This week's topic is "Being subject to our husbands" from Titus 2:3-5:
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."
My title is "Why Me?" because I have no idea why I was the author assigned to start off this week's topic. To be quite honest, this is the weakest part of my life and I am definitely not the person to give great advice. I have a really hard time honoring God in this area. It's not because I don't agree with it. It's not because I don't want to. It's simply because I am a sinful person and I have learned that this is not something that comes "naturally" to me. It's something that I know I need the grace of God to help me to do, but I don't seem to beseech him for it all too often.
The main way I fall short in this area is by second-guessing my husband on things both great and small. I usually think that my idea is better and question his decisions. I make comments that make him feel stupid and inadequate in my eyes. I usually justify this by saying, "well I'm entitled to my opinion and I should be allowed to have input. And of course we should do the quicker/cheaper/wiser way of doing things, right?"
To add insult to injury, the second way I fall short is that I always listen to what my dad has to say about things and often suggest that we call him and ask his opinion. And I definitely act like a Daddy's girl when he is around. All this serves to make my husband feel second class.
So why do I keep doing all of this if I know it's wrong? Classic question, right? Because it is what comes natural. Because it's a hard habit to break. Because often times I'm thinking of myself first, or at least not thinking of my husband first. There have been times when I've been subject to my husband. And he's been loving to me. And we seem to happen upon this give and take in a relationship that God has showed us and we're happy. So I know even experientially that God's Word is good, true. It's just a struggle so often to get my mind and flesh to align with my heart.
I know this isn't the big heap of encouragement you were possibly looking for in this area. But I wanted to be honest with all of you. Hopefully I can write about this same topic a year from now and share all sorts of insightful things. But for now, here's my shortcomings for all of you to see.
Rewind to Raising Kids Overseas
Posted by | Saturday, June 27, 2009 at 7:00 AM
Originally posted back in December 2008 by a guest author - this post was the sweetest story of one family's transition to overseas work with their kids. And since this topic was also suggested as another one to span an entire week, I thought I'd repost this here. See "Life Overseas" for more!
Like Stacey, I've only been overseas for a "drop in the bucket" compared with so many other moms. I wanted to learn from others more experienced than myself in this humbling task of raising godly children and doing it in another culture where there is typically no Christian influence whatsoever. The following comes from a mom who has been overseas 10 years and raised both of her children in the Arab world during the teenage years. . .
My name is Susan, and my family and I are completing our tenth year living in North Africa and the Middle East. Although we both come from wonderful Christian homes, neither Mark nor I come from ministry backgrounds. Our children, Amy and Adam, were 8 and 10 years old when God led us overseas. Now, Amy is a sophomore in university and Adam will celebrate his 18th birthday this week! What an adventure my 21 years of married life has been!
When I was asked to write about raising my kids overseas, many thoughts raced through my head, and I could not get any clear sense of direction. And, the “mother pride” in me wanted to share one of those shining moments of triumph in which I and the kids look great! There’s so much to say and so many experiences that God has used to deepen my walk with Him, to humble me, to encourage me, to guide me, and to show how His love is greater for my children than I could ever understand.
I began to pray and focus on what I would say to you if I never ever got the chance to visit with you again. God made it clear that I need to share one of my most painful moments, as a mother, while living overseas. I realize that if you’re just starting your family, or if you have small children, that you may not feel that a story about a 17 year old boy is relevant. But, I encourage looking at what I’m sharing about ME, his mother. There is NO doubt that God claimed His victory in a shockingly desperate time in my life because some choices in my life had been settled far before the circumstances arrived! Please, bear with me on the details. It’s only when we acknowledge how “deep the hole is” that we ever experience the deep, deep love of Jesus!!
The year 2007 was one of the most difficult times in our family life. In the spring of that year, we made the decision to move to another country for Mark’s ministry. A couple of months later, in June, 2007, our daughter, Amy, graduated from high school. (Until you see your first child walk across the stage, you cannot know that mixture of joy and sadness that overcomes you.) Then, we headed home for a brief 2 ½ month stay, after 3 hard years overseas. Upon our arrival, we learned that my Dad had been unexpectedly hospitalized while we were en route. Mark’s grandmother had had a heart attack and her death seemed imminent. This began a summer of road trips and of days spent by sick beds, while trying to prepare Amy for college, and prepare for a new country for us and another new school for Adam. In August, I put my “baby girl” in college, knowing that the Atlantic Ocean and the entire continent of Africa would soon separate me from her. A week later, I put my son and husband on a plane. Two weeks later, I said my goodbyes to my sweet Daddy and joined “the boys” overseas. And, three days after I arrived on the field, Dad went to be with the Lord. I returned to the States, alone, for the funeral. While I was there, Mark’s grandmother passed away, so I attended her funeral. I cannot describe the complete and utter emotional and physical fatigue I was feeling.
When I returned, yet again, to the field, my husband and son were expecting me, the wife and mother, to get everything back to normal. It had been a turbulent two months, with many difficulties that they expected me to ease, if not solve. So, I did my best to do just that. Since we’d had such a stressful time in the previous summer, Adam returned to the States to see his sister and to spend Christmas with his extended family for only the second time in 10 years!
The Christmas of 2007 was the first time that Mark and I had “an empty nest”. After months of physical and emotional exhaustion, the separation was almost more than we could bear. But, we consoled ourselves with the knowledge that Amy and Adam were spending Christmas together. At least it was wonderful for them! We could have never been prepared for what would happen upon Adam’s return.
Instead of welcoming a thankful, joyful Adam back into our home at the end of January, 2008, we received a withdrawn, sad, melancholy son. For days, he was uncommunicative, or angry and disrespectful when he chose to speak. Then, one afternoon (while his Dad was out-of-town), this 17 year old “man-boy” broke down in tears and begged for us to move back to the States. I held him in my arms as he pleaded with me to “talk to Dad” and just tell him that it was too much to start over again: that he missed his sister, that he had no friends (and no prospect for any Christian ones), that Dad could easily get a job in the States, that my Mother needed me, that Mark’s parents needed us, and the list goes on. Or, at worst, he could live with Mark’s parents and graduate from high school there. They had actually invited him to do just that! We had withstood times of sadness, in past years, when they were younger. But, it was different this time. Adult logic, along with reasonable arguments and plenty of extended family and friends who had encouraged us to take some time in the States, and our own incredible tiredness made this moment “different”. Was God using Adam to open our eyes? Were we blinded by our sense of purpose?
As his body shook next to mine, my tears flowed freely. I recounted in my mind every awful, painful experience that I’d had in recent months; I cried for my Dad; I cried for my Mother’s loneliness; I cried for my daughter’s absence; I cried out to God, feeling the isolation of starting over in a new place; I cried out for relief and I desperately wanted to comfort my son. I wanted to tell him that I would take away his pain.
Then, we just sat as the tears ebbed and flowed. And, calm came over me. There is no doubt that it was “the peace that passes all understanding”. And, with clarity of thought, I found myself saying something that could have only come from the Holy Spirit. I heard myself speaking gently, but firmly, voicing words that were not mine, with tears streaming down my face. And, now, as I write, I cannot believe that I said them with such certainty in that moment.
“Adam, I love you more than you can ever understand. But, I love the Lord more. I want you to be happy and contented. But, I want to please the Lord more. I know that you’ve heard family first so many times that we may have confused you. So, I want to make it clear. God placed us here. God is the Head of our family. I can promise you that Dad and I will pray about this and we expect you to pray, too. But, we trust Him with our future… Do you understand? Do you understand?” And, after what seemed like endless silence, our sweet son said, “Yes, I understand and I want to do God’s will, too. It’s just feels too hard sometimes.” These are probably some of the sweetest words a mother can ever hear.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It has been a difficult few months. And, let there be no misunderstanding. Our family would have gone back to the States if God had directed us to do so. And, we have definitely made some adjustments in our day-to-day living and some legitimate concessions for our son in order to help our family stabilize and begin to be productive in Kingdom work. But, our family passed a test that day, in that moment. As a mother, in no uncertain terms, I told my beloved son that I chose to obey Almighty God and trust Him with our future. And, he understood! By the way, the words most frequently used these days to describe my son, by his teachers and his youth group leaders, are “incredibly well-adjusted”, “a joy to be around”, and “more mature than others his age.”
If you are a mother of young children, you will need to very carefully demonstrate God’s love, comfort and security to your children, through tangible acts and clear consistent words. But, as they develop and mature in understanding, I pray that you will recognize those times when each of them must learn to rely on God rather than on you. Since much of our identity in life is tied to our children’s need for us, I pray for all of us that we’ll focus on daily obedience to the Lord, so that our children will recognize it in us, and, when hard times come, obedience will be their first response. I can assure you that there’s no reason to pray Hannah’s prayer with “fingers crossed behind our backs”. When we let go and let God have His way, He can be completely trusted with our children!
Like Stacey, I've only been overseas for a "drop in the bucket" compared with so many other moms. I wanted to learn from others more experienced than myself in this humbling task of raising godly children and doing it in another culture where there is typically no Christian influence whatsoever. The following comes from a mom who has been overseas 10 years and raised both of her children in the Arab world during the teenage years. . .
My name is Susan, and my family and I are completing our tenth year living in North Africa and the Middle East. Although we both come from wonderful Christian homes, neither Mark nor I come from ministry backgrounds. Our children, Amy and Adam, were 8 and 10 years old when God led us overseas. Now, Amy is a sophomore in university and Adam will celebrate his 18th birthday this week! What an adventure my 21 years of married life has been!
When I was asked to write about raising my kids overseas, many thoughts raced through my head, and I could not get any clear sense of direction. And, the “mother pride” in me wanted to share one of those shining moments of triumph in which I and the kids look great! There’s so much to say and so many experiences that God has used to deepen my walk with Him, to humble me, to encourage me, to guide me, and to show how His love is greater for my children than I could ever understand.
I began to pray and focus on what I would say to you if I never ever got the chance to visit with you again. God made it clear that I need to share one of my most painful moments, as a mother, while living overseas. I realize that if you’re just starting your family, or if you have small children, that you may not feel that a story about a 17 year old boy is relevant. But, I encourage looking at what I’m sharing about ME, his mother. There is NO doubt that God claimed His victory in a shockingly desperate time in my life because some choices in my life had been settled far before the circumstances arrived! Please, bear with me on the details. It’s only when we acknowledge how “deep the hole is” that we ever experience the deep, deep love of Jesus!!
The year 2007 was one of the most difficult times in our family life. In the spring of that year, we made the decision to move to another country for Mark’s ministry. A couple of months later, in June, 2007, our daughter, Amy, graduated from high school. (Until you see your first child walk across the stage, you cannot know that mixture of joy and sadness that overcomes you.) Then, we headed home for a brief 2 ½ month stay, after 3 hard years overseas. Upon our arrival, we learned that my Dad had been unexpectedly hospitalized while we were en route. Mark’s grandmother had had a heart attack and her death seemed imminent. This began a summer of road trips and of days spent by sick beds, while trying to prepare Amy for college, and prepare for a new country for us and another new school for Adam. In August, I put my “baby girl” in college, knowing that the Atlantic Ocean and the entire continent of Africa would soon separate me from her. A week later, I put my son and husband on a plane. Two weeks later, I said my goodbyes to my sweet Daddy and joined “the boys” overseas. And, three days after I arrived on the field, Dad went to be with the Lord. I returned to the States, alone, for the funeral. While I was there, Mark’s grandmother passed away, so I attended her funeral. I cannot describe the complete and utter emotional and physical fatigue I was feeling.
When I returned, yet again, to the field, my husband and son were expecting me, the wife and mother, to get everything back to normal. It had been a turbulent two months, with many difficulties that they expected me to ease, if not solve. So, I did my best to do just that. Since we’d had such a stressful time in the previous summer, Adam returned to the States to see his sister and to spend Christmas with his extended family for only the second time in 10 years!
The Christmas of 2007 was the first time that Mark and I had “an empty nest”. After months of physical and emotional exhaustion, the separation was almost more than we could bear. But, we consoled ourselves with the knowledge that Amy and Adam were spending Christmas together. At least it was wonderful for them! We could have never been prepared for what would happen upon Adam’s return.
Instead of welcoming a thankful, joyful Adam back into our home at the end of January, 2008, we received a withdrawn, sad, melancholy son. For days, he was uncommunicative, or angry and disrespectful when he chose to speak. Then, one afternoon (while his Dad was out-of-town), this 17 year old “man-boy” broke down in tears and begged for us to move back to the States. I held him in my arms as he pleaded with me to “talk to Dad” and just tell him that it was too much to start over again: that he missed his sister, that he had no friends (and no prospect for any Christian ones), that Dad could easily get a job in the States, that my Mother needed me, that Mark’s parents needed us, and the list goes on. Or, at worst, he could live with Mark’s parents and graduate from high school there. They had actually invited him to do just that! We had withstood times of sadness, in past years, when they were younger. But, it was different this time. Adult logic, along with reasonable arguments and plenty of extended family and friends who had encouraged us to take some time in the States, and our own incredible tiredness made this moment “different”. Was God using Adam to open our eyes? Were we blinded by our sense of purpose?
As his body shook next to mine, my tears flowed freely. I recounted in my mind every awful, painful experience that I’d had in recent months; I cried for my Dad; I cried for my Mother’s loneliness; I cried for my daughter’s absence; I cried out to God, feeling the isolation of starting over in a new place; I cried out for relief and I desperately wanted to comfort my son. I wanted to tell him that I would take away his pain.
Then, we just sat as the tears ebbed and flowed. And, calm came over me. There is no doubt that it was “the peace that passes all understanding”. And, with clarity of thought, I found myself saying something that could have only come from the Holy Spirit. I heard myself speaking gently, but firmly, voicing words that were not mine, with tears streaming down my face. And, now, as I write, I cannot believe that I said them with such certainty in that moment.
“Adam, I love you more than you can ever understand. But, I love the Lord more. I want you to be happy and contented. But, I want to please the Lord more. I know that you’ve heard family first so many times that we may have confused you. So, I want to make it clear. God placed us here. God is the Head of our family. I can promise you that Dad and I will pray about this and we expect you to pray, too. But, we trust Him with our future… Do you understand? Do you understand?” And, after what seemed like endless silence, our sweet son said, “Yes, I understand and I want to do God’s will, too. It’s just feels too hard sometimes.” These are probably some of the sweetest words a mother can ever hear.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It has been a difficult few months. And, let there be no misunderstanding. Our family would have gone back to the States if God had directed us to do so. And, we have definitely made some adjustments in our day-to-day living and some legitimate concessions for our son in order to help our family stabilize and begin to be productive in Kingdom work. But, our family passed a test that day, in that moment. As a mother, in no uncertain terms, I told my beloved son that I chose to obey Almighty God and trust Him with our future. And, he understood! By the way, the words most frequently used these days to describe my son, by his teachers and his youth group leaders, are “incredibly well-adjusted”, “a joy to be around”, and “more mature than others his age.”
If you are a mother of young children, you will need to very carefully demonstrate God’s love, comfort and security to your children, through tangible acts and clear consistent words. But, as they develop and mature in understanding, I pray that you will recognize those times when each of them must learn to rely on God rather than on you. Since much of our identity in life is tied to our children’s need for us, I pray for all of us that we’ll focus on daily obedience to the Lord, so that our children will recognize it in us, and, when hard times come, obedience will be their first response. I can assure you that there’s no reason to pray Hannah’s prayer with “fingers crossed behind our backs”. When we let go and let God have His way, He can be completely trusted with our children!
Rewind to Stacey's Housekeeping tips!
Posted by | Friday, June 26, 2009 at 8:00 AM
This post was originally posted by Stacey and titled, "Cooperating Kids, Capable Husbands and Quick Tips." I loved it and the great ideas that I could look forward to implementing as my kids get older. Enjoy!
When I started to think about writing for this topic I thought I wouldn’t have very much to say because my routine has had to change since moving overseas and I really thought my ideas wouldn’t be very helpful. Leah encouraged me to write how we do things because some of you that read may live overseas or may be making plans to move overseas. As it turns out, I have a lot to say and my basic cleaning ideas have remained the same but how we do major things have changed a little.
I now have to have a part-time house helper in this dusty land to make sure we don't drown in dust piles! So, that has changed my routine a little. Cleaning here takes A ALOT more time and effort. For example, all of my floors need cleaning at least 3 times a week. In the states I only used to vaccuum once a week. Since both Matt and I are full time language students, it takes work from everyone! My house helper does the dusting, floors and changing of sheets. However, the day to day chores take the entire family!
The tips listed below are things that I have implemented over time since becoming a wife 16 1/2 years ago. Places change, kids are added, focuses may shift a little, kids grow, routines change...but in all of that these tips help me keep things a little more orderly and also help meet those OCD tendencies!:)
FYI: I added pictures for variety and a little humor! :)
Have your family help you! Children can learn chores at a very early age and they really do love having responsibility. I have also found that my children love to do ANYTHING with mom. There is so much “stuff” to get done each day….having the kids and dads involved also facilitates great family time.
Trash and Toys: I started having my children throw things away in the trash can right after they started walking. This may seem trivial but it begins to teach them that everything has a place. This was also true for their toys. We kept a cute basket in our living room for toys and we frequently “picked up” each day.
Laundry: By age two each of them were also putting away their pajamas in a drawer that they could reach in their rooms. As soon as they were potty trained, they were putting away
their pj’s, panties and underwear. Don’t worry about these drawers looking organized!! Let the OCD in you go when it comes to pj’s and underwear!) I also taught each of them by age 3 to fold washcloths and by age 5 they were folding towels.
Beds: Teach your children to make their beds EARLY!! At first it won’t look so great but let that go as well. By age 4, after much practice, the bed will look great
Get those DADS involved! My hubby is not the frequent housekeeper but he does do great things to help out so I can get some other chores done. Husbands are usually gre
at bathers and teeth brushers! Matt is usually in charge of “bath and teeth time” (which the kids love because he is a lot more fun with the water) in the evenings while I finish up the kitchen, make lunches for the next day or put away that last bit of laundry. This is great daddy time and allows for those last few chores to get accomplished quickly!
Quick clean ups!
Laundry: Wash a load of clothes each day. Don’t separate unless you know you have a red or blue piece of clothing that will bleed. This really saves so much time! Every once in a while I will do a load of whites with bleach but mostly I just throw everything in together!
No need for all of those fancy cleaning products…Dishwashing soap is great for most cleaning chores (ie..bathrooms, floors). I keep my bathrooms cleaned each day by just wiping down sinks and countertops with the liquid soap in the bathroom. It takes just a few seconds
to wipe down after you are finished getting ready so your bathrooms are always presentable. I also keep an old washcloth in my bathroom to wipe up the floor each day. (funny tip: I wet the washcloth and add a little soap, throw it on the floor and scoot it around with my foot while I am brushing my teeth!:) I do use bleach at least twice a month in my bathrooms but dish soap is handy and great for frequent use.
I now have to have a part-time house helper in this dusty land to make sure we don't drown in dust piles! So, that has changed my routine a little. Cleaning here takes A ALOT more time and effort. For example, all of my floors need cleaning at least 3 times a week. In the states I only used to vaccuum once a week. Since both Matt and I are full time language students, it takes work from everyone! My house helper does the dusting, floors and changing of sheets. However, the day to day chores take the entire family!
The tips listed below are things that I have implemented over time since becoming a wife 16 1/2 years ago. Places change, kids are added, focuses may shift a little, kids grow, routines change...but in all of that these tips help me keep things a little more orderly and also help meet those OCD tendencies!:)FYI: I added pictures for variety and a little humor! :)
Have your family help you! Children can learn chores at a very early age and they really do love having responsibility. I have also found that my children love to do ANYTHING with mom. There is so much “stuff” to get done each day….having the kids and dads involved also facilitates great family time.
Trash and Toys: I started having my children throw things away in the trash can right after they started walking. This may seem trivial but it begins to teach them that everything has a place. This was also true for their toys. We kept a cute basket in our living room for toys and we frequently “picked up” each day.
Laundry: By age two each of them were also putting away their pajamas in a drawer that they could reach in their rooms. As soon as they were potty trained, they were putting away
their pj’s, panties and underwear. Don’t worry about these drawers looking organized!! Let the OCD in you go when it comes to pj’s and underwear!) I also taught each of them by age 3 to fold washcloths and by age 5 they were folding towels.
Beds: Teach your children to make their beds EARLY!! At first it won’t look so great but let that go as well. By age 4, after much practice, the bed will look great
Get those DADS involved! My hubby is not the frequent housekeeper but he does do great things to help out so I can get some other chores done. Husbands are usually gre
at bathers and teeth brushers! Matt is usually in charge of “bath and teeth time” (which the kids love because he is a lot more fun with the water) in the evenings while I finish up the kitchen, make lunches for the next day or put away that last bit of laundry. This is great daddy time and allows for those last few chores to get accomplished quickly!Quick clean ups!
Laundry: Wash a load of clothes each day. Don’t separate unless you know you have a red or blue piece of clothing that will bleed. This really saves so much time! Every once in a while I will do a load of whites with bleach but mostly I just throw everything in together!
No need for all of those fancy cleaning products…Dishwashing soap is great for most cleaning chores (ie..bathrooms, floors). I keep my bathrooms cleaned each day by just wiping down sinks and countertops with the liquid soap in the bathroom. It takes just a few seconds
to wipe down after you are finished getting ready so your bathrooms are always presentable. I also keep an old washcloth in my bathroom to wipe up the floor each day. (funny tip: I wet the washcloth and add a little soap, throw it on the floor and scoot it around with my foot while I am brushing my teeth!:) I do use bleach at least twice a month in my bathrooms but dish soap is handy and great for frequent use.Rewind to Natural Family Planning
Posted by | at 8:00 AM
*Be sure to see Stacey's "rewind" post on housekeeping tips! For some reason, blogger wasn't publishing the scheduled posts - so I just did these two at the same time. There is still one more rewind for tomorrow morning.*
So far in POH history, our two most discussed topics have probably been vaccines and birth control with discipline a close 3rd. :) Leah could probably give statistics on that statement; mine was purely a guess based on memory and number of comments! I thought this post warranted another look. To take a look back at other similar posts, see "birth control."
I am really excited that we added this topic in to our schedule! It just seemed like an area that the Lord kept leading us back to through comment threads - so it was time to make it official! I hope you'll enjoy hearing each of our perspectives. Please share yours with us as well.
There are so many issues all wrapped in the one general "family planning" topic scheduled for this week. How many kids? When do we have kids? How long after you're married should you wait to have kids? Birth control or not? Hormones or barrier methods? You get the idea....
The article above sums up our current view of birth control and where we're at now. Here is our story:
When we first got married, we decided to use a diaphragm. My doctor thought I was crazy when I asked for one, but said it was effective if used properly. At that time, I did not desire to use hormonal birth control. When I say "hormonal birth control," I'm referring to drugs such as the pill (like Ortho tri-cyclen - although there are many), the patch (Ortho Evra), the NuvaRing or Mirena (the other IUDs). "Barrier methods" would refer to non-hormonal methods including diaphragms and condoms.
The diaphragm did not work for us. It ended up being painful to use and I went back to my doctor to find out why. She said that it was likely due to the slight endometriosis I had dealt with since beginning my period. (I still see it as a great option for birth control and would try it again if the need arises!) We decided to use condoms and did so for about a month. At that time, I experienced some pretty severe symptoms with my period. (I actually passed out at school one day!) My doctor recommended using hormones to regulate my period and get my symptoms under control. I started on the patch (OrthoEvra) after much discussion and debate. It certainly regulated my period and almost eliminated my extreme symptoms! For that I was grateful, but as time went on, I realized how much I didn't like what the hormones did to my body. After about 9 months on the patch, we went off it and began to think about starting a family. Four months later, we were pregnant.
Once I went off of the patch and while trying to become pregnant - I discovered this great book:
Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a GREAT resource and I recommend it for every woman. After reading this I learned so much about my cycle and how fertility works. (And sadly, I had already taken an entire college class centered on a woman's cycle and STILL didn't know very much!)
Through the book - we now use Fertility Awareness Method (a little more calculated than the "rhythm method" that refers to a more general idea that ovulation occurs around day 14...which is not the case for all - or most - women.) to prevent pregnancy and also to become pregnant. By knowing exactly when I am fertile and ovulating - we are able to use condoms during that time. And I know this is not always the case for everyone, but because I knew exactly when I ovulated - we were able to become pregnant RIGHT away with my second child.
There is one more thing that I'd like to share. While researching hormonal birth control - I learned that it works in ways many women are unaware of. (The Desiring God article does not mention this nor take it into account when discussing the natural family planning route vs. "artificial" methods)- so I wanted to be sure that I did. I know this is a huge can of worms - but please know that I do not think it is a black and white issue.
Most women - myself included - think that hormonal birth control works by simply preventing ovulation. That is not the entire story. Most work in several ways - one of which being to prevent an egg from being released. Another way that many work is by changing the lining of the uterus to prevent implantation, should an egg be released and fertilized.
The website for OrthoEvra that very clearly states that it:
"helps prevent pregnancy the same way birth control pills do: by preventing ovulation, which means that the ovary does not release an egg to be fertilized; by thickening the cervical mucus, which makes it more difficult for sperm to enter the uterus; and by changing the endometrium to reduce the chance of implantation." (italics and bold added by me :)
The endometrium is the lining of the uterus, in case you were wondering.
You could easily look up other forms of hormonal birth control to see how they work. Most work VERY similarly. I don't think this happens every cycle with every woman on hormonal birth control - but it raised enough question for me. This, along with the fact that I don't like how the hormones made me feel, made me decide against hormonal birth control as a method for preventing pregnancy.
Please share with us your thoughts!
So far in POH history, our two most discussed topics have probably been vaccines and birth control with discipline a close 3rd. :) Leah could probably give statistics on that statement; mine was purely a guess based on memory and number of comments! I thought this post warranted another look. To take a look back at other similar posts, see "birth control."
I am really excited that we added this topic in to our schedule! It just seemed like an area that the Lord kept leading us back to through comment threads - so it was time to make it official! I hope you'll enjoy hearing each of our perspectives. Please share yours with us as well.
There are so many issues all wrapped in the one general "family planning" topic scheduled for this week. How many kids? When do we have kids? How long after you're married should you wait to have kids? Birth control or not? Hormones or barrier methods? You get the idea....
The first resource I'd encourage everyone to read is an article at the Desiring God website. (I just recently realized that it was probably not written by John Piper himself - but by another staff member...) The article is titled, Does the Bible permit birth control?
The article above sums up our current view of birth control and where we're at now. Here is our story:
When we first got married, we decided to use a diaphragm. My doctor thought I was crazy when I asked for one, but said it was effective if used properly. At that time, I did not desire to use hormonal birth control. When I say "hormonal birth control," I'm referring to drugs such as the pill (like Ortho tri-cyclen - although there are many), the patch (Ortho Evra), the NuvaRing or Mirena (the other IUDs). "Barrier methods" would refer to non-hormonal methods including diaphragms and condoms.
The diaphragm did not work for us. It ended up being painful to use and I went back to my doctor to find out why. She said that it was likely due to the slight endometriosis I had dealt with since beginning my period. (I still see it as a great option for birth control and would try it again if the need arises!) We decided to use condoms and did so for about a month. At that time, I experienced some pretty severe symptoms with my period. (I actually passed out at school one day!) My doctor recommended using hormones to regulate my period and get my symptoms under control. I started on the patch (OrthoEvra) after much discussion and debate. It certainly regulated my period and almost eliminated my extreme symptoms! For that I was grateful, but as time went on, I realized how much I didn't like what the hormones did to my body. After about 9 months on the patch, we went off it and began to think about starting a family. Four months later, we were pregnant.
Once I went off of the patch and while trying to become pregnant - I discovered this great book:
Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a GREAT resource and I recommend it for every woman. After reading this I learned so much about my cycle and how fertility works. (And sadly, I had already taken an entire college class centered on a woman's cycle and STILL didn't know very much!)
Through the book - we now use Fertility Awareness Method (a little more calculated than the "rhythm method" that refers to a more general idea that ovulation occurs around day 14...which is not the case for all - or most - women.) to prevent pregnancy and also to become pregnant. By knowing exactly when I am fertile and ovulating - we are able to use condoms during that time. And I know this is not always the case for everyone, but because I knew exactly when I ovulated - we were able to become pregnant RIGHT away with my second child.
There is one more thing that I'd like to share. While researching hormonal birth control - I learned that it works in ways many women are unaware of. (The Desiring God article does not mention this nor take it into account when discussing the natural family planning route vs. "artificial" methods)- so I wanted to be sure that I did. I know this is a huge can of worms - but please know that I do not think it is a black and white issue.
Most women - myself included - think that hormonal birth control works by simply preventing ovulation. That is not the entire story. Most work in several ways - one of which being to prevent an egg from being released. Another way that many work is by changing the lining of the uterus to prevent implantation, should an egg be released and fertilized.
The website for OrthoEvra that very clearly states that it:
"helps prevent pregnancy the same way birth control pills do: by preventing ovulation, which means that the ovary does not release an egg to be fertilized; by thickening the cervical mucus, which makes it more difficult for sperm to enter the uterus; and by changing the endometrium to reduce the chance of implantation." (italics and bold added by me :)
The endometrium is the lining of the uterus, in case you were wondering.
You could easily look up other forms of hormonal birth control to see how they work. Most work VERY similarly. I don't think this happens every cycle with every woman on hormonal birth control - but it raised enough question for me. This, along with the fact that I don't like how the hormones made me feel, made me decide against hormonal birth control as a method for preventing pregnancy.
Please share with us your thoughts!
Rewind back to Discipline
Posted by | Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 8:00 AM
This post was originally posted by Leah in February of 2008. I thought we should revisit this week in preparation for another week of discussions on discipline. It seems we always come back to this topic in comments and we really feel like it needs another week of its own. If you want to see other posts on this topic - the category on the right side is "training your children."
I must say first off that I am very thankful for the many families that have modeled godly child-rearing to me before we even had Samuel. So much of what I learned didn't even come from these parents directly explaining to me what they were doing but from observing the way they interacted with their children. I also received good advice from many parents whom I respected as I prepared to raise Samuel. Reading "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp helped me to focus my attention in teaching Samuel. And finally, but most importantly, I have learned an immense amount from studying Scripture and considering the relationship that God calls me to as his daughter. I have learned what it means to be a compassionate parent, a servant, and to be concerned with matters of the heart, not just external things. So, here follows a summary of how we have approached child-rearing in our home and where we hope to take it over these next few years.
We started out Samuel's "discipline process" by teaching him clear boundaries. In the beginning, we used the word "NO" to keep Samuel from hurting himself. This started when he was around 6 months old and was becoming more mobile. Over the next few months, Samuel began testing these safety boundaries, as well as pushing the envelope in other areas to see how we would react (i.e. throwing his food off his tray). This was when he was around 9 months old. It was at this point that "NO" was also used to begin to mold his behavior. My husband and I decided between us what was acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior and set our minds to enforce these things.
Advice #1: Start setting boundaries early. It is so much easier to have a "Battle of the Wills" with a 9 month old over throwing food than it is to wait until a child is 2 years old to start enforcing rules. I can say that so far this is true in Samuel's life. Starting early with him has clearly established authority and obedience (more about these two words in a moment). At this point (~9 months) our "NO" was also accompanied by a hand swat. This was very short lived - Samuel thought we were playing. Elizabeth Krueger at Raising Godly Tomatoes (an AWESOME resource on this topic) does not encourage swatting hands, but bottoms instead. We switched to swatting Samuel's bottom when he would not obey. Advice #2: Teach First Time obedience. Don't give your child ten warnings and threats when they disobey. If they learn early on that "NO" means "NO", then they know what to expect from you. If they are given a variable number of chances, they don't know when you are finally serious. I find that this also leads to more temper outburts on my part. It isn't that I say "NO" and deal with the problem, but I keep giving warnings until finally my patience wears out and I discipline in anger. Learning to obey the first time is beneficial for both child and parent.
Now, to address the words "authority" and "obedience". First, let's consider "authority". I'll yield to Tedd Tripp to explain: "As a parent, you must exercise authority. You must require obedience of your children because they are called by God to obey and honor you. You must exercise authority, not as a cruel taskmaster, but as one who truly loves them. The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God." When I consider how to be an authority to Samuel, I consider God's fatherly relationship with me. He is my authority and He disciplines me because He loves me. He has compassion on me and He is the initiator of love within our relationship. He is always there to love me, listen to me, and forgive me. I try to model these same things to Samuel. Second, we have the word "obedience". True, I do want Samuel to be an obedient child. I want him to respect rules and respect others. But this is not the goal of my child-rearing. Here again is a quotation from Tedd Tripp that guides my parenting: "The central focus of parenting is the gospel. You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts. Your children desperately need to understand not only the external "what" they did wrong, but also the internal "why" they did it. You must help them see that God works from the inside out. Therefore, your parenting goal cannot simply be well behaved children. Your children must also understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change." Advice #3: Help your child to understand why they do wrong, not just what they do wrong.
At 18 months old, Samuel is still in the phase of the "disicpline process" of learning to obey the safety and behavior boundaries we have set for him. But I can tell that we are quickly approaching our next phase. He has just recently began to show signs of willful anger. He will also quickly be faced with having another little one in the house, which should bring about the opportunity to learn even more about the sin that lurks in his heart. Our next phase is that outlined in Shepherding a Child's Heart. The "when" of spanking will still be the same: when Samuel has been given an instruction that he is capable of understanding but does not obey without challenge, excuse or delay. But as his ability to understand and communicate grows, our approach to this time of discipline changes. Tedd Tripp suggests this pattern: 1. Tell your child specifically what they've done wrong. 2. Secure an acknowledgment from the child of what he has done so he knows why he's being spanked. 3. Remind him that you are spanking him because he has removed himself from the place of proper submission to your authority and you are restoring him to that place. 4. Tell the child how many swats he will receive. 5. Place the child over your lap and spank. 6. After spanking, take the child in your lap and hug him. This is the time of restoration between you both. 7. Pray with your child. Advice #4: Seek restoration with your child. The focus should always be on teaching your child that there is a circle of blessing when we are obedient and when we step outside of that circle there are consequences. Again, we teach them that the sin in their heart leads them astray, but by the power of Christ's forgiveness, we can find grace to be restored to the circle of blessing.
I must say first off that I am very thankful for the many families that have modeled godly child-rearing to me before we even had Samuel. So much of what I learned didn't even come from these parents directly explaining to me what they were doing but from observing the way they interacted with their children. I also received good advice from many parents whom I respected as I prepared to raise Samuel. Reading "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp helped me to focus my attention in teaching Samuel. And finally, but most importantly, I have learned an immense amount from studying Scripture and considering the relationship that God calls me to as his daughter. I have learned what it means to be a compassionate parent, a servant, and to be concerned with matters of the heart, not just external things. So, here follows a summary of how we have approached child-rearing in our home and where we hope to take it over these next few years.
We started out Samuel's "discipline process" by teaching him clear boundaries. In the beginning, we used the word "NO" to keep Samuel from hurting himself. This started when he was around 6 months old and was becoming more mobile. Over the next few months, Samuel began testing these safety boundaries, as well as pushing the envelope in other areas to see how we would react (i.e. throwing his food off his tray). This was when he was around 9 months old. It was at this point that "NO" was also used to begin to mold his behavior. My husband and I decided between us what was acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior and set our minds to enforce these things.
Advice #1: Start setting boundaries early. It is so much easier to have a "Battle of the Wills" with a 9 month old over throwing food than it is to wait until a child is 2 years old to start enforcing rules. I can say that so far this is true in Samuel's life. Starting early with him has clearly established authority and obedience (more about these two words in a moment). At this point (~9 months) our "NO" was also accompanied by a hand swat. This was very short lived - Samuel thought we were playing. Elizabeth Krueger at Raising Godly Tomatoes (an AWESOME resource on this topic) does not encourage swatting hands, but bottoms instead. We switched to swatting Samuel's bottom when he would not obey. Advice #2: Teach First Time obedience. Don't give your child ten warnings and threats when they disobey. If they learn early on that "NO" means "NO", then they know what to expect from you. If they are given a variable number of chances, they don't know when you are finally serious. I find that this also leads to more temper outburts on my part. It isn't that I say "NO" and deal with the problem, but I keep giving warnings until finally my patience wears out and I discipline in anger. Learning to obey the first time is beneficial for both child and parent.
Now, to address the words "authority" and "obedience". First, let's consider "authority". I'll yield to Tedd Tripp to explain: "As a parent, you must exercise authority. You must require obedience of your children because they are called by God to obey and honor you. You must exercise authority, not as a cruel taskmaster, but as one who truly loves them. The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God." When I consider how to be an authority to Samuel, I consider God's fatherly relationship with me. He is my authority and He disciplines me because He loves me. He has compassion on me and He is the initiator of love within our relationship. He is always there to love me, listen to me, and forgive me. I try to model these same things to Samuel. Second, we have the word "obedience". True, I do want Samuel to be an obedient child. I want him to respect rules and respect others. But this is not the goal of my child-rearing. Here again is a quotation from Tedd Tripp that guides my parenting: "The central focus of parenting is the gospel. You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts. Your children desperately need to understand not only the external "what" they did wrong, but also the internal "why" they did it. You must help them see that God works from the inside out. Therefore, your parenting goal cannot simply be well behaved children. Your children must also understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change." Advice #3: Help your child to understand why they do wrong, not just what they do wrong.
At 18 months old, Samuel is still in the phase of the "disicpline process" of learning to obey the safety and behavior boundaries we have set for him. But I can tell that we are quickly approaching our next phase. He has just recently began to show signs of willful anger. He will also quickly be faced with having another little one in the house, which should bring about the opportunity to learn even more about the sin that lurks in his heart. Our next phase is that outlined in Shepherding a Child's Heart. The "when" of spanking will still be the same: when Samuel has been given an instruction that he is capable of understanding but does not obey without challenge, excuse or delay. But as his ability to understand and communicate grows, our approach to this time of discipline changes. Tedd Tripp suggests this pattern: 1. Tell your child specifically what they've done wrong. 2. Secure an acknowledgment from the child of what he has done so he knows why he's being spanked. 3. Remind him that you are spanking him because he has removed himself from the place of proper submission to your authority and you are restoring him to that place. 4. Tell the child how many swats he will receive. 5. Place the child over your lap and spank. 6. After spanking, take the child in your lap and hug him. This is the time of restoration between you both. 7. Pray with your child. Advice #4: Seek restoration with your child. The focus should always be on teaching your child that there is a circle of blessing when we are obedient and when we step outside of that circle there are consequences. Again, we teach them that the sin in their heart leads them astray, but by the power of Christ's forgiveness, we can find grace to be restored to the circle of blessing.
Rewind to .... Car Seat Safety
Posted by | Monday, June 22, 2009 at 7:00 AM
This was originally posted by me (Christina) back in 2007. As I was thinking about which posts to include in our "rewind" week - I immediately thought of this one. Lately I've seen many parents (some friends of mine) using their carseats improperly. I often don't say anything for fear of coming across the wrong way - everyone knows that I'm slightly obsessive about carseats. I hope this post will serve as a reminder to check and DOUBLE CHECK how you're using your carseat. The bottom line is that all carseats can be safe, but only if they're installed and used properly!
To update - we did keep my son rear facing until he was about 21 months old. At 36 months old, he is still in a five-point harness, the Britax Regent. My daughter is still rear facing at 15 months and 22 pounds.
One more note...the AAP updated its recommendations in April of 2009 to say that toddlers should remain rear facing until age 2. (Previously, it was AT LEAST age 1) They still recommend children rear face as long as possible - which can be well into age 3 with the right seat.
Here is the (slightly abbreviated) post:
According the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration), there were 38,588 fatal crashes in 2006. The likelihood of your family being involved in a serious car accident is high enough to warrant paying close attention to car seat safety. The following post will hopefully give you a summary of important points, along with links to equip you with the facts necessary to be sure your child is as safe as possible when riding in the car.
The following points were taken from the NHTSA's website about Child Passenger Safety. I have added the bold type to emphasize points that are often overlooked. I have also added some comments of my own in RED type.
Here are some videos that show the importance of REAR FACING.
Another video with more crash tests
Lastly, some links to more information. Feel free to post any additional questions, recommendations or experiences you might have as well!
CPS Safety website - good summary of information
NHTSA's ease of use ratings - they rate each car seat in several areas.
Child Safety Seat Inspection Stations - Search by zip code for locations to get these checked! Keep in mind most fire stations (not all though!) do this, but there are other locations as well.
American Academy of Pediatrics Car Seat Guide - Despite the fact that many pediatricians often give misleading car seat advice (mine included), the American Academy recommends rear facing as long as possible. This is a great link!
To update - we did keep my son rear facing until he was about 21 months old. At 36 months old, he is still in a five-point harness, the Britax Regent. My daughter is still rear facing at 15 months and 22 pounds.
One more note...the AAP updated its recommendations in April of 2009 to say that toddlers should remain rear facing until age 2. (Previously, it was AT LEAST age 1) They still recommend children rear face as long as possible - which can be well into age 3 with the right seat.
Here is the (slightly abbreviated) post:
According the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration), there were 38,588 fatal crashes in 2006. The likelihood of your family being involved in a serious car accident is high enough to warrant paying close attention to car seat safety. The following post will hopefully give you a summary of important points, along with links to equip you with the facts necessary to be sure your child is as safe as possible when riding in the car.
The following points were taken from the NHTSA's website about Child Passenger Safety. I have added the bold type to emphasize points that are often overlooked. I have also added some comments of my own in RED type.
Child Safety Seats Save Lives
- Child seats reduce the likelihood of an infant (under 1 year old) being killed in a vehicle crash by 71 percent and toddlers (1-4 years old) by 54 percent.
- Children ages 4 to 7 who use booster seats are 59 percent less likely to be injured in a car crash than children who are restrained only by a seat belt, according to a study by Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP).
- While 98 percent of
- The National Survey of the Use of Booster Seats (NSUBS) found that only 41 percent of children ages 4 to 8 are riding in booster seats; NHTSA recommends that children who have outgrown their child safety seats should ride in booster seats until they are at least eight years old, unless they are 4’9” tall.
- Child restraints work best if you use them correctly. Failure to read the child safety seat instructions, in addition to vehicle owner manual instructions regarding installation, could result in serious injury or death as a result of a failure of the child safety seat to be securely and/or properly restrained.
- The three most common mistakes in installing a child safety seat are (1) not attaching the seat correctly and tightly to the car or truck, (2) not fastening the harness tightly enough, and (3) not using the chest clip or using it incorrectly. Keep in mind that you should check your car seats installation every so often as well. They can loosen over time!
- All 50 states and the
Child Restraint Tips
- For the best possible protection keep infants in the back seat, in rear-facing child safety seats, as long as possible up to the height or weight limit of the particular seat. At a minimum, keep infants rear-facing until a minimum of age 1 and at least 20 pounds. There are rear-facing car seats available to allow children to rear face up to 33 pounds, maybe even higher.
- When children outgrow their rear-facing seats (at a minimum age 1 and at least 20 pounds) they should ride in forward-facing child safety seats, in the back seat, until they reach the upper weight or height limit of the particular seat (usually around age 4 and 40 pounds). Again, there are car seats available to allow children to remain in 5 point harnesses forward facing well beyond 40 pounds. Ours goes to 65 pounds. I know of at least another one that goes to 85 pounds!
- Once children outgrow their forward-facing seats (usually around age 4 and 40 pounds), they should ride in booster seats, in the back seat, until the vehicle seat belts fit properly. Seat belts fit properly when the lap belt lays across the upper thighs and the shoulder belt fits across the chest (usually at age 8 or when they are 4’9” tall).
- When children outgrow their booster seats, (usually at age 8 or when they are 4’9” tall) they can use the adult seat belt in the back seat, if it fits properly (lap belt lays across the upper thighs and the shoulder belt fits across the chest.
Here are some videos that show the importance of REAR FACING.
Another video with more crash tests
Lastly, some links to more information. Feel free to post any additional questions, recommendations or experiences you might have as well!
CPS Safety website - good summary of information
NHTSA's ease of use ratings - they rate each car seat in several areas.
Child Safety Seat Inspection Stations - Search by zip code for locations to get these checked! Keep in mind most fire stations (not all though!) do this, but there are other locations as well.
American Academy of Pediatrics Car Seat Guide - Despite the fact that many pediatricians often give misleading car seat advice (mine included), the American Academy recommends rear facing as long as possible. This is a great link!
Rewind Week and Suggestions wanted!
Posted by | Sunday, June 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
As you probably gathered from last week, we're all busy with summer schedules and traveling! We didn't mean to leave you hanging and we fully intend to pick up the schedule next week. We'll finish out the Titus study, talk about scripture and then share our next topic line up.
This post is to ask you all to give us topic suggestions! Feel free to leave a comment with a topic that you'd love to see "discussed." Even if it needs to be covered by guest authors - suggest it and we'll do our best to find other women to share their wisdom and experiences with all of us!
And if you're unsure if it's already been covered - you can see all of our categories on the right sidebar. Even if we've covered it before, there may be a need to revisit it and give updates or new insights from others.
The rest of this week will be another "rewind" week - a revisiting of old posts. So stay tuned for those and please leave a suggestion! Hope you're having a great week.
This post is to ask you all to give us topic suggestions! Feel free to leave a comment with a topic that you'd love to see "discussed." Even if it needs to be covered by guest authors - suggest it and we'll do our best to find other women to share their wisdom and experiences with all of us!
And if you're unsure if it's already been covered - you can see all of our categories on the right sidebar. Even if we've covered it before, there may be a need to revisit it and give updates or new insights from others.
The rest of this week will be another "rewind" week - a revisiting of old posts. So stay tuned for those and please leave a suggestion! Hope you're having a great week.
Our challenge: Potty Training!
Posted by | Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 9:54 PM
Earlier this week, I sat down to write this post about potty training and decided to wait. We only started on Tuesday, so we're day at day 5 of this attempt. You see, we actually tried last November. It lasted through Christmas before I gave up and told him it was time to use diapers again. He never got the hang of his bowel movements and we were so weary of cleaning that up. It didn't phase him to go back to diapers and it is SO VERY CLEAR that he is ready now, a little more than 6 months later.
What's different this time? I think two things have been huge in our success this time. First, we have eliminated dairy from his diet and determined he is lactose intolerant. Please do not ask me why it took us this long to determine that - but no doctor had even suggested it when I mentioned his bowel habits (4-5 times a day and very loose). All told us it was normal - until recently. He's been dairy-free for about 3 weeks and his bowel habit is more like 2 a day now! I cannot even tell you how wonderful that is! He's also quit complaining of his tummy hurting - something he did at least several times a week prior to no dairy.
Secondly, I think he simply wasn't old enough! The difference in last time and this time has been night and day. Friday was day 4 and he only one accident and today he had ZERO and finally pooped in the potty! (I can say that here right? Because tonight, every customer at Applebees heard Will come running back to the table to tell me!) I know that every child is different, but I thought FOR SURE that Will was ready back at age 2.5! But I was wrong and those six months have made a world of difference for him!
I'm just praying that our forward momentum continues! We had some guest authors post a while back on potty training. (I'm so thankful - I've referenced it a few times this week!) Has anyone been potty training this week?
What's different this time? I think two things have been huge in our success this time. First, we have eliminated dairy from his diet and determined he is lactose intolerant. Please do not ask me why it took us this long to determine that - but no doctor had even suggested it when I mentioned his bowel habits (4-5 times a day and very loose). All told us it was normal - until recently. He's been dairy-free for about 3 weeks and his bowel habit is more like 2 a day now! I cannot even tell you how wonderful that is! He's also quit complaining of his tummy hurting - something he did at least several times a week prior to no dairy.
Secondly, I think he simply wasn't old enough! The difference in last time and this time has been night and day. Friday was day 4 and he only one accident and today he had ZERO and finally pooped in the potty! (I can say that here right? Because tonight, every customer at Applebees heard Will come running back to the table to tell me!) I know that every child is different, but I thought FOR SURE that Will was ready back at age 2.5! But I was wrong and those six months have made a world of difference for him!
I'm just praying that our forward momentum continues! We had some guest authors post a while back on potty training. (I'm so thankful - I've referenced it a few times this week!) Has anyone been potty training this week?
The Challenge of Weaning
Posted by | at 8:00 AM
My biggest challenge this week is weaning my 14 month old son Joel. I was really torn as to whether or not I would wean him this early, but decided to take the plunge. My first son, Samuel, weaned by himself at 14 months. I was into my second trimester and I didn't have any milk left. He gave up nursing really smoothly and I didn't have any discomfort because all the milk was gone. Not so this time!
Joel is a very happy nurser and isn't fond of me weaning him. My body is also not too fond. Joel was nursing about 6 times a day up until Thursday. I was nursing him when he got up, before his morning and afternoon naps, once more in the evening (usually because he was bored or tired and wanted to snuggle/nurse), and then before bed. I spent the night away from him on Thursday for the first time and he had to go to bed without me (Daddy came home from work to put him to bed for the babysitter! Such a sweet daddy). I decided it might be a good time to wean since I had been away from him for the night. My plan was to not nurse him any more, but by Friday afternoon (24 hours since I last nursed) my right breast was pretty full and uncomfortable. I let him nurse for about 10 minutes to give both of us some relief. Daddy put him to bed for naps and nighttime all weekend. I nursed Joel once more on Saturday afternoon when my left breast was feeling pretty full. I haven't nursed him since and I think my body is adjusting. Sunday night was my first night to put Joel to bed and he didn't like it. He cried and pulled at my shirt. I had to put him down and let him be upset. It was pretty sad. He cried off and on for about an hour before falling asleep.
I'm hoping the worst is over and that our weaning time will be a success. I don't know what to do if my breasts fill up with milk again. I refuse to pump because I hate that thing. I think my body will figure it out.
Anyone else out there currently weaning or thinking about weaning? PLEASE leave a comment or a question. I'm always happy to help and I love to hear other's stories.
Challenges this Week
Posted by | Sunday, June 7, 2009 at 3:02 AM
I've been looking forward to this week because I need your help and advice! My challenge in parenting right now is what to do when there's 3 little ones who are tired, fussy, and all want mom at the same time? What do you do when you're playing defense, rather than offense, and have 2 or even 3 crying in unison?! Typically this happens in the evenings, though not always. And I can't always seem to be prepared for every circumstance. I want to be flexible enough we can break away from our typical daily routine, but goodness. . . that can be rough!For example, this past Saturday when we went to the beach. I got up early, made our lunches, packed the cooler, made breakfast, nursed the boys. Then Josh and I were trying to get out the door - towels, beach toys, sunscreen on, bathing suits, etc. and the boys were screaming. At one point, we just stopped, looked at each other and laughed. What else could we do?! They were refusing pacifiers and nothing would calm them except me cuddling with them. I could've stopped and held them, but there's no telling when we would've gotten to the beach (which isn't exactly fair to Lydia who'd been looking forward to Saturday all week long). We had a good plan for our time at the beach and it was wonderful. But when we got home - whoa! We were playing serious defense for the rest of the day. Everyone was tired, needed baths, food, laundry, dishes, cleaning the house for our summer guests arriving the next day, etc. Lydia didn't get a nap and the boys just fussed unless they were being held. I had to go to the grocery store and that's next to impossible with all three, so I had to leave one of the twins at home and he cried (of course, whoever I take in the sling is always happy, content, and usually sleeps). By the time the day ended and they were all asleep, we felt like we'd been through the battle field.
(Sometimes I wonder if I could/should let everything else go and if the twins are crying just tend to them. I'm trying not to take on too much, but there are things I feel like I need to do - like getting groceries and preparing meals. And sometimes there are meetings and work-related things I need to be available to help Josh with.)
Well, before I paint too bleak of a picture, let me just say this is not how every day is spent, although there is usually a moment in each where at least two kiddos are not happy campers at the same time. And it seems like evenings are more prone for this. I'm trying to get supper, the twins need me, Lydia needs me. So, here's some things we've tried for evening time and some days they work better than others:
Josh is good about taking Lydia and playing with her while I get supper together. (Supper, these days, is not fancy - I'm talking throwing some meat and veggies on the grill and serving it along with some brown rice. Still it takes some amount of time and attention on my part to get it on the table.) Meanwhile, if the twins aren't napping, I'll sling one baby and then switch the other baby from the bouncy seat to pack n' play with mobile - along with putting the pacifier in his mouth quite often. Then I'll switch which baby I'm slinging. (Ahhh pacifiers. . . I wasn't crazy about them with Lydia and never really gave her one. And I said I'd "never" keep putting a paci in a baby's mouth once he spit it out - ha! With twins, I can't imagine life without them. Anyone else ever had to eat their "nevers"?!)
After dinner, Josh will clean up and I'll take all 3 kiddos to Lydia's room to play. By this point, she wants mommy time. Sometimes I'll nurse the babies in her room and then the
y'll usually lay on her bean bag and watch the ceiling fan and their big sister for a little while so I can give her my attention. However, by the time it's time to get Lydia in the bed (jammies, brush teeth, get water and/or snack, read Bible, pray, etc.) the boys are ready to be held as well. Josh, while a wonderful father and helpmate to me!!!, is admittedly not a baby person. He's intimidated by them when they're small and rather uncomfortable with them, so they usually cry and that just continues the cycle of him not really wanting to hold them much right now.
y'll usually lay on her bean bag and watch the ceiling fan and their big sister for a little while so I can give her my attention. However, by the time it's time to get Lydia in the bed (jammies, brush teeth, get water and/or snack, read Bible, pray, etc.) the boys are ready to be held as well. Josh, while a wonderful father and helpmate to me!!!, is admittedly not a baby person. He's intimidated by them when they're small and rather uncomfortable with them, so they usually cry and that just continues the cycle of him not really wanting to hold them much right now. I long to get one step ahead of the ball game, but I'm not sure how. There are times when I use a video as a babysitter for Lydia while I tend to the twins. I play Steve Green music often and that has a wonderful, calming effect on the whole house. When playing with Lydia I talk to her about her brothers and have her include them and interact with them (for example, telling them about her princesses, or making food for them when she's playing in her kitchen). But there are days where I feel like I just can't take anymore crying while still displaying the fruit of the Spirit. . .especially patience beyond measure! When I'm trying to read with Lydia and they are crying, she'll say, "Mommy, they need a paci." She'll wait patiently for me to try to get them settled down, because she craves that special time alone with me. Please don't hear me wrong, life is wonderful with 3 little ones and I love, love, love it. . . I just want to be the best mommy I can be and would love your advice on what you would do in these moments!
Hindrances to Kindness
Posted by | Friday, June 5, 2009 at 8:53 PM
Great post Leah! I love it when someone makes a point and supports it with an applicable story.
In my last post, I mentioned that I would later write up a follow-up post on the three hindrances to kindness that are mentioned in Carolyn Mahaney's book "Feminine Appeal." Again, they are: Anger, Bitterness, and Judging. I have decided to hone in on and expound upon the one hindrance that steals away my kindness before all others: Anger. Not that it happens all that much, but when it does, boy my kindness flies out the window faster than I can blink.
Hindrance #1: Anger
As Matthew 15:18 says "what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart," Carolyn made the truthful observation that in a trying experience or a moment when we are "squeezed," it's not the experience that makes us unkind. That experience rather reveals the sin that was in our heart all along. Ouch! Dr. David Powlison offers this description to sinful anger: "I want my way and not God's, and because I can't have my way, I rage" (p. 120). James 4:1-2, "What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and not have."
Carolyn leads us to think about what it is that we're not getting? Peace and quiet, obedient children, to be right, an orderly house, someone to appreciate us and our hard work? When we don't get our way in these small daily instances, we feel this right, or as Leah said this "entitlement" to become unkind to prove a point or to stroke our own back a little. In teaching my two year old to be kind, other's focused, be genereous and empathetic, the Lord is constantly saying, "Hollie-- why don't you pay attention to what you're saying? Why don't YOU live out what you're trying to teach your two year old? Were you kind in that instance?"
Carolyn opens the chapter with a story, a story that is the PERFECT illustration for how anger steals away your kindness. I can't help but type out this excerpt to hit this point home:
"Entering my garage, I immediately detected a foul odor in the air; and it wasn't coming from the trashcans. The stench was spilling out of the freezer where the door hung slightly ajar. I opened it wide and was engulfed by a warm, offensive cloud. Strupefied, I gazed incredulously at the spoiled contents of my freezer. Pans of lasagna and chicken kiev and Mason jars brimming with marinara sauce -- all prepared and frozen to serve my family on busy days. Packages of boneless, skinless chicken breasts purchased at half price. Ground beef. Turkey, Steaks. Ice cream and juice. And then there was the fruit - blueberries, cherries, and blackberries I had painstakingly picked at a local farm and frozen for pies, muffins, and pancakes. Everything was thawed, mushy and rotten. Several hundred dollars worth of food. Innumberable hours of labor. All lost because someone had failed to close the freezer door properly. I was pretty sure I knew who the culprit was, and after a brief investigation my suspicions were confirmed. Countless times I had warned my daughter that slamming the freeer door only caused it to pop open again. But had she listened? No. Adn now because of her recklessness all of my carefully preserved food was wasted. I was one unhappy mom. My daughter had already left for work, but I spent the remainder of the morning and afternoon fuming over her heedless behavior. By the time she arrived home, I had a well-rehearsed lecture prepared. Actually, it was more like an interrogation except that she never had a chance to reply. My goal was to make her feel as condemned as possible for her unforgivable crime" (p. 117-118).
Boy am I glad that Carolyn has already gone through this, written about it and used it as a point in how anger can steal away our kindness, because for the record, if I had been Carolyn, I would be one fuming Mama, steam coming out the ears and all. I know the Lord will use this one story to help me choose kindness over anger in the many years that come. Knowing how much I love to prepare food from scratch, pick fruits from strawberry farms, and simply put value on healthy eating, had a whole freezer full of MY hardwork (notice my emphasis on "MY") been ruined by a careless act, there's no doubt in my mind, I would not have handled that situation in a way that honored and pleased the Lord more than my own anger and frustrations.
Carolyn's anger was not caused by her daughter leaving the freezer door open, but rather "her actions only exposed the reservoir of sinful demands in her heart: I have a right to benefit from the bounty in my freezer. I deserve to reap the fruit of all my labors. I do not want to have ot restock the freezer. I definitely do not want to clean it out. And most of all, I hope my daughter feels very guilty!" (p. 121) "As Dr. Powlison (paraphasing John Calvin) articulates: 'The evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but that we want it too much.' Carolyn's problem was that [she] wanted these desires satisfied more than I wanted to glorify God by being kind" (p.121) (Can I just pick myself up off the floor now? Whew. THAT was some serious truth!)
Scripture's Solution to Anger:
James 4: 6-10, " We must humble ourselves and submit to God." Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the sinfulness in your cravings when feeling tempted by anger. Ask yourself, "What do I want more than I want to please God?" Then we must confess and repent from these evil desires. The Holy Spirit WILL help us in our humility, as He promises in James 4:6, to turn from anger and cultivate kindness (p.121).
In my last post, I mentioned that I would later write up a follow-up post on the three hindrances to kindness that are mentioned in Carolyn Mahaney's book "Feminine Appeal." Again, they are: Anger, Bitterness, and Judging. I have decided to hone in on and expound upon the one hindrance that steals away my kindness before all others: Anger. Not that it happens all that much, but when it does, boy my kindness flies out the window faster than I can blink.
Hindrance #1: Anger
As Matthew 15:18 says "what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart," Carolyn made the truthful observation that in a trying experience or a moment when we are "squeezed," it's not the experience that makes us unkind. That experience rather reveals the sin that was in our heart all along. Ouch! Dr. David Powlison offers this description to sinful anger: "I want my way and not God's, and because I can't have my way, I rage" (p. 120). James 4:1-2, "What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and not have."
Carolyn leads us to think about what it is that we're not getting? Peace and quiet, obedient children, to be right, an orderly house, someone to appreciate us and our hard work? When we don't get our way in these small daily instances, we feel this right, or as Leah said this "entitlement" to become unkind to prove a point or to stroke our own back a little. In teaching my two year old to be kind, other's focused, be genereous and empathetic, the Lord is constantly saying, "Hollie-- why don't you pay attention to what you're saying? Why don't YOU live out what you're trying to teach your two year old? Were you kind in that instance?"
Carolyn opens the chapter with a story, a story that is the PERFECT illustration for how anger steals away your kindness. I can't help but type out this excerpt to hit this point home:
"Entering my garage, I immediately detected a foul odor in the air; and it wasn't coming from the trashcans. The stench was spilling out of the freezer where the door hung slightly ajar. I opened it wide and was engulfed by a warm, offensive cloud. Strupefied, I gazed incredulously at the spoiled contents of my freezer. Pans of lasagna and chicken kiev and Mason jars brimming with marinara sauce -- all prepared and frozen to serve my family on busy days. Packages of boneless, skinless chicken breasts purchased at half price. Ground beef. Turkey, Steaks. Ice cream and juice. And then there was the fruit - blueberries, cherries, and blackberries I had painstakingly picked at a local farm and frozen for pies, muffins, and pancakes. Everything was thawed, mushy and rotten. Several hundred dollars worth of food. Innumberable hours of labor. All lost because someone had failed to close the freezer door properly. I was pretty sure I knew who the culprit was, and after a brief investigation my suspicions were confirmed. Countless times I had warned my daughter that slamming the freeer door only caused it to pop open again. But had she listened? No. Adn now because of her recklessness all of my carefully preserved food was wasted. I was one unhappy mom. My daughter had already left for work, but I spent the remainder of the morning and afternoon fuming over her heedless behavior. By the time she arrived home, I had a well-rehearsed lecture prepared. Actually, it was more like an interrogation except that she never had a chance to reply. My goal was to make her feel as condemned as possible for her unforgivable crime" (p. 117-118).
Boy am I glad that Carolyn has already gone through this, written about it and used it as a point in how anger can steal away our kindness, because for the record, if I had been Carolyn, I would be one fuming Mama, steam coming out the ears and all. I know the Lord will use this one story to help me choose kindness over anger in the many years that come. Knowing how much I love to prepare food from scratch, pick fruits from strawberry farms, and simply put value on healthy eating, had a whole freezer full of MY hardwork (notice my emphasis on "MY") been ruined by a careless act, there's no doubt in my mind, I would not have handled that situation in a way that honored and pleased the Lord more than my own anger and frustrations.
Carolyn's anger was not caused by her daughter leaving the freezer door open, but rather "her actions only exposed the reservoir of sinful demands in her heart: I have a right to benefit from the bounty in my freezer. I deserve to reap the fruit of all my labors. I do not want to have ot restock the freezer. I definitely do not want to clean it out. And most of all, I hope my daughter feels very guilty!" (p. 121) "As Dr. Powlison (paraphasing John Calvin) articulates: 'The evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but that we want it too much.' Carolyn's problem was that [she] wanted these desires satisfied more than I wanted to glorify God by being kind" (p.121) (Can I just pick myself up off the floor now? Whew. THAT was some serious truth!)
Scripture's Solution to Anger:
James 4: 6-10, " We must humble ourselves and submit to God." Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the sinfulness in your cravings when feeling tempted by anger. Ask yourself, "What do I want more than I want to please God?" Then we must confess and repent from these evil desires. The Holy Spirit WILL help us in our humility, as He promises in James 4:6, to turn from anger and cultivate kindness (p.121).
A Sense of Entitlement
Posted by | Wednesday, June 3, 2009 at 7:00 AM
Here's what I've been thinking this week as I consider being kind. I am generally a kind person. I'm kind to friends and strangers alike. I think God has gifted me with a heart that is bent towards kindness. But I have a secret side of me that rears its ugly head every now and again. It's called my "sense of entitlement." And it can turn a usually kind me into a very mean and ugly me. Does this ever happen to you?
It usually only happens with strangers, but sometimes with friends. I'll share two examples to illustrate what I'm talking about. One is about me and one is about someone else. But they are both perfect in catching what I'm talking about.
ONE: I babysit a little girl Monday through Friday. She usually gets picked up at 4:00, but I've asked her mom to pick her up at 3:45 on Tuesdays because I take the boys up to a nursing home on Tuesday afternoons. Well, this mom hardly ever remembers to pick up her little girl on time. Almost every week she pulls in at 4:05 and says "oh, gosh, it's Tuesday. I totally forgot." ENTER: My Sense of Entitlement. I've taken to packing up said child and my children as well and waiting on the front step for her to arrive. I still smile and speak kindly, but the message has been sent: you were supposed to be her 20 minutes ago. I know in my heart that I am not choosing kindness. I'm really trying to make her feel bad for being late. I could just remind her in the mornings that it's Tuesday, but instead I choose to set her up to forget so that I can shove my sense of entitlement in her face.
TWO: A few years ago I volunteered to work at the Sharing Shop at Seminary (if you don't know what this is: it's an apartment at Seminary full of stuff that students donate and then can shop at twice a week for free). Well, I guess there had been problems with non-Seminary people coming to the Sharing Shop, so they decided to start enforcing the rule that you HAD to show a student i.d. or a parking pass to come in the house. I was told that I HAD to enforce this rule - no exceptions. A girl showed up and didn't have an i.d. I explained the situation to her and told her that I had to do what I'd been told and I couldn't let her in. She let me HAVE IT. She huffed and puffed about how unfair it was and all these people knew her and knew she was a Seminary wife, etc. Her sense of entitlement won out over her kindness. She went away that night feeling like her sense of entitlement had been crossed, but everyone else there went away thinking she was a really ugly person (sorry, that sounds blunt, but hopefully you get what I'm saying). She's probably a really sweet person and probably even kind, but that sense of entitlement can really get you sometimes.
I want to learn that my sense of entitlement doesn't exist. Period. My heart should be full of kindness and I should be learning to die to self. It's a tough lesson to learn, really tough. But I know that what pleases God is to see me choosing to put others ahead of myself. I want to choose kindness.
It usually only happens with strangers, but sometimes with friends. I'll share two examples to illustrate what I'm talking about. One is about me and one is about someone else. But they are both perfect in catching what I'm talking about.
ONE: I babysit a little girl Monday through Friday. She usually gets picked up at 4:00, but I've asked her mom to pick her up at 3:45 on Tuesdays because I take the boys up to a nursing home on Tuesday afternoons. Well, this mom hardly ever remembers to pick up her little girl on time. Almost every week she pulls in at 4:05 and says "oh, gosh, it's Tuesday. I totally forgot." ENTER: My Sense of Entitlement. I've taken to packing up said child and my children as well and waiting on the front step for her to arrive. I still smile and speak kindly, but the message has been sent: you were supposed to be her 20 minutes ago. I know in my heart that I am not choosing kindness. I'm really trying to make her feel bad for being late. I could just remind her in the mornings that it's Tuesday, but instead I choose to set her up to forget so that I can shove my sense of entitlement in her face.
TWO: A few years ago I volunteered to work at the Sharing Shop at Seminary (if you don't know what this is: it's an apartment at Seminary full of stuff that students donate and then can shop at twice a week for free). Well, I guess there had been problems with non-Seminary people coming to the Sharing Shop, so they decided to start enforcing the rule that you HAD to show a student i.d. or a parking pass to come in the house. I was told that I HAD to enforce this rule - no exceptions. A girl showed up and didn't have an i.d. I explained the situation to her and told her that I had to do what I'd been told and I couldn't let her in. She let me HAVE IT. She huffed and puffed about how unfair it was and all these people knew her and knew she was a Seminary wife, etc. Her sense of entitlement won out over her kindness. She went away that night feeling like her sense of entitlement had been crossed, but everyone else there went away thinking she was a really ugly person (sorry, that sounds blunt, but hopefully you get what I'm saying). She's probably a really sweet person and probably even kind, but that sense of entitlement can really get you sometimes.
I want to learn that my sense of entitlement doesn't exist. Period. My heart should be full of kindness and I should be learning to die to self. It's a tough lesson to learn, really tough. But I know that what pleases God is to see me choosing to put others ahead of myself. I want to choose kindness.
Being Kind
Posted by | Monday, June 1, 2009 at 7:55 PM
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2: 3-5
How do you define being kind? In the book Feminine Appeal, Carolyn Mahaney defines kindness as "a sincere desire for our husbands' and childrens' happiness." I think most of us think we are "kind" wives and mothers as a whole, until we start paying attention to the little episodes of the day or if we purposefully sit down and replay the day's interactions with our families. When the pressure is on, do you choose kindness over bitterness? Do you choose kindness when we feel taken for granted? Do you choose kindness when your not feeling listened to or cherished?
I am continually reminding myself that my goal in how I treat my family is that I want to treat them better than any stranger I meet. I want my family to feel prized, cherished, and set-apart in how I speak to them, make sacrifices for them, how I serve them, and how I yearn to bless and impress them. I wish I could say that I don't ever miss the mark, but oh how I do! How is it that most of the time, generally speaking,we talk to strangers more cordially than our own husband or children? How is it that those closest to us see the ugliest in us at times? How do you choose kindness when you don't feel like being kind?
First of all, coming from a Christian perspective, you won't be able to meet that expectation of kindness that is asked of us, unless you ask the Lord to help you, unless you preach Scripture to yourself that helps pull you through those moments when selfishness is what you want to seize. In John 14:26, God has provided a Helper for us to assist us: "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." Whew. Reading that makes me breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I'm not alone. I also feel the need to repent upon reading that, for I all too often do not ask the Lord for help in those moments where I'm under pressure/stress.
In Feminine Appeal, Carolyn elaborates more on this very expectation of kindness in Titus 2. She highlights three common hindrances, three sins, that "often obstruct this godly desire." They are: anger, bitterness, and judging.
This week, in another post, I will quickly dabble into these three sins and how she recommends that we overcome them.
I will say that this verse in Titus and this chapter in Feminine Appeal really have helped me examine my heart and truly look at our family to see where I can initiate kindness all the more. May kindness define the desires of our hearts!
How do you define being kind? In the book Feminine Appeal, Carolyn Mahaney defines kindness as "a sincere desire for our husbands' and childrens' happiness." I think most of us think we are "kind" wives and mothers as a whole, until we start paying attention to the little episodes of the day or if we purposefully sit down and replay the day's interactions with our families. When the pressure is on, do you choose kindness over bitterness? Do you choose kindness when we feel taken for granted? Do you choose kindness when your not feeling listened to or cherished?
I am continually reminding myself that my goal in how I treat my family is that I want to treat them better than any stranger I meet. I want my family to feel prized, cherished, and set-apart in how I speak to them, make sacrifices for them, how I serve them, and how I yearn to bless and impress them. I wish I could say that I don't ever miss the mark, but oh how I do! How is it that most of the time, generally speaking,we talk to strangers more cordially than our own husband or children? How is it that those closest to us see the ugliest in us at times? How do you choose kindness when you don't feel like being kind?
First of all, coming from a Christian perspective, you won't be able to meet that expectation of kindness that is asked of us, unless you ask the Lord to help you, unless you preach Scripture to yourself that helps pull you through those moments when selfishness is what you want to seize. In John 14:26, God has provided a Helper for us to assist us: "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." Whew. Reading that makes me breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I'm not alone. I also feel the need to repent upon reading that, for I all too often do not ask the Lord for help in those moments where I'm under pressure/stress.
In Feminine Appeal, Carolyn elaborates more on this very expectation of kindness in Titus 2. She highlights three common hindrances, three sins, that "often obstruct this godly desire." They are: anger, bitterness, and judging.
This week, in another post, I will quickly dabble into these three sins and how she recommends that we overcome them.
I will say that this verse in Titus and this chapter in Feminine Appeal really have helped me examine my heart and truly look at our family to see where I can initiate kindness all the more. May kindness define the desires of our hearts!
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