My VBAC story

Hollie asked me to share my VBAC story that I emailed to her after my son was born in August. I was all too willing to share my story! My first son, Keaton was born via c-section in April 2007 after 36 hours of labor. You can read his entire birth story here, but to sum it up, he was posterior, acynclitic (not coming out "straight") and had a very short cord causing major drops in his heart rate while pushing. After two hours of pushing and his heart rate remaining around 40 bpm, my OB called for a c-section. I, of course, was concerned for my son, above all other things. As I healed I became devastated and heart broken over the birth I wasn't able to have. When we got pregnant 6.5 short months later, we were bound and determined to do what it took to have a healthy, natural delivery. After months of prayer, reading, talking, prayer, preparing, planning, oh, and prayer :) we welcomed our second sweet son into the world. I couldn't have done it at all without mainly the help of my husband. He was incredible in everything - from massaging my back all day while I labored at home to making phone calls (to doulas and the midwife) to providing so much emotional and physical support throughout my labor. Hearing him whisper in my ear (with tears in his eyes and his "this is amazing" laugh) , "He's right there. I can see him...you are doing amazingly..." was phenomenal and such an encouragement to press on.

Prior to Benjamin's birth we did two things - we switched to seeing midwives (as my OB, who said, of course, you can have a VBAC, switched his tone and told me there was no way in the world I could ever push out a baby over 6lbs.) and we sought the assistance of a doula (we ended up with two doulas, as a friend from church was needing certification hours). A couple weeks before my due date, we talked with our doula to go over a birth plan. She encouraged us to name two "must haves" (as opposed to the 3 pages of "I want's & I don't want's" that people typically bring to the hospital. We did have our list of our want's & don't wants, but just informed the staff of these two upon arrival. Once Benjamin was born, I simply told them what I wanted and didn't want, and they obliged without question). My two were:

1. Avoid a c-section at all costs, barring any emergency, and, if there is time, seek a 2nd opinion before agreeing to the c-section

2. Have a completely natural, drug-free birth (as an epidural increases your chances for a c-section, and I already had that in my favor)

My estimated due date was August 16th, 2008. I’d been having sporadic contractions off and on for about a week before the “big day” (as with Keaton, I’d been having Braxton Hicks contractions for months on end - pretty much starting around 5 months). Thursday (8-14) I woke up to Keaton crying out around 3:45am. I went to the bathroom and came back to bed. After laying there for about 20 minutes or so, I realized that I had had three really intense contractions. I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 4:05am. I waited until 4:20 (two more contractions later) before telling Zach. The contractions were very short (15-20 seconds) but coming every 6 minutes. I called my mom to see if she could come down and help with Keaton (knowing if it wasn’t that day it would be the next). She agreed and got to work getting ready & heading down. I called my midwife to ask how long they needed to be (I knew they needed to last longer than 15 seconds). She asked me to wait until they were 60-90 seconds long.

Throughout the morning, the contractions stayed fairly regular, but after lunch, they “fizzled” out and became very sporadic. I talked with our doula, Faye, and she suggested I call my chiropractor and see if she could get things going again. I made an appointment for 4:30pm and Zach went with me. A good thing, too. As soon as she was done adjusting me, my contractions picked back up to 5 minutes apart and started to get a little longer (30-45 seconds) and even more intense.

We headed home with dinner and my contractions continued throughout dinner. I got a shower and they still continued. I called Faye, and she encouraged me to rest, rest, rest. After a couple more hours, they were lasting between 45-60 seconds with a couple lasting closer to 90. I called the midwife she asked me to wait just a bit longer. I was getting antsy - I really didn’t want to be laboring at the hospital, but I wanted to be there SHOULD something go wrong. I wanted to be in the comfort of my own home, but, I knew we had a 45-60 minute drive. Faye came over, showed me a couple of things to get things going even more. So I’d do these things for a few minutes and rest (mainly between contractions).

At 9:30pm, I decided that it was time. My goal was to be 7cm when we got to the hospital. My contractions were starting to feel like they did when I got the epidural with Keaton (at 6cm) - which is what lead me to believe I was at 6cm or getting close! We called our second doula, Shanna, and she headed on over and our entourage headed to UNC hospital. On the ride to the hospital, my contractions went from roughly 5 minutes apart to 2-5 minutes apart (I won’t lie - at a few points, I thought we may not make it to UNC) as I was already having the urge to push with every contraction. I really did not feel that I was that far along and to suppress the urge to push, I would push my feet on the floorboard of Zach’s truck and lift myself up. I never told Zach I had to push until after we got to the hospital, I knew he’d freak!

We got to UNC and checked into triage and they started to monitor Benjamin and myself. I got checked and the nurse informed me I was at “a good 6cm” - I was bummed, but also glad I was that far along. They got me a room with a tub - something I waited ALL day to get into! - and started to get me hooked up to the mobile telemetry units (continuous monitoring was required as a VBAC patient). After some time, I finally was able to get in the tub. As SOON as I sat down, the midwife came in and informed me that they weren’t getting a good read on Benjamin’s heart rate and were picking up some “decels” (decelerations in his heart rate). She informed me that they were going to break my water (NOT what I wanted) and do internal monitoring on Benjamin (also, NOT what I wanted!) I was very irritated, but knew the monitoring was for the best. I got out of the tub (not after demanding 5 more minutes and not getting that!) and headed back into my room. The nurse tried to find my veins to start a hep lock for an IV, if one was needed - it took her two VERY painful tries and then she went to get another nurse to help her out, she eventually got it.

My midwife went to break my water and then inserted/started the internal monitoring. I was still allowed to get up and move around, but at this point, I was getting frustrated and didn’t feel up to it. Faye came over and reminded me that this was for mine AND Benjamin’s good, that labors don’t always go the exact way we plan, but that his birth is more likely to go as planned with the internal monitoring. I labored a bit longer, alternating between standing, squatting and sitting. The contractions were getting more intense. I remember looking at Faye and apparently, I had “that look” (the look of I’m not really sure I can do this!)

*Backing up, when we met to talk about what I did and not want during my labor, she asked if I’d like to be reminded to “vocalize” the contractions. I told her probably not as I just did not picture myself “being loud” during labor….

Faye came over and quietly suggested I moan deeply through the contractions. I kind of laughed and told her I didn’t want to. She informed me that keeping the noises long and low throughout the contractions would help immensely with the discomfort (not PAIN!) I was feeling. So two more intense contractions later, I finally gave in. I closed my eyes (I didn’t want to see the nurses staring at me like I had 18 heads while I was moaning!) and just moaned through the contraction….HOW much better that felt!!! It was amazing!

I continued to labor and around 2:15am I was checked again (only my 2nd time my whole pregnancy, woohoo!) and was told that I was “9 and a lip” (basically just about a 10) and if I felt the urge to push, I could GENTLY do so to get around the lip. I’d been having that urge for a VERY long time so it was nice to be “allowed” to!

The urge to push was much more extreme by this point and this is when I really began to doubt myself. Faye was very encouraging in “teaching” me how to get through these rough contractions. She continued to remind me of my goal and how close I was to holding our sweet boy! It felt so good to push! I can vividly remember the relief with each contraction. I clearly remember thinking between two contractions that I couldn't wait for the next one just so I could push again (not because it was all fun and games, but it was just a relief).

But, that’s when things started to get scary. Benjamin’s heart rate began to drop during the contractions when I was pushing (this is normal, but his was dropping lower than normal) - the same point Keaton’s did. I started to really get discouraged by this. It didn’t help that the Attending OB was standing right there witnessing this (I could see dollar signs in her eyes as she was picturing my c-section! The attending was there because the midwife had another patient who was pushing before me. She left to be with her and said she would return as soon as that baby was born - turns out, both our babies were born at the exact same time!)

I got on my side to push, then to my other side. After about 30 minutes of this and his heart rate continuing to drop, they told me my last resort was on hands and knees and oxygen between contractions (they gave me the option of squatting, but I didn’t have the energy to stand anymore). As soon as this position/method started, I was wishing for more rest. If I didn’t need the oxygen, I could have relaxed a bit between contractions, but unfortunately, I had to continue to hold myself up with one hand and the mask with the other (I did have help from Zach, Faye & Shanna in holding myself, but things would have gotten worse if someone was forcing that mask against my face! My doula told me that I was 'very relaxed' and it had been a long time since seeing a laboring mama that relaxed. She informed me that nurses would ask me a question and I wouldn't answer...I don't remember any questions ever being asked of me. She said I entered 'Labor Land' perfectly....Zach said I set up a tent and camped out, lol) Shortly after being on my hands and knees, Benjamin started crowning and everyone cheering that they could see him encouraged me to press through!

However, at 3am, after about 40 minutes of pushing, I was really starting to get tired. Also, hearing his heart rate drop in between contractions and take some time to rise again was not encouraging - I felt like I was doing something wrong to him by pushing. Shortly after 3, the attending said that I needed to get serious and get him out soon. I thought that I had been trying with all that was in me before, but when she said that, all I heard in my mind was, “Get him out NOW or it’s another c-section…” All I could think was how much I wanted to avoid that surgery, that recovery, those feelings/thoughts that still plague my mind…. I was screaming “GET OUT” in my head through the next contraction. For most of the contractions, I could get out 3-3.5 pushes (if there is such a thing as half!) For the last contraction, I got serious…5 pushes and then, before I could realize it, he was out & I heard his sweet screams!

I didn’t know what to do with myself once he was out! I just collapsed against the head of the bed (and chucked the oxygen mask, lol) and tried to catch my breath and wrap my mind around what just happened (and what I just did!) I remember looking at Zach seconds after I pushed him out and asking, “That’s it??” (WHY in the world I asked this, I’m not sure! I think it was because after his fat head (see below, lol), the rest of him just plopped out and I was not expecting that at all!)

I heard one of the nurses comment about his cord being wrapped around his neck twice (causing the “decels”). Zach said it had to have been loosely wrapped because when he came out, by the time he could realize he was here and look, there wasn’t anything around his neck.

I got some help turning over and finally got to see my sweet, sweet boy. It was so amazing to be able to see, touch and HOLD him immediately after birth. Being able to nurse him and bond with him immediately was incredible (as opposed to stare at him from across the room for a couple hours, like I had to do with Keaton). I did have 2nd degree tear and I nursed him while they repaired my tear.

Benjamin Cai was born on August 15th, 2008 at 3:25am. He weighed in at 8lbs. 5oz. and was 21 1/4 inches long.

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There are a lot of controversies surrounding VBAC's. It's a decision you have to make prayerfully with your spouse (and with a provider who has your best interests in mind - not just dollar signs in their eyes). Thankfully, my husband saw the hurt I went through not only every time a friend had a "natural" (ie: vaginal) birth and beamed about how amazing it was, but when friends ended up with c-sections, necessary or otherwise. We knew that this would be best for us, as a family. I shared some books I read here, as well as other thoughts. I know in some situations, a c-section is the only option. But, I feel the need to share that VBAC's are safe and an amazing alternative to elective surgery, especially since more and more hospitals and doctors are refusing to allow them. I'm so thankful that I was able to experience this. It was truly an incredible experience.

The Birth of James and Luke

Well, for those of you wondering where I’ve been the past couple of months I recently gave birth to twins. Life has been full, fun, crazy, exciting, and blessed with two preemies and a toddler in our house. I love that this week we are sharing birth stories on Prayer of Hannah. And, while I might have originally said this birth story was as different from Lydia’s as it could possibly be, that’s not entirely true. . . so let me jump right in. . .

To say I was excited when I found out I was pregnant would be an understatement. But then when I learned we were having twins – WOW! I couldn’t wait!! I had dreamed of being a twin when I grew up and always thought I would love to raise twins; a few months before I got pregnant I was exercising and praying and felt impressed to pray for twins – so it was so neat to see the way God brought this to fruition. Their birth, though, was a little different than planned . . .here’s the story of James and Luke’s birth.

For those who don’t know me well, you need to know that friends tease me about my health and nutrition passion and, along with that, goes my intense desire for natural childbirth. (Here’s the story of my 2 ½ year old daughter’s natural birth.)

I vividly remember the evening just a few days after we found out we were having twins (and had not yet told friends it was multiples) that we had several families over and the conversation turned to labor and delivery. One of the girls was pregnant with her first and we were talking about natural deliveries, medicated deliveries, and c-sections. I remember being totally overwhelmed with the thought of having to birth twins and went back to Lydia’s room to rock her and prayed about all of this. God impressed so deeply on my heart that HE had put these babies in my womb, and HE would help me birth them. I hoped that meant naturally, but, even as I clung to this promise throughout the pregnancy I knew that He had never promised to do it my way.

Fast forward to January 24th of this year. .. .I was 32 weeks, 3 days pregnant without a hint of a problem. I felt great, was walking 3 miles everyday, and had friends over the night before cooking and entertaining. I was even planning to fly to America just four days later, alone, with my toddler to give birth in the states!! (Josh was coming later; I was just flying earlier because of the pregnancy and flying regulations.) I woke up around 8:00 a.m. that morning and felt mildly uncomfortable in my still half-asleep state. I tossed and turned a little and remember Josh saying, “It’s Saturday, why don’t you go back to sleep?” To which I replied, “I think I’m having a contraction.” My lower abdomen was tightening and I figured it was just Braxton-Hicks (but that’s what I thought with Lydia too – when will I learn?). A minute or so later he sat up and said, “Well, I’m wide awake now!”

I decided not to go walking - I mean we were going to the park that day to play, have a picnic lunch, and decide on baby names. I took a long, hot shower, shaved my legs, and felt fine. Then, when I got out, it hit! One contraction on top of each other, with diarrhea (this is what tipped me off that I was going into labor because it was the same with Lydia). Lydia had woken up and wanted me to hold her - too cute - and, while she was standing in front of me sayng, "Mommy hold" I lost my mucous plug. I asked Josh to come and said I needed him to take Lydia and bring me my cell phone. I called an American nurse here to ask if there was preemie care where we live (did I think I could keep the babies inside if she said no?!). She said to call my doctor because he could give me a drug to stop the contractions. Josh called our doctor and we headed to the hospital.

We arrived at 9:45 a.m. and I was already dilated to 8 cm. Since they were breech the hospital doctor wanted to prep me for a c/s but I refused. I was taken upstairs to labor and delivery and I could feel the contractions change and I had the urge to push - I knew I was now fully dilated. But, I didn't feel a peace to work with the contractions and push those babies out without my doctor there. And that's interesting since I'd prayed throughout my pregnancy that I would be like the women in Exodus 1 - "vigorous" in labor and be able to give birth before the doctors could intervene. (I look back now and have to laugh at this scene because here I am on a bed in the OR hallway because the medical staff at the hospital didn’t know what to do with this foreigner who was refusing a c/s – and they didn’t know how to help me birth breech twins! We were all just hanging out waiting for my doctor to arrive.)

My doctor did arrive and said on the way he'd been thinking about it and he had decided he would give me the opportunity to birth them naturally. I was SO thankful. (Until this moment, he had said he wasn’t comfortable with me birthing breech twins; hence why I was returning to the states because I’d found a perinatologist with experience in twins and breech vaginal delivery.)

He went and washed up and I went to delivery room. However, when my doctor checked me his entire demeanor changed and Josh and I could sense the worry in his eyes. Our doctor is an amazing, strong believer and, looking back, I can see how the Lord was directing us both through this decision. He said he really recommended a c/s and, I just didn't have a peace to do this naturally without his support - especially since just a few minutes earlier he was okay with me trying for a natural delivery. I looked to Josh and he looked to the doctor and said okay. Since the first baby was so low, they couldn't let me sit up for an epidural so I had to take general anesthesia (until this point I didn't even have an IV in my arm!). They put the mask on my face and I was out. Josh said they were born within 2 minutes - which makes me thankful that James and Luke still didn't get exposed to much if any anesthesia.

When my doctor opened me up he found that my placenta was tearing and had already developed a hematoma. As I had been having very painful contractions I would say, "Jesus help me" and my doctor took those words, as well as finding this placental tear before it caused oxygen deprivation to the babies or hemorrhaging to me and preached to all the doctors and nurses in our room. (I had prayed everyday that the Lord would be glorified in their birth and, although I wouldn't have planned it this way, this was how He chose to be glorified!!)

James was born first (3 lb, 15 oz.), and then Luke (3 lb, 13 oz). They received one surfactant lung treatment since there had not had time to give steroids to me to boost their lungs before their birth. They had extra oxygen to breath for the first 24 hours (their heads were under an oxygen bubble) and the next day they were breathing just fine on their own. So many times as I went into the NICU to nurse I heard the nurses talking about these miracle babies and how God had shown me favor. Everyone talked about how strong and healthy they were to have been born so early. I was able to share with them about Jesus as well as them hearing me pray for and sing to my babies each day.

Fortunately, the hospital was totally supportive of my desire to exclusively breastfeed. I began pumping the afternoon they were born and got colustrum from the beginning. Within 48 hours of their birth my milk had fully come in. They had IV fluids the first day (I couldn't even get out of bed to go see them for the first seven hours - I was in pain and every time I tried to get up I almost passed out and had to lay back down). But I didn't want to take pain meds because I wanted to nurse and didn't want it in my milk. (I did finally take one dose so I could get up and go see my babies!!) By the next morning (after their birth) I was able to begin nursing them and the following day they came off all IV fluids and just had my milk.

Since they were eating well, learning to control their own body heat, bilirubin levels were getting better, and they could breathe fine on their own, they were released to "room-in" with me after five days. The next day we were able to take our little miracles home! They were tiny, precious, miracle babies and I fell in love with them more every time I held, nursed, cuddled, changed, sang to, prayed over, talked to, and just took care of them. I'm continuing to cherish every moment of these days, yet look forward to one day seeing them grow up into men of God who serve Him with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength!

Though I must say that a c/s is every bit as miserable as anything I’d ever read (it’s the recovery that is so tough – I mean, I was running again just a week after Lydia had been born) I know without a doubt that the Lord wanted these babies to be born where we live overseas and not in the states. His Hand was all over everything in those first days and I knew our babies were going to be just fine by His peace he surrounded us with. (Our boys were even born on their grandfather’s birthday – just one way God was telling us He was in control of everything happening.) Having had time now to process the events, I can honestly say I’d rather have a c/s and bring my babies home with me when I left the hospital rather than a natural birth and leave my babies in the NICU for several weeks – which I’m sure would’ve happened in the states.

The Lord gave me this verse throughout the whole experience –

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

May all the praise, honor, and glory alone go to Jesus Christ – who knit these miracle boys in my womb and brought them into this world to glorify His Holy Name!

Two Ways to Love our Husbands

I must first say that I LOVED Hollie's post...I hesitate writing another post b/c she captured the idea of it all so perfectly. The Love/Respect dynamic of a relationship is so important and something that I think most couples must continually strive for. It affects how we interact with each other in big ways and small ones. Thank you Hollie for the great post.

I want to give you all two ways that I wish I could love my husband. I can't say that these are two ways that I do in fact love my husband b/c the truth is I have a long way to go. This is a really tough spot in my marriage and one that I always need to apply myself more. The two things I have to encourage you in today come from a woman that spoke to a ladies' group I go to. She spoke with us a few weeks ago and I LOVED what she had to say.

FIRST: Never say "no" to sex. I'm serious!! This was the first point this lady gave us. She was speaking to a room full of young mothers and all of us honestly laughed out loud. This woman said that about 14 years ago she resolved that she would never say 'no' to sex. She said it was the best decision she ever made and it has had such a powerful, positive impact on her marriage. We pressed her on the issue - seriously, you never say no? - and she said she seriously doesn't and that her husband seriously likes to have sex. :) One tip she gave us is that if we really don't want to, ask our husband to give us 5 minutes to freshen up. Go into the bathroom, put on something pretty, brush your teeth, etc. and choose to be in the mood. I want to be this woman so badly!! BUT, I will readily admit that I have turned my husband down two afternoons in a row now. I can see that it has a negative impact on our interaction and I HATE that. I really think this woman is on to something.

SECOND: Never, ever put your husband down in front of others - even if you're "just joking around." I touched on this with my reverent speech post. I often times cut down my husband in front of others. I either tease him about things he's done/said, or laugh along with someone else who's giving him a hard time. I am suppose to be my husband's cheerleader, his biggest fan - I should always seek opportunity to give good examples of things he's done/said. There is a couple that we became friends with in CA named Josh and Stacey. These people are my role models for how couples should treat one another. They are always affirming of one another and so uplifting. I love it!

Okay, ladies, I have a screaming baby in my arms so I have to end this, but I hope this gives you some serious food for thought!! :)

Love Your Husband

" Older women are...to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the younger women to love their husbands. " Titus 2:

Hugh and I are about to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary, and although we have so, SO much more to learn in our marriage, we HAVE learned a great deal about how to love one another. We all have our "stories" describing the beauty of the first or second year of marriage, as we're adjusting to the expectations and quirks of our loved one.

I can't help but think back to an "ah-ha!" moment Hugh and I had during our first year of marriage. We were riding in the car listening to a Dr. Dobson Focus on the Family Broadcast. This was one of my most favorite things for us to do together. Long story short, the speaker shed light on how women long to hear "I love you," while men long to hear "I respect you." As we listened on, Hugh turned down the volume and said, "He's EXACTLY RIGHT. He hit the nail on the head." I was so perplexed. "Respect?" I asked myself. "I DO respect Hugh, but I LOVE him. Respect is so much more inferior to love. These two are not even close to being equals in my book. I just don't get it." We went on to talk about how we each differently defined "love." This was revolutionary! As the glitter and sparkles of the wedding day wore off and the bumpy road of reality set in, I sure was glad that I knew this one secret, yet very essential tid-bit to expressing my love for my husband.

So, what do I really mean by respect? Focus on the family described it like this. Since women need love like she needs air to breathe, men need RESPECT like he needs air to breathe as well. Are you saying to your husband things like, " You don't care!" " You're so unloving." Or are you verbally comparing your husband to your friends' husbands, so that he might get a hint and change this or that? Are you speaking "unbelief" into your husband? Are you belittling him, either in the privacy of your home or in front of people? Are you bringing up past offenses and holding them against him? Are you reaffirming his leadership in the home? "If you show disrespect in an attempt to motivate him to be more loving (or put whatever you'd like in place of loving), it hinders the relationship."(Focus on the Family, Emerson Eggerichs) Before too long, you have this endless cycle of the wife feeling unloved and the husband feeling disrespected. Both of you are utterly dissatisfied with how things are going in your relationship.

Here's an excerpt from an article on Focus on the Family written by Emerson Eggerichs:
"This may explain why Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:33 that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband. Both commands are unconditional. The hard part is that respect comes more easily to men, and love comes easier to women . . . A wife can feel unloved, but appear disrespectful; a husband can feel disrespected but appear unloving. This is why things get crazy! Our negative appearances work against us. God's Word protects us from that mistake." He continues, "Really, all you have to do is learn this crazy cycle, and when you see the spirit of your spouse deflate, trust . . . that you've said something that appears unloving or disrespectful. Then go back and say, 'Did I come across as unloving/disrespectful? I'm sorry, will you forgive me?' That works almost every time."

To sum all this up, are you truly LOVING your husband the way he perceives love? Are you respecting him? By avoiding demeaning words/actions does not exempt you from being deficient in the area of respecting/loving well. You must be proactive and speak words of encouragement and respect over your husband. Build him up! Love him well! In Titus 2, the Word tells older women to teach what is good, SO THAT younger women are encouraged to love their husbands. The "so that" is an integral part of the verse and joins together the teaching and encouragement that takes place. One is dependent upon the other. This is just one more example of "mentorship". I sure would have loved to have had a mentor with whom to talk candidly during the first and second year of our marriage. Is there a young wife that you're mentoring or tucking under your wing with regards to teaching her how to love her husband well?

These are all great questions to ask ourselves and keep at the forefront of our minds. One thing is for sure, this has been a GREAT reminder/refresher for me!

Blessed are they that Mourn for they shall be comforted.

Many of you met me during the most difficult time of my life when I was an expectant mother praying in desperate tears for the healing and life of the little boy inside of me. God did heal him but didn’t allow him to live here on earth with us. His heart was not fashioned to beat in this world apart from being in my womb. The weeks following were ones that changed me forever and I have found God to be the firm foundation for my faith and the compassionate father who has captured every tear I have shed. Having Asher made me a mother; I loved that time with him and there was no going back to the way things were before him.

Even before Asher my husband and my heart had been open to the idea that God may have for us a child already born who is in need of a mother and father. We were already seeking to become foster parents when we had discovered we were having a difficult pregnancy and had to put the process on hold.

November, just three months after losing Asher we talked about reopening our status with the foster system and after a few steps we did so. It was a few weeks after that when they called us with a child needing a place to live short term., we prayed through it but God showed us through very clear signs and obstacles that right now our hearts are ready to full care and love a child as our own... and after our loss this summer we feel like the risk of losing another loved little one should be as minimal as possible, and this was definitely not a situation needing the amount of parenting that we were willing to give.

The week before Thanksgiving we had really asked the Lord to show us wisdom and guidance in what to do. Should we stay in the foster system? Should we go through a program that deals with foster children who are only in need of a permanent home? Should we wait? We decided to go ahead and look into the more permanent foster to adopt program then just go through the holidays and enjoy family and see where God may lead in the coming year. But one thing was clear, our hearts wanted to adopt. That was Monday and on Wednesday we got the call from New Life Adoption Agency! We had friends who worked there and knew we were hoping to adopt one day and were open to adopting transracially. But they had NO idea that we were in this process of wanting to adopt this soon.

"There is a woman who wants to put her baby up for adoption and hasn't found a family for her yet. She is due December 6th. She wants a two parent home and a Christian family for the baby within her. Would you be interested in adopting her? Can you put a profile album together and write a letter to this birth-mother?" We were hearing the words but were we really understanding it? Were they really asking us to consider becoming the forever parents of this little girl who hadn't even been born yet? Was God moving this fast and all of the sudden? Were we ready?

We had been walking in great faith in the days before that call. Why doubt Him now that the possibility was present. It just seemed too good to be true. a newborn. in two weeks. for us. for keeps. We started to get excited.

We were headed to Texas to spend thanksgiving with my family. What was intended to be a relaxing week away turned quickly into a whirlwind of paperwork and phone calls. The amount of paperwork we had to do in a week had been astounding.  Adoption is not for the weak at heart. But get this, look at some ways God worked all things together for good. The adoption agency called us and we both needed copies of our birth certificates...fast. (remember she was due to be born the next week) I was headed to Austin the next day to see our relatives so we were able to request and pick up my birth certificate in a matter of hours. Dan's parents have not spent thanksgiving away in years and decided to spend this year in Michigan with family. They were in the very city Dan was born. By that afternoon both birth certificates were being over-nighted to Raleigh.

My family granted us the time needed to fill out so many forms and information. We are both blessed to have parents who have also embarked on this journey of adoption and we couldn't imagine our lives without our adopted brothers and sisters! They are amazing gifts of God.  Through all this craziness Dan was such a get it done guy through all this which was so what I needed because I'm prone to becoming paralyzed to act when overwhelmed. But He kept on keeping on. I think we probably broke any record the adoption agency had for the number of times we called them in one day.

We were both able to rest on Thanksgiving and enjoy our families. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me that our friends and families have rejoiced with us without reservation when opportunities have come up to bring a child into our home, whether it was going to be in a foster situation or to adopt. They are always so full of wisdom and belief that God will do exactly what we need in our life at this time. Even our extended families had started to open their hearts to this little one while we were there. Everyone was so willing to help us care and provide for this little baby girl should she come into our home and become our own.

We flew home on Friday and on the last flight home we sat next to a girl and when Dan asked me to pass him the adoption paperwork she asked us if we were adopting. We got to talking and she had been raped and become pregnant and carried her baby to full term and decided to give this baby up for adoption. She told me how carefully she picked out a birth mother and how much she is so glad she gave her little girl life. That was 12 years ago for her and she was sitting there crying and talking about the joys and difficulties of the adoption process. She was so happy for us. It was definitely the Lord that placed her right beside me.

Belief. Faith. Hope. Love. These are all things that we had been experiencing. All these things dispel fear and unbelief. With Christ there is no reason to fear or to be afraid that things won't work out. He had already shown us in a HUGE way that His plans are often not ours but that we had no reason to fear His hand or His heart. Cautiously optimistic had been two words that people have used to explain how we should be feeling in the days before this little ones birth. Dan and I were talking one night and with all we had to fill out and accomplish and do that week we needed more than cautious optimism fueling us. Belief had to take root in our hearts. Yes, our Father had complete authority to yank that root out and plant another seed of trust in times of trial. But we knew He would sustain us no matter what.

We were supposed to meet our birthmother on Monday December 1st over lunch. We were so excited and really had no idea what to expect. But we definitely weren’t expecting our agency to call us and reroute our lunch plans to WakeMed where our daughter had just been born at. I had to laugh because just as Asher came when we weren’t expecting him to, his sister followed suit.

So, we headed to the hospital to meet our daughter and the woman who had chosen to give her life.
Many people have asked me how weird has it been having an open adoption. And I really can’t complain or say it’s been weird because I don’t know anything else. And I had grown to love this woman because she was giving my future daughter life. And I had, in a way, a very similar experience with her in that I too had to give my child up to a better life away from me. I too knew what it was like to leave the hospital childless after going through the pain of having him. I couldn’t voluntarily have done that but here, this woman was choosing to give this gift of life not only to this child but to a family whom she had never met. I had the utmost respect for her so meeting her was a joy and a day I will never forget.

We spent several hours with Zoe and her birthmother at the hospital. It was such a great visit and God blessed us with sweet fellowship with her mom. We had some great moments and just shared our hearts on this little one and what our desires are for her. This mom knew she wanted more for this little girl than she could give her. I told her that we want to raise her to love Jesus and to be a compassionate person and stand for what is right in the world around her. So we talked, over the MTV music awards we talked about culture, music, values, families, history, life… It was a very sweet time that I will treasure always.

I cried when she had to leave the hospital that last day…sobbed more like it. I knew she had loved and sacrificed more for this child and more intimately than I had up to that point. My heart broke for her but rejoiced at God’s hand in her life and knew He would be faithful to sustain her and hold her just as He had held me the months before and even at that moment.

Then Dan and I became once again a family of three. Our hearts were heavy and floating, excited and terrified, nervous and confident…. Those first few days were days of paradoxical emotions! She became officially ours to adopt 4 months to the day of losing our precious son. She would never replace our son but she would bring so much laughter and delight and love into our home. God was bestowing 5lbs of soothing balm to our hurting hearts. We knew God was granting us a special and lasting love for this child of ours who just two weeks earlier we had no idea even existed.

That was four months ago and Zoe Elizabeth Chappell has been a delight and has brought so much healing and grace to our home.  Her name means Abundant Life and I know that she will bring that to this family. She is a great baby and has already stolen the hearts of so many. God has been so faithful to provide and come through for this unexpected and quick addition to our family. And He has used His people to rise and be a part of this beautiful picture of His Salvation!   Thanks for letting me share all that the Lord has done! May He get the glory and my life overflows with the joy!   Love, Casey Chappell 

A Long Awaited Blessing

(Leah says...)I contacted my friend Tamara - my Bible study leader from my freshman year of college! - to post during our adoption week. I had been thinking of asking her to post for quite some time. I knew that her family had finished all their paperwork and were waiting and waiting for a child. What I didn't know was that they would be sitting in a hotel room with THEIR NEW DAUGHTER when I e-mailed Tamara to ask her. God is so good!! Here is her story:
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Our road to adoption began well over a decade ago. Before my hubby Chris and I had even met, the Lord had placed a passion for adoption on each of our hearts. When I was in college I spent a summer in Mexico working with a ministry that serves orphanages in Monterrey. During that same summer Chris' heart was deeply affected by the verse in James that charges believers to care for the orphans and widows of the world. I so clearly remember having a conversation about adoption when we were dating--and I recall how it revealed to us even more so the reality that God had designed us for each other. We both felt challenged by God to some day grow our family through adoption. In our early 20's when we had this conversation we didn't know what this would look like, but we did daydream about adopting a little Latina and naming her Isabel because of our connections to Hispanic culture (both through missions work and our knowledge of the Spanish language). It's been a long road of praying and waiting to see God's adoption plan for our family come to fruition, but oh how worth it the wait has been!
We were married in July, 2001, and after enjoying married life with just the 2 of us for a couple of years we started thinking toward growing our family. Adoption was our plan at the time, but the Lord showed us very quickly (literally, we'd started talking about and researching adoption when we found out we were expecting our oldest son, Henry) that He had a different design for us. We welcomed Henry Harrison in February of 2004, and then added Elijah James to our family in March of 2006. It was about 9 months after Eli's birth that we felt the Lord speaking to us, telling us that our next child would come to us by way of adoption. We excitedly turned in our application paperwork right after Eli's 1st birthday and began the home study process. To say the journey was long would be a vast understatement. The paperwork alone was draining...8-10 page autobiographies by both Chris and myself, medical check up forms for all 4 family members, criminal background checks...the list seemed to go on and on. But finally, on March 6, 2007, we were officially approved and in the waiting pool.
Because we were doing an open adoption, the situation was now completely out of our hands. As part of our home study process we had created a family scrapbook (our profile--it contains pictures our of family and home, and also information on our personalities, faith, support network, etc.) that was kept on file at our adoption agency. When a birth mom would come in and ask to see potential adoptive families, we were shown to her, assuming that we met the criteria that she was looking for. And time after time after time, each birth mom chose to place her baby with another waiting family. The first couple of times weren't so bad, but soon we began to feel rejected. We realize that it wasn't a personal statement against our family, but either way, rejection and hurt were very present emotions each time we got the call from our agency that the birth mom had chosen another family. This happened about 18-20 times over the course of this past year.
Fast forward through the details to about 4 weeks ago when we got an e-mail from a Christian friend who has lots of adoption experience (she and her husband have 16 kids...only 4 of which are bio!) about a possible situation through an agency in Georgia (www.valleyofhope.net). Now, up to this point in time, we had not done any networking. We were only working with our small local agency. One thing we've learned on this journey is that choosing a larger, national, networking agency is definitely, our opinion, the way to go! Long story short, we didn't get matched with the baby that our friend e-mailed us about, but we did get hooked up with the networking agency. And things have quite literally been a whirlwind since getting registered with them about 3 weeks ago. We got our profiles to them and to the agencies around the country that they network with, and within days we were getting calls to be shown to birth mothers.
Tuesday, March 3 was a regular day in our house--the boys and I had a relaxing morning and we were waiting for our playdate friends to arrive when the phone rang at about 12:30pm. One of the networking agencies, Heart & Soul Adoptions (www.heartandsouladoptions.com), had a 2 year old Latina that they needed to place immediately. After getting the details from the agency, I hung up and called Chris at work. We talked and prayed about it, and it just felt right...in a way that none of the previous situations we'd been presented with had felt. At 3pm I called the agency back and said, "We want her. We can see God's fingerprints all over this situation." Before the agency could give us a final answer, they had to look over some paperwork details (including our home study). At 10pm Tuesday night, the phone rang. It was the news we'd waited to hear for 2 long years. We had a daughter! Oh, and they needed us to arrive in Utah the next morning to take custody of her (it was a really quick placement, as birth mom had relinquished her rights 5 days prior, and the agency had taken custody of the little girl but needed to place her to avoid issues with having to place her in foster care).
And so began the whirlwind. We called our parents with the news and they immediately jumped into action. My mom got a flight up the next morning so that she could keep the boys. Chris' mom arrived two days later to help out. Friends from church were more than supportive and willing to allow us to drop our boys off at their house at 4am, as we needed to be at the airport to catch our flight at 6am. Other dear friends kindly offered to drive us to the airport at that early hour. Chris and I didn't get any sleep on Tuesday night. We were racing around packing for ourselves, buying plane tickets online, and grinning at each other saying, "We have a daughter!". Chris also spent time on the phone with the bank through which we had been approved for our adoption loan, only to have them tell him there had been a delay in the processing of our paperwork...so the money would not be in the account for a few days. Which was a problem. We couldn't do anything but pray that the Lord would divinely intervene, as we felt Him guiding us, telling us that THIS WAS IT...and so we literally got on the plane trusting that, just like our pastor, Dave, says, God is ALWAYS on time. Never early, never late. Just ALWAYS on time.
We landed in Salt Lake City, drove to a local IHOP, and met the agency director's and our sweet daughter. She was ours from the moment we laid eyes on her. She was just the perfect image of what God had placed on our hearts as we daydreamed way back when. The Lord had truly brought us full circle. We signed the placement papers that evening and it was official. Oh, and that adoption loan issue? Well, God totally showed up, and He even showed off a little! :) We walked into a local Wells Fargo unsure of what we were going to do, and we walked out with a cashier's check for the full amount we needed for the adoption. Our original loan approval was only for part of the adoption fees. Thank you Jesus for showing up RIGHT ON TIME. Literally 15 minutes before we needed to go sign the paperwork, the financial stuff fell into place.
It's funny that Leah contacted me and asked me to do a post for this week's topic...We're actually still sitting in a Utah hotel room awaiting court approval to head home with our new daughter! We are praying that it all goes through by next Thursday morning, as we've already had to reschedule our flights home once and we are anxious to see our boys...and they are so excited to meet their new little sister! This journey has certainly had it's ups and downs. It's been a long, emotional, sometimes stressful road. But we are grateful to God that all along, he knew exactly what he was doing. If we'd been matched with one of the other babies along the way, we wouldn't have our sweet 2-year-old girl, Isabel Faith.
We do have a family blog, but until the adoption is finalized we've been advised to keep it set to private. We are trusting in the Lord, that He will complete the good work that He's begun, and that He will guard and guide our family. We'd be so grateful if you would keep our family in your prayers as we continue on this journey of bring Isabel home and welcoming her into her forever family. Thanks for taking the time to read our story...quite literally as it is unfolding! :)
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE the opportunity to answer any questions/share more info with you if you're thinking about adoption. There are so many other details that go along with the process...Please feel free to e-mail me at tamarafladung@aol.com.
Blessings, Tamara

Wordless Wednesday

Juliana's Adoption

Hey blogger friends! This story was written by my precious mom and dad who adopted my sister after I was the last of 5 children to leave home....they are incredible people! Juliana is amazing...I can't imagine life without her! I pray you find encouragement from their story:

In 1990 I was a home health nurse. A patient assigned to me was an elderly woman who was bed fast. On one of my visits I discovered two toddlers sitting on the floor beside her bed, eating out of paper plates. She told me they had been left there by a family member, for her to care for. Now, this woman could not take care of herself.She could not even turn over in bed by herself. I immediately began to call some of her other family. The problem was solved quickly. That evening I told my husband, Haynes, about the visit I had made that day. We both agreed how sad it is for children to be neglected. I believe this was the day the Lord planted the desire in our hearts to adopt a child.

A few evenings later we watched a T.V. special about starving children being adopted in Romania. Over the next couple of weeks we talked about the children in Romania.We prayed and prayed about adopting a child. The idea of adopting began to grow in our hearts. You need to know…we had raised five children, and just sent our last child to college. The thought of raising another child had never entered our minds before. The Lord definitely works in mysterious ways. We decided that adoption was what God was calling us to at this point in our lives. The process began to take shape.We talked with a lawyer, we got in touch with other people who were in the adoption process, and we prayed and prayed.

A few weeks later Stacey, our youngest daughter came home from college for the weekend. That evening the exact same T.V. special was repeated again. At this point we had not mentioned a thing to any of our children. As the program was ending, Stacey looked at us and said, “Ya’ll need to adopt one of those children!!” I began to smile. She quickly said, “This is not funny! I am serious! You need to go and adopt one of these children!” I told her I was not smiling because it was funny…we then told her we had been discussing adoption, and planned on discussing the possibility with all five children that weekend, beginning with her. This was a very happy weekend for our family. All five children were thrilled and excited. They were all asking questions and wanting to help. We believe it is very important for all close members of a family to be in agreement about such an important event.

Then the real work began. There were mounds of paperwork, a home study, finger prints, passports, and plane tickets. With lots of prayers, and help from lots of friends, we were on our way to Romania...

Two days after arriving in Romania, we were traveling with a lady who wanted to adopt a little boy. We were told there was a little boy for adoption in a nearby village. Translation into another language sometimes does not always translate correctly. The little boy was a beautiful curly haired girl. She was wearing only a cotton jacket…and it had been snowing! I knew the moment I saw her, she was for us. Her name was Juliana. We fell in love with her and her name. Juliana was the fourth child of a young woman, age 18. After finding the young woman and talking with her and the government official, they set a court date.. The adoption only took a few minutes. The main question we were asked, “Will you take care and provide for this child?”

Juliana was a very happy child from the beginning, even though she was malnourished and had a severe sinus infection. She quickly learned where she ate and where the food was kept.She wanted to stay in the kitchen and play. Also Juliana wanted to be held and patted all of the time. This is where the bonding began. (Now at age 19, she still loves to be hugged and patted:)

From the beginning, Juliana was like a sponge. She quickly began to say words and interact. One of the most important words we used from the first day was “adoption.” My husband and I believe it is important to tell a child they are adopted from a very early age. Explain all of the details you can for their level. As time goes on, they will have more questions…answer them. Do not leave an opportunity for any surprises along the way. I think the fact that I was also adopted helped with a lot of the answers for Juliana.


Juliana is now a sophomore at Ouachita Baptist University, majoring in speech pathology. We have six children: Drew, Phillip, Stacey, Tracie, Jana, and Juliana. I can tell you without a doubt, there is no difference in the feeling you have for an adopted child and a child you birthed. It is amazing to see Juliana now grow into a lovely young woman! How quickly time flies and what a joy to be a part of this precious child’s life! The Lord has so blessed us! I look forward to what He has for us in the future!

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of you heart…Psalm37:4

AJ's Adoption Story

Hello to all of you POHers. I am sure you have seen me comment often. My name is AJ and I am a friend of Krista’s and I would like to share our adoption story. . .

I wish I could tell you it was an easy and smooth journey but it was not. My husband and I knew before we got married we wanted to adopt internationally. (At that time we didn’t know we had infertility problems). On our first anniversary we started the paperwork process. This process takes around 6 months to complete and then we submitted our dossier (this is about 2000 pages of paperwork sent to the adoption country) to Kazakhstan in June of 2005. We then began the process of waiting for a referral from Kazakhstan. We anxiously waited and prayed and waited and prayed.

Finally we received a phone call in June of 2006; we were to travel to Almaty, Kazakhstan in 2 weeks. We were ecstatic; after an almost two year process we were at the end of the journey and we would meet our baby girl. During the next 2 weeks we frantically packed and asked each other “what will she look like?” “How old will she be?” The plan was for my husband and I to spend three weeks in Kazakhstan and complete most of the paperwork and then leave the country (this is law in Kaz.) and I would return 1 month later with my dad to pick up our baby.

Planning is something I live my life around. Needless to say as our plane lifted off the ground on July 4, 2006, the plan in my mind became as messed up as any plan could ever be.

We arrived in Kaz. July 6, 2006 and were told we would go the next day to see available children in the orphanage. Tomorrow came and went and we sat nervously in our hotel waiting. Finally we were told there were no available children and we would be sent home. I cannot tell you the turmoil my mind and body was in. What was God doing? 25,000 dollars and 2 continents away from our support system and we were going home with empty arms. We immediately called our family in the states (we paid 2 dollars a minute and interrupted my sister’s wedding reception) and asked for prayer that a miracle would happen and we would get to stay and meet our baby (the next plane to leave was 4 days away) we prayed and cried and paced. The day before we were to fly home our translator arrived and said get in the car we will go meet children! We were not sure we understood but indeed we headed to the orphanage. We were introduced to numerous special needs children and then we finally were taken into a room with another couple (they have since become our best friends) and were told here is one boy, one girl, you both wanted girls so decide…the head of the baby house then walked out. We met these babies and held them and loved on them but what would we do???

Both babies were 8 months old and in good health for the circumstances. We were then told to make our decision by the following day. We went back to our hotel and sat down with the other couple and prayed and talked. The next morning God had spoken to the other couple and confirmed that they were to adopt the baby boy.

We spent the next two weeks interacting and bonding with these babies (2 weeks bonding is required by Kazak law). I could hardly dare to let my heart open to this beautiful baby girl. Her name was Tursyngul and she was born at 24 weeks gestation at just under 2 pounds. She looked like a small newborn weighing just 8 pounds and unable to roll over and sit up, crawl or walk.

Gradually we opened our hearts and the two week bonding period went smoothly. We were set to appear before the judge and he kept denying our request repeatedly. We were told our agency was making mistakes and not doing their job. Finally after 2 more weeks we went to the judge. He looked at our paperwork and said there were problems and we would come back in two more weeks. (Remember we were supposed to be there only 3 weeks). We continued to visit the baby we had named Lydia 2 times everyday not knowing if we would ever walk out of the baby house with her. 2 weeks passed again and the other couple was granted their baby boy. We walked into the judge’s chambers and he once again denied our petition for adoption stating we were missing a paper. We indeed were but were never told about it and once again another problem with our agency.

At this point I lost it. I cried and cried and was almost ready to just pack our bags and leave. By this point we had been in Kaz. almost two months and we had received an email from my husband’s job that because of his continued delay he would be loosing his job! We were spending hundreds of dollars a day in a foreign country and now had no income.

We immediately got on our knees and asked for wisdom. I felt in such turmoil and such bitterness with our agency. How could they play with our lives? How were we going to get through this? I will be honest I was angry at God for allowing this. I then was reminded of Jacob and how he wrestled with God and that is exactly what I did. I laid on the floor sobbing and I remained there until the Lord finally said, “AJ, I am here and no matter what happens trust me, my grace is sufficient, I am in control” After hours of sobbing and prayer I got up and knew whether I left with my baby or not God’s will was not my own. Was I still struggling? YOU BET! I prayed that whatever happened God would give me the grace to handle it.

Upon clarification to stay in the country we immediately tried to get the one paper we needed from the states. The judge had given us one week. We called Oklahoma and my mom found the paper at our social work agency (not our adoption agency) and she took it to the State Capitol to have the proper documentation done. She immediately paid a lot of money to Fed Ex and UPS it to Kaz. With no guarantees it would arrive. We were hours outside any city.

We prayed for the arrival of the paper, we knew it would be a miracle but God chose another way. We had begun a blog of our journey and numerous people from all over the country had kept up with our story. In fact, a couple had found our blog from Atlanta and were coming to the same city to adopt. She continued to ask us questions as they prepared to come they were very nervous about the bad experience we were having. Realizing they would arrive in Kaz the day before our court hearing my mom FEDEX overnight our papers to Atlanta and this precious couple hand carried our documents (and I mean they never let them out of their hand). They walked into our hotel and I was sitting in the lobby. I immediately knew it was our angel. I walked up to them and asked them their name and they immediately handed me the document. Tears poured down my face and we sat in the lobby sobbing. God saw fit to use people we had never met to bring his glory and to show me he was in control. Our other copies never arrived by mail.

The next morning we appeared before the judge and God had worked on his heart as well. A once hard man immediately gave us custody and it was a national holiday so he hurried us and we picked up Lydia Jane 2 hours later and walked out of that baby house one last time.

Two days later we flew to the capitol to appear before the embassy and there were many other problems that I won’t even share here. But 8 days later through a series of miracles and unfortunately paying $16,000 more dollars we lifted off the runway in Almaty, Kaz.

Arriving 48 hours later in Oklahoma City, we were greeted by laughter, tears and many balloons. It was the end of September we had been gone almost 3 months. We sat in the airport and introduced Lydia to family, friends and strangers that had all played a part of this miracle.

God continued to work miracles and through our blog my husband was hired on at a new job starting one week after we arrived home.

I share our story with you and believe me this is just a tip of the iceberg, to encourage you through the deepest valley and lowest points. God is in Control and His will is perfect. I would so tell you that adoption is wonderful, we had a very bad experience and I would highly suggest you do your research but in the end God gave us a wonderful gift and we see his miracle walking, playing, and breathing everyday.

Prayers for Charlotte

A friend of mine, has a daughter named Charlotte Ruth. She was born with HLHS - a congenital heart defect. (Google it - I don't have time to link it!) The treatment for it involves three open heart surgeries. She has had one already and today she is having her second.

Would you pray for Charlotte? You can visit her blog (she shares it with her silly brother, Sam) here. Her Mom also blogs here. She is in surgery RIGHT now and may be there for a bit longer. Thanks, ladies!!

Teach what is good - Titus 2

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good." Titus 2:3 (NIV)

Hey ladies! Are you still with us?

I hope so. It seems life has gotten in the way of the blog this week! I know in our house we've had some back to back sickness and allergies. Currently, my baby girl is suffering from her fourth ear infection and the croup! And she got it on her first birthday. Happy Birthday!

About this part of our Titus verse...the first thing that I notice is how it says, "but to teach what is good." So we're told "not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine" yet instead to teach what is good.

Forgive me for stating the obvious - but that is typically where I start when dissecting scripture. So what exactly does it mean to "teach what is good?"

I think it means that everything we "teach" should be theologically sound and line up with the scriptures. Obviously, this passage is calling the older women to be teaching the younger women. Certainly this principle applies to any teaching situation whether it be your own children, the youth you disciple at church, a friend, etc.

I've certainly found this task to be way more difficult than I had originally thought. Last year (when I was pregnant with Adeline), I helped lead a small group of high school senior girls at our church. I actually led this same group two years prior when they were sophomores. During that first year, I very quickly learned how much they challenged me simply because of the incredible grasp most of them had on scriptures. The difference between them and me was that they were raised in a true bible teaching churches and families. My scripture knowledge didn't really start to increase until college when I actually began studying the Word. (Sidenote: Those girls kicked my tail numerous times at Bible Trivia. Good times. I miss you girls!)

My point in saying that is that I quickly learned that the best way to have a filter for teaching "what is good" is to have a solid knowledge of scripture. I learned that from the time I studied the word with my senior (and sophomore) girls.


Of course, when I thought about writing my post this week, I had great plans for using some commentaries and lexicons to really get to the meat of the passage. I was especially interested in the word, "good." But, when my family came first, the plans changed.

Anyone have any additional insight? Especially about that word, "good"?

Thanks for your patience and for continuing to read and support each other through POH.

Wordless Wednesday

(at least this post is not late...barely!)

Drinking: Standing on Grace...not Judgmentalism

Wow…this is a tough one for me. With my “rules based” upbringing it would be easy for me to say very firmly…”No one should ever drink! You filthy sinner!” That’s what feels natural. But scripture really doesn’t say NOT to ever drink but deals with the amount of drink. The struggle comes for me when I think about my witness and behavior in front of others.

Jesus chose to display His glory by turning water into wine. Paul says, “Don’t be given to much wine.” While I do not feel that scripture never contradicts itself, I do struggle with this issue because in my fleshliness I like RULES. Rules tend to make me feel safe…but as I have said in other posts before: I live among a people that have RULES as their god….it is a sad and dark place to live. Jesus did not die for us to live a life of rules. His dying was all about GRACE.

While scripture doesn’t say not to drink, it does give us many passages on our behavior:

“Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity” (Col. 4:5).
“Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks…that they may be saved.” (1 Cor. 10:32).
...he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. 1 Timothy 3:7

When I come to an issue in life where there is no “hard and fast rule” I have to allow Jesus to speak to me through the Holy Spirit and his Word that was given to me. So, I choose to take the passages above as well as many others and seek to live a life that display’s God’s glory. Does that mean I don’t ever mess up in front of others? Of course not! I like the way Leah pointed out the “malicious gossip” being listed right next to “enslaved to much wine.” While I would proudly announce that I am not a drinker, I could not proudly announce that I have never gossiped!

So, I choose to stand on grace in this issue and not judgmentalism. I choose to seek God’s glory being displayed in my own life and know that I fall very short in so many other areas. I rest in Christ’s sanctifying work of GRACE and remain in awe of HIS patience and unconditional love for me.

So, do you drink?

This week we come back to our passage in Titus, Titus 2:3-5. Older women are instructed to not be enslaved to much wine. What does that mean? And how does that affect my life?

First off, I want to be up front that I do drink alcohol on occasion. I don't believe that it is inherently wrong to drink alcohol. I don't think the Bible specifically, or generally, prohibits the believer from drinking. That said, I know many of my brothers and sisters come down on all sides of the alcohol debate and I love and respect each of them.

The question I ask myself in this passage is "why should I not be enslaved to much wine?" What is it about being enslaved to wine that hinders my ability to be an example to younger women? I believe the point is that I should be cultivating a spirit of love and humility to exhibit to my Christian sisters. I find it interesting that "not be enslaved to much wine" is paired with "not be a malicious gossip." Gossip is usually on the top of the list of stereotypes of women. But enslaved to much wine? I don't usually equate that with women. So why is it here?

Drinking usually helps a person feel like they belong to a group and also helps to lower inhibitions. I know this was a draw for me in the past to want to drink alcohol. I wanted to feel like I was a cool person like on a TV show. And drinking helped me relax and be funny and made people pay attention to me. It's sort of the same way with sharing malicious gossip - you feel cool and people pay attention to you. Both can feed a woman's vanity and ease her insecurity. If I drink for these reasons, I take the focus off of Christ and put it on myself. I'm seeking fulfillment and worth in things other than Christ.

So why do I drink alcohol at all? I know a lot of people who just choose not to drink at all. I still have a drink every now and again when I am in a social setting and it's seems okay to me to have a glass of wine or beer. A few examples I can think of would be when we had Christmas dinner at my in-laws or when I went out to a bar with some friends to see a band. I enjoyed having a drink with family/friends without the focusing being on drinking. Another situation would be when we had some friends over for dinner the other night and one of them brought a bottle of wine. I served it with dinner and a few people had some while others did not.

We do not, however, keep alcohol in our home because my husband doesn't drink. I don't think I will keep alcohol in the house ever because it could be a temptation for our boys as they grow up. I grew up with a drinking family and a lot of alcohol in our house. It was very easy for me to start taking alcohol without anyone noticing. I don't want to create that sort of situation for my boys.

I will say that I don't drink a lot because I very rarely am in a situation where people are drinking. My husband and I don't hang out with a lot of people who drink, and we don't go to a lot of parties. I wouldn't have a drink every weekend if the opportunity were there. I have probably had fewer than 20 drinks in the past 6 years (since I turned 21). Like I said before, I don't ever want drinking to be part of the definition of who I am.

One final thing to add is that I avoid this topic a lot by being pregnant or thinking that I might be pregnant! This makes it a non-issue a lot of times.

So, ladies, please share your thoughts and opinions about being enslaved to much wine. I look forward to hearing from you as well as from the other POH authors - I think I may be in the minority on this one!

Family Planning

Since a lot of good, solid points have already been made, I thought I'd just share my story like Leah and Christina did.

I think that as someone who practiced abstinence before marriage, going on birth control a few months before my wedding was just understood. I knew that was what "a girl did" right before getting married, and I was excited to start taking it. Heck, I knew friends that went on birth control in 9th grade to ease menstrual cramps. I didn't know anyone who chose anything but birth control, except those who didn't prevent and conceived immediately following the wedding. My Grandmother, who had eight children, told me that I had better go on birth control for at least a few years to give my husband and I some time. So, that was exactly what I did.

You also must know that right after I got married, doctors discovered that I had a benign growth on my pituitary gland called a microadenoma. It was on the side of the gland that affected the prolactin hormone, and my OB told me that I could possibly have a hard time getting pregnant, especially if the tumor grew larger. This really explained why my cycles had changed from a 28-day cycle (with seven to eight long days each cycle) all throughout high school and some of college to a three week cycle only lasting three, maybe four days each cycle. I didn't want to take any medicine to shrink the growth since there would be a vacant spot where the growth was and that in itself would present another set of problems. I'd rather pray that the Lord shrink the growth!

During our first year of marriage, I became uncomfortable with the hormones I was putting into my body every month, especially due to the pituitary microadenoma, but I had never been big fan of taking medicines anyways. Before we moved to NC for seminary, we decided that we were going off birth control, and we finally did a few months after being at Seminary. (By the way, the Lord DID shrink the growth from 5mm to 2mm with no medicine!! My Endocrinologist could not believe that I did not take any medicine! All credit goes to the Lord!)

At that point, I started to chart my basal body temperature every morning for months using this printable chart. Here's a sample basal body temperature chart to give you an idea as to how to fill in one. I learned so much from seeing a consistent pattern with my temps and knowing exactly when I was ovulating. I had a clockwork cycle, thanks to that one year of birth control, but still kept hearing the words of my OB in my mind that we could experience an uphill battle with conceiving. In those months of being off birth control, our method of prevention was mainly steering clear of each other during the week I was ovulating. We also used spermicide. Although I had a lot of confidence in using spermicide, I never had a peace about what exactly I was in the spermicide. Long story short, once we decided to not prevent and "just see what happens, we conceived our daughter IMMEDIATELY. Our first pregnancy truly shocked us to the core, as we weren't expecting it to happen so quickly. We were elated! Laney was born December 2006.

After Laney was born, I was nursing and pumping for 13.5 months, so I knew that had to help in preventing conception, but we also went back to the same method we used to prevent before we conceived Laney. I still was uncomfortable with the idea of spermicide, but didn't have the energy to research another option. (If you happen to know what's in spermicide, enlighten us!) We assumed that I was fertile myrtle since my cycles were like clockwork and getting pregnant came so quickly, but boy were we surprised and discouraged with how long it took to conceive this second time. I'll save my story, and what I learned in this time of waiting on the Lord, for a POH week dedicated to infertility, but I will say that the birth control that I was on the first year of our marriage really straightened out my cycle and gave me that perfect 28-day cycle, ovulating on the 14th day. I learned a ton from the same book Christina featured in her post, Taking Charge of Your Fertility." I was able to self-diagnose myself after reading that very informative book.

Lastly, what's my view of birth control? After taking a seminary Marriage and Family Class and reading the books from that class, we both agree with Christina's viewpoint on birth control. If you haven't read what Christina wrote, it's below. We'd love to hear from you!