Originally posted August 2010 with minor editorial changes
At the suggestion of a fellow POH writer, I put together these questions for couples to discuss about sex. If this conversation makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this post entirely. Please note that not all of these questions apply to all married couples, or to both parties in the marriage. If possible, I would recommend that you ask these questions while on a weekend getaway, or an "at home" date when your children are away. This is topic in which you do not want to be interrupted! I would love our readers' feedback on these--what other questions should we be asking?
Expectations:
• How often do you want to have sex?
• Do you want ‘advance notice’ or is a last minute request okay? (i.e., you plan all day for intimacy at night, or do you "spur of the moment" decide? PS-I think there is room for both!)
• Is there a particular time of day that you like making love?
• Will you make love while the children are awake, or will it be after they are asleep?
• How much time do you want to spend in foreplay?
• Who does the initiation? Husband, wife, or both?
• Are you going to say yes every time intimacy is suggested? If no, for what reasons would you say no?
• Does the wife need to wear lingerie every time?
• Lights on? Lights off? During daylight hours or no?
• Ladies especially: do you expect a romantic dinner by candlelight before sex?
• Do our expectations reflect Christ-honoring principles of not withholding ourselves from our spouse, and of wives submitting to their husbands?
• What can I do to romance and woo you more?
• What can I do to serve you and meet your needs, physically, emotionally, and romantically?
Reactions:
• What do you enjoy about sex?
• What don’t you enjoy?
• Fill in the blanks: I like it when you kiss my ____________
• I enjoy your touch on my ____________
• What turns you on and arouses you? (ask yourself this, and ask your spouse this!)
• Do you (the wife) expect to have an orgasm each time you make love?
• What will help you achieve an orgasm?
• Do you (the wife) enjoy wearing lingerie?
• Do you enjoy foreplay? Verbal foreplay or physical foreplay?
• Are there things you do not want to do? (oral sex is often a big ‘line’—I am not offering an opinion, but saying that such things should be discussed)
• Is there anything I do that kills the mood?
• Does our treatment of each other in sexual relations reflect our Christ-centered commitments to love others more than ourselves, to not withhold ourselves from our spouse, and to keep the marriage bed holy?
• How is our sex life affecting our marriage and family?
• What would make me a better lover?
For further reading, I highly recommend the series of posts, "Being Sexy for your Husband" found at Making Home blog. You can read the first post of the series here.
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