and introduced Lydia to family, friends and strangers that had all played a part of this miracle.

God continued to work miracles and through our blog my husband was hired on at a new job starting one week after we arrived home.

I share our story with you and believe me this is just a tip of the iceberg, to encourage you through the deepest valley and lowest points. God is in Control and His will is perfect. I would so tell you that adoption is wonderful, we had a very bad experience and I would highly suggest you do your research but in the end God gave us a wonderful gift and we see his miracle walking, playing, and breathing everyday.