Do you make an idol of the perfect birth experience?

It is SO easy to allow our 'needs/wants' during a birthing experience to steal our joy, take our focus off of Christ, and become our idol. In the article Bowing Down to Your Birthing Ball, Gloria Furman addresses this  issue in a thoughtful, gospel-centered manner. Highly recommended for ladies expecting their first child--or their eighth!

Audio and Video from The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference

Three weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference in Orlando Florida. This conference gave almost 4000 women the opportunity to dig deep into God's word and be encouraged in the gospel and their various roles in life. I came away greatly encouraged, knowing more about God and His gospel, and have a deeper fellowship with the ladies with whom I traveled. God is great, and God is good, and I am grateful for the chance to grow closer to Him during that weekend.

Now, The Gospel Coalition has posted audio and video of all of the plenary sessions and workshops. This is a wealth of information and encouragement that I encourage everyone to use! You can find the links here. It is hard to choose a favorite (or several favorites), but I recommend Paige Benton Brown and Carrie Sandom's plenary sessions. They are probably unknown names to you, but their biblical teaching was deep, sound and thoroughly edifying and encouraging. I could not attend all of the workshops, unfortunately, but Kathy Chapell's parenting session and Jani Ortlund's marriage session were both incredibly helpful. Listen to them, and let me know which ones you enjoy!!

Happy Independence Day

I found this yesterday, and I had to share it. I love diagramming sentences, but I must confess I would be completely at a loss for how to diagram this:

Graphic courtesy of http://www.german-latin-english.com/diagramdecind1.htm.
For more detail, see http://leighbortins.com/declare-and-diagram/

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

The Comparison Game

It is so easy to get into the comparison game, especially as a mom. Our sinful nature compares our lives with those of others who seem to have it 'more together', and we start to live in worry, fear, and doubt. We question everything we do, we try to do more, and we begin to put our worth in what we do instead of finding our worth and value in what Christ has done. Tim Challies has a great blog post about Competitive Mothering that is 'spot on' regarding this subject.

Please know that the authors of POH write their posts to encourage and uplift our readers, and we never intend to hold up our lives as "the only way." May you be encouraged by what we and other moms in the blogsphere write, and may you rest in Christ's conquering of sin on your behalf. Christ is all that matters--not your schooling choices, number of children, or monthly menus. Trust in Him! (If you do not know what it means to trust in Christ, please ask us! I also recommend you read The Story, which explains who made us and why we were made.)

Prayer Journaling for Your Husband and Children

Hi friends, it's Leah F! One of my dearest friends recently wrote about journaling and praying for your children, and I thought it would be a blessing to our Prayer of Hannah readers. Thanks for reading.

"So train the young women to love their husbands and children." - (Titus 2:4 ESV)

I learned this very well from my mentor, Phyllis, through the years as I've watched her diligently and passionately pray for her husband and children, and their spouses, and now her grandchildren.  As I've started my own for my husband, and now my Baby Boy Campbell coming in September, I wanted to share some thoughts and how-tos that I've learned from her over the almost 20 years of knowing her.

1.  Get paper.  I remember after my second date with my husband, I went to B&N later that night and got a moleskin notebook and started journaling and praying for him, knowing one day I would give it to him at our wedding.  And I did.  He is reading through it now.  But, really, ladies...you don't need a moleskin or fancy notebook.  You can use a journaling Bible (like this one from Crossway) and journal through your reading in there or just grab some loose-leaf paper and stick it in a folder (like we did back in high school, before everything needed to be turned through a computer).  The paper doesn't matter, the action does.

2.  Get a pen/pencil/crayon.  I have tried to steer away from pens that will bleed through the pages of my moleskin (almost done with a #2 right now) but sometimes a bleed pen is the only one around.  I would also challenge you to get a real pen and paper (not a computer) because you'll be able to cherish these notebooks for years to come and your children and husband can read them as well!  I know we are a techno world now, but I truly believe that some things are better hand-written.

3.  Get a Bible.  One of the MUSTS for this type of praying is that you pray Scripture over your spouse/children.  What Phyllis taught me is that I don't need books or even to be really creative, I just need God's Word.  She trusts in its sufficiency, and so do I.  You don't have to start a new reading  plan - just read.  If you want to, start with the Psalms or one of Paul's epistles or (gasp!) even the book of Deuteronomy.  Pray these Scriptures for your husband/children.  Here is an example from Psalm 112:

   Praise the LORD!
 Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
  who greatly delights in his commandments!
 His offspring will be mighty in the land;
  the generation of the upright will be blessed.
 Wealth and riches are in his house,
  and his righteousness endures forever.
 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
  he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
 It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
  who conducts his affairs with justice.
 For the righteous will never be moved;
  he will be remembered forever.
 He is not afraid of bad news;
  his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
 His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
  until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
(Psalm 112:1-8 ESV)

"Father, I praise you and thank you that you have given me a Psalm 112 husband.  Thank you for answering that prayer.  I thank you that E fears you more than he fears man and that he takes great delight in your word each morning, even as we are going through James this year as a couple.  I pray that our children, even this little one in my tummy right now, will be blessed to follow and know you and dwell richly and mightily in the land as they seek you wholeheartedly because of your grace and the display of faithfulness of their earthly Father (all because of grace).  Thank you for allowing my E to show me grace and mercy when I fail, and fail miserably at times.  Thank you also that he pursues you and righteousness.  Continue to weigh in his heart and his actions so that they might please you.  I praise YOU that E is a generous man who does not hoard the money that you have blessed us with but wants our giving and our home to be a place of blessing for others.  May we continue to live in that way.  I pray Lord, that even in difficult times, that you would make his heart strong and firm in you - knowing that you never change and that you will lead him in righteousness (Psalm 23).  Do not let him coward and be afraid, but be bold and know that you are God until the day that you make him triumph over his enemies for the glory of God in the world."

And you can take the same chapter and pray it for your children, as I will for baby Campbell.

4.  Pray.  I know this may seem like the easiest one to do, and I do pray for E all the time and pray for baby Campbell as well (honestly mostly in the shower), but do this.  I remember living for a time with my mentor and her family.  I remember waking up early in the morning and walking downstairs, and Phyllis had already been there for hours praying and reading for her soul and the soul of her family.  This was such a testimony to me.  I fail in this so much.  I need more grace to make it happen and to make it a glorious habit.

5.  Save.  Save your journals.  I will save mine.  Got an email from Phyllis this morning even that she has bookshelves and a chest full of these journals.  What a legacy for your children and spouse as they see a wife/mother who first loved Jesus then prayed and loved them as well all the days of her life. 

6.  Side note: I sometimes read these journals to E as a way to encourage him.  I let him read the first one (I gave it to him before our wedding).  I use it as part journal of our marriage too.  So for part of the journal I'm talking to God and part of it I'm talking to E, or baby Campbell in his.  I've already seen how encouraging this can be and how much fruit can be harvested from this daily duty of delight (see John Piper). 

7.  Baby Boy Praying: When I found out we were going to be blessed with a little boy, I immediately wanted to know how I could pray, as a mother, for him to grow into a young man who loved Jesus.  A former boss of mine suggested Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schulz.  I purchased it and have been reading the short chapters and prayer journaling my thoughts on the gospel and manhood for baby Campbell.  I hope it will be a blessing to him one day. 

PS...You can definitely read through books and pray those for your husband or children.  I remember reading through A Guide to Biblical Manhood written by SBTS Profs Dan Dumas and Randy Stinson and praying through those traits for E before we got married.  By all means, use other things, but let Scripture be your guiding principle!

May I encourage you to begin today to be a wife and mother who lives, has daily dependence on God and His Word and by communing with Him in prayer.  We fail miserably when we try to survive on our own!   Thankful the Holy Spirit works His Word in us and shapes and fashions us according to His Plan and for His glory!

Phyllis - thank you for praying for Billy, Jeremy/Katie, Jill/Matt and all your beautiful grandchildren - and for me.  You have truly been a Scriptural blessing in my life and continue to be so!  Proverbs 31 by grace, you are!   And if you have anything you would like to add Phyllis, please add it in the comments: I still have much to learn!

Kimberly Campbell is a wife, freelance writer and soon to be mom of a sweet baby boy due in September. She blogs at www.kd316.com

You Don't Have to be Perfect--Jaime's story

Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Jaime. I’m a Florida girl, married to my college sweetheart for 15 years. Mom to John Peter (10), Christopher (8), Jane-Grace (4) at home in Louisiana.  Waiting to bring home Joshua (4) and Georgia (1) from Ethiopia.

Why adoption?

I felt drawn to adoption while in high school, since my best friend was Chinese, and I learned from her  how unwanted girls were discarded there. In college, while dating my future husband, we made it part of our family’s dream plan. He had been to Russia on a mission trip as a freshman, and they had visited orphanages there. We were *so* sure we were headed to China or Russia one day. We certainly did not set out to have a big family, we just set out to be obedient. God showed us the beauty of his adoption of us as his children and heirs, and we embraced him making our family beautiful through adoption.  

Tell us about your adoption process?

We started an application for a Chinese adoption in 2005, and due to some health problems of our oldest child we decided to wait. In 2007, we applied to adopt from our agency’s new program in El Salvador (we no longer qualified for China). In 2008, the El Salvador program was moving very slowly and our agency recommended a change. That’s when we were led to Ethiopia. We brought our daughter, Jane-Grace, home in 2009 at 22 months old. When she had been home about seven months we applied to adopt again from Ethiopia. After waiting 17 months, we received our referral for siblings in February. I just returned from a joyful & successful meeting and court trip in April, and we hope to have them home this summer!

What have been the biggest struggles/joys?

Our struggles have been waiting & being joyful for others while they celebrate their baby’s birth while we endure the pregnancy wait of a pachyderm;  waiting, working , and trusting for our child to attach to us.  God is constantly working in us the heart of a farmer, patiently working the soil he has given us, and waiting for fruit in it’s time.

Our joys have been experiencing the joys of having a daughter, everything girly, and experiencing her vibrant personality that is distinctly her.  We celebrate her adoption and don’t hide it, but there is joy in forgetting too…like when I ask the doctor to check some medical issue because it “runs in the family,” or I joke that my husband does all the yard work because “I birthed 3 babies.” Russell Moore talks about how you start to find ways that your children “take after you” in Adopted for Life, and it’s true! The grandparents do it now also! We can’t wait to experience these joys with our 2 new children!

What is one thing you think our readers need to know about adoption?

You don’t need to be the perfect parent to adopt. You just need to know the One who is perfect. You are not the child’s savior; you are pointing him/her to the Savior. 

**Feel free to follow the Delfosse's story (and see pics of their ADORABLE kids) at their blog: http://notquitebrangelina.blogspot.com.**

Adoption and the hurdles of the heart-Sheryl's story

Sheryl and her husband Andy are friends and fellow church members with the Finn family. Sheryl graciously has offered to share a glimpse into what goes on in their hearts during this process. You can follow Andy and Sheryl's story at www.andyandsheryl.blogspot.com.

There are definitely hurdles to this miracle called adoption. Whether you’ve ever considered it or not, you’ve surely heard about the time and money it takes. Then there’s the miles of paperwork and even, for some, the fear of unsupportive family and friends. But, the hurdles I’m thinking of begin with us and the questions in our own hearts.

Could I love a child that’s not “mine”?

What if something is “wrong” with them?

Will it feel like” Plan B”? (for those who struggle with infertility)

My precious husband Andy and I dealt with these questions together a little over a year ago as we plunged head first into the adoption world. We had always known we would like to adopt but it was becoming clearer that it would be our reality a little sooner than anticipated, as we’d been facing infertility for several years.

Even as a couple who had always been open to and felt drawn to the call, these hurdles of the heart still had to be dealt with. Before submitting our initial application with an agency, we asked these same questions mentioned above. And since then, I’ve had others ask me about these questions going on in their hearts.

The best way I know to answer is that once we took that step of faith the Lord had impressed upon us, He dealt with the hurdles going on inside – each and every one. Not before, but after.

I cannot fully explain what happened in my heart the moment I submitted our initial application to begin the process. But the questions didn’t matter anymore. I was in it for the duration and I wanted desperately to see it come to fruition. No more second guessing. And it absolutely became and felt like Plan A. This is what the Lord had called us to do and He's been faithfully lighting the way the entire process!

We’re currently on the journey to bring home a 23 month old little girl, Lucy Hope, from China sometime late this summer. She has already changed our lives for the better and we can’t wait to get to know her as our daughter.

Each adoption story is different. I’m not claiming it’s all roses all the time. But it’s absolutely been worth it for us – and we don’t even have our Lucy home yet! We’ll have difficult times ahead, no doubt. But we already can’t imagine our life without her. These questions have faded from our hearts and a love for her has taken their place.

Being led to adoption--Alison's story

A little about me....

Hey y'all my name is Alison Sandridge. My husband Stephen and I moved to North Carolina last year so that he could attend SEBTS. We are so excited for what the Lord has in store for our future ministry and thrilled with where He is using us now! We will be married 3 years this May. Stephen and I met because his dad became the pastor of my home church when I was in middle school. Stephen and I started dating when I went to college. He and I have always had a love for orphans. We have both served separately at orphanges abroad. We knew even before we were married that we would one day adopt.

Something you should know about me though is that in my flesh, I want to be in control of everything! I'm a huge planner. I make lists and timelines for everything. Really y'all, it is such a joy for me to make lists and check things off that sometimes I start my list with “make a list” so I have something to check off right away, haha! I know that's awful, right? Well thankfully the Lord has been working on changing that about me and He has used our heart for adoption as a big instrument in this change.

See, I had this perfect plan for our family. I knew when and how and how many children we would have. So I just prayed and basically invited God to come along on this journey I had already planned! Crazy, but sometimes we do that. Instead of trusting the Lord with our future, we plan our future and then ask God to bless it! I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I am at the grace God has shown me in the these last few years. It has at times been incredibly painful but it has been so good! The Lord has stripped me of all my best laid plans and left me with nothing to cling to but Him and His precious Word!

After a miscarriage and some new information from doctors, we turned our focus from hopes of pregnancy to hopes of adoption. I did tons of research and mapped out the best course of action but I was relying on my own ability to plan rather than humbly coming before my Father and seeking the direction He would have me to take. Things have certainly not worked out how I originally planned but I am so thankful!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” 
Isaiah 55:8

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Why adoption?

At the beginning, we knew we would adopt “one day” because we are passionate about orphan care and we want a big family so that just fits perfectly! But the Lord has graciously shown us such a better picture of adoption. When we really started looking into adopting when we realized pregnancy was going to be difficult for us, we read an incredible book called Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. That book led us to truth after truth in the Word about adoption. We realized that this adoption we so longed for here on earth was just a little picture of the perfect adoption we had already experienced through the blood of Christ into the family of God.

“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'” Romans 8:15

“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.'” Galatians 4:4-6

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love  he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” Ephesians 1:4-6

Friends, those are just a few of the verses that we can hold onto that tell us that we are now truly adopted into the family of God, no longer enemies but heirs with Christ! Isn't that incredible?! Stephen and I were learning so much about the Lord and His love for us as we sought to learn about adoption. We were also learning about God's love for orphans. We can see that over and over in the Word too. I really encourage you to look through the Bible and just search for words like orphan and adoption and see what you learn. You aren't all called to adopt, but you are all called to care for orphans and if you are in Christ then you, yourself, have been adopted! As we learned these things our desire to adopt became stronger and stronger. We long to mirror God's adoption of us to children that He deeply cares for and has commanded us to care for! We are so excited to share with our children one day that though we love them and want to do the absolute best for them, that we will let them down sometimes, but that we can introduce them to a Father who will NEVER let them down and will always love them PERFECTLY!  Though we originally thought adoption was plan B, God intended it for plan A so we set out much earlier than we thought on our journey towards adoption.

Our adoption process...

Stephen and I first thought we would only adopt internationally. We had fears, but mostly misunderstandings about what domestic adoption looked like. But once again those were our plans and not the Lord's. One night I was hanging out with some ladies I was friends with and blabbing about why I would “never” adopt domestically because of this or that fear. Not too long after, one of those sweet friends had Stephen and I over to her house and sat us down to share her story of domestic infant adoption. My incredible friend is a birthmom to a beautiful daughter, I had no idea before that night. As she sat there and humbly told us her story, I just wept. The Lord completely changed our view on domestic adoption that night and I will always be thankful to that friend for allowing the Lord to use her to direct us to the child He has planned for our family. At that same time I was volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center and God used the combination of that testimony from my friend and the numerous mothers I was developing relationships with there to pull my heart towards a desire for an open domestic adoption.

We decided on an agency and planned to start as soon as we had been married for 2 years which was required. But when that time came the Lord had shown us another plan. We had just moved to North Carolina and we still owned our home in Georgia, we didn't have employment or insurance so we were in no place to start the adoption process. I was really hurt by that. I was angry, really, with the Lord for making me move when that would mess up my adoption plans that I thought He had given to me! Even in my sin, the Lord covered me with grace and showed me again that His plans are better than mine. The Lord has used this past year to teach Stephen and I so much about Himself, about marriage, and about our hopes for adoption and parenting.

We are now happily at our starting point in the adoption process. We are beginning our paperwork and working through some requirements that we must meet. We are so so so incredibly excited! We have started fund-raising for our adoption and have already seen the Lord bless it tremendously. We know there is a long journey ahead of us but we are just happy to be starting!

What have been the biggest struggles/joys?

The biggest struggle has to be the waiting. It truly hurts my heart deeply some days to have no children filling our home. I long to hold them and see their sweet faces. It hurts to have to wait and wait and wait. I know that the Lord is using this time for such good and that we must cherish this time in our lives where we have so much extra time to devote ministry, marriage, and to service to the Lord. But the waiting is hard and the waiting hurts. But friends the Lord knows my heart and He is able to heal all that is broken. And most importantly, the Lord is all I need. I don't need to adopt or get pregnant or ever have any children at all, I need Christ! My identity is not tied up in motherhood, Christ is my identity. So I cling to that and I wait.

The joys even as we wait are ever present. I am continually overwhelmed at the love our Father has for us as we learn more about what He has done for us through our adoption! We are blessed beyond belief with sweet friends and family who encourage us, pray for us, and give financially to our adoption. Also, this calling to adopt places us in this sweet little community of families who have or are adopting and we experience joy after joy as we see others bring home their children and we watch the healing that takes place in little hearts that are placed in their forever families. Additionally, we long for a future joy that only the Lord knows the time and face of!

And lastly, what  I wish for you to know about adoption:

The thing I am continually trying to communicate is that adoption is not a second best option. Some people have been confused because I certainly have grieved the loss of pregnancy, but not because that is the “best” way or the only way to get children of your “own.” The child we will adopt will be our own, absolutely. There is nothing that will make them not our own. We aren't shopping around for the most attractive, healthy, or easy option. We are adopting the child God has predestined for our family. We will accept whatever that means just like we would if I were pregnant. If we start to think of adoption as a substandard way of bringing children into our family then what does that mean for us eternally? Are we not really God's own? Do we not really have the full inheritance of Christ or are we second best to the first children of God, the Israelites? No, that's absolutely not true! God sent Jesus so that we could be adopted as sons with the full inheritance given to us. Adoption was always God's plan for me to join His family and it has always been His plan for Stephen and I to adopt our children too. I am certainly not telling you that pregnancy is second best either but they are truly both best because they are what God planned for each family.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

We may not yet or ever know the womb in which our child is knit, but we know the knitter and He has already ordained all of their days. We can trust that and hold on to that truth!

Adoption is such passion for us and such a joy to talk about! Thank you for allowing me to share a little with you about what the Lord is doing in our family! Please feel free to follow our story at http://sandridgesdaybyday.blogspot.com

Adoption Month!

It's Adoption Month here at Prayer of Hannah! During the month of April we hope to bring you stories of families who have adopted and who are in the process of adopting. We will review a book or two about adoption, and share how you, your families and your churches can get involved in the gospel ministry of adoption. We hope you will return often to read more. We would also love to hear from you if you have an adoption story to share! Just send us an email at prayerofhannah@gmail.com. Also, we have discussed this in the past, and you can read more of those stories by clicking on the "Adoption" label on the righthand side. Praying you will be greatly blessed by the topic this month.

Leah F's last random favorites

As we wind down the month of March, here are few of my latest favorites from all over the blogosphere!

~My good friend Lauren (a POH reader, too!) wrote a great two-part blog series about Bringing Children into Corporate Worship (Part 1 and Part 2). As a pastor's wife with four small children, she knows what she's talking about!

~Yes, I have read The Hunger Games trilogy. Yes, I have seen the movie, and I find this blogpost about The Hunger Games to be the most insightful, accurate assessment that I have read: Postcards from Dystopia--Misunderstanding the Hunger Games

~Downton Abbey season 2 is over now, and our lives feel a little emptier on Sunday evenings! The second season was, in my opinion, not as good as the first, though it had some wonderful moments. Many were concerned about one of the plots involving Lord Grantham, and I appreciate this commentary on that topic: Whom Can We Trust if Not Lord Grantham?

~This weekend, Nathan and I are taking a weekend getaway to Bed and Breakfast at Peace Hill, our first since before our youngest was born. We plan to treat this as a marriage retreat, reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller and perhaps talking through some of these items together: Coffee Talk Cards and Marriage Challenge Questions and 10 Things That Have Made the Difference in Marriage.

~As we prepare for Easter, I like this simple storybook for my children, The Story of Easter. It covers the entire story in an easy-to-understand manner, with colorful illustrations that appeal to my kids. Though I have not read this one by R.C. Sproul, The Donkey Who Carried a King, I am hoping to find it soon so we can be reading it as well. For my edification, I really enjoy Nancy Guthrie's collections of sermons/thoughts on Easter in Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross. It is a wonderful habit to read one of the sermons each evening before going to bed--it helps to focus my mind on Christ and not on the things of this world which might distract and alarm me.

~My favorite snack right now are these homemade Chocolate Peanut Butter Granola Bars. They are so simple and so very delicious! It involves a few of my favorite things (honey, peanut butter, oats, chocolate), so why should I be surprised that I love them? My youngest daughter's favorite food (that isn't exactly what we are eating) are the Happy Tot Pouches--have you tried these? She can finish them off in no time, and I like the fact that they are portable and healthy! I just wish they were less expensive.

~My favorite 'getting ready for the summer' scent is this Lemon Pomegranate Body Wash from Bath and Body Works. I normally don't like really strong scents, but I love everything pomegranate, including this. The body wash is thick and creamy and just smells really happy. The lemon reminds me of spring and summer, but pomegranate is found in the fall, so it is a great 'year round' scent. It's my splurge body wash.

~Daniel Renstrom has a great three song children's album called "Jesus Wants My Heart." I officially bought it for my kids, but I enjoy it so much I play it just for me! "Love Love Love" will make you smile even as it is teaching you truths about God :-)

~Every year I participate in a walkathon to benefit my local crisis pregnancy center. I am amazed at what this center does to educate people and minister to those individuals and families going through an unplanned pregnancy. As I try to raise my funds for the walk (here is my 4000 Steps Fundraising Page), I am saddened by the statistics of abortions in our local county and around the nation. Those statistics make me so grateful that there are many championing the cause of adoption. In fact, we will be talking about adoption here on POH in April--I hope you will check back to read stories, book reviews and more!

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Leah F's Favorite Things: Paper

I love beautiful stationery and notecards, pens and pencils. There is truly something wonderful about handwriting a note, or receiving a card, or scratching out your memories in a journal. And though I greatly enjoy the benefits of modern technology, my creative soul is stirred by beautiful paper goods. So here are a few things that I have discovered.

Mod Tree Calling Cards from Siska Studios--I ordered these exact cards several years ago, and still love the modern, clean design. She has several designs and a few notecards as well.

Pride and Prejudice Pencils from Bouncingballcreation--Who doesn't need a little Austen inspiration when writing? You can also purchase pencils with other great works of literature, including To Kill a Mockingbird, Shakespeare, Harry Potter, and more.

Little Posh Studio has a wide selection of modern invitations--you purchase the proof and then can print it at home, at Kinkos, etc. I use a variation of the above invite for my best friend's wedding shower. I love the contemporary, feminine look it has.

Gadanke is a line of homemade journals that contain sparse writing 'prompts' to help you record the most precious memories and occasions. The picture above is a prayer journal, but there are a variety of styles from which to choose.

Ergon Handicrafts is a small handicrafts company based in India that employs women who would not otherwise have a means of supporting their families. Their journals and stationery are handmade, using locally made papers from India, and are simply stunning.  

Note: all opinions above are my own. I was not compensated in any way by any of these companies, but I hope you will check them out and support them!

Leah F's Favorite Things: Drinks

I enjoy a good drink. No, wait, don't stop reading yet! I haven't finished my story. By drink, I mean--a wet substance that you sip, like water, or tea, soda or coffee. This post will not discuss anything stronger than ginger ale (but I do enjoy a nice ginger ale). Just for fun, I wanted to share with you a few of my favorite "drink" related items:

A Tervis Cup

I bought this exact travel mug for my husband for Christmas. He teaches classes first thing in the morning, before anyone has made coffee in his office, so he likes to take a travel mug of coffee or hot tea with him. However, all of his mugs have seen better days, and he has dropped his fair share on the asphalt! I wanted to find a mug for him that was sturdy and virtually indestructible. Tervis was recommended, and Nathan liked his so much that we bought two more after Christmas. They are pricey, but have a lifetime guarantee!

Last Christmas, I bought Nathan a Bodum French Press (sense a coffee theme here?). We had avoided drinking French Press coffee because, well, everyone who did seemed permanently converted to it, and kind of 'snobbish' about other regular boring drip coffee. Yeah, then we tasted it, and I must say, It. Is. Good. Coffee. Folks. It is super simple to use, tastes wonderful, and the press itself is not expensive. Try it!

To keep with this lovely coffee theme, Jubala coffee house is the best in the Triangle area! If you live near Wake Forest/Raleigh/Durham area, you must try it. They are true coffee connoisseurs, and their vanilla (or almond, your choice) latte is amazing. They use beans that are roasted in Durham by Counter Culture Coffee, and their coffee is wonderful.

I do drink more than coffee, I promise! My favorite sodas come from Boylan Bottling Company--they use pure cane sugar rather than High Fructose Corn Syrup. Now, it doesn't make it healthy, by any means, but it is a more natural product, and it tastes great. I love their Black Cherry Soda, and their Ginger Ale as well. My favorite restaurant in Durham has a Boylan's drink dispenser, and I must confess to standing at the machine taking sips of all the flavors!

I enjoy hot tea as well, in a variety of flavors and colors (black, green, white). Teavana has excellent loose leaf tea, and gorgeous tea sets as well. I have a stunning set of dainty porcelain tea cups that I found on sale there--they are perfect for a girly 'spot of tea' on dreary afternoon.

So let me know--what are your favorite drinks? We'd love to hear your recommendations!

Marital Issues: Sex, pt. 2

Originally posted in August 2010 with minor editorial changes

Preparation

Watching for mood killers
Nathan and I have regular mood killers—their names are Georgia, Baxter, and Eleanor. These wonderful little humans, that our intimacy created, also can steal our joy in the most private of moments. However, they are not the only ones. Creating a comprehensive list of mood killers is impossible, but here are a few ideas of things that can kill your intimacy:
• SIN—it is the barrier between us and God, and it is often the barrier between us and other people. Marriage strips away our façade of perfection and self-righteousness. It shows us how selfish we really are, and that selfishness extends to sex.
• Exhaustion—Lives are busy, schedules are wild, we fight exhaustion. I have, you have—we all have. Enough said.
• Inappropriate conversations—this sounds crazy, but I don’t advise talking about money and the budget shortly before you head upstairs for some personal time. Just a tip from someone who knows—money kills the romantic buzz. Other possible 'bad' topics: disciplining your children, anything to do with the in-laws, your spouse's preference for video games:)
• Poor planning/timing—Don’t putter around in the kitchen until the absolute last minute, so that you enter your bedroom tired and in a bad mood (um, yes, I am talking to myself!). Don’t put off lovemaking until right before bed every time—you will often be too tired to enjoy those moments. Schedule romantic times with your husband (and sometimes allow these times to not end in sex).
• Overeating—this makes you sluggish, tired and sleepy. It doesn’t help the romance!


Working on mood “builders”
Ladies, we must realize that many of our husbands can have sex any time of day, at the drop of a hat. We must prepare our hearts to be ready to embrace those moments.
• Make sex a matter of prayer. Ask the Lord to bless your marriage—all aspects, including intimacy.
• Confess any sins that might be hampering you. Confess any fears, desires, or concerns that you have.
• Plan for intimacy. If your husband has dropped the hint, make sure you PICK IT UP! Get rest in the afternoon so you don’t collapse in the evening. Surprise him by wearing a nightie that he likes. Be waiting for him to get home if he arrives later in the evening (he’ll LOVE that).
• Think romantic, desirous thoughts toward your husband during the day. If possible, communicate that to him. I am not advocating dirty emails or texts, but tell your husband you are longing for him.
• Kiss him passionately before he leaves for work. Kisses are good for the romantic soul, even when they don’t lead directly to sex.
• Play romantic music. Read romantic poetry. Read the Song of Solomon, thinking of your spouse as you do! Please note: I do not recommend watching a romantic movie/show/soap opera to prepare you for intimacy with your husband. Your affections should be directed toward your spouse, not toward Edward Cullen/Derek McDreamy/Fitzwilliam Darcy. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a fan of these characters (I am a big Darcy fan, personally), but that is just what they are—characters! They are figments of the imagination, and when we dwell on them too long, our affections shift from our Lord and our spouse to an idol of the heart. Guard your heart against emotional adultery, even with fictional characters!
• Think of what would please your husband! Our husbands love it when we are eager, willing, and responsive.
• Add incentive if you like: Best use of a dollar.

What mood killers do you fight against in your marriage? What mood “builders” work for you? I would love to hear your feedback. I hope that my little posts on sex and the importance of marital intimacy has been encouraging, and that anything I say might point you to the Author of marriage, intimacy and romance, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Marital Issues: Sex, pt. 1 1/2

Originally posted August 2010 with minor editorial changes

At the suggestion of a fellow POH writer, I put together these questions for couples to discuss about sex. If this conversation makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this post entirely. Please note that not all of these questions apply to all married couples, or to both parties in the marriage. If possible, I would recommend that you ask these questions while on a weekend getaway, or an "at home" date when your children are away. This is topic in which you do not want to be interrupted! I would love our readers' feedback on these--what other questions should we be asking?


Expectations:
• How often do you want to have sex?
• Do you want ‘advance notice’ or is a last minute request okay? (i.e., you plan all day for intimacy at night, or do you "spur of the moment" decide? PS-I think there is room for both!)
• Is there a particular time of day that you like making love?
• Will you make love while the children are awake, or will it be after they are asleep?
• How much time do you want to spend in foreplay?
• Who does the initiation? Husband, wife, or both?
• Are you going to say yes every time intimacy is suggested? If no, for what reasons would you say no?
• Does the wife need to wear lingerie every time?
• Lights on? Lights off? During daylight hours or no?
• Ladies especially: do you expect a romantic dinner by candlelight before sex?
• Do our expectations reflect Christ-honoring principles of not withholding ourselves from our spouse, and of wives submitting to their husbands?
• What can I do to romance and woo you more?
• What can I do to serve you and meet your needs, physically, emotionally, and romantically?

Reactions:
• What do you enjoy about sex?
• What don’t you enjoy?
• Fill in the blanks: I like it when you kiss my ____________
• I enjoy your touch on my ____________
• What turns you on and arouses you? (ask yourself this, and ask your spouse this!)
• Do you (the wife) expect to have an orgasm each time you make love?
• What will help you achieve an orgasm?
• Do you (the wife) enjoy wearing lingerie?
• Do you enjoy foreplay? Verbal foreplay or physical foreplay?
• Are there things you do not want to do? (oral sex is often a big ‘line’—I am not offering an opinion, but saying that such things should be discussed)
• Is there anything I do that kills the mood?
• Does our treatment of each other in sexual relations reflect our Christ-centered commitments to love others more than ourselves, to not withhold ourselves from our spouse, and to keep the marriage bed holy?
• How is our sex life affecting our marriage and family?
• What would make me a better lover?


For further reading, I highly recommend the series of posts, "Being Sexy for your Husband" found at Making Home blog. You can read the first post of the series here.

Marital Issues: Sex, pt. 1

Originally posted in August 2010 with minor editorial changes

I debated titling this post simply “Sex”, but then realized many internet filters might block it…and it might appear alarming on your Google reader or Bloglines! I hope that you will not find this post offensive, but instead a helpful discussion of the priority of marital intimacy.

This quote from Nicole Chesmore at the Girl Talk blog paints a wonderful picture of the marital relationship:  “[W]hile I share fellowship and labors, joys and trials with many others, sex is something I share only with my husband. It’s our own little world, closed to all. Not even the dearest friend or family member can enter. We are on a journey, the two of us. An exclusive journey. A journey of love. We are creating memories known only to us. Secrets only we share. The further we go on this journey, the bond between us grows more powerful and intense. The "knowing" grows deeper. The love grows sweeter.” (Advice for Brides)

Sex has come up once or twice before here on POH, usually in the discussion of our marriage and priorities. And let’s face it—while intimacy in marriage is a wonderful, God-ordained thing, small children, physical ailments, school and life challenges cause conflict with our priorities! Please bear with me as I talk about two crucial issues in marital intimacy: communication and preparation.

Communication
Premarital counseling and books on the subject of marriage tell you that communication is essential to a healthy marriage, and to a healthy sex life. Of course that is true! You must talk to your spouse—you must tell him what is going on in your life, and you must inquire into the details of his life. Communication is especially crucial for your sex life. I cannot begin to tell you how awkward it can feel to talk about sex, even with your spouse, especially about, um, “details.” Yet, with God's grace, over time and through practice, the awkwardness can fade. For those who are newlywed, important topics include expectations (how often does sex occur, who initiates, etc) and reactions (what you like and don’t like). “Long-time” married couples should still talk about their expectations and reactions, knowing that things change over time.

Pregnancy affects your sex life and sex drive, and you have to work through that. When I was pregnant, my hormones ran on many highs and lows. That was both positive and negative for my desire for intimacy, and so I had to talk with my husband about it. Though my husband and I have been married for over a decade, and he knows me well, I had to tell him that I wanted to be pursued and romanced, even more early in the pregnancy, when I was tired and feeling sick. That conversation, and others like it, allowed us to grow closer to each other emotionally and physically, and helped us through what could have been a rough time.

Let me plead for compassion and gentleness in dealing with this topic. Men and women’s reactions can vary, and emotions run high. Strive to communicate exactly how you feel and what you are thinking, and pray for the Lord to give you clarity so your words are not misunderstood. Enter every conversation with humility, remembering that sex is a gift from God, for marriage and for his glory.

So you want to get married?

So you think you've found the one. The person you are going to marry. The one you want to wake up beside for the rest of your life. You have no doubts.

Or maybe you do. You love him, and you think he is the one, but you aren't completely sure. You love him, and want to marry him, but you haven't known him very long, so "of course" you can't possibly know if he's the one. Right? Or can you?

I am not going to make a big case for it here in this post, but I am not a fan of casual dating just for the sake of dating. Dating should be a deliberate and thoughtful time of getting to know the other person with the possibility of marriage. Dating should be always moving toward marriage. If you cannot marry the person you are dating, you should NOT be dating them.

In many cases, though, you think you could marry the person you are dating, but you are not certain. What do you do then? I would advise several things.
1. Bathe the entire process in prayer. Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make, so do not take it lightly!
2. Talk to your friends,those around you who see you with the person you are dating, who have watched your courtship process, and who know you well. Ask them what they see in your life, and in the life of your significant other.
3. Ask your parents' opinion. They know you best and often know what is good for you, even if they are not believers.
4. Seek guidance and counsel from leaders in your church. Observe how your significant other is involved in the local church body, how they submit to leadership, and how they serve others. Ask the elders/pastoral staff in your church to help you evaluate the relationship.
5. If possible, sit under the mentorship of an older godly married couple who can walk with you through the dating/engagement/marriage process.
6. Read books about marriage. Study what the Scriptures say about marriage. Listen to sermons on marriage.

A great resource for singleness, dating and engagement is Capital Hill Baptist Church's Singleness and Courtship Seminar. You can download all of the handouts and outlines from their seminar, a large part of which deals with intentional dating/courtship relationships that move toward marriage.

Going back to Leah P's post that you will have problems when you are married,  Topics for Conversation When Considering Marriage from Desiring God is a great list of questions to work through with a potential mate. I do not think you have to have perfect agreement on every question, but simply working through the questions will allow you to get to know each other deeper, communicate better, and begin working on conflict resolution (or mediating differences in your background/upbringing, etc).

And, please, if any of our posts this month lead you toward engagement and marriage, let us know! And invite us to the wedding :-)

Preparing for Marriage

Here at POH we don't often talk about singleness, because our focus is primarily on marriage and family, parenting and children. However, this month as we talk about marriage, we are going to talk about preparing for marriage before we discuss marital issues. Perhaps you are single and waiting for a spouse--perhaps you are in a dating relationship--perhaps you are married. I hope that something we write will be of interest to you and a blessing in your life. We would love to hear from you as well--feel free to comment here, or send an email!


Here are a few blog posts, websites, and books that I think are helpful in the stage of preparing for marriage. If you have never visited the site before, you should check out Boundless. They have many thoughtful articles on a variety of topics pertaining to Christian life and practice. I discovered Boundless after I was married, but I wish that I had read their articles on Dating & Courtship earlier in my life! One of the frequent contributors is Candice Watters, who makes a case for not delaying marriage. 

If you lack a vision for marriage, you're setting yourself up for lax sexual standards, relationships without momentum, and heartache. If you don't have a deliberate goal in mind — either single service or Christian marriage between two chaste believers — it's pretty easy to fall prey to sexual temptation. ~Candice Watters,  Thinking About Marriage

A few bad habits can sabotage a relationship; yet single women seem to miss this. Some hang out with a "buddy," content with mere friendship, never daring to require him to state his intentions. Others have pre-marital sex and don't understand why their "partner" has no momentum toward marriage. Most spend all their time with the same group, even after they've decided that no one in that group is a possible marriage partner.

These habits are pretty good for preventing weekend loneliness. But the very things singles do to avoid being alone on Saturday night may keep them alone for the rest of their lives. ~Candice Watters, Finding a Husband

In addition to the articles I quoted above, her post It's Good to Wait is a thoughtful approach to the waiting period of singleness.


Russell D. Moore from Southern Seminary addresses a sensitive topic with gospel clarity in his blog post, 
Should I marry a man with pornography struggles? Also, his article about when you should have a discussion about your sexual past with your significant other is very insightful:  Like, A Virgin? In fact, if I have never said this before, you should read anything you can by Russell Moore. He is thoughtful, pastoral, and gospel-centered, and his preaching and writings will challenge and convict you.


There are many books available that you COULD read before you get married...though most of them will not be helpful! Here are two books that I think would be of benefit to read as you prepare for marriage, though I am sure there are more:
Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart
When Sinners Say I Do
Note: both of these books deal with more heart issues, not 'practical' issues like finances, sex, dealing with parents, etc. That's another discussion for another post!


What resources have you found to be helpful? How might we encourage you in preparing for marriage?

New Schedule!!

Hi friends! Just wanted to let you know that we have a new schedule for the spring here at Prayer of Hannah. Check out our Upcoming Topics page to learn more. Our topic for February will be Preparing for Marriage and Marriage Issues. Please take a chance to complete our survey on the right-hand side--it just gives us an idea of where you are, how we can pray, and how we can direct our blog 'conversation' over the next month. As always, we would love to hear suggestions from our readers about topics for discussion!

FLASHBACK: Packing your bag and stocking your cabinet--things to know BEFORE labor and delivery!

**I often send this information to friends having their first baby, so I thought it might be helpful to post it again today. This post originally ran in October 2009.**


Before my first child was born, a dear friend gave me a list of things to pack/not pack in my hospital bag. After my first child, I added my thoughts, and started giving it out to all my friends who were having babies. Hope you find this helpful!

What you DON'T have to pack in your hospital bag:
• diapers
• wipes
• baby clothes other than an outfit to bring the baby home—the hospital will provide tiny little white shirts for your little one
• baby blankets—the hospital will provide receiving blankets
• sanitary pads
• lots of underwear for you—the hospital has disposable underwear that you will, strangely enough, come to love after labor and delivery;-)
• multiple pairs of pants for you
• nursing pillow, unless you just want to have it; the nurses will assist you with helping the baby latch on using hospital pillows, etc
• bottles for the baby, unless you plan to bottle feed and want to use a particular bottle
• jewelry—you may have to take it off, and you don’t want to risk losing it
• long distance calling card—some places in the hospital say no cell phones, but the nurses do not mind you making the occasional call
• pillows—hospital has plenty!

What you DO want to pack in your hospital bag:
• hairband or clips to hold your hair back, if necessary
• anything that helps you relax for delivery and afterward—an IPod with your favorite music, a book, a scented lotion
• change for the snack machines or a bag of snacks (especially for your hubby)
• at least one nursing bra (a sleep bra is a must, and maybe another one to wear coming home)
• nursing pads—during the first few days, I would recommend Lansinoh Brand Ultra Soft Nursing Pads (Babies R Us carries them). They are more expensive, but they are the softest I have found, and when you start nursing, your breasts will appreciate the softness of those pads. You will be able to move to other pads later
• Tums if you are prone to heartburn. I was not prone to it, but had horrible acid reflux during labor. The nurses would not give me anything, but I could have taken the Tums if I had some with me
• camera, extra batteries/charger, film (each hospital has different regulations about videography during labor, so check for their policies)
• cell phones and chargers
• comfortable, loose tops or short nightgowns. Look for something that buttons down or is big enough to pull up for nursing ease. Pants/bottoms are not necessary—you will be bleeding enough after the delivery that you might mess up the bottoms anyway. A light-weight robe is nice—I used a short robe that I pulled on over a tank top, and that worked great
• moisturizing body lotion—if you should have an epidural, your skin may itch as it wears off. Lotion helps!
• flip-flops for the shower
• your favorite toiletries (i.e., scented shower gel from Bath and Body Works if you like that), your makeup, lotions and perfume—anything that will help refresh you and make you feel better
• slippers or socks—the hospital floor can get cold!
• name of the pediatrician you plan to use—they will ask you this in labor and delivery
• book/magazine (something light and fluffy) for you; book/magazine for your husband—you may need this during labor and delivery while you “wait” to dilate, or to help you relax at the end of the day when visitors and family have left
• list of people to call with their phone numbers
• outfit to bring the baby home
• outfit for you to wear when you leave the hospital—look for comfortable, loose fitting separates: you will not be able to fit back into your pre-pregnancy sizes immediately! Though it is no fun to wear them after the baby comes, maternity pants may feel the most comfortable (or something with a drawstring waist)

Coming Home from the Hospital:

Have someone fill your pain prescription as soon as you get home—taking the medication regularly will make a huge difference! The day that you leave the hospital you will feel sore—it will be the first time you have moved around so much since the baby was born, so expect to be tired, sore and emotional.

Make sure your bathroom cabinet is stocked with these items:
• sanitary pads (no tampons)
• moistened, unscented wipes *optional*(this sounds crazy, but Pampers makes a Sensitive Skin baby wipe that works great—you just cannot flush them)
• Tucks Hemorrhoid pads *optional*--Tucks pads are cooling and calming
• Pericolase medication (stool softener and gentle laxative)—helps keep you regular and prevents your bowel movements from being painful
• Spray bottle (from hospital) for cleaning yourself
• Dermaplast (also from hospital), a topical numbing spray that is such a blessing when you are sore

Your first night home from the hospital will be really rough, but you will survive! Expect to cry a lot at first. Know that every woman experiences these emotional ups and downs, and it is normal. The baby blues last through the first couple of weeks and then things stabilize—but they will suddenly pop back up at random times! It’s normal to cry, however, if you feel like your baby blues are unmanageable, or are lasting a very long time, please reach out to friends and family for help.

In your budget, you may need to plan for an additional expenditures in doctor’s co-pays (this varies according to insurance plan depending on if you have a co-pay for well-visits/maintenance visits). Your baby will visit the doctor approximately 4 times in 2 months (though this varies by office): 72 hours after discharge from hospital, 2 weeks, 1 month and 2 months. Each of these visits will cost you an office co-pay, and if you do not plan for those fees, it can catch you off guard.

Above all, relax and enjoy this time. Labor and delivery may be painful, but it is the most rewarding thing you will ever experience. It is exciting! Look forward to it with anticipation and joy, and know that your friends and family are praying for you, supporting you and ‘cheering you on’ during this wonderful time.

Ask Our Readers: When the Child Doesn't Want To

We have talked a lot about teaching our children here at POH, as all of us are in the throes of teaching our children to read and write.

But what do you do if your child doesn't "want to"? As in, to quote my daughter, "Mommy, I don't want to [work on that]. Reading is HARD!" She is willing to work on our reading lessons for a brief time, but she quickly tires of it and complains that it is too hard. I have explained to her that reading is hard, but there are great rewards that come with learning to read. I am not certain how to proceed. Should I enforce a certain 'reading lesson' time limit? Should I try a different method? Should I take a break?

Just to put this in context, Georgia is five years old. We are currently working through the Hooked on Phonics workbook (given to us and recommended by my sister, an elementary school teacher). She knows her letters and their sounds very well. She can write her letters fairly well. She loves books and stories, but in general she does not like to work hard, even when there are rewards at the end of the work (I hate to use the term lazy, but she is definitely not a 'driven' child). Her lazy tendency comes naturally--I have not been regularly working with her on the reading either, but I am trying to be more diligent about that.

I would love your thoughts!