So you want to get married?

Posted by  | Thursday, February 9, 2012  at 9:04 AM  
So you think you've found the one. The person you are going to marry. The one you want to wake up beside for the rest of your life. You have no doubts.

Or maybe you do. You love him, and you think he is the one, but you aren't completely sure. You love him, and want to marry him, but you haven't known him very long, so "of course" you can't possibly know if he's the one. Right? Or can you?

I am not going to make a big case for it here in this post, but I am not a fan of casual dating just for the sake of dating. Dating should be a deliberate and thoughtful time of getting to know the other person with the possibility of marriage. Dating should be always moving toward marriage. If you cannot marry the person you are dating, you should NOT be dating them.

In many cases, though, you think you could marry the person you are dating, but you are not certain. What do you do then? I would advise several things.
1. Bathe the entire process in prayer. Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make, so do not take it lightly!
2. Talk to your friends,those around you who see you with the person you are dating, who have watched your courtship process, and who know you well. Ask them what they see in your life, and in the life of your significant other.
3. Ask your parents' opinion. They know you best and often know what is good for you, even if they are not believers.
4. Seek guidance and counsel from leaders in your church. Observe how your significant other is involved in the local church body, how they submit to leadership, and how they serve others. Ask the elders/pastoral staff in your church to help you evaluate the relationship.
5. If possible, sit under the mentorship of an older godly married couple who can walk with you through the dating/engagement/marriage process.
6. Read books about marriage. Study what the Scriptures say about marriage. Listen to sermons on marriage.

A great resource for singleness, dating and engagement is Capital Hill Baptist Church's Singleness and Courtship Seminar. You can download all of the handouts and outlines from their seminar, a large part of which deals with intentional dating/courtship relationships that move toward marriage.

Going back to Leah P's post that you will have problems when you are married,  Topics for Conversation When Considering Marriage from Desiring God is a great list of questions to work through with a potential mate. I do not think you have to have perfect agreement on every question, but simply working through the questions will allow you to get to know each other deeper, communicate better, and begin working on conflict resolution (or mediating differences in your background/upbringing, etc).

And, please, if any of our posts this month lead you toward engagement and marriage, let us know! And invite us to the wedding :-)

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