Hi, faithful readers!
In the meantime, we've enjoyed our "random" (not scheduled) summer and hope you have as well! If you missed a few weeks - take a look back at some of the posts. I'm not going to schedule any rewinds like we usually do on a break. But we have TONS (literally, should probably consolidate :) of labels on the right sidebar that will guide you to old posts on any number of topics.
Thanks for reading and we look forward to our fall schedule!
Time To Give: Audrea Vann Medina
Giving is only $9,000 away from goal of 24,000 by August 31st. Here are two avenues to give:
Mail it in:
If you want to mail checks to Helping Hands for Audrea Vann Medina:
Helping Hands Ministries, Inc.
125 Main StreetPO Box 337
Tallulah Falls, GA 30573
2. Click on the tab to the right called "Make a Donation"
3. Click on the tab to the far left called "Donate to Helping Hands Ministries Approved Projects"
4. Click on where it asks for "project type" and we are a “MEDICAL PROJECT”
5. Click on "project" and our project name is: Medina, Jeff and Audrea
A Life Lost, A Life Gained...in a Nutshell
Exactly one month ago yesterday, my life was forever changed. For, you see, I went to the hospital for a routine DNC. However, in my mind, there’s nothing routine about losing a baby, a baby I wanted with all of my heart. I had plans for this child; I had hopes and dreams, as with my three living children.
I’ve heard the acronym DNC for years, but I never knew what it was until God took my baby home and I had to know what to expect. It’s much the same procedure as used in abortions, which revolted me. It’s called a dilation and cutterage. If your mind doesn’t follow, just look it up.
To backtrack just a bit, I went in for my monthly July check-up at my obgyn. I was supposed to be 15 weeks along, passed the scary first trimester. I had had 3 normal pregnancies in 3 years so there was no reason to think this check up would be any different. My children: Gideon (3), Scarlett (2), and Alexandria (1) had no complications before or during birth. The going joke was that I was like my fertile mother (there are 6 of us), made to have children. I couldn’t understand, though, why God would give me 3 children in such quick succession. It now makes sense.
* I will give you the barest of details about that doctor visit and the events thereafter. (You can look at my blog www.funkycoldmedinas.blogspot.com for more of my immediate reactions. Just scroll to July 2010.)
I had taken Scarlett with me to the doctor, for a little mommy/daughter time, and I was planning to get my hair cut and dyed afterward. I had no idea that, when neither the doctor nor the nurse could find my baby’s heartbeat with the listening device, I should be worried… because it had happened before.
The doctor took me to a room with a sonogram machine, and as soon as he found the baby and brought him/her up on screen, I knew, for he was curled into the tightest of little fetal balls, his back to me. No amount of thumping on my stomach or squishing around produced movement. And, as soon as I heard the words, “Uh oh, we might have a problem,” my heart stopped beating and the hot tears began to slip out.
What follows is a blurry heart-wrenching time, for I had to call my husband, Jeff, and since we only have one car, he had to make quick arrangements to come to me, since I was in no shape to drive. We were sent to a radiologist office with more sophisticated equipment, and though the technician wasn’t allowed to tell us what she saw, we knew our baby was no longer living because she asked me what instructions I was given. I was crushed. My very marrow cried out to hold this precious child just once. Just once I wanted to feel him in my arms and tell him I loved him. Just once I wanted to say hello, sweet baby. Just once I wanted to rock him. Just once I wanted to kiss his face. Just once I wanted to wiggle his fingers and marvel at his toes. Just once I wanted to be able to say a final goodbye.
It was not to be. God had already claimed him for His own.
I’m crying as I’m typing because it still hurts. My throat is lumpy and my eyes are burning. I miss my child I will never know on this side of heaven.
After Jeff had lengthy talk with my obgyn, where they had angled every possible other way to miscarry safely (even asking about a c-section), we agonizingly decided the DNC was the best option. The baby, from calculated measurements, had been gone somewhere between 1 and 3 weeks, and had already begun to decompose. I was determined to have my baby as intact as possible, and I thought that if I miscarried on my own, the chances of that happening, were low. Our doctor assured us that he would be able to put our baby (though informing us he probably wouldn’t be intact) in a jar for us to take home and bury. I was determined to bury him. This was a Monday.
The DNC was scheduled for Wednesday, early afternoon.
Tuesday passed by in another blur of sorrow and pain, but Wednesday is indelibly stamped upon my brain. While I was prepped for surgery, my obgyn came over and said had encountered some red tape. The hospital’s policy was that anything over 20 weeks was, required by law, to be buried. Anything less than 20 weeks was deemed hazardous waste and disposed of in a laboratory. I was incensed that my precious child would be deemed hazardous waste. The doctor again assured us that we would take our baby home. He got the right people on the ball, and a little while later, a hospital chaplain arrived with a consent form for us to sign, releasing the hospital of liability once the remains were in our hands. I gladly signed the paper and was then wheeled back to the surgical room.
I remember the anesthesiologist putting the mask over my face and then I was out.
I only know what happened after that from family. The doctors may have told me, but I was on such heavy medication, I have little to no memories even when I “sort of” woke up on Thursday.
My first clear memory after that was opening my eyes and seeing Jeff, my parents, and 4 of my 5 brothers standing around my bed. I tried to talk, but I didn’t realize I was hooked up to seemingly every available line and tube in the room. I couldn’t talk because I had a tube in my throat. I think it was breathing for me, but I’m not sure. All I know is that I couldn’t communicate.
I tried mouthing to Jeff, but of course, with that tube, he couldn’t understand me. So, I began to write on his hand. And then he got me paper and a pen. With shaky writing, I asked if the boys were here for my funeral (all but one live out-of-state). I remember my dad adamantly saying, “NO.”
That was Thursday and I don’t really remember too much after that, except that I must have understood that something terrible happened while I was undergoing that routine procedure. I somewhat remember writing to Jeff to “tell the doctor I forgive him, and give him a big hug.” He did just that.
Friday morning brought my brother, Elliott, an orthopedic surgeon, to my room. He’d taken his boards in the early morning and within 5 minutes of finishing, hopped in a taxi to the airport to come see me. It was with his slow and deliberate explanation of what happened that I fully comprehended the gravity of my new situation, and realized my life was forever changed, I would never be the same, and this would affect every aspect of my remaining life.
I wasn't angry at God; it never occurred to me to be. I was too thankful to be alive. I wasn't angry with the doctor; I could only imagine his suffering because of his lapse. I wasn't angry at anyone. I was just confused and uncertain.
My understanding of what happened is this: Somehow, during the very end of the DNC, my obgyn cut through my uterus and cut the blood supply to my small intestine, resulting in the loss of about half the blood in my entire body and about 90% of my small intestine. When I was stabilized, a different obgyn sewed up the small hole in my uterus, and then a general surgeon was brought in and I was cut open to examine the damage, and left open overnight as, I suppose, a plan of action was decided upon. That surgeon is my hero. He saved my life. On Thursday, he re-attached the remaining 6 or so inches of my small intestine to my large intestine.
I was in ICU for 5 days and made enough progress to be moved to a private room. During my two weeks and 1 day stay, I amazed my doctors with my progress. By this time, my story was out on the Christian wire…everyone knew, and everyone was praying. Those prayers kept me going and got me through. It was very hard to be away from my children, and when they’d come, they were scared of me and all my tubes. Even the baby wouldn’t come to me. I think I cried more over that than even the loss of my bowel.
I was started on TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition), meaning that I was completely reliant upon the TPN as my nutritional life support. I was on this 24 hours a day, at first, and when I was finally stable, moved down to 14-hours a day. I was allowed nothing but a few measly ice chips. I wasn’t even allowed to drink a sip of water.
* Again, I won’t go into much detail about my resulting hospital stay. You can read about that on my blog.
I was single-minded in my resolve to get home to my babies and I looked at their precious preschool picture every chance I could. I had 2 stated obstacles to overcome. I had to be able to walk and I had to poop. I couldn’t do anything about the pooping because that was going to happen on its own, but I could try to walk. I walked for the first time the first day I was moved to a private room. I continued to walk laps around the hallways, finally gaining enough strength and energy to go to the prayer garden, visit my sister-in-law’s sister who was in another tower having a baby, writing and updating my Facebook and blog, and be up on my feet and OUT of that hospital bed for most of the day. I did have to rest, though. Walking, talking, visiting with company, and finally, eating broth, was taxing. The poop (leftover from before my first surgical procedure) turned into diarrhea multiple times a day, and hasn’t stopped. That was my biggest struggle then… and still remains so.
I met my goals and was finally released to go home to my husband and my children. I am still hooked up to the TPN for 14 hours a day, and though I try to eat (I miss food SOOO badly that I’m even dreaming of it), nothing has been staying in. I am constantly running to the toilet because of the diarrhea.
We are now awaiting a small bowel transplant. If you would like to read more about how this has affected me spiritually and emotionally, you’re welcome to read back through my blog, or my brother’s: www.funkycoldmedinas.blogspot.com or www.onepinkduck.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook at "Praying for Audrea Vann Medina."
The merit of who you are as a Christian comes out during times of crisis, like no other. I pray my spiritual life has not been found lacking while my physical body was suffering. My faith in Jesus Christ is the only thing that’s gotten me through this past horrible month. I share my story with you, asking you to join me in prayer, and challenging you to look at your own life in light of what a serious crisis would do to your faith. I have so much more I could share, so much I could say, but I’ve taken up valuable blogging time and space, and so I thank you for sharing the first part of my journey with me. I look forward to updating you with the happy news that a transplant is imminent. I long for that day.
For His Glory,
Audrea Vann Medina
Guest Author
Clutter = Cash!
The Bare Necessities
My goal is to have storage tubs for the following items:
-Seasonal: Christmas, Fall decor, Spring decor, birthday items
-Kids: a storage container for the next size up in clothes for each daughter and keeping only special outfits
-Off-season clothes for Hugh and I
-Garage stuff
-Gift-Giving tub: container for gifts for the year, designating a place for them as I buy them
-Coupon-stockpiling goods: when I actually get into coupon-ing one of these blue moons, I’ll want to have a place for stockpiling.
We hardly have any attic space, and our neighborhood will not allow us to have a storage unit in our yard, and in a way, I’m so thankful that we are forced to purge the unnecessary things. We want to be able to use our garage for my husband’s workshop, vertical storage, and maybe a vehicle.
With that said, I’ve been looking for the perfect piece of furniture for our organization that’s within our budget. And it’s been difficult to move forward in our unpacking if we don’t have the shelving or containers, etc.. We don’t have a lot of money to spend on these things, and even on craigslist, it’s hard to find that right piece. So, I’ve been really into this one site called Knock-off Wood. It’s A-MAZING to say the least, and is one of my most favorite websites. This lady named Ana White builds furniture to emulate Pottery Barn, Land of Nod, etc for a fraction of the cost and gives you the building plans for FREE! EVERYTHING you can think of is on her site. Being that I love to make/create things, these plans makes me excited to build just the right organizational tool. She gives you every measurement. I just might muster up the courage to build something myself instead of beg my husband to build it. I will definitely need his help though. A finger or limb is sure to be in jeopardy without is training and teaching. Be sure to check out her super-cute plans, and let us know what your favorite piece is and if you plan to attempt to build it! Now, our problem lies in creating space in our box-filled garage to build these pieces.
Things Couples Do, pt. 2 (Preparation)
In case you haven't read them, here is Part 1 and Part 1.2 of my series on (shh, don't tell) sex!
Preparation
Watching for mood killers
Nathan and I have regular mood killers—their names are Georgia and Baxter. These wonderful little humans, that our intimacy created, also can steal our joy in the most private of moments. However, they are not the only ones. There is never a comprehensive list, but here are a few ideas of things that can kill your intimacy:
• SIN—it is the barrier between us and God, and it is often the barrier between us and other people. Marriage strips away our façade of perfection and self-righteousness. It shows us how selfish we really are, and that selfishness extends to sex.
• Exhaustion—Lives are busy, schedules are wild, we fight exhaustion. I have, you have—we all have. Enough said.
• Inappropriate conversations—this sounds crazy, but I don’t advise talking about money and the budget shortly before you head upstairs for some personal time. Just a tip from someone who knows—money kills the romantic buzz. Other possible 'bad' topics: disciplining your children, anything to do with the in-laws, your spouse's preference for video games:)
• Poor planning/timing—Don’t putter around in the kitchen until the absolute last minute, so that you enter your bedroom tired and in a bad mood (um, yes, I am talking to myself!). Don’t put off lovemaking until right before bed every time—you will often be too tired to enjoy those moments. Schedule romantic times with your husband (and sometimes allow these times to not end in sex).
• Overeating—this makes you sluggish, tired and sleepy. It doesn’t help the romance!
Working on mood “builders”
Ladies, we must realize that many of our husbands can have sex any time of day, at the drop of a hat. We must prepare our hearts to be ready to embrace those moments.
• Make sex a matter of prayer. Ask the Lord to bless your marriage—all aspects, including intimacy.
• Confess any sins that might be hampering you. Confess any fears, desires, or concerns that you have.
• Plan for intimacy. If your husband has dropped the hint, make sure you PICK IT UP! Get rest in the afternoon so you don’t collapse in the evening. Surprise him by wearing a nightie that he likes. Be waiting for him to get home if he arrives later in the evening (he’ll LOVE that).
• Think romantic, desirous thoughts toward your husband during the day. If possible, communicate that to him. I am not advocating dirty emails or texts, but tell your husband you are longing for him.
• Kiss him passionately before he leaves for work. Kisses are good for the romantic soul, even when they don’t lead directly to sex.
• Play romantic music. Read romantic poetry. Read the Song of Solomon, thinking of your spouse as you do! Please note: I do not recommend watching a romantic movie/show/soap opera to prepare you for intimacy with your husband. Your affections should be directed toward your spouse, not toward Edward Cullen/Derek McDreamy/Fitzwilliam Darcy. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a fan of these characters (I am a big Darcy fan, personally), but that is just what they are—characters! They are figments of the imagination, and when we dwell on them too long, our affections shift from our Lord and our spouse to an idol of the heart. Guard your heart against emotional adultery, even with fictional characters!
• Think of what would please your husband! Our husbands love it when we are eager, willing, and responsive.
• Add incentive if you like: Best use of a dollar.
What mood killers do you fight against in your marriage? What mood “builders” work for you? I would love to hear your feedback. I hope that my short series on the importance of marital intimacy has been encouraging, and that anything I say might point you to the Author of marriage, intimacy and romance, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Things Couples Do, pt. 1.2 (Communication)
At the request of fellow POH author and the wonderfully named Leah, I have put together some questions for couples to discuss about their expectations and reactions regarding sex. If this conversation makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this post entirely. Please note that not all of these questions apply to all married couples, or to both parties in the marriage. If possible, I would recommend that you ask these questions while on a weekend getaway, or an "at home" date when your children are away. If possible, you do not want to be interrupted! I would love our readers' feedback on these--what other questions should we be asking?
Expectations:
• How often do you want to have sex?
• Do you want ‘advance notice’ or is a last minute request okay? (i.e., you plan all day for intimacy at night, or do you "spur of the moment" decide? PS-I think there is room for both!)
• Is there a particular time of day that you like making love?
• Will you make love while the children are awake, or will it be after they are asleep?
• How much time do you want to spend in foreplay?
• Who does the initiation? Husband, wife, or both?
• Are you going to say yes every time intimacy is suggested? If no, for what reasons would you say no?
• Does the wife need to wear lingerie every time?
• Lights on? Lights off? During daylight hours or no?
• Ladies especially: do you expect a romantic dinner by candlelight before sex?
• Do our expectations reflect Christ-honoring principles of not withholding ourselves from our spouse, and of wives submitting to their husbands?
• What can I do to romance and woo you more?
• What can I do to serve you and meet your needs, physically, emotionally, and romantically?
Reactions:
• What do you enjoy about sex?
• What don’t you enjoy?
• Fill in the blanks: I like it when you kiss my ____________
• I enjoy your touch on my ____________
• What turns you on and arouses you? (ask yourself this, and ask your spouse this!)
• Do you (the wife) expect to have an orgasm each time you make love?
• What will help you achieve an orgasm?
• Do you (the wife) enjoy wearing lingerie?
• Do you enjoy foreplay? Verbal foreplay or physical foreplay?
• Are there things you do not want to do? (oral sex is often a big ‘line’—I am not offering an opinion, but saying that such things should be discussed)
• Is there anything I do that kills the mood?
• Does our treatment of each other in sexual relations reflect our Christ-centered commitments to love others more than ourselves, to not withhold ourselves from our spouse, and to keep the marriage bed holy?
• How is our sex life affecting our marriage and family?
• What would make me a better lover?
For further reading, I highly recommend the series of posts, "Being Sexy for your Husband" found at Making Home blog. You can read the first post of the series here.
Things Couples Do, pt. 1 (communication)
I debated titling this post simply “Sex”, but then realized many internet filters might block it…and it might appear alarming on your Google reader or Bloglines! I hope that you will not find this post offensive, but instead a helpful discussion of the priority of marital intimacy.
This quote from Nicole Chesmore at the Girl Talk blog paints a wonderful picture of the marital relationship: “[W]hile I share fellowship and labors, joys and trials with many others, sex is something I share only with my husband. It’s our own little world, closed to all. Not even the dearest friend or family member can enter. We are on a journey, the two of us. An exclusive journey. A journey of love. We are creating memories known only to us. Secrets only we share. The further we go on this journey, the bond between us grows more powerful and intense. The "knowing" grows deeper. The love grows sweeter.” (Advice for Brides)
Sex has come up once or twice before here on POH, usually in the discussion of our marriage and priorities. And let’s face it—while intimacy in marriage is a wonderful, God-ordained thing, small children, physical ailments, school and life challenges cause conflict with our priorities! Please bear with me as I talk about two crucial issues in marital intimacy: communication and preparation.
Communication
Premarital counseling and books on the subject of marriage tell you that communication is essential to a healthy marriage, and to a healthy sex life. Of course that is true! You must talk to your spouse—you must tell him what is going on in your life, and you must inquire into the details of his life. Communication is especially crucial for your sex life. I cannot begin to tell you how awkward it can feel to talk about sex, even with your spouse, especially about, um, “details.” Yet, with God's grace, over time and through practice, the awkwardness can fade. For those who are newlywed, important topics include expectations (how often does sex occur, who initiates, etc) and reactions (what you like and don’t like). “Long-time” married couples should still talk about their expectations and reactions, knowing that things change over time.
As you know, I am pregnant, and as such my hormones run on many highs and lows. That is both positive and negative for my desire for intimacy, and so I have had to talk with my husband about it. Though we have been married for almost ten years, and he knows me as well as I know myself, I needed to tell him that I wanted to be pursued and romanced, even more early in the pregnancy, when I was tired and feeling sick. That conversation, and others like it, allowed us to grow closer to each other emotionally and physically, and helped us through what could have been a rough time.
Let me plead for compassion and gentleness in dealing with this topic. Men and women’s reactions can vary, and emotions run high. Strive to communicate exactly how you feel and what you are thinking, and pray for the Lord to give you clarity so your words are not misunderstood. Enter every conversation with humility, remembering that sex is a gift from God, for marriage and for his glory.
Tomorrow, Part 2: Preparation
Juggling Ministry and Young Children
Link Love
Listography --A website just for lists. Seriously.
Catalog Living --This tongue-in-cheek blog cracks me up all the time, and cures me of most of my catalog lust
Cute2Try Hairdos, Cute Girls Hairstyles, Princess Hairstyles --All three of these websites have cute, inventive hairstyles for girls with lots of instructions and pictures
Swagbucks --I use this site to do most of my searching on the internet. Searching earns me "Swagbucks" which I can redeem for various prizes, my favorite being Amazon gift cards. Check it out--it is easy to sign up, and why not earn a few points for something you are already doing?
Money Saving Mom --I find this site to be incredibly helpful not only with the nuts and bolts of saving money (i.e., posts about sales, free offers, etc), but also insightful into the heart of living frugally for the glory of God and the ability to serve and bless others
Southern Savers --a great website for matching coupon savings to grocery/drugstore deals. I especially love the ability to print a list of the items I specifically need
Sew, Mama, Sew --this is my favorite website for fabric, tutorials, and forums about all things sewing! I love the fabric selection they have, and their tutorials and ideas are always inspiring (you should check out their Handmade Holidays from the past two years--TONS of great projects)
Little Birdie Secrets --this crafty blog is not sewing specific, which I like for those times I need to get out of a sewing rut. Their ideas are often quick and fun, and work especially well for gifts
GirlTalk --by far one of the most convicting blogs/websites that I have seen, Carolyn Mahaney and her three married daughters regularly address issues that Christian women face, pointing them to Christ, Scripture and gospel without fail
20/20 Conference at SEBTS --shameless plug: I worked on the very first 20/20 conference at SEBTS, so I have a special place in my heart for this conference. Though officially it is the 20/20 Collegiate Conference, the topics and themes speak to people of all ages. This past year I ATTENDED portions of the conference for the first time ever (having worked most of them in the past), and I greatly enjoyed it. You should try to attend, or at least listen to some of the past sessions :-)
Last, but not least, two articles that I resonate with:
Editorial on dying --My husband's best friend wrote this recent editorial about Christians and dying, and I found it to be thought-provoking and inspiring. In today's world, we do not want to think about dying, but as Christians we have no reason to fear death! Instead, perhaps we should look at mourning in a different way
Adults reading young adult fiction --Hunter Baker writes about why adults are reading young adult fiction (which just gives validity to my fascination with Harry Potter :-)
What are your favorite links?
And now for your host, Leah F
*I am the daughter, granddaughter and wife of Baptist ministers (my husband is a professor and also an ordained minister who occasionally fills the pulpit)
*I was homeschooled LONG before it was cool. Seriously. I am almost 32 years old, which means my parents started teaching me at home over 25 years ago. Yes, people thought we were weird! I still am weird.
*Almost exactly eleven years ago, a boy winked at me across my college cafeteria. He quickly became the love of my life, and in January we will celebrate 10 years of marriage (Yay!)
*I share a birthday with this sweet girl, my first born, Georgia
*My little guy, Baxter, is named for both of his paternal grandfathers and is just the most fun kid
*Our third child, due at New Year's, is currently called Huck. It's a deliberate pun that we hope to drop when the baby is born...but the nickname might stick!
*I love to read novels, and especially enjoy children's fantasy literature like Harry Potter, the Percy Jackson series, and Chronicles of Narnia. The audiobooks of Harry and Narnia are also some of my favorite things!
*I love lists
*I hate cleaning
*I love musicals, and Nathan and I even have season tickets to a Broadway series here in town. In case you are wondering, we aren't wealthy patrons of the arts--our season tickets are in the upper balcony (cheap!), we save up for them, we don't eat out before the show, and we often barter our unused tickets for babysitting ("hey, will you watch our kids for a show if we give you tickets to Legally Blonde the Musical?")
*I am a chronic putterer, which means I often take forever to clean something, and don't always finish what I start.
*I don't watch much television, but I enjoy watching Mythbusters on Netflix and White Collar on Hulu :-)
*I struggle with many sins, including feelings of inadequacy as a parent, sinful anger and frustration toward my children, and an inexcusable desire to be cool and popular
*I am grateful to be saved by grace through the shed blood of Jesus Christ!
Preserving Our Their Innocence
I have been thinking a lot lately about preserving my children's innocence. Now I do not want to get into a deep theological debate here, so let me be clear with that statement. Yes, I believe that my children were born into this world with a sin nature. No, I am not claiming that they are innocent in that sense. I am referring more to innocence in the way of "unknowing".
I talked a little bit about media here. I didn't delve into specifics too much, though. So today I am going to. Because I don't know about you, but as a mommy to two children, I am fed up with it.
I have to be honest with you first. In the post mentioned above, I said that we were cancelling our cable. That is where we were getting the funds to sponsor Gerlie - our child through Compassion International. Well, to make a very long story short - we didn't cancel. Our phone and internet are included in our cable package. We found out that if we canceled cable, we would have actually been paying more - ridiculous. We are sponsoring Gerlie. This was our second month supporting her. We have had no trouble accruing the funds to send to her - praise God! Cadi thinks that we do not have cable. We have not told her otherwise. So the children never watch it. I never turn it on during the day, and I seldom ever have. I would prefer to spend any down time another way. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out in the open.
Back to media.
Back to preserving my children's innocence - keeping them pure.
I am just struggling with knowing how to raise these two precious children in such a media driven, perverse world. Have you seen the immodest clothing that is already being pushed on our little girls? My husband is very sensitive about what our daughter wears, and I am so thankful for his wisdom and discernment in this area. I wasn't always so thankful. I didn't understand what we were up against at first. I remember when Cadi was a baby thinking that the itty bitty baby bikinis were so adorable, but Jim would not allow that on his daughter. I thought it was harmless and cute. However when I stopped to really think about it, I knew he was right. A bikini has been a sex symbol for years. We would not allow our teenage daughter to dress in a bikini, so why would we let our infant daughter, or toddler, or preschooler? And if you do allow your little girl to wear a bikini, I am not judging you, this is what we do in our family to preserve innocence.
It goes beyond clothing even. It seems as if the world/media is pushing our daughters to grow up faster and faster. Have you noticed? Have you seen the movies, the TV shows, the music pushed on our little girls? What is the harm? What gets sacrificed? Our children's childhood!! That is huge. I want to preserve my daughter's (and my son's) childhood for as long as I can. They only get it once. Why not make it long and sunny? (I have a whole post on this drafted up for Raising Homemakers. I will let you know when it publishes.)
I want to preserve Scotty's innocence by keeping him away from the images of scantily clad women that our culture is saturated in. So at 20 months he doesn't watch cable. But what do I do in "the real world"? I saw on The Duggar's show one time where they had a code word for the boys/men when out in public. If the women/girls saw another female dressed immodestly they would say this word, immediately the males would look at their feet and keep walking until they were told all is clear. Sounds a little extreme. Or does it? I am still mulling this over. I have a friend that does this with her son and husband.
What bothers me the most is the way we, as Christians, have been brain washed into thinking this loss of innocence is just normal and going to happen. That immodest clothing for little girls is cute, that inappropriate movies are funny, that sex education needs to be taught far too early, because we want them to hear it from us first etc. I have fallen prey to it before myself. But I am choosing to be more aware, to put my guard up, and to protect these children in my care. I am not going to concede to our society. I am not.
I believe that I have a God-given role in the life of my children to preserve their innocence. I am still working out exactly how. I do not want my children to be defenseless in our culture, but the Bible also tells me to dwell on what is pure, true, lovely.
Philippians4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
I think my children's childhood should mirror this. The gift of innocence is a beautiful thing I can give to my children.
I do not want to stir up controversy, but I would love some discussion.
What do you do to preserve innocence in your children?
Have you thought about it before?
Meg's favorite natural solutions
First, I am a stay-at-home Mama (a wonderful dream come true!!!!) and the only money I can make right now is the money that I save. Someday I'd love to be a holistic family care provider and help my husband make money, but for now, I hardly ever get the dishes done so I figure I'd better not add anything to my plate :) So I've taken it upon myself to search high and low for cheap ways of doing things.
Secondly, once I became a Mama, I became super protective of the things that my children (and myself, since I always seem to be either breastfeeding or pregnant :) come in contact with. If my 409 kills a fly with just a squirt, (yes, that used to be my very favorite way of killing a fly :) is it really that safe for my toddler if I use it to wipe off my table? And my toddler wants to "help" Mama do EVERYTHING! So when she begs to scrub the tub with me, do I want her inhaling 409 fumes? Absolutely not! So I've changed my ways a bit and thought I'd share with you.
But first, I have to mention how I change my ways. Because I'm lazy. There, I've said it. Even if I have all the ingredients to make my own wipes for my baby, and I know it will save me money and be better for my baby's bum, I'm not going to take the 2 minutes to mix them together if I have some store-bought wipes staring at my face. Because I'm lazy. Same thing with baby food -- if I have a jar that my MIL gave me, I give my baby that instead of taking the extra seconds to smash up a banana. It's ridiculous. And I can't tell you how long I had the gallon of vinegar in my cupboard before I finally put some in a spray bottle and tried it out :) So I have to force myself to try out my natural solutions by refusing to buy the store bought kind. Because then I don't have any other option! And guess what? I'm always so glad that I did!
So here are my favorites in no particular order:
1. I brush my teeth with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide -- I wet my toothbrush, dip it in the baking soda (which I keep in a shallow Tupperware), and squirt a little hydrogen peroxide on it. No, it doesn't taste as good as that minty toothpaste, but it isn't horrible, either. And get this -- I used to get sores in my mouth all the time when I was stressed out or bit my lip. But I haven't gotten a single one since I started this brushing technique! I've definitely bitten my lip several times and I've probably been stressed some, too, but I think the hydrogen peroxide helps heal my mouth. I actually started this method to avoid the fluoride in most toothpaste and the big price tag on the "natural" ones that don't contain fluoride. You won't find much cheaper than a couple drops of hydrogen peroxide and a dip of baking soda :) I stopped this method for a short time when my morning sickness was so bad and the mint flavor of the store-bought kind seemed to help. But guess what? I started getting sores in my mouth again if I bit my lip! So now I'm pretty set in my hydrogen peroxide/ baking soda ways :)
2. I cleanse my face with olive oil and moisturize with coconut oil. I know you might think that the oil would make my face break out, but it doesn't. I have always had dry skin and had to use tons of lotion after washing with even a super gentle soap. But now I just rub olive oil on my skin, wipe with a warm, moist cloth, and then moisturize with a little bit of coconut oil. And my face has felt so much better! I have saved so much money since I don't have to buy all that expensive face wash and moisturizer! I've read that a lot of people add in a little bit of castor oil to the olive oil for more help with acne, but I haven't tried it myself. Another one of my friends adds some plain, white sugar to the olive oil for a natural facial scrub in the morning. And I've read that if you have oily skin, you should use a mixture of oats and honey as a cleanser, but it sounds a little too messy for me. I can only vouch for the olive oil :)
3. I clean everything with a spray bottle of half vinegar- half water or a water solution with several drops of tea tree oil in it. If I REALLY want a deep clean, I will spray hydrogen peroxide on top of the vinegar before wiping, but most of the time, I just use the vinegar. No, I do not like the smell of vinegar, but it goes away in about 15 minutes. And I also flavor my vinegar by letting orange peels soak in it for a couple of months, so it doesn't smell quite as badly :) You can also put drops of your favorite essential oil in the solution to help it smell better. Commercial all-purpose cleaners are about 20-30 cents per ounce. My vinegar solution costs about 2 cents an ounce and is perfectly safe for my kids! For scrubbing my tub or anything that needs a little more "oomph," I will sprinkle some baking soda down first and then spray the vinegar.
4. Washing clothes -- I used to use this recipe for my own laundry detergent and I still highly recommend it. It is very inexpensive and easy. However, although it is far better for your skin than commercial laundry detergent, I'm not a huge fan of the borax. So when I heard about Soap Nuts, I decided to give them a try because they are every bit as cheap but a lot more natural. I've used them for the past year and have been very pleased. They work great for cloth diapers, as well. If you are interested in comparing natural laundry detergents, Lindsay wrote THIS fabulous post on the topic that I highly recommend.
5. Drying clothes -- I don't use dryer sheets anymore. Instead, I use dryer balls that I found at the dollar store. Yep, I only paid one buckaroo for the pair and I've saved tons of money. You might not be lucky enough to find them for a dollar, but even a $5 pair will have paid for itself in a month or two! Better yet, MAKE YOUR OWN wool dryer balls, which are even better for your clothes!
6. My favorite panacea: Coconut Oil! I use it for almost everything! I absolutely love to cook with it, but it is good for so much more! It is naturally anti-viral and antibacterial and works for just about anything having to do with your skin. Awesome stuff and I love the way it smells! I use it instead of face lotion, baby lotion, diaper rash ointment, hair gel, neosporin, chapstick, Lanolin, and so much more! You might think that it is expensive, but in reality, you need such a little bit at a time that it ends up being a much better deal. And it is ever so much better for you than those lotions and medicines with a ton of chemicals in them! Honestly, my skin has never been healthier. You just have to make sure you get the high quality, extra virgin, cold pressed kind.
7. Home-made wipes solution: Since I use cloth diapers, it really isn't any trouble to throw in some wipes with my dirty load. I use a bunch of extra baby washcloths because we received more than we needed at our showers with my first baby. I don't really measure my solution any more, but this is what I estimate that I do: Pour about a cup of water in a tupperware; add about a drop of tee tree oil and a few drops of olive oil. Shake well. Then I just dip my washcloth in it before I wipe her bum. So easy! You could also use disposable paper towels if you don't do cloth diapers. It is still a lot cheaper and so much better for your baby than all the chemicals in wipes! And a lot of people just use plain water to wipe with, which would obviously be the very least expensive :)
8. I use Everyday Minerals make-up -- They only use natural minerals and essential ingredients -- no chemicals! It has worked fine for me and isn't too expensive, either.
Ingredients:
6-8 Tbsp Coconut oil (solid state)
1/4 cup baking soda
1/4 cup arrowroot powder or cornstarch (arrowroot is preferred)
Directions:
- Combine equal portions of baking soda & arrowroot powder.
- Slowly add coconut oil and work it in with a spoon or hand blender until it maintains a firm but pliable texture. It should be about the same texture as commercial deodorant, solid but able to be applied easily. If it is too wet, add further arrowroot powder/cornstarch to thicken.
- You can either scoop this recipe into your old deodorant dispensers or place in a small container with lid and apply with fingers with each use. Makes about 1 cup. This recipe lasts about 3 months for two people with regular daily use.
For a picture tutorial placing this recipe in an old deodorant container, visit here.
12. Lastly, I invested in a Norwex enviro cloth and window cloth to simplify my cleaning. I still use my tea tree oil or vinegar solutions for some things, but I am loving the simplicity of these two cloths for everything else! I chose it because it is made out of microfiber cloth with an innovative design that uses anti-bacterial silver particles integrated into the synthetic microfiber, ensure (according to their website):
Homemade Baby Wrap
Shortly after the birth of our first son, Keaton, we entered the oh-so-joyful world of colic. Nothing would calm this child! While at an appointment one day, I met another seminary mom/wife and she had her baby all snuggled up in fabric and I never heard a peep - meanwhile, Keaton just screamed and screamed and screamed and...well, you get the idea! She told me it was a Moby Wrap and she swore by it - but in the new mommy/sleep deprived fog, I totally forgot the name of this amazing item and it was months until our paths crossed again.
When Keaton was about 6 weeks old, a friend brought over a surprise - a homemade Moby Wrap! I about fainted when I realized that it was the same thing as the other mom had shown me. She quickly gave me a lesson on how to wrap it up and wear my sweet boy in it.

After a while, I returned her wrap, but was determined to figure out how to make one for whenever another baby came along. Upon searching the internet, I found out that it was entirely too easy to whip up a wrap!
How To Make a Homemade Moby Wrap
1. Pick out your fabric (A cotton/lycra mix - you want it to have a bit of stretch/give).
2. Get about 6 yards (yes, YARDS) If you feel you may need to get more, go for it.
More fabric is a great thing as you can do different carries and you won't be worrying about not having enough fabric.
3. Wash/Dry your fabric.
4. Fold the fabric in half, length-wise so you have a super, long strip of fabric.
5. Cut the fabric length wise so you now have two super, long strips of fabric.
6. For the easy peasy version, you're done - you have two wraps! Keep them both or share with a friend!



Another random week :)
Some favorite blogs:
Passionate Homemaking -- this website might have been mentioned before on POH, but I had to write about it again because it is undoubtedly my favorite source for natural solutions and healthy recipes. Be sure and check out her resources page -- she has great links and articles on everything having to do with living a simple and natural lifestyle.
Raising Homemakers -- this is a newer group blog focused on raising godly daughters that I have recently enjoyed. They share recipes, basic “how-to’s,” and other posts encouraging mothers to teach their daughters basic homemaking skills.
Naturally Knocked Up -- I know, the name of this blog is hilarious :) But this blog really has some fabulous information. After our temporary struggle with infertility, I became very aware that what I put into my body directly affects every aspect of my health, including my fertility. Donielle does a great job of explaining why certain foods are bad for fertility and which foods are good for you. She is constantly researching and sharing what she learns, as well as healthy recipes that she tries out.
Heavenly Homemakers -- I get a lot of healthy recipe ideas from this blog, as well as some gardening, educational and parenting ideas.
Keeper of the Home -- another great blog with healthy recipes and encouraging articles on homemaking, organization, parenting, etc
Other Resources:
Doorposts.com -- Lots of parenting resources for all ages! We recently purchased the Catechism for young children set and Karis has really enjoyed going through a few questions each day and looking at the corresponding cartoon pictures. They are currently offering a free “If/Then chart” with any order, which we are also using. It has really helped us to keep our discipline consistent, as well as biblical.
ABC Jesus Loves Me -- I know this has been mentioned on POH already, but I’ve just started using the website and have really appreciated the links. I’m not really “doing” the 3 year old curriculum, but I’m using a lot of the ideas and resources mentioned.
Graham Family Ministries -- More parenting, cooking, and educational resources.
Dealnews.com -- this might seem a little random, but I thought I’d mention it. If you are looking to buy any type of electronics, check here first to find the best deal. I’ve also found great deals on amazon sales, children’s clothing (like Kohl’s and Macy’s), and picture gifts.

