Parenting in the Pew

I just finished a great book by Robbie Castleman (a woman) called Parenting in the Pew. It is an easy read and gave me some great ideas for including Samuel in our Sunday morning meetings. The subtitle of the book is 'Guiding your children into the joy of worship.' The book is both a defense of why children should be included in the worship service and a how-to to help them get there.

She addresses the most common complaint against including children in the worship service right in the beginning - that children are a distraction. I really like what she has to say in this regard. She points out that the issue isn't what one gets out of church, but what does God get out of worship? She says we should sing "Bless the Lord, O my soul!" but instead concern ourselves with "Bless my soul, O Lord!" She doesn't deny that children can infringe on our worship experience as we might desire it, but that children don't have to interfere with God's experience of worship. Worship is first a blessing to God, and he values the presence and praise of children.

Modern church wants to separate children from their parents. The modern church has created "Children's Church" to take away distracting children so that adults can pay attention. Castleman quotes from a book on Christian community regarding this and I love what it says:

"Interestingly, Jesus put a child in the center of his disciples, "in the midst of them," in order to help them pay attention...The child was a last-ditch effort by God to help the disciples pay attention to the odd nature of God's kingdom. Few acts of Jesus are more radical, countercultural, than his blessing of children."

The book has really helped remind me why I want to include Samuel in service and has given me a lot of practical pointers.

I really love what she shared as her motivation:

"I made worship training important because I wanted my sons to know God and love him. I didn't want to raise hypocrites, but holy men."

Book Review: Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney

If you've read Prayer of Hannah before, it should be no surprise that my book review is on another book by a Mahaney. Carolyn Mahaney is wife to CJ Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries. She and her daughters are the authors of the Shopping for Time book that we used for a book club type format. They also write for a great blog, Girl Talk. (How many times have I mentioned it now? Is it obvious yet that I like them!?)

The subtitle of Feminine Appeal is the "seven virtues of a wife and mother." She does just that and outlines, giving one per chapter, seven different virtues. They are:

The delight of loving my husband
The blessings of loving my children
The safety of self-control
The pleasure of purity
The honor of working at home
The rewards of kindness
The beauty of submission

These seven virtues are based on a series she did on Titus 2. (Sound familiar? You can revisit POH posts on Titus 2, here.) I love her humble perspective on these verses of scripture. Her writing is so easy to read and couldn't be more eloquent. One of my favorite parts of the whole book is the last chapter titled, Margaret's Story. It is written about her own mother and is a sweet picture of a woman who was faithful to her calling as wife and Mom for many years. I tear up just thinking about it!

I actually read this book right around the time I became a stay-at-home-Mom. For whatever reason, I felt the desire to get more serious in my roles as wife and Mom. (I think I secretly felt guilty for all the ways I neglected both during my working days. But that's an entirely different post altogether!) This book was such an encouragement to me in biblically defining these two of the most important titles I hold.

I know that was not a super in-depth "book review" but it was honestly almost a year ago that I read the book. However, I wouldn't hesitate for a minute to recommend any of the books by CJ or Carolyn Mahaney. Here are some other titles from the Mahaney's that I'd recommend. (Note that I have not read all of these, but are all in queue waiting to be read!)

Humility
Living the Cross Centered Life
Shopping for Time
Girl Talk

Please share any book recommendations you have! We love to hear them!

Wordless Wednesday

Being Sensible Followup

Silence. No one responded to my question about being sensible, so I'm guessing that you all have about the same number of ideas for this post as I do! There really has to be something there that God wants to teach us, so I'm going to meditate on this today and write down my thoughts tonight. Please be praying the same for yourselves - that God would teach you what He desires in you from being sensible.

Being Sensible

Okay, ladies, we are back in Titus 2 and our phrase to focus on this week is "be sensible". As a step back, the entire sentence is "Older women are to be...so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

What does it mean to "be sensible"? And what does it matter?

Please comment here and share what you think. I'll share my thoughts at the end of the day tomorrow, but I'd really like to hear what you are thinking first.

Thanks!

Wordless Wednesday

Items I Use Every Day

1. A small step stool. This started out as our potty stool for Samuel. But now we use it all around the house (after a good cleaning, mind you!). It is especially handy when I'm nursing Joel and can't help Samuel reach something. I tell him to go get the stool and reach it himself. *I will say that Samuel is a very cautious little boy, so I trust him to reach for things on a stool. AND I put the stool up when I'm not around so he doesn't go reaching for things I don't know about.

2. A kitchen timer. Ours actually broke the other day and I've had to use the microwave timer and boy do I miss my little handheld timer. I use this thing for all sorts of things. Time outs, x minutes left until we have to clean up, x minutes that you get to watch this TV program before I turn off the TV, etc. I also use it for cleaning house. I HATE to clean. But if I set this little time for 5, 10, or 15 minutes and commit to cleaning for that amount of time, it somehow seems more bearable. I also use it to regulate the amount of time I spend on the computer. Very handy little thing.

3. Leap Frog Letter Factory DVD and Melissa & Doug's ABC Puzzle. Samuel got the puzzle for Christmas and learned all of his ABCs within a week. There is a picture underneath each letter and Samuel learned how to say things like "T is for tie." Then I borrowed the Letter Factory DVD from the library. He begged me a hundred times a day to watch it. I let him watch it once a day (it's 30 minutes) while I made dinner. He picked it up so quickly! Now Samuel knows all of the sounds to all of the ABCs. He notices letters everywhere we go and sounds them out. So fun!

4. In Step Bike Trailer. We bought this about a month ago and I LOVE it!! I take the boys everywhere in it. They fit nicely in the back and I feel safe riding my bike with them in it. I highly recommend it.

[Closed] Prayer of Hannah GIVEAWAY!!

We've really been wanting to do a giveaway on our blog for a long time! It's just so much fun to win something and we're going to give you a couple of chances. Of course, we're huge fans of handmade items so we'll be giving away some of the crafty items we've blogged about in the past. Any guesses as to what other items we might giveaway?

Here is our first item up for bids:


Just kidding - you don't have to bid on it, I just wanted to say that. I love the Price is Right. :)

But, to enter the contest, you DO have to leave us a comment. You're "bidding" on a handmade key fob! The ribbon pictured may or may not be used, but rest assured, it will be CUTE (with few visible mistakes, hopefully!). Here are the rules:

1. To enter, leave a comment. It doesn't have to say anything specific at all.

2. Anyone can leave a comment - we'd especially love to see all kinds of first-time commenters.

3. Be sure we can get in touch with you to let you know if you win. If you have a blog and its visible in your profile - we can just comment there. Otherwise, leave an email address!

4. To enter AGAIN, make a post on your own blog about our giveaway. Then come back here and leave a second comment telling us you blogged about our giveaway!

5. The giveaway will end at 3pm (eastern time) on Friday, April 17th.

6. We'll pick the winning commenter - randomly.

7. We'll contact the winner for shipping info (shipping is on us) and get their cute new key fob in the mail, ASAP!


We know this isn't a super huge, fancy schmancy, exciting giveaway - but hope that its still fun! Our desire is to simply bless you guys and spread the word about Prayer of Hannah.

Have fun and thanks for reading POH!

(Be sure you see the post below with some new product recommendations! Stay tuned for more this week...)

More Product Recommendations

Here comes another week (hopefully) of some great product recommendations! We've done this in the past and just shared the products that we were loving at that time. Mostly, we'll share "kid" related products, but we'll try to think outside that box and include some others as well. You can use the category list in the right sidebar to search by topic and see what we've recommended in the past. Or you can just click here for all posts labled as product reviews.

1. GeoTrax by Fisher Price
This past Christmas, we wanted to get Will a train set. Not necessarily a wooden one, but something a little age appropriate (he was 2.5) than he had. I perused Craigslist for a few days and found a listing for some GeoTrax. Not knowing what it was or whether it was a good deal, I looked it up and LOVED it. Basically, the track pieces snap together more securely than wooden track pieces. The train cars are either remote controlled or not. There are tons of "sets" you can get that all go together. We have added a track expansion kit that I got on clearance after Christmas and a few trains. This is hands down the favorite toy right now. The favorite toy of Will and his Mom and Dad. We love coming up with new track configurations.

And since we don't have a lot of room - it gets set up on the kitchen table. Out of the reach of babies...To store it, I use a stacking basket on wheels that I found at Target. It's very portable, yet not huge. I actually have four of these for storing larger sets of toys and for now they work great!


2. Melissa and Doug Fold and Go Dollhouse

Will was given this dollhouse as a gift at Christmas. We knew that Will was getting into more pretend play. We also knew that he loved the old fisher price dollhouse (old, like from 1978) and plays with that at both Gigi's house and our sunday school room at church. He loves to play with this thing! We love that its not girly colored or themed and is very neutral. I'm sure Adeline will love to play with it too when the time comes. Right now, she just chews on the heads of the people!

3. Eddie Bauer Harness Buddy (aka. child leash)

I'm kidding about it being a child leash. However, I know there are mixed feelings on this product. I am sold after taking our kids to Disney World. We got this one at Target (they have other animals too) and it was reasonably priced. What we found is that you cannot use it like you would a leash on a dog. Allowing him to "roam free" while we held the other end of the harness was very frustrating for Will! (And teaches him its okay to do that normally!) Instead, he still had to hold a hand or the stroller, but this was just an extra safeguard in place while we were somewhere like the Magic Kingdom with HUGE crowds. Because he is still young and huge crowds would literally swallow him in SECONDS, this ensured that he wasn't going to get away. (He did ride in a stroller some, but the strollers can't go everywhere.)

Since Disney World, I've found it very helpful while taking out three kids at once. I keep another little girl who is a little older than Adeline. She walks (very well) and Adeline does not. In situations where I can't (or don't want) both in the stroller - I can use this harness to be sure I don't lose someone. Really, it is a great product!

Last product...since summer is coming soon!

4. Coppertone Continuous No-Rub Sunscreen

I discovered this sunscreen last summer. (Thanks to my sister-in-law, Brandy who was living at the beach!) Now, you have to be sure you get the clear, NO RUB kind. I promise it does work and it makes applying sunscreen to your own back possible! I remember going to the pool last summer by myself with the kids and not being able to do my own back. Will doesn't do a very good job either. :) Not only can I protect my own back, it is SUPER easy to put on my kids! It goes on evenly and there is truly no rubbing needed. They do make this sunscreen in other SPFs as well, including 30.

(And before you ask, because I know some of you are thinking it...even some of the POH girls.) Yes, I realize there are some concerns about sunscreens and the chemicals they use. But frankly, I'm way more afraid of skin cancer than those chemicals. The one thing we do is actually to not use SPF higher than 30. The higher the SPF, the more chemicals used. And if you use it properly, SPF of 30 is really all you need. Kids included. Just be sure the sunscreen is waterproof (if you're going in the water or sweating a lot) and that you reapply often. So, that's my .02 on sunscreen.

Anyone else have any great products you've found recently?

Loving Our Children - Having Empathy

Imagine yourself in Kohl's, digging through the racks upon racks of clearance items. So many cute clothes, such great prices. What fun, right? Well, now imagine that you are a 10 year old boy. GET ME OUT OF HERE!

A few months ago I was enjoying my dig through all the after-Christmas clearance at Kohl's and this woman, her husband and her 10 year old son came up next to me. This child was at the end of his rope (not to mention the dad too) and started whining that he wanted to go. You should have heard this mom rip into him. I was so embarassed for the both of them. And I just felt so sorry for the little boy.

Fast forward to last week when I was ignoring Samuel so that I could write a blog post about this or that. He kept nagging me to come play something with him and I kept telling him to go play by himself and I would be there in a second. Then Joel crawled over and started banging on the keyboard and I lost everything I wrote. UGH! HOW FRUSTRATING!! Then a little voice said, "well, how do you think THEY feel?" Hmm, I guess I hadn't been thinking about them!

(**NOTE: This exact same scene just played out AS I WAS TYPING the above paragraph! I had to laugh at myself as Joel screamed his head off at me while I tried to keep typing. Needless to say, I put the computer up and played with my boys. I am finishing this up as they are sleeping.)

I think an important part of loving our children is putting ourselves in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective. When Samuel is being whiny or disobedient, or Joel is screaming and screeching, I try to take a step back from the situation and think about what they are feeling. Have I been ignoring them? Are they tired? hungry? What has happened in the minutes leading up to this moment? So often I can see why they are upset and redirect them or change what I am doing and I see an immediate change in their disposition. It is so helpful for me to step back from looking at things from my perspective and see things from theirs.

As I write this, I worry that some will think that I just give in to my boys' every whim and do whatever they want to do all day. Please don't get that idea. I try to proactively build up independence in my boys as well as include them in things that need to get done around the house. Have you ever tried Blanket Time? This is a great way to teach your children to play independently for a block of time. Meagan has a great post about it here with a progress report here. I also try to make household chores fun by including the boys or singing silly songs to them while I work. This usually entertains them enough to let me cook dinner or clean a bathroom.

But there are definitely times during the day when I'm on the computer or trying on a million pairs of jeans at the store and my boys have had it and I need to stop and see things through their eyes. Or Samuel will melt down because I went through the wrong door at the library when he wanted me to follow him like a train through the other door. Even though I'm frustrated and just want to keep going, I see how he thought we were playing a game and has it in his mind that we were going to go through the other door. All it takes is for me to back up and head through the other door and make a silly train sound to smooth things over.

One final thing I want to say in regard to the opening example I gave is that to love our children is to speak kindly to them and about them. It's my job as a mom to be my boys' biggest fan and to speak in a loving manner with them. If Samuel is being naughty in a store, I take him aside somewhere, get down at his level, and speak softly to him so that only he can hear. It hurts me so much when I see moms yelling at their kids. Please, by all means, address the behavior then and there, but do it in a compassionate manner.

What are your thoughts, ladies? How do you love your children? When do you have a hard time loving them?

Loving our Children

Loving our children comes naturally to us, most of the time I think. We enjoy being with them and doing things for them. But, life can and does get very busy and sometimes we need to refocus and ask ourselves if we are loving our children well or just handing out Cherrios on auto-pilot.

There are many tangible and intangible way we can love our children. An intangible way is by loving our husbands! This topic was recently covered, so I won’t expound too much. Loving our husbands as the Lord would have us provides our kids with a stable environment in which they can develop a godly perspective on family, and in turn, learn to love their own spouses one day. It also makes daily family life much less stressful and more enjoyable.

We can also love our kids by consistently disciplining them. This is not something we normally think of. But, the proverbs make it clear that parents who love their kids discipline them. Chapter 13 verse 24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” That’s how the Lord sees His children too. Proverbs 3:12 says, “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.” Clearly discipline and love can and should go hand in hand. I won’t go into specific methods of discipline or parenting because they are so varied. There isn’t one specific formula that works for each child or family, but a few excellent reads on the topic are Sheparding a Child’s Heart by Paul Tripp and What the Bible Says about Parenting by John MacArthur.

Spending quality time is also important. This can be very hard to do, especially if you have many small children or a newborn. We must remember, however, that even a few minutes each day of looking into your child’s eyes or listening intently to them as they explain something makes them feel important and loved. I have to remind myself constantly that my kids may not remember how clean our house was (I’m a neat freak to a fault), but they will remember if I played dress up or built block towers with them. Take time to like what they like and make their interests yours, whether they are toddlers or teens. Always make them feel special. Fix their favorite breakfast or snack regularly. Make it a big deal if they pick a dandelion for you and put it in a vase. Listen, really listen, when they talk to you (also hard when you have more than one child). Answer their questions when they ask you, even if they ask a million a day. God gave your children to YOU and you only have this one life to live with them. Don't just love your children, enjoy them!

Each child and family is unique and there will be different and special ways of loving them and I’ve suggested only a few. Try to be objective and ask yourself often if you are loving your kids well, praying that the Lord would show you a way to influence your child’s heart with His love.

My Second Medicated Birth

Hi all! Leah here - mommy to Samuel, born Aug 22, 2006 and Joel, born 19 months later on March 18, 2008. I shared Samuel's birth story here. Today I get to share about Joel's birth day.

Joel Maddux Payne was born on Tuesday, March 18, 2008 – two weeks before his due date. I was admitted to Labor & Delivery on Tuesday morning to begin an induction, and he was born Tuesday night at 11:15 p.m. He weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. and was 19.5 inches long. Here’s our story:

Because I was induced with my first son for fear of Intra-Uterine Growth Restriction (IUGR) I was monitored closely with my second pregnancy. The doctors performed the traditional 17 week ultrasound, then another 6 weeks later, and then one every two weeks after that. Each time, everything seemed fine. (I kept begging the doctor to just leave it alone and declare everything normal!). But alas, an u/s at 36 weeks revealed that my amniotic fluid level had dropped significantly. The number is supposed to be 11 or 12 (of what unit, I don't remember! I think maybe ccs?), but my number was 6.5. I had to go have a non-stress test (NST), etc to make sure the baby was okay (he was). The doctor then ordered twice weekly u/s and NSTs (just when I thought I was going to get her to leave me alone!). My fluid level stayed at Low Normal for three appts. By this point I was 37 weeks. The doctor told me she wanted to induce by 39 weeks no matter what. I started praying that my body would go into labor on its own. On the Friday before Joel would be born, my tests revealed that my fluid level was down to 5.5. The doctor first said induce, then changed his mind b/c everything else seemed to look so good. (The back and forth was killing me by this time! I was driving 30 minutes there and back to the hospital twice a week while Ed watched Samuel). My last test was Tuesday morning - what would end up to be Joel's birth day.

My test on Tuesday morning showed that the fluid level had dipped below 5. I was 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant. The tech called the doctor and then put me on the phone. She said she really wanted me to walk down to Labor & Delivery and check myself in. I agreed. (I really wish I would have stopped at the cafeteria and eaten something at this point b/c I was STARVING by the end of the day). I called Ed and told him to call my parents in Indiana. They would make the 3.5 hour drive to Chicago to take over watching Samuel so that Ed could come to the hospital. I was alone for the first 4 hours as they hooked me up to the pitocin and got things going. I was already 2cm dialated when I checked in, so at least my body wouldn't be starting from scratch like it did with Samuel. The contractions weren't bad at all in the beginning, so I mostly just watched TV and waited on Ed to get there. He came at lunchtime and hung out with me until dinnertime. I was still fine with the contractions. After he went to get something to eat, my contractions started to pick up. We walked and walked all afternoon/evening to keep things going. Finally at about 8pm I decided I was ready for an epidural. I was still breathing through contractions fine and debated going all the way without the epidural. But I remember that I enjoyed Samuel's birth with the epidural and I knew that my body was progressing fine.

I got my epidural about 8:45/9:00. It didn't take!! It numbed me from the thighs down, so I couldn't go anywhere now!, but it didn't relieve any of the pain from the contractions. I laid there for another 30-40 minutes and breathed through the contractions while we waited on the anesthesiologist to return. He gave me a booster shot (I don't know what else to call it) and I finally felt relief. By this point it was about 10pm. Ed and I rested for an hour, and then the attending came back in to check me. (Oh, did I mention that I was at a teaching hospital, so I had various students/attendings come in and chat with me, check me throughout the day?). At 11pm I was fully dialated and ready to push. My doc arrived and I began to push. (Something awesome - I was in a practice of 8 docs, but I just saw one of them through my pregnancy. I moved when I was 7 months pregnant and was being closely monitored, so I stuck with one doc. Wouldn't you know she was the one at the hospital when I gave birth!) I pushed through about 4 or 5 contractions and Joel was born!! Another beautiful baby boy - we were SOO excited.

Looking back, I wish I could have been given more space to allow my body to go into labor by itself. I wonder if the fluid thing would have been discovered at all if it weren't for Samuel's low birth weight. But God is loving and wise and I am confident that He worked it all out for a reason. I still pray that God would allow me to go into labor myself one of these times. I am glad that I chose a medicated birth for both boys. Having said that, I may still try an unmedicated birth just to see what it's like. :) I pray every day that the Lord would bless us with another child - they are such a blessing from the Lord.

My Experience: Medicated v. Natural Birth

I had two very different deliveries and Hollie asked me to contrast the two births and share what I learned. With my first delivery, I opted to take the epidural during labor and the super pain meds they gave me after delivery (you can read about it HERE). After much research and reading, I decided that it would be better for the baby and for me if I gave birth naturally with my second baby (you can read the story of my natural birth experience HERE). I’m not going to go into all those reasons right now; I’m just going to relate my experience with the two different births. Going naturally has to be a decision you make on your own; not because someone else did it. I would just encourage you to do your own reading. Some books that I found helpful in making my decision: THIS one and THIS one.

The major differences I experienced in medicated v. natural birth:

1. I will admit up front that the epidural made the last part of my first birth a very nice experience. I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect after the meds kicked in and thought that pushing was actually fun and so exciting! I felt no pain and although it was definitely hard work, it was invigorating and such a rush to know my baby was coming soon! In contrast, without the epidural, I was pushing more out of desperation, to get the pain to end! Also, the first time it took them an hour to sew me up because I tore completely. I was enjoying my new baby and didn’t even know they were giving me stitches until I heard my Mom asked the doc how many stitches she was giving me. This time, I only got a 2nd degree tear, but it was extremely uncomfortable and painful while they were stitching me up. (I did receive localized numbing after the birth where they were stitching, but it still hurt a bunch!) But other than the huge pain issue, going naturally was (for me) a far better experience in every way.

2. Although many will say that an epidural will not slow down labor, I definitely don’t agree. I went from a 15 hour labor the first time to a 6 hour labor the 2nd time. I know that much of that was due to this being my second baby and my body knowing more what to do, but I really think it would have been a longer labor had I taken the epidural. Also, with the epidural I would not have been able to walk, and when I walked the halls I went from 4 cm to 8cm in 45 min. I think I would have stalled at 4cm for who knows how long if I hadn’t been able to walk!

3. I really think that being able to control my pushing more helped me to tear less the second time. The first time, my doc actually told me not to push so hard as my baby came out, but I couldn’t feel how hard I was pushing! But this time (after the initial shock of how powerful the contractions were) I was able to control my pushing and I didn’t tear as much.

4. I cannot tell you how much easier the recovery was without the epidural! I could walk immediately (versus not even be able to feel my legs.) I took a shower within a couple of hours (versus the next day) which made me feel so much better!!! I could actually feel when I needed to go to the bathroom (which was a huge issue for me last time – the epidural and super pain meds I received the first time totally stopped me up painfully for over a week!) And believe it or not, I think going naturally actually made me lose more weight at the hospital: I gained about 20 pounds both pregnancies. The first time, I lost 10 at the hospital and the other 10 later. This time I lost all 20 at the hospital. I had read previously that some women actually gain weight at the hospital because of all the fluids they receive. I really think it was because I didn’t have that IV pumping fluids into me the whole time that I lost so much weight immediately. And because I was able to be more mobile more quickly. Lastly, with my first birth I experienced an unbelievable pressure headache that lasted almost a week. Every time I leaned over the slightest bit, I thought my head was going to explode! It was bad enough that I almost passed out in Walmart when I bent down to pick up a can of food. After reading about epidurals, I really think the headache came from that. I didn't get any pressure headache this time at all since I wasn't on any pain meds!

Some tips I learned if you want to give birth naturally:

1. Do your research! You have to be fully convinced that this is the only way or you will give in when the pain hits. If you know you definitely want to give birth naturally, read THIS book. It was a little weird in parts, but really helps you believe that giving birth is a natural process and that every woman can do it. Half of the book is devoted to stories of women who gave birth naturally and it is just so interesting and encouraging! And if you are like me and your birth plan opts out of some routine shots and drops for your baby, bring a copy of your reasons to the hospital with you. I was seriously confronted on my birth plan AFTER delivery. Come on, I could hardly remember my own birthday after all that sleep deprivation, hard work, and excruciating pain, let alone my research! I was confronted immediately after birth and also woken up around 6:30 am the next morning by a phone call from the pediatrician’s office asking why I had refused normal shots and drops. Give me a break! I finally had to say, “I’m sorry; I am so tired that I honestly don’t remember exactly why I decided to forgo those drops, but I know I did my research and had my reasons so I am going to stick with my birth plan.” It would definitely have been easier if I had brought copies of my research with me.

2. Make a birth plan – it can be as simple as “no meds at all” or very specific to each part of labor, but it does make a difference. I decided to be specific because of my experience the first time. With Karis, I wanted to nurse immediately, but they whisked her away too quickly and I was too overwhelmed to speak up. I was also declining a lot of normal procedures the 2^nd time and knew if it wasn’t in writing, signed and dated, they would not abide by my wishes.

3. Talk about it. Tell everyone you plan to do it naturally. If you are like me (not the least bit brave, but a good bit prideful and stubborn :), this really works. I actually talked about it so much that in my mind, pain meds were simply not an option. I can honestly say that I never even once considered asking for pain meds. Even when going through the incredible pain of transition, asking for meds never even ran through my head.

4. Consider hiring a doula. Yes, they are expensive – try to find a friend or a doula-in-training who will give you a lower price. I was lucky enough to find a certified doula who would give me a break in price because I opted out of the pre-labor visits and post-partum visit, and because it was my 2nd birth so she knew it wouldn’t take as long. Instead of the normal $550, she only charged me $250. Was she worth it? Every penny! My husband was not keen on shelling out that much money at first, but afterwards he said over and over how glad he was that she was there. (Especially since he pretty much zonked out when I went through transition and was on the floor with smelling salts the whole time I was pushing! lol :) And my Mom, who got there right before I went through transition, said she was amazed at how much more calm and relaxed I was than with my first labor. The main thing that the doula did was to help me relax. Which might not sound like much, but it was amazing the difference it made in the pain! It wasn't any weird relaxation technique -- she basically would just tell me which body parts she saw me tensing up. Usually, my shoulders made the most difference. As soon as she would tell me to relax my shoulders, and I did, I would feel intense relief. She also taught me how to breathe though the contractions like they were waves. Which does sound weird, I know, but once again, it helped somehow. I can't really explain it, but it was a huge difference from when I tried to do it by myself with Karis. And she showed Mark how to massage my back muscles that were tense from the contractions. I know these may sound like little things, but when you are in that much pain, they help a great deal! Now we probably won’t hire a doula again, since she taught Mark how to do it all, but for the first time, it was well worth the money.

5. I would greatly recommend that you give birth at a birthing center that utilizes midwives or just do a home birth with a midwife. This is definitely going to be my plan next time and here are some examples of why:

A midwife will encourage a natural birth rather than discourage it: When I arrived at the hospital, they asked me to give my pain level a number, with ten being the highest. (I hate that question, by the way :) I had labored at home as long as possible and was honestly in more pain than ever in my life, so I said 9. The nurse (who had just read my birth plan) looked at me and said, “Well if it’s a 9 now, then you ought to go ahead and take the epidural right now because there is no way you are going to make it without pain meds -- its going to get a whole lot worse!” Not very encouraging for someone who honestly didn’t know how she could handle much more pain!

I believe that most (but I know not all of them :) nurses and doctors would rather you be medicated because you are a lot easier to handle. When I first told the various doctors at my OB office that I wanted to go naturally, they all tried to talk me out of it! I couldn’t understand why until I was in the delivery room. When I had the epidural, I was calm and could follow their directions easily. In fact, my OB was helping another lady give birth so I did the majority of my pushing with the nurse. When Karis’ head crested, the nurse instructed me to stop and wait for the doc to come in. It was about 10 minutes before she was there and I could continue. There is no way in the world I would have been able to wait for the doc without the epidural! It was hard enough to wait for the next contraction because I was so desperate to get her out so the pain would end! And this time, it took me quite a while to even hear what they were telling me to do once I went through transition. I was so overcome with the pain at first that I tensed up and let out my breath in little spurts instead of holding it. And it really took a couple of minutes before I could even hear what they wanted me to do, let alone be able to follow it! I remember saying “I’m sorry” several times because I knew they were giving me directions but I couldn’t focus enough to follow. It just took me a while to get myself together to be able to push. So I understand why it is easier for the hospital staff if you are medicated.

A midwife is also more experienced and comfortable with different laboring positions. Did you know that lying on your back with your feet up in the air is one of the most painful positions possible for a woman in labor? My baby was turned slightly so to make her go the right way, they helped me to a hands and knees position. It worked, and (after the pain of getting there) I actually felt a lot more comfortable in that position. My doctor let me try pushing in that position for one or two contractions, but then she said that she just couldn’t help me as much in that position. So I pushed the rest of the time in the “normal” position. Most good mid-wives would have been comfortable with me in other positions and I would have been way more comfortable as well!

6) Finally, no matter what kind of birth you want to have, my biggest advice is to pray about it. Pray specifically about every single detail you are concerned with. One of my biggest concerns actually had nothing to do with the actual birth – it was about my toddler. Her grandparents (who are really the only ones who ever babysit) live 3 hours away. I was so worried that my water would break again and we would have to rush to the hospital and drop her off with someone that had never taken care of her. I prayed about the timing of this birth pretty much every day. And it was amazing the way God worked it out. I was so sick the day I went into labor that her grandparents came down to help out, not even knowing I was going to the hospital that night! So they were already there when we left! Isn’t God amazing the way he answers prayers! Another example of God's goodness: that discouraging nurse who told me I ought to just take the epidural changed shifts right before I went through transition. And the new nurse was absolutely wonderful! God knew I definitely needed someone nice and encouraging through the most painful part. I may not have had everything go exactly as I had planned and hoped, but I definitely saw God’s faithfulness and provision throughout my labor and delivery.

Snuggling after our first nursing

2 months old now!

Wordless Wednesday

Adeline's Birth Story

My first son, Will, was born at 32 weeks due to preeclampsia and HELLP (a life-threatening complication involving your liver). His birth story is here. He was born by c-section and weighed only 3lbs, 3oz but proved to be quite strong. Because his birthweight was less than 5th percentile for his gestation, he was considered to have IUGR. Intrauterine growth restriction, probably due to my high blood pressure.

All of the complications with my first pregnancy and birth played a huge role in Adeline's delivery. We wanted to avoid these complications and delay her birth as long as possible! With my second pregnancy, my blood pressure starting going up around week 28 (about when I suspect it did with #1). I was taking my pressures at home at least once a day. Once I saw the increase, my doctors put me on Procardia to help keep my pressures low enough. If they are too high, the baby will not grow as well (hence Will's low birthweight) and you risk seizures for Mom if they are REALLY high.

The medicine helped for a while, but eventually they started creeping up again and my doctor put me on bedrest at exactly 32 weeks and 5 days (same gestation Will was born!). I stayed on bedreset for five weeks before she came. My bedrest consisted of primarily lying on my left side (where you get the best blood pressure).

My main prayer for this pregnancy was a healthy, FULL TERM baby that would get to go home with us. My second prayer was for a VBAC. I discussed this with each doctor at my practice and all but one seemed supportive. (One doctor in paticular, I named "Debbie Downer" because each time I saw them, I was reminded of EVERY SINGLE RISK of a vbac.) Of course, with a VBAC they will not induce labor as this seems to increase your risk for uterine rupture even more. So, if Adeline had to come early, VBAC was out of the question. Back to the story...

The doctors always tell you to check the number of fetal kicks at least once a day and mine stressed this to me many times. If the baby isn't moving well, it can indicate stress and in my case the high blood pressure can easily cause stress.

I usually paid attention to how well she moved after I ate breakfast and dinner. Just before lunch on Monday I realized I had not felt her after breakfast. So, I waited until lunch and laid down to see how many movements I felt. She moved twice in an hour and they were wimpy. Dr. Z had said we should get 4 movements in 30 minutes. So I called the office and they told me to come right in.

At the office, they did a non-stress test (NST) just like every appointment before. This is basically where they put monitors on your belly and measure the baby's heart rate over about 20 minutes or so. They like to see the baby's heart rate increase with each movement. Adeline was not reactive, meaning her heart rate stayed the same and she was moving very little. They did a quick ultrasound to check a few other things. They see that she was not "practice breathing." These things told the doctors that she was under stress.

At that point, Dr. A said it was time to deliver. He gave four reasons to deliver vs. waiting for me to go into labor (which is what I wanted).

1. non reactive on the stress test
2. not practice breathing
3. I was full term (37 weeks and 4 days)
4. My blood pressures were becoming harder to keep low (although they were still not nearly as high as they were with Will, thanks to the medication)

I was very surprised though when he told me he'd be willing to break my water and see if labor would progress on its own! I had wanted to go into labor on my own and NOT have another c-section. The option to break my water had not been previously given to me as an option for delivery because of my first c-section. However, my hopes were quickly dashed when he checked and discovered I was not dilated or effaced at all. So, breaking my waters wouldn't work and was no longer an option. At this point, I knew she wasn't moving well was just worried about her and ready for her to come. I really didn't care how it happened!

Dr. A sent me over to labor and delivery to get checked in around 3pm. I was by myself since Jacob was at work. He quickly joined me! Dr. A was coming on call that evening and would be the one to do my c-section. (They would have done it sooner, but I had eaten lunch at 12:30 and they like it to be 6 hours since you ate...) The whole preparation process wasn't nearly as rushed as last time with Will. I had two great nurses getting everything ready and I actually had time to ask them lots of questions. I realized how different this c-section would be since Adeline was full term and would most likely not need any special care.

After a slight delay - we headed down to the OR around 8pm. Everything went smoothly and Adeline was born at 8:24 pm! I got to see her right away, but she was sent up to my room to be cleaned up while the doctor finished my surgery. Jacob went with her back up to my room where he was greeted by my parents, his parents and Lauren (I think that was it) who were all waiting to see the baby! I got to hold her once I got back to my room about 20 minutes later.

After a few minutes, the nurse decided that Adeline was breathing a little too fast and had some fluid in her lungs still (common for c-section babies). So she and Jacob went up to the nursery for a little monitoring while I stayed in recovery. She wasn't gone long and everything checked out ok. After an hour in recovery, we were all moved to the next room.

I don't remember much other than having her with me and being able to hold her all the time! (Which I loved!!) Eventually we did send her to the nursery for a few hours, but I didn't sleep well because I just wanted her back! Overall, it was a much easier experience than with Will. Recovery was a little slower than with my first. But c-section recoveries are not easy and this time I had a toddler to chase around too!

Even though I really desired to go into labor on my own and not have a repeat c-section, the Lord's plans were clearly different. I did have a c-section, but it was exactly what needed to happen. First of all, we prayed for a healthy full term baby and we got her! :) The biggest risk in having a "normal" delivery after a c-section is that your uterus will rupture. This can be very dangerous for the baby and Mom, but is actually fairly uncommon.

After this surgery, Dr. A told me that the scar from my last c-section was very thin and would not have held up during labor or delivery. (He actually told me this twice. Once in the OR and once at a follow up visit!) He strongly cautioned us against getting pregnant again too soon in order to give more time to heal. These deliveries were 21 months apart. He also said that, given the condition of the scar, I should not be allowed to go into labor at all in future pregnancies. (My one prayer now is that I DO get to experience labor. Call me a rebel, but I want to experience at least one "real" contraction! :)

note: I'd like to add that this is rare. The fact that my scar was thin probably had to do with the fact that I delivered my first almost 8 weeks early when my uterus had not stretched fully. I don't want anyone reading this to be scared or discouraged from pursuing a VBAC.

The Lord knew what was safest for me and for Adeline! And that was for her to come just a little early via c-section! I love seeing how everything worked out after 5 weeks of bedrest and worry. We are so thankful for our sweet baby girl and for how the Lord protected us both.

Here are pics from her birth!

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One more quick story...Hollie actually got to accompany me to the hospital for a little pre-natal excitement! When I was on bedrest, I still had bi-weekly appointments to monitor blood pressure, labs, baby, etc. She offerred to take me to one of those appointments. Well, at that appointment, my little drama queen decided to show off with a heartrate of 190 while on the monitor! That is too high, so off I went to the hospital. All checked out fine and her heartrate eventually came down. Even though I was a little worried, it was still fun to have Hollie on that little adventure with me! Thanks, Hollie!