Fertility: The Klear Family

Posted by  | Tuesday, April 8, 2008  at 1:34 PM  
Pregnancy and Fertility Issues by Teesa Klear (Hollie's friend)

Like most couples, my husband and I wanted to share the first few years of marriage with just the two of us, learning and growing in each other’s love. After about three years being married without kids, we prayerfully decided to add children to the mix.

We started out by going to an OBGYN and making sure everything was okay to start “trying.” The doctor gave us the go-ahead and we started what we now know was one of the longest journeys of our lives. Each month my disappointment would increase, adding to it countless negative pregnancy tests. After about six months of Trying To Conceive (TTC), we went back to the doctor for another checkup. We learned that my husband had a condition that could be fixed with surgery and it might help our odds. The doctors told us that it may take a little while, but we should be able to conceive.

Month after month, we continued to “try,” taking with it any semblance of romance we used to have. I am sure many of you understand exactly what I am talking about, but when a couple is working instead of having a good time, it can deeply affect the relationship.

I began to realize that I was in mourning over the loss of something I never actually had. I spoke with a counselor about it after about a year-and-a-half of TTC and she suggested that I grieve as one would when a child is lost. I wept, I prayed, I fasted, I communicated with my husband. I did everything I could think of to TTC. At one of my lowest points, I realized that I had begun resorting to desperate measures, rather than relying on the Lord.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong Christian, and my husband and I were living overseas working to lead other people to the Lord. But, I started making deals with the Lord and begging him to let me conceive a child. I would say things like, “I won’t take a pregnancy test today in order to show You I have faith in You, if You’ll just make me pregnant.” It didn’t stop there, either. I wouldn’t eat certain foods or I would exercise vigorously just to gain His stamp of approval that I might get pregnant. One day I realized that I was just grasping at straws – the Lord was still with me, even if I wasn’t pregnant yet. One of my friends reminded me of the verse that says His plans for me are for good and not to harm me. It made me realize that I was under the false assumption that the Lord was punishing me for something and I had been trying to “make up” for it, whatever “it” was. In the end, it was just that His timing is best.

We went back to the doctor and they told us that by all rights, we should be pregnant. They could help us along by doing artificial insemination, but it would only be a “shortcut,” according to the doctor. We prayed hard about it.

Meanwhile, all of our friends were getting pregnant around us. Some would hide it from us, mistakenly thinking they were protecting our feelings. Others would talk about everyone who was pregnant –I have no idea what they were thinking or why they thought this would help. My own mother wouldn’t tell me if one of my friends from home was pregnant, but would tell my husband instead. She thought she was protecting me. Those who knew me best would make sure I was among the first to lnow – allowing me to feel a special part of the joy they felt. No matter which way a person handled it, it still hurt. My advice, if you have a friend who is having trouble conceiving and you find yourself pregnant, just tell her. It will hurt her so much more if you wait until everyone else knows.

My husband was going through his own private pain as well. He was always comforting me and praying with me, showing me Bible verses to help me through. But, in truth, he was having his own struggle and once I understood that he hurt as I did, we were able to improve our relationship.

We also were tracking my cycle every day of every month for about a year. At one point, one of our doctors told us it was good to get a baseline of what to expect, but it is too stressful to continue that rigorous a schedule for so long. He advised that we drop it for a while and see if it helped. FYI, we were using “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weisler. I wholeheartedly recommend it, even if you’re not TTC. It will teach you more about yourself and how God made you than you realized possible.

After four years of TTC, my husband and I had already decided not to pursue artificial insemination. We continued to pray and decided that we wanted to adopt a baby. We had already desired to adopt later in life, but decided to jump-start the process. I had to wait until six months before I turned 30 to start the paperwork, because of laws in China (where we intended to adopt from). We had been TTC for four and a half years exactly when we started the paperwork for the adoption. Everyone told me that once we adopted, we would conceive. It was quite annoying to hear.

But, once we submitted the paperwork, we began to enjoy each other again and weren’t “working” so hard. God blessed us with conception a little over four and a half years after TTC. Discovering that I was pregnant is another story, but let me just say we were elated and beside ourselves. Teesa on bedrest due to complications during pregnancy.

Our son was born October, 2006 in Hong Kong and when he was 10 months old, while we were in the States, we learned he has a heart condition called Brugada Syndrome. You can catch up on his life by going to our own blog – http://www.klearlife.blogspot.com/ - and check out September 2007 to October 2007. We had to resign our position overseas and my husband just started his new job with Samaritan’s Purse in Boone, NC last Monday.

They say hind-sight is 20/20. If Sam had been born before he was, he would likely have died overseas. As it is, it is a miracle that he is alive right now. We had a very difficult pregnancy and I was even evacuated to Hong Kong and put on bed rest for three months. All that time, the same song from Isaiah 43 rolled through my head – the very same verses God blessed me with during our four and a half years of TTC.

As you pass through the water, I will be with you.
And the wind and the rains will not overcome you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name and you are Mine.

We expect to be “matched” with our adopted daughter early this summer. Please pray with us that we will be assigned her by June (if not earlier), otherwise we will have to start the long process over again. Although we don’t know who she is yet, it has already been two and a half years, and I still consider her my first child. She is who I have been waiting for after all these years and she is the reward of the long struggle that we went through with the Lord, Whose timing is perfect.

3 comments:

Leah said...

Teesa,
I have a Sam that was born really close to yours! This will definitely serve as a reminder to be praying for you. Actually, looking at your blog reminded me that I was praying for you awhile back when Hollie sent out an e-mail requesting prayer. You are back on my list!
What an amazing story you've told here. I can't even begin to imagine what you've gone through, and I won't try. Four and a half years is so long, and I know there are others who go their whole lives. I'm so thankful that you have been transparent enough to share this with everyone here. May God continue to bless your family, especially as you tranisition into a new phase of life.

marymstraits said...

Your son is beautiful! I teared up seeing the pictures of him in the hospital . . .I can't imagine what it was like seeing your baby go through all of that after 4 1/2 years of waiting for him. Wow! I love that you're adopting as well and pray that God will bless your growing family!

Shannon said...

Oh, I love you, Klear family! And I praise God for Sam so often, and even more often I praise Him for His perfect timing!

Shannon

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